Miranda – What If – Series One, Episode Five "EXCUSE"
CHAPTER ONE
WHAT IF EDMUND HADN'T HAD A SQUEAKY HIGH VOICE?
Miranda couldn't quite believe what she'd got herself into. She was just about to enter the restaurant for her own 'coming out' party. How had things got this out of control? Stevie was not helping and was now fixated on getting life membership to the national trust with a special lesbian discount for civil partnership ceremonies.
As Miranda and Stevie enter the restaurant things go from bad to worse.
Miranda – "Stevie! You do realise that this is just made up? We're not a couple!"
Stevie – "I think your parents would be thrilled to have me as a daughter-in-law!"
Miranda – "Go and mingle!"
Miranda heads over to bar to speak to her mother. On the way she bumps, quite literally, into a stranger; a very handsome stranger.
Miranda – "Sorry!"
Stranger - "No problem."
As Miranda approaches the bar Penny looks up.
Penny – "Oh there you are darling!"
Miranda – "Who's that?"
Penny – "That's Edmund."
Miranda – "What? But… oh."
Penny – "Lovely man. Such a pity. But never mind; you're not interested in men now."
Miranda – "Actually mum, there's something I need to tell you… "
Miranda explains to Penny that she is not, in fact, a lesbian. Penny announces it to the whole restaurant.
Penny – "Ok, now please can I introduce you to Edmund?"
Miranda – "Oh, go on then!"
Penny walks away to grab Edmund.
Gary emerges from the kitchen; dressed as Mr. Darcy. Miranda's heart rate sores.
Miranda – "Oh Mr. Darcy! You look better in that than I ever imagined!"
Gary – "Can I have a dance later?"
Miranda – "Umm, yes; but I'd better just… Mum's about to introduce me to Edmund."