AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is just a little silly story I came up with today, and it shows what I think would be the ideal way to solve Naruto's shipping problems...
For Neji...
Proposal
by Kairi Taylor
"Ok, so just why are we here anyway?"
This was the question put forth by Konohagakure's new hero, Uzumaki Naruto. He was currently seated in a room alongside several of his comrades in arms; to be specific mostly the female ones. At his left side sat heir to the Hyuga clan, Hinata. At his right sat Haruno Sakura, medical ninja master and the student of the current Hokage, Tsunade. Nearby in a very comfortable chair sat Yamanaki Ino, the beautiful and pale blue eyed blonde female member of Team InoShikaCho. Somewhere towards the back of the room against the wall stood Karin, who was recently pardoned on behalf of Naruto. It was only recently revealed that the bespectacled young woman was also a member of the Uzumaki clan
.
"I'm curious about this too actually," Sakura agreed, "just why did you call only us? Why not Kakashi-sensei?"
"This is rather short notice." Hinata added.
"I don't mind too much. After all I did have to get out of the flower shop anyway." Ino smiled.
"And they don't need me to give the deposition for Sasuke's hearing until later this week," Karin pointed out "so I assume this is not about Sasuke."
"Aw geez, does everything HAVE to be about him?" Naruto groaned.
"Let's face it, everyone has been talking about how your battle with him ended, it's practically the stuff of legends!" said Ino. "You not basking in the glory is the real surprise."
"At least you didn't have to heal his wounds! The guy's such a big baby when it comes to needles." Sakura replied. "And there was the matter of Hinata fainting on top of him when he saw him in the hospital."
"Sorry." Hinata blushed.
"Really? I heard you did a lot more than just 'faint' on top of him." Karin smiled.
"Who told you—Uh, that was just a rumor!" Hinata quickly shot out.
"Don't believe everything Kiba tells you." Naruto said. Now Sai, what is this about?"
Everyone's attention turned to Sai, former ROOT member, who stood at the center of the room, with a scroll in hand. Sai coughed briefly and nodded his head. "I will get straight to the point. Naruto, your victory over Madara and Obito…"
"With our help I may added." Sakura interjected."
"Yes, with the assistance of all of us here, you managed to stop Madara's plans to awaken the Juubei and try to put the entire world under an infinite genjitsu. You also managed to defeat Sasuke and bring him back to the village, albeit not without some controversy."
"What's so controversial about saving a friend?" Naruto scoffed. "Of course I had to beat the common sense into him."
"You punched him so many times, your fist became blood red." Hinata pointed out. "Then you leaped on top of a rock and elbow dropped him for good measure."
"Just how much sense were you planning on beating into him?" Ino asked.
"You should have thrown a leg drop in for good measure!" added Karin. "But the Raikage probably would have punched you for stealing that one…"
"We're getting off topic." Sakura sighed "Sai please continue."
"Thank you Sakura. As I was saying, due to Naruto's actions, there is no doubt that he will indeed one day become Hokage. But there is one problem though, and that is the fact that he does not have a suitable mate for himself."
Naruto blinked. Then a thought entered his head. A real naughty one. "WAIT, WHAT?! Is this why we're all here?! MY BODY'S NOT READY FOR SOMETHING LIKE THAT!" 2.3 seconds later, Sakura would quiet her teammate down with a very quick fist to the face.
"JUST WHAT THE HELL IS ON YOUR MIND, YOU IDIOT?" Sakura bellowed as she grabbed him by the collar. Hinata merely turned beet red as Ino and Karin looked at each other. "Well…this is sudden." Ino observed.
"Yeah, I know I got a bit of a reputation but I'm not THAT freaky." Karin said. "Ok, MAYBE I may have tried to drug the others to get to Sasuke…"
"Uh, if I may continue…" Sai started to say. Sakura glowered at him as she said "This had better not be going where I think it's going Sai."
"Please hear me out. As I was saying, there is a good chance that Naruto will become the next Hokage, but he has yet to find a suitable mate. Based upon my observations in the interactions between all of you, I believe that you all are the best candidates."
"Seriously?" Hinata smiled.
"Yes. You, Hinata, may have quietly watched Naruto from afar, but it was fairly obvious from your interactions with him, your body language when in his presence and your constant blushing that he was someone you cared for deeply. The confession you made when attempting to protect him from Pain only further cemented it. I was at a loss as to why he had not addressed it sooner though."
"I was kinda PREOCCUPIED, you know, training, being transported everywhere by teleportation, learning that my mom used to carry the 9 Tales in her for a time." Naruto pointed out.
"Yes, I suppose your priorities had been somewhat scattershot. As for Sakura, I believe that the bond that you two share is unmistakable. Despite the many, many punches she has assaulted you with…"
"3 yesterday." Hinata counted.
"…you have grown to care a lot for him and will do what must be done to shield him from unnessecary burdens."
"Ok, ok, I get it," Sakura sighed, "but what about Ino?"
"I, uh, may have said I wouldn't be too adverse to dating him" Ino blushed. "Look, lets face it, he's hot! If Hinata didn't jump his bones already, I would have given half the chance."
"We're never gonna live that moment down, are we?" Naruto sighed.
"I'm afraid not." Hinata responded.
"That leaves Karin. She too has become somewhat enamored with Naruto." Sai explained.
"Hey, the guy's pretty damn cool. And he's actually fun to be with. You ever tried to get Sasuke to do anything other than frown and looks endlessly into the sky?"
"Yup." Naruto agreed.
"You have no idea." Sakura agreed.
"With that said, it was difficult to narrow the choice to just one person. But I believe that after consulting the many by-laws of Konohagakure, an acceptable solution has been found." It was at this moment that Sai opened the scroll that was in his hands. "Hey, that's one of the scrolls from the elder's library." Sakura observed.
"Yes, and this one was most informative." Narrowing his eyes, Sai carefully read from the ancient parchment. "In order to preserve the bloodline of the Hokage's clan, the Hokage must have a wife. However, in the case of an incident where the Hokage's family or clan is in danger of dying out, it is, with the discretion of the families involved, acceptable for the Hokage to engage in the practice of Saishodoukin."
Sakura, Hinata and Ino went wild eyed. Karin merely blushed and Naruto, again, blinked. "Uh, what?" was the only words that came out of his mouth.
"ARE YOU ACTUALLY SERIOUS ABOUT THIS?!" These words came out of the mouth of Hinata, to almost everyone's surprise.
"What the heck's a Saisho-whatchamacallit?" Sakura turned to Naruto. "Simply put, Saishodoukin means that the husband lives with both his wife and his mistress AT THE SAME TIME."
"Whoa." Naruto said. This was not exactly how he thought his woman problems would be solved.
"Now wait a minute," Hinata said "I don't think I want to be the mistress here. I'm far more likely to be the wife."
"Hold on, I can't be the mistress! I'm not even the mistress type!" Sakura objected. "If anyone is gonna be the one to marry this lunkhead it's gonna be me!"
"No way." Ino shook her head "I'll take on the surname of Uzumaki. A hot gal like me is too good to be any man's mistress!"
"Like hell! The Uzumaki clan has to be preserved right? So I should be the wife here. You can draw lots for the mistress role if you want!"
"We are NOT drawing lots." Sakura objected. "We'll settle this the old fashioned way."
"Indeed we will." Hinata said, activating her Byakugan. "Last one standing lays claim to Naruto-kun."
"Fine by me!" Sakura said as she cracked her knuckles.
"Hold on, don't I get a say in this?!"
"NO!" all of the girls responded. Sai raised his hand and said to them "Hold on. There is one other thing I needed to read."
"What the hell else could be in that scroll?" asked the exasperated Naruto.
"Well, in case more than 2 candidates are found, there is a provision called 'The Tenchi Masaki Solution' that can be implemented."
"The Tenchi Masaki solution?"
"Yes. In the kingdom of Jurai, that ruler also had a similar situation. He came up with a simple and effective solution that was favored by all of his suitors."
"Ok, that one sounds reasonable. What was it?" asked Naruto.
"He married all of them." Sai stated.
The other girls looked at each other. "That sounds fairly reasonable. I mean no one gets their feelings hurt there." Hinata observed.
"And it's not as perverted as the other possible solution." Sakura pointed out.
"Wait there's still the matter of who gets him first." Karin said to them. Ino rubbed her chin and asked "Well, he mastered the Shadow Clone jutsu. Could that help?"
Naruto paled. He turned to Sai and said "You have no idea what I'm gonna endure, you know."
15 Years Later…
"And that is how I got married to your moms." finished Naruto, holding his youngest daughter Kushina in his arms (Uzumaki Kushina; Karin's daughter). In the room with him sat his other children; the oldest was a grey eyed young girl with blond hair (Uzumaki Hana, Hinata's daughter), a somewhat sleepy and teal haired young man resting on the window sill of Naruto's office (Uzumaki Ichiro, Sakura's son) and twin girls with matching short blonde hair sitting at the table next to Hana (Uzumaki Haruhi and Uzumaki Mikuru, daughters of Ino). It may not have looked it, but Ichiro had paid close attention to the story details. "I gotta say Dad, it kind of sounds as if Uncle Sai had planned this all out very well."
"Perhaps a little TOO well." Hana concurred.
"I think your brother Hizashi (Hinata's son) took it far better than I imagined." Naruto pointed out. "Where'd he go anyway?"
"I think he had said something about trying to master Sage mode. No one pointed out to him yet that combining Sage Mode and Byakugan would be damn near impossible." Ichiro sighed.
"At least I know where he gets his stubbornness from." Naruto laughed as the baby in his arms giggled. "Any other questions?" Haruhi and Mikuru looked at each other and nodded, then turned to their father.
"We were just wondering…" began Mikuru…"
"Just what the hell happened on your wedding night?" finished Haruhi. "And does it have anything to do with your Shadow Clone jutsu?"
"DAMN IT HARUHI, WERE YOU READING KAKASHI'S BOOK AGAIN?!"
Outside of his office stood Hyuga Hanabi, Sarutobi Konohamaru and Moegi. Grinning, Konohamaru turned to his teammate and girlfriend and said "So…"
"No way." said Hanabi.
"Absolutely NOT."
"Well, it was worth a shot."