SUMMARY: A chance meeting between Kirschwasser and an adult Jr. (Post XS3)
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Xenosaga.
Even in death, we dream.
Although we dream in a different way than the living.
The creation of dreams requires a physical body, the activity of a brain, something that we no longer possess. But our connection with the living makes this possible. Most of the time, we rest in our eternal slumber, but when the subconscious of the living Realians conjures up images, emotions, and sensations in their sleep, we can be pulled into their dreams.
It was in one of those dreams where I met Rubedo.
When I "woke", I was in the lab that housed the 100-Series Prototype, MOMO, before she was completed. A man stood before MOMO's tank, contemplating the small figure before him. At first, I thought it was father, speaking to MOMO in a way that a parent would to his child and in a way that we all hope he would to us. However, upon a closer look, the man, dressed in black and with fiery red hair, was clearly not father.
This man was a carbon copy of Albedo, except with red hair and blue eyes. Although when I last saw him, he still had the appearance of a child, I know, without a doubt, the identity of this man.
He did not seem to notice that I was here.
Taking a deep breath, I approached him, "Can I help you with anything?"
He literally jumped at my voice. I was slightly apprehensive when I decided to approach him, but now I couldn't help but chuckled at how startled he was. Immediately, however, my hands went to my mouth in a vain attempt to muffle my laughter, partly out of reflex because he looked so much like Albedo and Albedo really didn't like it when people laugh at him, and partly because of what I heard of the redhead's temper. I really didn't want to offend him.
To my surprise, he didn't look offended in the slightest. He merely scratched his head and smiled sheepishly, "Sorry miss, you really startled me."
"I'm sorry that I startled you, but I was just wondering if you need anything…"
Uncertainly, I looked up, and I started to wonder if I had made a mistake in coming up to him. He started looking at me very intently, searching my face for something that I didn't know. I looked away, uncomfortable.
He seemed to notice my discomfort and quickly amended, "Hey, sorry, I didn't mean to stare at you so rudely. I just feel that I know you from somewhere. What's your name? I'm Gaignun Kukai Jr. You can call me Jr."
Gaignun Kukai Jr. It took me a second before I realized that this was his alias. Having heard his real name so many times, it was difficult for me to associate him with this name.
"I'm Test Type No. 97."
"That's not a name," he furrowed his eyebrows at my response. "Surely people don't call you that!"
I tilted my head. Why was he asking me this? He must know what we were.
He mistook my silence for something else. "That sounds like a really bad pick-up line, doesn't it?"
We looked at each other, and when I started chuckling, he smiled brilliantly, soon joining in with his rich laughter. It was a happy sound, unlike anything I had heard from Albedo.
"So, Kirschwasser," when he said my name, he sounded so much like Albedo yet at the same time not at all. I shivered involuntarily. "You're right, I'm kind of lost here. I did an encephalon dive and I have no idea how I ended up here. Where exactly is this place?"
"This is the Labyrinthos, of course."
"But…" He started to protest, but seemed to be at a loss as to how.
We both knew that this could not be the real Old Miltia and Labyrinthos. They were destroyed. We were both there when it happened.
"Sometimes this place is the U-TIC organization headquarters, and sometimes it is the Song of Nephilim. But right now, it is the Labyrinthos."
Rubedo frowned at my description.
"This place is the part of the subconscious domain shared by all Realians." I concluded by way of explanation.
"Great," He mumbled to himself, "Just my luck. Of all places. How do I always end up here?"
"Have you dived into this part of our subconscious domain before?" I asked, confused.
"No, I don't mean the Realians' subconscious domain," he gestured to his surroundings, "I mean here, Old Miltia, the Labyrinthos."
"Oh. Is it not to your liking?"
"Well…" He hesitated before answering, "I just don't have very good memories of this place. You know, the Miltian Conflict and all."
Indeed, I did. And I started feeling guilty that this happened to be the dream that he got pulled into.
"But hey, I guess this time it's just plain old Old Miltia, sans the Miltian Conflict this time, right?" He suddenly looked at me in alarm, "Please tell me that there isn't going to be a replay of the Miltian Conflict."
"I have no control over this environment, so the Miltian Conflict may happen any time." I deadpanned.
He looked at me in growing horror.
"But," I took pity on him, "based on the atmosphere, I don't think that there will be, as you put it, 'a replay of the Miltian Conflict.'"
Rubedo let out a sigh of relief. He paused, gathered his wits and appeared to realize what I had done. He pointed a finger at me and glared in an exaggerated manner, "That's not funny."
I blinked and smiled at him with the most innocent expression I could muster.
From the dubious expression on his face, I knew he did not buy any of it. He shook his head in a manner that silently conveyed the message of "what am I going to do with you" before turning serious once more, "Anywho, so…do you know how I got here, and how I can get out?"
"I don't know how you were able to enter our domain, but I suspect that, because you are an anomaly in this domain and are bound by a physical body that is not that of a Realian, you will be ejected into the real number realm in due course as part of the natural order."
"So what you're saying is that you don't know when I'd be kicked out of this place, but I will be at some point or another." He summarized.
"That's correct."
"And there is nothing I can do other than waiting around until that happens." He looked more defeated by the second.
"That's also correct."
"Well then," he looked at me with seriousness before smiling brightly, and I was taken aback by his mercurial mood change, "why don't you show me around?"
I must confess that I was initially flabbergasted by his suggestion. I had rarely ventured outside of the Labyrinthos when I was there, and the idea of playing tourist, or worse, playing the tour guide myself, as Rubedo insisted that I do, was completely foreign and, to some extent, terrifying. Rubedo, however, demanded that I entertain him before he was able to leave because I was somehow responsible for his being here.
The city was vibrant, buzzing with life. Rubedo and I ran all over the city. While Rubedo had designated me as the tour guide, I realized in hindsight that he was so much more familiar with the city than I was and in fact was the one showing me around. We helped a boy on top of a building to retrieve his balloon, bought lottery tickets and played Hakox. He somehow managed to find a hidden passage that led to the fountain in which he proceeded to splash and drench me in water, and laughed at me as I scowled at him.
After we tired, he offered to buy me an ice-cream from the ice-cream truck. I politely declined and told him that I never had ice-cream before. He looked appalled by my response and, as someone who I now understood was used to always having his way, ignored my protests. As he handed me the ice-cream, he told me to hold onto the ice-cream tight. I looked at him in puzzlement as he winked at me conspiratorially before pressing a red button which closed the shutter of the ice-cream truck and trapped the owner inside. With a war cry, Rubedo took my hand and started running. I stumbled and almost lost my grip on the ice-cream cone in my surprise. I struggled to keep up with Rubedo's long strides and to balance the ice-cream cone as the angry voice of the owner faded into distance, Rubedo's laughter resounding in my ears.
Following Rubedo's lead, we left the city and ran a short distance along a forest path. We stopped outside a church just outside the city, panting as we caught our breaths.
"Sorry about that," Rubedo smiled sheepishly as he looked at my ice-cream cone. "You should eat it before it melts."
I looked at the ice-cream cone uncertainly and felt coolness dripping down my hand. I regarded the ice-cream cautiously, to which Rubedo rolled his eyes playfully, "Don't think too hard. It's just ice-cream. Come on, eat up!"
He looked at me encouragingly.
There was something very compelling about Rubedo that you can't help but listen to him, and before I realized it, I gave the ice-cream a lick.
The sweetness and coolness of it overwhelmed my senses.
"How is it?" Rubedo looked at me expectantly. "Do you like it?"
I considered the ice-cream cone once more. And then I nodded.
He beamed.
Rubedo and I sprawled ourselves on the grass field outside of the church. For some time, we simply laid there, listening to the chirping of birds and soaking in the sunlight. It was peaceful and relaxing, not something that I associated with Old Militia.
"Thank you for spending time with me and showing me around, I had a really great time." Rubedo broke the silence between us. I heard the rustling of his clothing as he sat up.
"No," I also sat up and shook my head in response, "I should be the one thanking you." Although this was a merely a dream, he had shown me a life that I never had the opportunity to experience in a life of captivity.
"You're a good girl," He smiled at me kindly and I blushed at the compliment. I began to understand why Albedo, MOMO and Sakura all adored him.
I saddened at the thought of Albedo. I felt that I had betrayed him somehow. How Albedo must have wanted to spend time like this with his brother but never had the opportunity to do so.
I wondered where Albedo was now? We last saw him when he died, but he was soon taken away by an unknown force and we were powerless to stop it.
"Hey, what's wrong?" He tucked my chin up and looked at me with concern.
"Nothing," I shook my head. "It's just that no one has called me a good girl before." It was not quite what I had in mind, but it was not a lie either. I was not about to tell him that I was thinking about Albedo, no matter how much I wanted to. I wanted to ask him, do you know how much you meant to your brother? How much he suffered for your sake? But I felt that it wasn't my place to ask him that. I was not sure how Rubedo would react either.
"No one?" He looked at me incredulously. "You're such a sweet girl, keeping me company even though I practically forced you to. Not even Joachim Mizrahi?"
I shook my head again. It was something that father would refer to MOMO as, but never us. "As you probably already know," I didn't know why, maybe because it was Sakura's influence, or maybe because it was MOMO's influence, but I found myself opening up to Rubedo, "I was created by father to gather data to create MOMO. And after..."
"And after?" Rubedo prompted and looked at me encouragingly.
I took a deep breath and braced myself. "There was someone. He cared about another person a lot, but after something that he felt responsible for, even though he was not directly at fault, the person would forever be out of his reach." I could never forget the day I first met Albedo who mistook me for Sakura in his delirium. How he wavered between lashing out at me in hatred and clinging onto me in tears. How he told me that he hated "me" but nonetheless didn't mean for "me" to die because Rubedo would be sad. How he begged "me" to live for his sake.
"Even though he never said anything, he needed me, and I was there for him." I finished lamely, looking at the floor, unable to meet Rubedo's gaze and afraid of his reaction.
"You ARE a good girl." He said empathetically after a moment of silence, and was it my imagination that his voice was thick with emotion? Realizing how serious the conversation had turned, he tried to lightened up the mood, "Hey, even though he never said anything, I'm sure he appreciates what you did for him."
"You think so?" I looked up at him hopefully. Part of me was skeptical about this person's claim, because, who was he to claim that he understood Albedo when he was the one who betrayed him and hurt him the most? But part of me desperately wanted to believe him, the person closest to Albedo.
"For sure," he nodded to himself.
Encouraged by his reaction to this subject, I was about to gather up my courage to ask whether he knew Albedo's whereabouts when I noticed that his body was turning transparent.
He noticed it too. He raised his right hand and examined it thoughtfully.
He and I both knew that his time here was up. He was about the return to the real number realm.
He turned serious again. He approached me, putting his hands on my shoulders so that I was facing him. Although he was disappearing, I could still feel the comfortable weight and warmth of his hands on my shoulders. He looked into my eyes with intensity and whispered hoarsely, "I'm not sure if we will ever meet again, but thank you for everything."
His form faded into nothingness, and along him, the rest of the world. Before I drifted into unconsciousness, all I could think of was the hint of Albedo's amethyst in Rubedo's radiant blue eyes.
THE END
Author's Note: So, my first fic. This story has not been beta'ed and I've only proofread it once for typos. I also haven't played the game for a while so I'm not 100% sure about the terminology. I fully intend to go back to revise it, but if anyone offers to be my beta, I would be more than grateful to have one. Would also be happy if you have any constructive criticism or if you leave a review.
This story is inspired by a scene in Xenosaga on the DS. More specifically, a scene about the first meeting between Kirschwasser Test Type No. 97 and Albedo. By way of background, Test Type No. 97 is actually the one who saved Albedo after he and Nigredo fought (while Rubedo was unconscious) and was almost killed by Nigredo in his executioner mode. I never played the DS game but I did read through the script in Japanese. I really like that scene, especially the confrontation between Albedo and Nigredo.
I'm not entirely sure how the universe of Xenosaga works, so clearly the premise of the story about the dream is entirely made up. Don't dwell on the mechanics of it too much.
The dream is actually MOMO's dream (it's probably not immediately obvious...). She knows the ins and outs of Labyrintho and Old Miltia (and so does Jr, btw) because she (and Jr.) was running around Old Miltia (even though it was not the real one) in Xenosaga III. That's why the dream is so detailed.
This is as much about Albedo's interaction with Kirschwasser as her first meeting with Jr. It is unclear to me how much Jr. and Albedo are able to retain their own personality after they "merged." I will leave that to your imagination.