Chapter 1: My Sun

Bella Swan gazed vacantly out of her bedroom window, her eyes empty and ghost-like. Unusually for Forks, the sun was out in a pure blue sky, beaming warm rays down onto the green, quiet, rustic town. Unfortunately, Bella couldn't quite manage to summon her own brightness. She never could any more. Her ability to enjoy herself – just one more thing Edward had taken from her.

14th July. The date stuck in her brain like a pin. The day her life had been stolen; the day her world came crashing down around her.

Since then, life had dragged on slowly. In aching pulls, similar to the feeling in her chest that appeared when she thought of him. Her dad, Charlie, was terrified that he was slowly losing his daughter. Bella took anti-depressants occasionally, on really bad days. Those days were when she would look out into her front yard, in the tall shrubbery on the edge of the lawn, and remember how he used to swing from that tree to her window pane. He hadn't done that for a month. Nor would he ever do it again.

After a week, the tear supply ran dry. Bella had cried over him for days, unable to sleep, unable to eat. Just living in empty existence. There was no point any more. She had never realised how much she relied on Edward. He took her entire life; she spent all her free time with him, ditching her friends. Now he was gone, and Bella had nobody. Nothing.

Charlie had thought the crying stage was bad.. but this, this might just be worse. The numbness was overwhelming for him. She rarely came downstairs; she never spent any time with her friends or socialised. Bella simply slumped in a chair by the window, staring blankly into the street. Charlie knew what she was looking for.

Bella POV

The gaping chasm in my chest was devastatingly painful. Every second that passed without him, the beautiful one, my beautiful one, I felt sick with the loss. It seemed like I couldn't exist without him. My life was.. meaningless. A small part of me was full of remorse; remorse that I couldn't yank myself out of this depression (depression being a weaker word for my state) and get on with my life. That little bit of me felt so bad for abandoning my father. He was carrying the weight of the world in worry.

However, the other part of me, the huge part, was wallowing in self-pity. That part couldn't think about anything but sickness and misery. Guilt, for some reason. Had I done something wrong? Surely so. The Edward I knew would never leave me for no reason. He was kind, caring, genuine; the sweetest soul I knew. His heart was as beautiful as his cold, marble outside. Even thinking of his appearance made me shiver in longing. How I wished he would come back.

Those glinting, topaz eyes that twinkled merrily, framed by long coal-black lashes. Even when his eyes were black as night, there was still an ethereal beauty about him that made my insides melt. Smooth, unblemished skin as white as snow, flawless after about 11 decades of life. Perfectly sculpted lips, luscious and utterly kissable: palest pink, curved deliciously and smooth stone; not a scratch marked the gorgeous lips. His hair was the modestly styled locks of an angel. Chocolate shot through with streaks of bronze... I could still feel the soft ruffles beneath my longing hands.

I was brought back to cruel reality by the creaking of my bedroom door. Not turning to face my father, I closed my eyes in anticipation. Charlie sighed, pausing in the doorway.

"Bells," he said softly. I was long past responding. My name no longer held meaning, I didn't care if it wasn't Edward saying it. "Bella, you gotta get up."

"Dad," I whispered. "Dad, I don't think I can. Too hard." My voice was rasping from lack of use. I stayed completely still in my chair, eyes closed, lips pressed together. My hands gripped the arms so tightly my knuckles stood out on my hands.

Charlie walked in front of me. "It's not that any more, though, is it? I know you can get up and socialise. It's been a month, Bella, you can do it! You just don't want to. You don't want to wake up and face the music; he's gone."

Opening my eyes, I gasped. "Dad!"

"I'm gonna have to be tough, Bella. He's gone, he's not gonna come back. The Cullen house is empty. He is gone. Now come back to us. Either get up and get out there again, or I'm sending you back to your mom's." Charlie grimaced. I was touched that he hated that thought, but I couldn't possibly get up. Sure, he was right. I was perfectly capable of getting up and walking about with friends. But I sure as hell wasn't about to.

"So now.. you're giving up on me too? Are you gonna leave me, just like him?" I challenged, my voice a little stronger.

"Bella! No! You know I'll never give up on you. You're my little girl... I don't think it's even physically possible for me to leave you, I love you way too much. Please, please, Bella, think about it. Just one day, see how it goes." his voice took on a pleading note. I looked miserably into his eyes. There was something there that made me move my hands a little, something desperate. I shifted in my seat, considering.

"Fine. I'll go out. But who with? I have no friends..." I admitted, feeling terrible. Charlie thought about this for a few moments. Then his face lit up.

"Jake! Billy's son, remember? He's always happy to see you! How about it?" Charlie asked excitedly. My heart squeezed painfully. I knew Billy Black wasn't too fond of my relationship with Edward. The entire Quileute tribe were fiercely against the Cullen clan. And now, I imagined, Billy would be smug, knowing he had been right to warn me and I had been wrong to ignore him. But Jacob? Jacob was another creature altogether. A boy made of sunshine, candy and pure kindness.

His image flashed in my head. A tall, gangly boy with flawless golden-brown skin true to his tribe, a constantly-smiling young face with the brightest brown eyes and sweetest grin, and long, glossy black hair falling to his broad shoulders. His smile was infectious, I seemed to remember. Charlie had always said the Blacks were typical Quileutes, with long hair, dark eyes and brown skin – but Jacob was just plain beautiful with it.

"Alright. Sure, I'll go see Jake," I agreed.

Charlie's eyes lit up like a child's on Christmas morning. "Fantastic! I'll call Billy. I have the afternoon off work so I'll come down and watch a game with Billy or something. You kids have fun," he grinned, satisfied.

He left the room, obviously buzzing. Once the door closed, I sighed, alone with my thoughts once again. Swiftly, I rose from my chair and picked some clothes from my drawer. Nothing dressy, just a pair of jeans and a nice t-shirt. Changing into them, I realised it felt nice to wear fresh new clothes (Renee had sent me these jeans in the most recently) and I was actually kind of excited about going out.

"Bells, I called Billy, he says I can drop you off whenever," Charlie called up the stairs. "But I gotta leave for work in a half hour, so bear in mind."

"Just give me ten minutes to sort myself out," I answered. Running to the bathroom, I took a record-time one-minute shower, quickly washing my hair and body and jumping out. I dried myself and my hair, got dressed again, brushed my teeth and hair, and I was finally ready.

Charlie chattered excitedly on the way to La Push. I'd never seen him so talkative. I contributed occasionally to the conversation, trying not to seem regretful or nervous. My confidence was breaking a little as we neared the reservation. It was a beautiful place though. First Beach was straight ahead, the sea shimmering in the sunlight, the shore covered in round, smooth pebbles of different hues. Some natives were surfing and sunbathing.

"Here's the house, Bells. You haven't been here since you were a little girl," Charlie said nostalgically. I said nothing, my heart thumping. This was too much! I wasn't ready; what if I got hurt again? I couldn't live through it! Charlie's door swung open and he hopped out easily. Swallowing my nerves, I took a deep breath and opened my door. The fresh air soothed me, a hint of salty beach wind mixing with the refreshing neutral fragrance of the nearby forest.

"Come on, Bells, I'll just say hi to Billy and Jake then run along," Charlie said cheerfully. Clumsily, I got out of the car and made my way to the front door, across their unmowed lawn. Charlie knocked briskly on the door.

A moment later, the door opened. An older man was sitting there in his wheelchair, a man with beetle-black eyes that seemed to look into my soul, thick shoulder-length dark hair and broad features. He greeted us both with a welcoming smile and offered me his hand to shake.

"Bella," he said, in a very deep voice. "It's nice to see you again. Come on in!"

"Thank you, Billy," I replied nervously, trying to summon a smile. Not managing it, I walked into the ramshackle house. It was pretty clean inside, smooth but worn oak floorboards reflected the daylight from the big windows, and tidy kitchen counters had arrangements of jams and various other items lined up. There were two big squashy sofas, and a worn leather armchair in the cosy living area, arranged carefully in front of a big TV.

"Jake's out in the garage," Billy told me. "I'd offer to get him for you but I can't get myself back up the ramp."

"Why don't you go find him while me and Billy catch up?" Charlie asked. I knew that he'd had a long talk with Billy on the phone last night after the baseball game on TV, but I didn't mind. Opening the big door at the back, I stepped out to the huge clearing at the back of the house. There was a footpath leading to the scruffy garage.

"Jacob?" I tapped tentatively on the garage door, which was ajar.

"Come in," a husky male voice called. Weakly, I pushed the door open and stepped inside. At first, I didn't see the boy. I saw a black car, a Volkswagen I thought, with the bonnet up and all manner of strange mechanical devices inside. There were wonky shelves on the walls, obviously put up by a curious teenager.

Then I saw Jacob. He stood at the back of the car, wiping an exhaust pipe clean with a greasy rag. Immediately, I felt envious. He was as beautiful as I remembered. His thick, shiny black hair flowed in smooth waves to about halfway down his neck, a little shorter than it had been, but it exposed more of that gorgeous tanned skin. He was a little more well-proportioned now, his frame fuller to match his height. Jacob looked a little different from his father in his features; a slightly more refined nose, slimmer but curvy lips, a powerful jawline, yet he had his father's deep-set, black eyes. His skin was beautiful enough to make me jealous. Yes, I had been blessed with my mother's unblemished skin – however, she was still part Albino, and my paleness was irksome.

"Hello, Jake," I greeted him, a little uncomfortable.

He looked up instantly, a big grin spreading across his face. His teeth were perfect, white and straight. Eyes shining, he said "Bella! It's great to see you. How are you?"

"Um, alright. Things.. haven't been going too well for me; I guess your dad probably said. I'm trying to deal with it all though."

It was his turn to look uneasy. "Maybe he mentioned it once. Wasn't really listening. Hey, let's go inside," Jake smiled again. He strode around the car with the most annoying elegance, which was stunning considering his powerful size. He towered over my 5'5 inches.

Entering the house, we saw Billy and Charlie sitting at the table in discussion. They stopped talking as soon as we stepped in, suspiciously. Charlie gave Jake a smile of greeting, then came to me.

"Take it easy, Bells. No pressure, just have some fun." he whispered. "You kids have a good time. I'll come by this afternoon for her, Billy. Thanks, guys." With that, he sauntered out to the cruiser.

Jacob turned to me as Billy rolled to the bathroom in his wheelchair. "So, what do you wanna do?" Appraising me with his kind black eyes, the look on his face told me he'd be happy with pretty much anything.

"Well, we could take a walk on First Beach. That's always nice," I suggested.

"Yeah, sure. Let's go." Jacob said cheerfully. "I think I'll change my shirt though, this one has motor oil on it. Be right back."

He slipped into a small room which I had thought to be a cupboard. Catching a brief glimpse of a small bed which looked far too small and a wardrobe, I waited for a moment. Jake returned wearing a close-fitting grey t-shirt. It clung to his frame, outlining his bold shoulders and boasting his round, muscular upper arms.

As we walked in comfortable silence outside, I thought about Jake. When he'd visited us last year, just after I moved in, he'd seemed a lot younger. His face was a little rounder, his shape more gangly and leggy, muscles wiry and long, not round and firm. He seemed about 17 now, though he was about seven months younger than me (me being 17).

Taking my eyes off Jacob, I glanced out to James Island. A flashback played in my head. About eight or nine months ago, I had been here on First Beach with this same boy. I had used him cruelly for information, even probing into secret tribal legends in my quest to find out Edward's secret. Jacob, being a normal teenager, had drank in my disgusting attempts to flirt and exchanged it for the information.

Shaking my head as if to clear it, I reached out and took Jake's hand. His skin was warm to the touch, and silky. He looked round at me with those big, beautiful dark eyes. They weren't ghostly, like Edward's but equally gorgeous. He gave me that boyish grin, and I swear I melted a little bit.

"La Push is a beautiful place," I murmured, looking away.

"Yeah," Jake agreed. "The Quileute tribe has lived here for a long, long time. It was perfect; there's forest, sea, everything a tribe needed, I guess."

A few feet away, sand met sea at the crystalline water's edge. The quiet, serene rush of the waves rolling in was a soothing sound; I felt completely comfortable here.

The cliffs towered over the sea about a half-mile out. They were black stone, tipped with swathes of earthy green moss and smeared in dirt and sand. The waves smashed angrily against the side of the rocky cliffs, turning foamy white in spray. The muddy land at the top of the cliffs was dotted with shrubbery – and men.

I gasped. "Jake! Look, there are people on the cliffs! Oh my god, they're gonna jump! We have to go stop them!" I squealed, hurrying back in the direction of the Black house where my truck was. Jacob turned quickly and caught my arm with his big, tanned hand.

"Bells, it's okay, they're cliff-diving. You know, recreational stuff," he replied, laughing a little at my panic.

"B-but.. that's insane," I stuttered.

"Why? It's pretty safe. The currents will be mild today. Most of us jump from a little lower down, but I guess that's Sam Uley and his gang," Jake said, a bitter note creeping into his voice. The way he spat the last few words made me wonder who these guys were. Jake was such a happy person – how could they have upset him? Why would anyone want to hurt him, for that matter?

"His gang?" I asked curiously.

"Paul and Jared. I don't know why they hang around together, but they're totally weird. They act.. I don't know, like they're different than the rest of us. The elders love them. Whenever I ask Billy about it, he tells me to have some respect!" Jake seemed wound-up now. His eyes burned intensely; I could almost see the thoughts raging in his head. He bit down on his full bottom lip, closing his eyes a little so his long feathery lashes rested against his cheekbones.

Snatching his hand, I used my other hand to smooth his hair. "Jake, I'm sure they're just sucking up because they're the top graduates or something. They won't be up to anything. Is that all that bothers you?"

"No, Bells, it's not that. Before Paul joined up with them, a while ago, everyone noticed how he acted. He avoided his friends, acted real moody, and just didn't talk to anyone anymore. Well.. I guess before I tell you the rest we should head back. My friends wanna come over to meet you. Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah, sure. What are your friends like?" I wondered, purposely trying to take Jake's mind off the 'gang'.

"Well, Quil is a goof-ball. He's more into girls and messing around than me or Embry, but he knows when to stop. I think he'll adore you. Then there's Embry. You'll probably like him more. He's nice, with a few more brain cells, still goofy but I tend to tell him more." Jake seemed a little happier now.

I studied his face carefully. That beautiful russet skin was too gorgeous to be rumpled up in a worried frown. Acting on impulse, I reached up and touched his cheek with my fingertips. His face was warm and smooth. He looked round at me, with those big brown puppy eyes. Maybe I was just hungry or something, but my stomach jerked a little. That sensation was followed by pain when I remembered that last time I felt that funny little twitch in the pit of my stomach was when I looked into Edward's eyes and fell in love. Yet, this was different. I didn't love Jacob – well, not that way. Jacob was one of those people whom you met and loved. There was no question about it. Even now, after being with him for 40 minutes or so, the thought of someone hurting him made me flinch. Yeah, I loved him. But not quite romantically, more.. well, not brotherly... friendly.

"Bella?" he asked, pulling me from my whirling thoughts.

"Sorry," I replied. "Let's go back."

Walking back off the beach in comfortable silence, I thought about the concept of dating. Romance. When I was with Edward, it seemed so trivial, in comparison to the promise of living forever, of being bound to someone else for eternity. However, now I had the chance to be with someone, just in a normal, healthy relationship between two teenagers. I had the chance to escape the world of vampires and eternity and danger. Did I want that? A part of me definitely did; that part desired a regular relationship, with cuddles and kisses, messing around outside, meeting up with friends together. Where I could kiss my boyfriend without him thirsting for my blood. Another part of me said no, which was my irresponsible side, who wanted to be irrational and wait for Edward as long as I lived. No, I couldn't count on that side of myself. As soon as I could say Edward's name aloud without any pain, I would start dating again.

"Here we are. Quil and Embry should be here in a couple minutes, so let's just take a seat and wait," Jake said cheerfully. He opened one of the doors of his car, and sat down in it. I sat down on the workbench opposite him. His car not being that big, he looked ridiculously oversized with his long limbs and broad shoulders. I stifled a laugh, for the first time in months.