"What are you guys doing here?"

"Dick-less wanted to give you a surprise birthday party with cakes and other fascinatingly delicious foods, so he made us all wait in the dark until you came home so we could shout at you."

"Dude!"

"SAI!"

"Oh, Sai, you're such an idiot!"

"What, Ugly? He asked me what we were doing."

"You're not supposed to tell him! And DON'T call me UGLY"

"Umm… Happy Birthday, Kakashi-san?"

"But it's not even my–"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAKASHI!"

"Thanks, really, but–"

"Here, o-our t-t-team and A-Asuma-sens-sei got this for you."

"You better like it, it too us two damn hours picking it out."

"Why? Because you're such an elusive and contradicting character. Why? Because your whole–"

"Happy Birthday Kakashi! Do you like the present my team got you? Kiba thought you would like this one the most."

"Asuma. It's not my – This is … Asuma! Where did you get it? I don't know what to say!"

"You like?"

"It's so beautiful."

"Hey Sakura, did you bring speakers? I brought some music."

"I think Sai's got them."

"Sai! Where are the speakers?"

"Up your bum, Dick-less."

"Seriously, Sai, where are they?"

'Definitely not between your non-existant boobs, Ugly."

"SAI! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"SAKURA! DON'T KILL HIM! We still need the speakers!"

"Do you have spare speakers, Ino?"

"Well, no, I don't. Shikamaru! Did you bring some speakers?"

"Nup."

"Chouji?"

"Sorry."

"I have a pair."

"Really, Shino! You're awesome!"

"I know."

"So Kakashi, Happy Birthday. Do you like your party?"

"Hi Kurenai. It's okay, I guess. Could be worse."

"Izumo and Kotetsu are bringing in the grog later. They had to finish up their paper work first in the Hokage's office."

"Just out of curiosity, who else is coming?"

"I don't know, maybe you should ask Naruto."

"Naruto. Who did you invite?"

"Oh, Kakashi sensei! Happy Birthday!"

"Who's invited, Naruto?"

"Pretty much everyone I could think of. I mean, turning forty's a big deal."

"I'm NOT turning–"

"But a few people couldn't come: Iruka-sensei thought he'd be rude to come 'cause he said he doesn't really know you, Anko and Ibiki said last-minute they couldn't come because they just caught a spy infiltrating the village and they both have to interrogate him, and Ayame and her dad had to work tonight."

"… You invited the Ichiraku guys?"

"Why not?"

"OI, Ka – hic – kashi! Happy – hic – birthday!"

"We brought, we BOUGHT, we bringed the grog."

"Are you both drunk?"

"YESSIR!"

"Here's your present!"

"Oh, you didn't have to, really."

"WE INSIST!"

"Here you go!"

"What are these?"

"It's to help you – hic – with old-man problems. We bought it, like, ten minutes ago."

"Kakashi sensei, why are you holding a bottle of Viagra pills?"

"I'm just about to throw them out, Naruto, I swear. I do not need 'help'."

"Oh, gross Kakashi."

"Sakura! Honestly, I'm just throwing them out."

"Haha! Kakashi's an old man!"

"Kiba, you should be nice to your elders."

"Why are you ganging up on me?"

"Why? Because I think they've already taken a few sips of the punch which is no longer just punch."

"Oh for the love of – that's it! I'm throwing them out! Look, see? Gone! Done!"

"You don't have to shout, Kakashi sensei."

"Hey Kurenai."

"Hey Asuma. How are things?"

"Good, good. Actually, what are you doing tonight?"

"Not much really. Why?"

"I don't suppose you want to come over after the party, do you?"

"You know what? I wouldn't mind that at all."

"Great."

"This is so gross."

"I agree. My sensei flirting with yours is definitely weird."

"I d-don't think you s-should be mean to them."

"Hinata, it's not like they can hear us."

"Well, they will if you don't keep your voice down, Kiba you dog."

"I take that as a complement."

"Woof!"

"You said it, Akamaru!"

"What are you doing?"

"Definitely not spying on Asuma sesei and Kurenai sensei, Kakashi! What are you talking about?"

"Naruto."

"Yes?"

"You and your friends should stop perving on their teachers."

"A-absolutely."

"Yes sir."

"Mmm."

"Where's the BIRTHDAY BOY?"

"Jiraiya-sama!"

"Yo, Kakashi! Here's your present. How does it feel to be forty?"

"I don't know, because I'm not–"

"Hey Kakashi, where are the strippers?"

"S-strippers!"

"Yeah, the little brat promised me a few strippers to get me here. I specifically requested Angel and Cherry Pie from–"

"I don't need to know where you get your stripers from, Jiraiya-sama!"

"Kakashi! Did you say strippers?"

"Kurenai, it's Naruto's fault, I swear. Don't hurt me."

"Whooo – hic – hooooo! Strippers! Awesome!"

"S-s-strip-p-pers?"

"Naruto, you made Hinata faint again! Good going!"

"But – but – but there aren't any strippers."

"You mean you lied to me?"

"Pervy Sage, you're so gutter-minded that I had to convince you with strippers to get here!"

"He's got a point."

"Don't change the topic that you lied to me, you little brat!"

"Pervert!"

"Liar!"

"Peeper!"

"Glutton!"

"I am not!"

"I'm surprised that you're not fat already from eating all that ramen!"

"Who said 'fat'?"

"Chouji, there's no one here calling you fat, fatty."

"SAI!"

"Oh shit."

"I don't get it, does he not like my nickname for him? Everyone likes nicknames."

"But not 'fatty', you moron!"

"Watch out!"

"Chouji, not the television!"

"No! Not my collection of limited edition DVDs of Icha Icha: The Chase the miniseries! No!"

"Kakashi, they're long gone. Like your cupboards. And your DVD player. And your wall."

"Well, at least they've taken it outside."

"This party is – hic – awesome!"

"He-ey Izumo, did you notice Asuma and Kurenai leave?"

"Nope. Heehee."

"They're adorable."

"We're so pissed."

"Totally."

"Wanna – hic – head out as well?"

"Yep. Some Cherry Pie sounds nice right about now."

"SO with you there, mate."

"Wait for me, you two! I'm coming as well!"

"No – hic – worries, JiRAIya sama."

"Thank goodness they're gone. Pigs. But this party is getting kinda old, wanna head to my place, Sakura?"

"Sure. Want to come as well, Hinata? Maybe some girl time will do you some good."

"Yeah. Being surrounded by boys isn't healthy."

"O-okay. Sure."

"Hey, where did everyone go?"

"Dude, it's nearly midnight."

"And?"

"Nevermind. See you tomorrow."

"Oh, well, see you tomorrow Shikamaru."

"Naruto, I hope you're happy."

"Sure am! This party was awesome!"

"Really? What about my broken wall?"

"If you can pay for my ramen next time we eat together, I'll repair the wall for you myself."

"Actually, I'd rather just pay someone to fix the wall. Much cheaper."

"Skinflint."

"Don't sulk, Naruto."

"See ya, Kakashi sensei! I can't wait for that super special awesome training you promised you'd give me tomorrow! Bye!"

"Since when did I promise that? And why are there dog paw prints on my ceiling?"