AN: Just a bit of a drabble because I love Bella and I like seeing her all put together and strong and god I love her. :) But I also love Hannibal and the fact that the writers said in an interview that Hannibal actually loves Bella. Aww. Aha, anyways ever onwards.

"Death makes angels of us all and gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as ravens claws."

- Jim Morrison

It seemed almost comical. The irony of having to suffer through the same malady her mother suffered though and she has never even smoked a day in her life. She would never admit it of course, but it broke her so irrevocably. She'd sit beside her mother's bed, cringing as her mother screamed the name that belonged to her great grandmother.

Phyllis

It seemed like a relief when everyone stopped calling her it; the same name that her mother died with on her lips. It had always seemed like her fault that she couldn't save her mother.

Phyllis

It had been even more of a relief when she met Hannibal and her eyes connected with his past her husband's shoulder; his eyes knowing but shallow. She had shrugged off his seemingly off demeanor but it was something she couldn't hide from. She had only seen that look once before when her mother's eyes had glazed over and the light left them.

Yes, that's what it was. Light less - life less eyes. The fact that Hannibal is the only person to know about her cancer since she found about it 11 weeks ago is not the only reason she accepted his invitation for a session; it's also because his eyes will hold no pity for her as her other doctors; expressing remorse at her illness and stripping her defenses down bit by bit.

"I feel like you're protecting him." Dr. Lecter says as his eyes narrow marginally and he looks as if he's contemplating something.

"I am," Bella says candidly. "I've had dinner at your home. You have a professional relationship with my husband-there's no conflict of interest with me being here?"

"It's unorthodox, but not unheard of," he replies. "Given the nature of your problem, seeing someone who knows Jack removes some of the guesswork."

Bella watches his carefully and then shifts her eyes away; she wants to laugh in his face at the moment because if she was curious as to what Hannibal's intent was in inviting her here, she's definitely intrigued now.

In a way she knows this session has nothing to do about her per say but everything to do with her husband and she finds herself curious. She borders on believing he is fucking with Jack through her and taking pleasure in assuming he is the one who is enticing her and leading her closer to the edge; so she could push herself.

When she's with him... she hears a clock ticking. A sense of urgency overwhelms her and she stares blankly at him.

Tick

Tock

##

She shifts in her seat, the slant of golden late evening light coming through the drapes suddenly very intriguing; more so than the way Hannibal's eye looked bored when he thinks she didn't notice or the way he'd hold her gaze for long periods of time to unnerve her.

The turn of the conversation upending her. She avoided talking about her mother with anyone and she sure as hell didn't want to discuss her mother with the organism in front of her wearing a meat suit of a man.

Just more weaknesses to add to his mental list. She thinks.

"What about you Doctor Lecter?" She asks when the silence has turned from contemplative to charged. "What about your parents?"

Hannibal doesn't bat an eye at the question simply brushes it off with his go to answer about being an orphan. She would have felt bad for reminding him that he had no one but she feels as if he reminds himself all the time that's why he always has a weary approach to everything.

##

Her body is humming with pain, a feeling that never really goes away when she takes her morphine. It just lessens into a dull throbbing punctuated by complete numbness. She looks much unlike herself at the moment, she looks wild and it is to be expected as she is fraying at the edges. Faster and faster with each passing day.

As she sits across from Hannibal, his neutral mask both a comfort and a bit of a disappointment she smiles; she already had her plans so no matter his verdict the decision is hers.

When she is well put together and her head fuzzy with too much morphine she offers him the gift; the toll more like it, because through her hazy eyes she sees a dark angel with black wings looking across at her; unsympathetic and conniving. It's selfish of her to want to die in his office, but she's relying on his curiosity to want to see Jack break down over her death to make it easy for her.

She doesn't mistake the respect in his eyes when he looks at her recently. She had thought him to not feel any emotion; but in a twisted way he loves her, as she does him. And she wants to share her death with him.

Her body is growing numb, her eyes flutter close and as the life leaves her body she can hear the bored smacking of his lips as if he is leaning into her ear and then the gentle scraping of the coin being taken out of the box. There is a pause where she imagines him, through the foggy haze that threatens to over take his mind, examining the coin. It sings through the air as if he threw it and then she hears the smack of it's contact with his open palm.

There is more shuffling, all of which she is ignoring. She wants - no - needs this peace.

There is a sharp poke in her neck before she fades out completely and then a light slapping on her face. "Bella," She hears before she feels herself being pulled back into her body.

##

She's in pain once again; everything hurts even breathing but she can't stop the sobs that escape her at Hannibal's deed. She turns away from Jack and looks at Hannibal; he places the coin she gave him next to her pillow. Before she realizes what she's doing, her hand makes contact with his cheek with a sickening crack and she feels hysterical.

Hannibal steps back from her seemingly unamused. Bella screams and pulls at her IVs. She needs to get out; she's panting and screaming to Jack's surprise and nurses rush in the room, calloused hands reaching to restrain her sensitive body.

All she had wanted to do was go out her own way. To beat the cancer to the finish line. She catches Hannibal's eye again as the sedative is injected into her arm.

"I hate - you," She manages to whisper harshly before she passes out. And she finds that she means it but not as much as she hates herself for trusting him.