The company; absent of the aged wizard, ate silently within the gullet of a narrow cavern. At the mouth of their lodging place Bofur sat playing a rhythm-less tune on his hand pipe. The small bone whittled instrument pipped and squeaked, and seemed almost shrill beneath the cries of a strong winter storm. The deluge soaked Bofur's boots despite their thin tar coating, and the fur of his hat was frosted with water droplets. From behind, the shivering dwarf caught the ever sweet smell of musk, fire wood, and deer meet, coupled with a light hearted conversation that he longed desperately to join. He felt the tug of Bombur's laughter at a snide comment made by Dwalin. And he all but lunged off his high seated perch when Fili called him a whimsy-minded woman. But his whole body jerked, and the hand pipe fell with a crack to the ground when he caught site of Bilbo releaving himself behind a nearby boulder. At the crash of the pipe the halfling, startled mid stream, looked up to see the older man trying desperately not to look at him. Embarrassed, Bilbo tried to avoid the obvious situation by speaking to Bofur. "Have you eaten, I've made stew and rock cakes, they're very good. Even used some berries in them, that's the cakes not the stew. Haha!" Finally after a long silence the small Hobbit pulled up his trousers and patted away. "God, he is such an ugly thing, but there is such an air of femininity to him that I actually want to...ew!" Bofur mumbled to himself for a while before he was relieved by Oin, who sat at the base of the great rock face on a dry patch of lime stone. "Go join the party and drink a little mead on me, ay!" the older dwarf smiled, picked up the hand pipe, and began to puff out a thin tune that sounded great a deal like the "Aisles of Bristles."
At the now dieing fire Bofur took a bowl of stew and sat quietly to watch the movement of his comrades. To his right Fili was talking animatedly with several of the others about their past sexual exploits. "I banged her so hard she cried, true story I swear!" Ori laughed at the end of a long winded tale of a night in a dwarven brothel craked out by a very intoxicated Gloin, "Yeah, and I fucked her so hard she sang the epic ballad of Kern." "Bull you little pip!" Kili pushed the young dwarf off of his log and turned to face the others at the fire side. "Story of my first foursome, you won't believe it. There were two dwarvish slaves in the Blue Mountains who knew this human from Togier. We went to my place, and well..." suddenly the whole room fell silent as Thorin stood and moved across the makeshift hearth. "And then they all wanted you and yada yada yada, god we have all heard this story at least three times, and every time the moaning gets louder. Uh, I really didn't mean to say that, had too much mead is all. Good night!" The king slowly slunk off behind several large boulders and the crude sex stories continued until Barlin turned to the drowsy Bilbo and asked "So when was the last time you had a woman?" "I um, well, I don't talk of such things since my people view sex as a bond and not simply an act." "Well we see it as a bond too, but we do it for pleasure too!" Kili laughed and sat next to Bilbo, simultaneously spilling mead down the Hobbits front. "Oh, sorry Bilbo, I think I may have had a little to much to drink. Never the less our people view sex in recreation and procreation, and we are often intimate with varying races and genders. Why when we was in Rivendale I saw Thorin being quite intimate with the Elfen king...hahaha it was very commical 'casue Thorin is so stocky and has a huge, well you know, and the elf is so thin and he was so rough with the king. I got so..." The conversation stopped as several of the dwarfs began to call Kili a lire. "I aint lien, just ask Thorin, I'm sure he would tell yeah, I mean he saw me as he left the bedroom and he asked me to come by anytime and he would show me how the elves liked it best." Everyone began to get angry then, even Bilbo gave a great irritated humph and the dwarfs began to leave each calling Kili a lire and throwing their last dregs of mead at him.
The only people who remained were Kili, Bofur, and Bilbo who were now awkwardly quiet. "I um like blokes sometimes." said Bofur scratching his head. "Suppose its just nice to be with someone that knows the sweet spots and who can be more...uh." His face fell as Kili began to get up, "Good night boys, sleep well and wake refreshed," He tossed his mug to the ground and moved sluggishly across the harth, then stumbled back into the cave waving to Bofur with a sheepish grin. "So you like men?" asked the very drunk Bilbo. "Yeah, little more than I like women to be honest. Guess men is more readily available in situations like the one we is in now, with war and all." He looked at Bilbo who was teetering on the edge of his seat and nodding over enthusiastically. "I never been with anyone except my right hand, hehehe!" "You ever wanted to be with a man?" Bofur was feeling really uncomfortable now, and Bilbo too looked sheepish as he began to kick dirt into the pale light of the glowing coals. "I never thought about it one way or the other, recon I might try it once in my life just to see if I like it...you know." he peered at Bofur though a haze of mead and something warm that lapped at his mind like a dream. "You should ask Bofur to have sex with you," the hazy dream whispered. "Bofur, you like men right, and I want to try this man thing some time, so would you like..." His voice was cut off by hot breath against his face, and a damp boot toe nudging into his calf. "I have wanted you for so long Mr. Bagins, a burglar, or what ever you are." He moved to kiss Bilbo gently but the mouth of the Hobbit was so sweet with mead and so soft from disuse that he felt a strong lust force him to be rough and uneasy. His gloved hands held the tender face of the halfling as their lips moved unevenly, tongues spilling into the hot precipices of each others mouths. Bilbo's hands went up, searching for something to hold onto as his head grew faint from lack of breath. His tiny palms found the soft hair of Bofur's beard, and the flushed flesh of his ears, but he was at a loss for where the dwarfs chest was, so he grasped the beard for dear life.
"Tiny Hobbit, I don't know why but my heart has yearned for you since the night we first met, when you were grumpy and pouty, running about your house like a frightened mouse. " Bofur pulled back from the kiss, leaving Biblo's lips extremely puffy and red. "I can't explain my feelings but they seem more an interest in sex than anything else. Is that okay with you?" he looked down at Bilbo, not wishing to hear a negative response. "Um, I don't know Bofur, but all I can say is right now I want to be close to your skin and feel every inch of you body against me." he blushed a deep scarlet and turned away. "I don't even know how this man on man thing works...where does my penis go and where does yours go, and what if I get scared or cum too early?" he was suddenly fearfully aware of his inexperience."Well you can be inside me or I can be inside you, or we can just touch each other, or what ever comes naturally." the dwarf removed his scarf and heavy woolen coat, then boots, socks, and hat. "Tell me about one of your sexual exploits with a man, just so I know what to expect." Bilbo looked warily at Bofur for a moment, still very unsure of the logistics of their intercourse. "Sure, while I undress." He pulled off several layers of chainmale and cotton before beginning. "When I was very young; and mind you I have always been sexually interested in men, I met a dwarf from the great valley who had the most beautifully long blonde hair you have every seen. He and I met at a tavern and went to my room for a bottle of Dwarfen ale. He confessed an attraction for me, and before you know it we were on the floor kissing and ripping off armor and clothes. He was on top of me in a matter of seconds, slipping his fingers into my rectum with feverish speed. I remember gasping at the first and nearly fainting at the third, then he was out. It took no time at all for him to position himself behind me. Then he pushed in, quite too roughly really, and he gripped my groin and bit at my neck while he thrusted into me. His name was Morloh or something, and he hit my sweet spot with every thrust. I came after him and he left me on the floor in a pool of my own cum. He was not very knd or gentle, but he was great never the less." Bofur was now sitting on the log facing the fire, ruffing his hands over the rough wool fabric of his pant legs. Bilbo turned to him and let his head fall onto the dwarf's bare shoulder. "Sounds scary and uncomfortable to be honest." he pippled. "I will be gentle with you hobbit, and I will not leave you with a bottom full of my extracts."