Behind These Hazel Eyes, a gypsy fanfic

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

It seems like it was just yesterday that Tulsa and June were still here with us, still a part of the act. Even though I wasn't really a part of it, Tulsa and I talked almost every day. Until the day he left. I lay in bed at nights now and think back on Tulsa - his dark brown eyes and his dark hair standing out from everything - and I find that I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I see his face when I read his palm in the alleyway before Herbie interrupted us.

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I thought that he'd get me for his act - of course, I was in love with him - and I wouldn't have to put up with Momma anymore. But I wasn't that lucky. June was the lucky one. My sister. My baby sister was the one he chose and it tore me apart. I forced myself not to start crying - I couldn't. I want to, but I can't because then people will know that I'm thinking back, and Momma and Herbie - well, at least Herbie - would figure that it was because of Tulsa.

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Tulsa made me feel good, made me feel like ... like I was something more than one of my mother's attempts at making a dream come true. His leaving with June broke my heart into a million pieces, but I had to pull myself together around everyone because they'd find out.

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...

It always felt like he liked me, too, that he would take me away with him. Now, I hate him, but I blame it on myself that I do. Although I probably won't see him ever again, I see him every time I close my eyes, and it kills me every time. I don't visibly cry anymore - well, not during the day. I cry myself to sleep at night, and it's always silent tears.

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes