Disclaimer: A lot of different names are used from all types of games, anime, and stories. They're not used in any particular fashion, just as nic-names my friends' use. So don't give me any crap, all right? I'm not in the mood for your BS.
Arcadia's Requiem
I used to believe I could stay there forever. I was so naïve. Looking back has never been the same, not since that day. I will never be the same as I was there which is a shame because I was in love with who I was at the time. It was a place that really seemed to make a person's true soul shine. If you were to ask me now, I would openly admit that I miss the old place. I used to believe I could change the world…I was so naïve.
Dreaming of those days is all I have left. In fact, I never stopped thinking about those days. My happiness—the only happiness I ever had was left behind in that desolate world. Perhaps I was dreaming the whole time or never stopped. And maybe I just stepped into a nightmare. Ever since, my memory fades a little each day with each passing moment. I'm losing the only place I ever loved; the only people I thought could understand me.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still much different from everyone else because my attitude from that place never changed. I, however, have never been as happy. Losing that world was a cruel joke against my being but nothing compared to the crime that befell me. My dearest love—my one and only love was taken from me. Drops of rain still fall on those memories, being my worst and most painful. To this day, a haunting feeling hangs over me. I was lied to, betrayed, cast down, abused, and taken advantage of by the people I thought I could trust most. Now I ask…where do you turn when you have no one?
I let my guard down because I was innocent. After all, I would never imagine that those closest to me would ever do that. Papouli used to tell me, "If you value satisfaction, keep your enemies close but those you trust and love most, closer. They will always be the first to betray you." I never used to listen to Papouli, taking him in as just the close father figure I knew and respected. Now I wish I had paid more attention to him and his words. Perhaps if fate were different and considerate…I would have listened. Maybe then, I would have never lost that which was and is closest to me in this world.
Sometimes I still wonder if fate did this or my own damned luck. Did I do this to myself? Am I paying for something I did or a past life, perchance? Does destiny, fate, or God hate me? What could I have ever done to deserve such a painful punishment? It hurts in and out. I must have asked myself these questions a million times, every day and night since those days. Crying every night in a room filled with no emotion and begging the sky for forgiveness is what I did—what I am still doing to this day. I would gladly bleed redemption to whoever would give me back my love. For, I revere my love far above that of my arcadia. He is the reason I loved it and the reason I loved myself.
Looking out into a world without hope, I see in my dreams a horizon. I see a place where I can lay my head and not worry, a place where I can be totally relaxed and have my heart race all at once, and a place where we won't be judge by anyone else. I see a place where my dreams are real…just like there used to be. Until then I'll continue trying my hardest to repent for whatever sin I committed, continue to battle fate, and continue to control the wave of pain that strikes through every moment of the day.