My first one-shot, hope you enjoy! The idea came to me randomly.
I don't own Torchwood or its characters.
TW
"Relax, Ianto. This is just a formality." Jack grinned his lop-sided grin, doing his best to reassure the young Welshman. "Everybody has to answer the same questions every year. I've just gotten a bit behind on paperwork and such."
"Yep." Ianto nodded, still sitting bolt upright in the chair opposite Jack. The Captain leaned forward, putting his elbows on the desk, looking at the piece of paper in front of him. He reached over to switch on the voice recorder, holding his finger over the record button.
"Ready?" Ianto nodded again and Jack pressed Record.
"Please state your name and position."
"Ianto Jones." That was all that came out and Jack deleted the recording.
"Ianto, stand up." Ianto did as he was told and Jack circled his desk to put his hands on Ianto's shoulders. "Loosen up," he ordered and proceeded to shake Ianto a bit. "Just breath, this isn't a big deal at all." Ianto nodded, taking a deep breath and sitting down again. Jack made eye contact with Ianto, his finger looming over the button. Ianto nodded and Jack started over again.
"Please state your name and position."
"Ianto Jones, Office Assistant." The last two words came out as more of a question and Jack smiled, moving on. He spoke the date and time, then proceeded to the next question.
"How long have you worked here?"
"One year, two months, five days and…" a quick glance at his watch, "five hours." Jack rolled his eyes.
"While at Torchwood, have you had any trauma, physical or otherwise, that has gone untreated?"
Ianto shook his head stiffly, and Jack looked down at the video recorder, raising an eyebrow. Ianto jumped a bit, realizing what he'd done. Calm down, he told himself. "No."
"Have you been witness to unprofessional behavior of any kind while working here?" Ianto's eyes opened wide and Jack let a smile spread across his face. He raised an eyebrow again, staring at Ianto.
"No." Ianto hated lying.
"Have you ever been or have you witnessed anyone being the victim of Sexual Harassment in the work place?" Jack leaned back, putting his hands behind his head, the smile getting bigger.
"No." Ianto glared at Jack.
"Is there anything you would like to change about your work environment to better assist your performance?" Another grin from Jack.
"No." Ianto frowned, doing his best to look extremely angry at the man sitting across the desk. Jack hit the stop button and smiled.
"That's it! Send Gwen up next, please." Jack couldn't contain the chuckles rolling from his chest.
"I hate you." Ianto left the room quickly. Jack's voice floated after him.
"No you don't." Ianto sighed, knowing that Jack was right. Ianto could never hate him. Maybe severely dislike at times.
Ianto sent Gwen up next, but she returned a minute later, confused. "Jack said he didn't know what I was talking about. Are you sure he asked for me?" Ianto glanced up towards Jack's office to see him almost on the floor, dying of laughter. Ianto frowned and headed towards the Archives. He was NOT staying at the Hub tonight.
:Two Hours Later:
The team sat in the conference room. The coffee had been handed out and Owen had started his description of the progress he'd made on some artifacts over the past week. Ianto was politely listening, his attention focused entirely on Owen. Jack raised his coffee to his lips. This was the only part about meetings he could bear. Ianto's coffee. He took a rather large sip, immediately gagging and coffee spewed out all over the papers in front of Jack's seat. A corner of Ianto's mouth pulled up slightly and he handed Jack a folder of new papers and two small packets of salt.