I am awake, but I refuse to open my eyes. The sooner I open my eyes the sooner I'll have to face the horrible day before me. The sooner I open my eyes the sooner I'll have look into my sister's eyes and lie to her, telling her it's going to be okay. I peek between my eyelashes to find her blue eyes staring at me. She must have woken up long ago, unable to sleep because of the terrible day ahead of us. I open my arms for her and she buries her face in my chest, hiding her blue eyes from my gaze. As I hold her I think of another blonde with deep blue eyes. Peeta, my boyfriend Peeta. I wonder how he is doing this morning. Did he wake up to a pair of frightened blue eyes too? I stroke Prim's hair as I think of Danny, Peeta's sweet little brother. It is his first reaping, just like Prim's.
"What if I get rea-" Prim begins to ask but I cover her mouth before she finishes. I can't think about that.
"You won't. Your name is only there once Prim. It will be okay." I whisper in her hair, kissing it softly. Her hold tightens around me. I sing for her until she falls asleep. I untangle myself from her arms and sneak out of the bed. I change clothes quickly and take my boots, walking barefoot to the door, trying not to wake my mother. But it is useless.
"Where are you going?"
I sigh. "I'm going to check on Peeta and Danny." I answer without turning around to see her. I kneel down to tie my boots and once I do I turn around to find her looking at me with her eyes tired and her hair tangled. I sigh and walk up to kiss her hair. "I'll be back later." I say and leave without looking back.
I slept in for longer than I usually do. Gale and I hunted extra yesterday, so we wouldn't have to do it today. Instead of heading to the woods I head to Peeta's house. I suppose Gale is busy comforting his own brothers today.
The bakery is closed, I suppose Mr. Mellark isn't in the mood today, but still it smells like bread and it makes me feel at home. Since Peeta and I started dating I've slowly started to spend more time in the bakery than I do in my own house. Mr. Mellark looks up from the dough he is kneading and smiles sadly at me. "Morning, Katniss." I smile back at him. "Hey, how is Danny?"
"He's sleeping, I figured it was best if I let both of them sleep in today." He says shrugging.
"At least about Peeta we don't have to worry." I whisper, looking to the stairs and he nods.
"He is still asleep, but you can go upstairs if you want." He says, looking back at the dough. I thank him and go upstairs, careful to avoid Peeta's mother. She is apparently the only one who disapproves our relationship. Well, her and Gale. My best friend still isn't too fond of Peeta, but I don't mind.
I don't knock into Peeta's room, I don't want to make noise in case he is still sleeping. I just let myself in and smile as I watch him. His hair is a mess, his blue eyes hidden behind those gorgeous eyelashes. I take off my hunting boots and slide myself in the bed beside him. I bury my face in his chest as Prim did with me and breathe in his scent. Immediately I feel safe and less worried, Peeta just has that effect on me. He soothes me.
After a while I'm so relaxed I think I could fall asleep, but he startles me as he closes his arms around me, pulling me closer, holding me against him. I smile. He must have woken up. I look up and his blue eyes are looking back into mine.
"If every time I slept in it meant I'd wake with you in my arms I'd do it more often." He murmurs, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear and I blush. We've dated a year and a half and still I cannot get used to him and his words.
"Morning, baker."
"Morning, hunter."
I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his chest again. He holds me and strokes my hair for a while before he asks.
"How's Prim?"
"Scared, but aren't we all?"
"Are you?"
"I'm terrified." I confess. He holds me tighter. "Me too." He whispers after a while.
We just hold each other for a while before I finally break the silence. "His name is only there once, Peeta. Danny will be fine."
I can feel him nodding and I pull away, his blue eyes are worried. "But how many times is yours in there? Twenty four?" Thirty. " Plus Prim's and Danny's? I have Twenty six reasons to worry, Katniss." Thirty two.
He is right, according to my own counts I am the girl with the most slips inside the bowl. I had never told Peeta, but when I was twelve I didn't have my name in four times, but five. Gale and I had made an agreement. We'd enter our names the same amount of times and I would give one of my portions of oil and grain to him, for his family. Why? So that when he was eighteen he'd still have one portion at least to help him a bit. And to lower his chances of going to the Games. But if I told Peeta I had willingly increased my chances of entering the Arena he'd kill me himself.
"Besides, you think I don't know what you'll do if Prim gets chosen?" He whispers and I look away. I'd volunteer and protect her. Giving up my life for hers. And I wouldn't even think twice about it.
"Her name is just in there once, Peeta. I promise she won't get chosen."
He sighs and holds me closer, kissing my hair. I let him soothe me, and try not to think about how scared he must be too.
I walk back home with a warm loaf of bread under my arm. When I get home mom and Prim are sitting on the kitchen table, I see they've already tried to have breakfast. I fake a cheerful smile for my little sister and give her a piece of warm bread with strawberry jelly I did a week ago. I feel a bit better when I see her smile.
My mom has prepared the bath to me and I pretend to be happy about it. I clean myself and pretend to be okay with the dress my mom has decided that I wear. An expensive, delicate blue gown that feels exquisite against my skin. She insists on doing my hair and I let her. Prim watches and I wink an eye at her. She smiles softly, though I can see her hands are trembling. So when my mom is done I pull her into my arms and we walk embraced towards the reaping.
Prim spots her friends and walks to the zone where the 12 year old kids stand, very close to each other. Like little pigeons protecting themselves. I spot Prim smiling to a blonde boy I recognize as Danny, that means Peeta has to be somewhere around here. I look around until I spot him. He walks up to me and I hide the trembling in my hands as I hug him.
"Just this once, Katniss. Just one more reaping and you are done with it." He whispers and I nod. I'm eighteen, my name is only there thirty times. I can do it. I stand on my tiptoes and I kiss him, something I rarely do on public. But today it is worth it. He kisses me back and smiles to me before leaving. I watch him walk to his father. He is 19 and free. And next year I'll be there with him.
I start walking to the 18 year old girls but a pair of strong arms stop me. Even without turning around I know it is Gale. He smiles at me and I hug him shortly, but tightly.
"You okay, Catnip?" He asks, worried. I nod.
"How are your kids?" I ask and he chuckles, I know he doesn't have kids. But we often talk about our siblings as if they were.
"Scared, how are yours?"
"Same, though I have only one."
"Peeta and Danny are your kids too." He says, and the humorous tone of our previous conversation is gone. He seems to notice I am not in the humor for arguing about my partner choices so he smiles again and says.
"By the way, I almost forgot. Happy Hunger Games!" He says in a fake cheerful voice, I can't help but to smile.
"And may the odds be ever in your favor."
Hours later, when I try to remember the reaping, it is all a blur to me. I remember Effie and the Mayor giving their respective speeches, not necessarily in that order. I remember my heart racing as Effie walked to the girl's bowl after her unbearably cheerful "Ladies first!"
"Please not her." I whisper as I watch intently Effie's hand swimming around in the paper slips. I hate her, I hate her for making it last, for stretching my pain and worry.
"Mary Smith!" I contain my sigh of relief, I see Prim's position relaxing and I turn around to find Peeta staring at me, it is impossible not to notice the relief in his eyes. The same relief I find in Gale's when I spot him next to his mother. I watch the poor fourteen year old walk up to the stage and silently thank her for saving me and my sister. I am so relieved that the next few sentences go unnoticed and I don't realize Effie has chosen a boy slip until it is too late.
"Daniel Mellark!" She says cheerfully, and the name of my young, sweet, innocent boyfriend's brother echoes around the square. I hear Peeta's and Mr. Mellark's strangled cry and I can't make myself look at them. I can only watch the small copy of the man I love walk hesitantly to the stage. He looks so tiny, beside Effie in her enormous high heels and I notice the tears stinging in my eyes. But what can I do? The rules are the rules and I can't do anything to avoid him going to the Games.
I look back, and spot Peeta who is holding his dad and holding back tears. I see before my eyes how the next weeks will be. I can see Peeta slowly falling apart, feeding his hope of seeing his small brother again. But I know he won't. What chances does he have against the careers? A gentle, innocent twelve year old?
I hear Effie calling out for volunteers for Mary and before I know what I'm doing I throw myself head first into the Arena.
"I volunteer!"