Regression
By Sessha Kenshin

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Warning: This story is KxK, but they will be OOC as this will reflect my own assumptions of their character if faced with this story's events. First non-lemon fic. Not my strength to have plot-driven stories so this will mostly focus on emotion-heavy moments (I think) and will skip details on other parts of the story. But hopefully you'd like it, even if they'll both be OOC.

Summary: Kenshin and Kaoru are engaged. Sort of. How will Kenshin take it when Kaoru seems to be with someone else? KxK Canon.

' ' = thoughts

" " = talk

-x-

It's been 2 years since the Enishi event. Their friends have gone their separate ways, yet Kenshin and Kaoru still lives together. They have been closer than before, but somehow they didn't cross the bridge yet, both too shy to take the risk.

It was one of those nights were Kaoru and Kenshin were having tea. They were just randomly talking about things so when Kenshin found the chance, he shyly suggested getting married if Kaoru is open to it. He would pass it as a joke if she found it funny or she rejected him, but Kaoru accepted. They both smiled at the happy conclusion, then shyly looked away. Both unclear and guessing of each other's intentions but agreed nonetheless due to their feelings. It was a step outside of their comfort zone so hopefully it's a good start.

-x-

Kaoru visits Doctor Genzai, accidentally runs in with Yuuta, her childhood friend. They talked for awhile, and after learning something, Kaoru felt conflicted to follow her feelings or to honor her father's wishes. Undecided, she starts avoiding Kenshin.

Kenshin notices Kaoru's almost daily habit of visiting the town. Kaoru makes an excuse that she is arranging for their wedding, feeling even worse for lying to him.

Kenshin counts down to the day of the wedding, yet still preparations are unset.

-x-

While wandering in town, Kenshin accidentally runs in Kaoru talking to Yuuta, too close for comfort. They were having some light conversation, one that brightened her eyes and put a blush on her cheek. Feeling disappointed and irrationally jealous, he figures Kaoru will tell him who that person is. He didn't ask.

Waiting for her to come home, Kenshin asks Kaoru how was her day. She didn't mention anything about the other person, and he felt all the more bad that she didn't say anything.

Ignoring the issue, he rationalized that perhaps it was just some person she met. But now darkness seeped through his being whenever Kaoru goes into town. He couldn't bear the jealousy, and yet he knows he doesn't deserve her anyway. Maybe she has grown up a little and realized that all she had for him was love and care for family, but not as love for a lover.

He doesn't mention about the wedding to her intentionally, and felt saddened that she didn't seem to notice. Or that maybe she just didn't care. For all he knows, maybe she just agreed because it was suggested and that she felt sorry for him. His insides cringes at the possibility, she was too kind after all.

-x-

The wedding was only barely 2 weeks, and he arranged it himself so that she wouldn't have to feel pressured. Even if really, he just wanted the wedding to happen.

Kaoru seems to be warming up to him, they shared the day together and he somehow felt encouraged that there's still a chance. Just 3 days more 'til they get married. It doesn't matter if she had seemed to enjoy another's presence at times. As long as she marries him, he'll be happy. He'll be contented. The image of her smiling at another flashed in his mind he willed it not return. He has to be contented. As long as she is happy and that he gets to stay with her.

His daydream was interrupted though as Kaoru started. "Kenshin, I have to ask you something." "Anything." He smiled at her.
"Um, about the wedding…" Kaoru starts, looking away at him at the same time that his smile dropped. His chest tightens, he can feel that he will not like it.

"Can we…postpone it?" His hand gripped itself as his chest constricted painfully as he stopped breathing, he kept his gaze far and hid it from her scrutiny. But she said to postpone. They can…continue it, right?

After a few moments to himself, he asked "…when?" almost silently.

She hesitated for a bit, "…10 days?" He grit his teeth from the disappointment washing over him.

'10 days', it seemed so long. 'Only a few days you were…already…so happy with him.' The image flashing back again when he accidentally stumbled upon her meet-up with another, as she laughed freely to something the other had said. He was shocked at the scene he hid himself from view before turning away.

"Kenshin?"

'10 days', he nodded without looking at her and murmured a silent 'ok', afraid she'll notice if he choked on his own breath. He kept his gaze low, realizing that this was the intent of their sharing a cup of tea. If he had known she was going to ask him to – he closed his eyes to fight the negative emotions boiling up inside of him. He just assumed she was missing his company. 'Who would ever enjoy your company?'

He turned to clean up the tea cups. Carefully so she wouldn't notice his hands shaking as he gathered the items. It took effort for him to move as normally and calmly as usual. His mind was full of doubts but he couldn't bring it to himself to ask her 'why?' It didn't matter.

She said postpone. So 10 days. He pursed his lips, he wouldn't risk her declining marrying him if he complained. He can give her time. After leaving her presence, he let his brows worry into a knot. 'Time'. She could change her mind in time as well.

-x-

Over the next few days, Kenshin almost always avoided encountering Kaoru. He just couldn't bear looking at her without feeling the guilt of being disillusioned, and yet still convincing himself that maybe she still will marry him. Maybe, if they didn't see each other much she wouldn't…. 'wouldn't what? Not ask you to leave? Not ask to cancel-?' He exhaled heavily on his own musing. As irrational as it may seem, he just couldn't care.

-x-

3 days before the promised date, Kaoru asks to have a walk with him. Kenshin tried to make an excuse as he is busy, but Kaoru insisted that it won't take awhile, and so he couldn't refuse.

He dreaded it, but he tried to prepare himself for this moment. This time, he knew. Biting on his lip nervously, he knew that the wedding he was promised, will never come.

He walked far and slow behind her, hesitating and truly not wanting to arrive wherever they're headed. Risking a glance at her as she walked, he wondered how she'll tell him. Realizing that this may be the last time he'll ever walk beside her, he gathers up the courage and shyly lightly touched her hand with his own. He looks away when he felt her hand and her gaze looking at him. He bit his lip nervously, hoping that she'd let him hold her like this even for the last time.

He breathes out the air he held, when he felt her shyly put her hand on his. Blood rushed to his face and he savored every moment as he walked with her, holding her hand. He felt elated before being saddened again knowing that she would only do this for now. But he pushed that away, he will memorize every moment before she asks him to leave.

When they arrived at the clearing, he stopped moving. His hand briefly and almost too gently gripped her hand for courage. When she tugged at him to sit on a log, he did so still hesitantly. He hid his expression behind his hair, head bowed low and waiting for her. He chanted to himself that he'll let her go. He has to. Her bright smile with him flashed before his eyes. 'She was so happy' His inner self was in turmoil and in anguish, yet he schooled his face to be expressionless.

"Kenshin. There's no easy way to say this. Perhaps I should not have postponed the wedding. But I was too scared. I didn't know what to do. But I don't want to hurt you anymore."

Kenshin just waited, taking it all in. Everything was too painful to hear, but he expected no less. She was leaving him for someone. He could feel his heart sink into his stomach. Tomorrow, or tonight, he will have to leave her. His lips curled slightly and he turned his head away from her. He was still holding her hand, and it served to bring him courage to keep listening, as well as to remind himself to keep still, even when the rest of his body was starting to shake.

For days he's been convincing himself to accept this when she asks. That he will have to simply be glad that she even considered marrying someone as filthy as him. That she will now be safer in someone else's arms. That he could never have her since he never deserved her anyway. That she never loved him. That he will let her go when she asks. His brows furrowed and he closed his eyes from the pain of her rejection.

Deep inside, he still would have wanted to be chosen. Despite the dangers his background brings, he still wanted to have a family with her. He wanted to always be by her side. 'This is home.'

He trembled visibly, as he felt his resolve melt from his own desperation. He choked from on his own breath since he could not breathe normally and was still desperately clinging for any chance to be with her, he blurted out, "You promised me….", his hand gripped hers a bit, "…10 days." His voice cracked in a desperate plea.

His lips trembled as thoughts into words escaped his treacherous mouth. But he gritted his teeth. It didn't matter if he looked pathetic. "I'm…", he swallowed hard for another promise, "I'm willing to wait a few more…" he almost whispered almost too silently. It didn't sound convincing, but he will. He waited for her reply.

"…Kenshin…", she whispers in return. Expecting to be rejected, he would plead again, maybe she just needs more time. Maybe she just didn't see his effort. Looking at himself in his ragged clothing, he should have worked harder to make himself look more appealing to her. "I'll be better, Kaoru-dono. I'll do anything, I'll get a-"

But before he can open his mouth to continue, "I'm marrying hi-"
"I'll SHARE…" he almost groaned painfully as he closed his eyes tightly willing himself not to cry, he was no longer thinking straight but it didn't matter. He will do anything to be with her. He will beg on his knees if he has to. He carefully puts his arms around her shoulders to hug her from behind, he puts his head on her shoulder so he can whisper the promises to her. "I won't….get jealous." He bit his lip and scrunched up his face at the impossible words, but he will force himself. He will pretend for her sake.

Kaoru could feel his body shaking at the proximity, and she held herself still. 'Oh Kenshin…Why couldn't you just hate me to make this easy?' She had been building her confidence to let him down. Making it seem like she wanted to turn Kenshin away was a struggle enough as it is. She thought he'd agree like the last time, that though he didn't like it, as long as she asked, he will.

She didn't think he wouldn't let her go so easily. And she loved him so. It was tearing her apart that she'd have to sacrifice her love for Kenshin so she could honor her father's request for this arranged marriage. She couldn't bring it to herself to admit it to Kenshin either. If he knew it was arranged by her father, then he'd let her go because it was the honorable thing to do. And she was selfish enough to not want it to happen. She just couldn't. Somehow she still wished he'd fight for her. But not like this, it's tearing him apart. She made up his mind to tell him the truth. Whatever he decides, she'll accept it. He deserves to know the truth.

Kenshin clung onto her, waiting for her response. She was quiet and contemplating on something. Still hoping for her to consider, he rambled on, "You're still young. And maybe you're confused with a simple crush and love, and I…" His eyes widened at realizing that he might be the person she has a crush on, and not loved. But he continued differently, "I'm willing to wait." His hand gripped her tighter since he couldn't think of anything else to promise. "Please…don't leave me."

"Oh Kenshin…" Kaoru turns in his embrace and wraps her arms around him.

Surprised at first, he hugged her tightly to himself, finally able to breathe again. His life was returned to him. If she was hugging him, she agrees right?
But then he felt her crying. Suddenly he felt bad that he had forced himself on her. Begging her for something he knows she could never give. Pathetic display for a man, truly unworthy of her. His heart was pained even more so, but now he truly does not have a choice. He wanted to be with her, but more importantly, he wanted her happiness. He gives a heavy breath, and caresses her face, "Please stop crying Kaoru-dono. I'm sorry for pushing." His words were silent as a whisper, full of regret and hesitance, "Forgive me. Thank you for everything. I just want you to be happy." He felt numb, he kisses her on the cheek before he'd let her go.

Kaoru catches her tears in time, and upon realizing he was going to say goodbye, she opens her eyes and holds onto him harder, "No, don't go." Then the tears started again. "Please. Wait…"

Kenshin holds onto her as she cried. He held her unknowing of the outcome and yet she asked him to stay. Even if she doesn't give him anything, he will stay if she wanted him to. Yet he remained with his thoughts straying with hope. "Sshh, don't cry. I was just…not thinking straight. I… I wouldn't force you into anything. So please don't cry."

Kaoru sniffled and nodded. She couldn't bear him taking the blame, "It's not you, Kenshin." He turns to look at her intently. "It's all…my…fauuult." Then her tears started again.

Kenshin got confused even more, but he offered that she calm herself down first, and for him to get her some water. "Would you like to…go home de gozaru ka?" He swallowed a lump in his throat at the word home. When she nodded, he guided her to her feet, refusing to let her go as well.

-x-

The walk back was quicker than when he dreaded going to that clearing. But there were some things that they needed to clear out. They headed to the porch where Kenshin led Kaoru to sit. "I'll get you some water first Kaoru-dono."

Once they've settled, Kaoru had calmed her nerves to tell him the truth about Yuuta. "Yuuta was my childhood friend." Kenshin held onto her hand as it she seemed to need the courage to tell her side of the story as well. Kaoru looked up into his face, wanting to be truthful this time. "And I am arranged to be married to him since we were children." At this, Kenshin's eyes widened and now held a look of disappointment knowing that he would bring her dishonor if he were to pursue her. He looked away. It really was impossible to begin with. "But why did you not tell me?"

"Because I love you, Kenshin." Kenshin got taken aback by the surprising confession.

"And I was selfish." She closed her eyes, before opening it again to continue. "I know you would leave me if you knew."

And of course he would have. He would never force himself on her. He would never disgrace her. But as he opened his mouth to agree, and that not telling him would still mean the end in their relationship, the puzzle clicked into place.

"His father was a close friend to my own father, until such time that their family needed to transfer to another city and we lost contact. Yuuta came back since it was in his father's wish for him to marry me. And I did miss my best friend, I know he can take care of me." She paused for awhile waiting for Kenshin.

"I didn't know what to do. I still don't know what to do."

"Kaoru-dono…" Kaoru lifts her head towards his wary for what he's about to say. He seemed determined and they both know that the next question will be important. Kenshin summoned enough courage once again, hoping against hope, "If you only had to choose, without the arranged marriage offer, who would-"

"Kenshin." Kaoru answered immediately, looking at him straight in the eye, even if he has not finished the question. She hugged him tightly after she answered, "And this is no crush, I love you, Kenshin."

Swallowing the happiness stuck in his throat, he responded in kind, hugging her form into his own. "I love you too Kaoru-dono." Not wanting to talk about their situation yet, he breathed in normally, all was right with the world again since the past few weeks that he's going desperate. Basking in her presence and her responses, he immersed in her embrace, soaking in her attention and touches.

"What should we do, Kenshin? I don't want you to think you'll bring me dishonor." She shifts comfortably in his embrace, contemplating on how to proceed. "But please, don't leave me."

"I'll never leave. Though we do have to fix this one, that we do." He has a few things in mind, though he was still contemplating on how it would affect Kaoru's reputation.

Upon seeing the worry on his face, Kaoru asked, "What are you thinking?"

"Well, it seems that we truly can't get married in the next few days." Kaoru's face turned to a disappointed frown and her lips quivered to cry, but Kenshin held onto her face.

"Since I was hoping to visit Yuuta-san's family instead for me to formally ask for your hand in marriage." Kaoru's face brightened at the idea, and she nodded in agreement.

Both hopeful for a positive response from the family. Kenshin was wary they may not agree, but he wouldn't let her go without a fight now knowing that Kaoru had returned his feelings.

-x-

Owari.

A/N: Let's just assume that of course they'll be allowed to marry and be on their way, okay?^^ Be nice. Please review ^^