12.21.12
By CraftyNotepad
Disclaimer: If the world ends tonight, Pim says you had your chance. As for me, I don't own Phil of the Future, so I'm living on borrowed time anyway.
Pickford, December 21, 2012:
"Alright, last chance to place your bets. Hurry, hurry, hurry, People!"
"Pim, you can't …"
"C'mon Suckers - I mean 'Citizens' - buy your end of the world insurance before time itself runs out! How about you, Miss?"
"Pim, leave Keely alone."
"Zip it, Bro. I'm making a sale," Pim quietly offered her brother some free advice while maintaining eye contact with the blonde-haired wallet approaching her. "You reporter-types know all about our time running out. Be the next one to prepare for the future, such as it is, Keely."
Outside the front of the Pickford Mall, Phil's shoulder shoved his sister aside as he made his way to rescue Keely from something less smaller, but no less threatening than the end of the world - his sibling's sales pitch. Keely met him with a deep, seasonal hug. It wasn't because of the cold, because it wasn't. Since they had become a couple, the two greedily took advantage of every opportunity to express their mutual affection. The youngest Diffy, on the other hand, was busy expressing her own opinion on the matter.
"PIM! Stop that," barked Phil in a less than ho-ho-ho tone. She was doing it again, pretending to have dry ho-ho-heaves.
Unaware of Pim's facial display, Keely release him, "Oh, Phil, it's alright. Pim just wants to get a piece of the action. By tomorrow, this will all be a joke. No harm done. Okay, Miss Diffy, why should I buy insurance for the end of the world?"
Phil's little sister lit up, "Surely you've heard about the Mayan calendar. It runs out today, so tomorrow is - well, just use your imagination and sign here, here, and here on the dotted lines. I take cash, gold, and jewelry."
"You mean 'cash, gold, or jewelry.'"
Pim frowned rolling her eyes. How long had Teslow known her? "Or?" As if.
"Sorry, Pim, but no sale," sympathized Keely. "I'm not worried about the future."
"SHhh! Keep that to yourself, Stretch."
Leaning down to face Pim, Keely whispered, "Pim, your'e from the future. You know that the future is going to be there and be great. You know, 'two-one, two-one?'"
"Lies, all lies. Sign here."
"It's already after Midnight, Pim."
"What are you, a watch? HALF-PRICE SALE! Don't miss out on this bargain, Folks!"
Reaching into her suede handbag, the taller blonde's hand returned with a gift for her boyfriend's sister. "Here, Pim. Have a candy cane. Oh, here's another for that boy you like, your friend, Danny."
"I'M NOT HIS FRIEND. He's my minion, my yes-man, my brown-noser, my flunky, my -"
Phil interrupted by pulling out his wallet, which always shut his sister up. Reaching inside, he pulled out a five. Pim held her hand out for it, but he handed it to Keely, saying, "You win. She actually likes him."
"I know. Did you hear how many times she said "my"? It was so obvious. Want to go for double or nothing?"
There weren't anymore sales, so Pim Diffy headed home. Her father was up and mostly awake in the kitchen and her mother came up behind her as Pim entered their twenty-first century home. They had been waiting up for their daughter to return from her punishment.
"So?"
"I tried. I really tried."
"Pim."
"Really, Daddykins, but these downtimers are just so dumb, they wouldn't buy my insurance. They really believe that things are going to continue the way they have been. I only made three sales." Pim emptied her briefcase onto the kitchen table, with a few bills and three signed contracts floating down with them; Owen and Danny's names among them.
Her mother frowned. "Well, you tried, Buttercup. I hope you learned something you can take back to the future."
"Only thing I learned is that people are too dumb for their own good. They've had centuries to prepare to avoid the end of the world, but do they lift a finger?" Pim sighed.
Barbara and Lloyd empathized with their child, and they were proud that she was feeling something besides a desire for wealth and power. Tonight's lesson had been one they hoped she'd take to heart as she grew up back in the future.
"Are you sure this is the right Mayan calendar, Lloyd?"
"'Fraid so. Today was the tipping point, the point of no return for global warming. 'Not with a bang, but a whimper.'"
Barbara Diffy massaged the back of her daughter's neck in reassurance. "But it's not going to stay that way, Dear. Things will get back on track with a little help. We know that. Let's just be glad that the time machine is fixed and we can head back home tonight. Now, go pack your things, and - oh, have you seen your brother?"
Pim had. He was with his bubble-headed of a backtimer squeeze. Stupid backtimers … yet, somehow the Mayan knew that the world would end on this day. Oh well, that was a problem for present day small brains, not the Diffys' and certainly not hers. Suddenly it struck her that for Phil, his world really will end tonight. How did those old Mayans know about he and Keely? Maybe all backtimers weren't so shy of gray matter after all? Pim wondered how she could profit from Curtis and his "Spirits" when they left 12.21.12 behind them.