Hi all. While not new to , I am new to writing Bones fan fiction, so any input you have for me would be wonderful. Constructive criticism is always welcome.
Clarity. Why now, damnnit? Now that I am about to be cut open. And not just for my appendix or my tonsils. My brain. I am kind of partial to that part of me. Sure, it might not be on par with Bones' or even Sweets'. But it does well. I catch the bad guys with it. Correction, we catch the bad guys with it. Bones and me. The woman who I want to have my child, even, even if I am not there to help in the stimulation process, or whatever the hell she calls singing lullabies and reading, "Goodnight Moon," to our baby.
I really do want to have a kid with her. Preferably with her intellectual abilities and my emotional sense. But hey, if it works out the other way around, we have each had the other to practice on for four years. Hearing a three year old version of "I don't know what that means," could become rather endearing. Hearing it from her has. I do plan to make sure that my child knows the wonders Star Wars, or whatever it is 6 year old little girls like. No Bratz dolls though; I saw those things on the news. Scary. We'll start with board games, and I am sure I'll catch on.
I have to tell her this. Seeing the look on face when I told her back at the Hoover Building that I couldn't go through with this, it broke my heart. It went straight though the hallucinations and torn at my soul. Sometimes I swear it physically rips off piece of my soul whenever she is upset. And she does get upset, though she might try to deny it. That it is some sort of weakness, anthropologically speaking. Of course that is a load of crap, but she believes it. It doesn't matter; I just know that I'll do whatever I can to make Bones happy.
She took to Nellie Holt awfully fast, and Nellie seemed to like her too. I was surprised. I shouldn't have been, but I was. Okay, maybe I had every right to be, but I still feel a little guilty about it. I mean she was a natural with Andy, but all that talk about not wanting children; I did have a right to be concerned, didn't I? Okay, then why the hell do I feel so guilty about it?
I know why. I hate myself for having even a smidgen of doubt about Bones. And I have had more than that lately. I have treated her like she had grown a second head for wanting a child. No, I treated her like she had grown a second head because of the way she had decided to go about having children. She just had to tell me in Sweets office. She couldn't have waited till we were in the truck, or better yet, at one of our apartments? And going on and on about my…stuff, in front of half the law enforcement officers in DC? I deserve to be slightly pissed. But I'm not. Maybe still slightly incredulous, but not angry. Lord knows I can never stay mad at her long. We had better not have a daughter; I can only imagine how deep I'd be in then. As if I can be any more so than I am now.
But I have to tell Bones. She has to know that we are going to have a baby. One way or another. Sure, I'd prefer to do it the way God intended, but if Bones wants to do this the Squint way—so be it. She'll be back from talking to our team of squints soon. I'll tell her then.
Lord, please give me the strength do to what I am about to…
"Your surgery should take about two hours." Brennan chose that moment to make her appearance.