The feel of cold wind against my skin.

The loud sound of raindrops as they hit the ground.

Time seemed to slow down and everything went blurry.

I didn't know what I was thinking back then.

My filthy feet continuously hit the ground.

I ran having no second thoughts, coated with only pajamas, bared feet and the crazy loud thumping of my heart beat.

I was holding it tightly, a letter soaking wet with his words washed out.

That time, I wasn't thinking of all the possible outcomes of what I was about to do.

I don't care if I look crap.

That time, nothing really matters, all I wanted was to reach him.

And when I did, he gazed at me like he never did before.

That moment felt like an eternity.

I couldn't contain myself.

I held him tight as I locked his lips with mine.

It was bitter, salty... but sweet.

It was long, deep... but soothing.

It was my first kiss... with my brother.

"I saw you."

I don't hate her but I don't like her either.

I think we don't get along pretty well, we converse not so often.

She makes me go nuts.

She isn't an annoyance but her presence disturbs me a lot.

Probably because... she's my brother's lover.

Every single day that I see them together, that sight disgusts me.

Not because I hate her, I really don't.

It's because I hate them... together.

It may sound too hypocritical but that's my reality.

I love my brother, I really do and her, I don't give her that much attention but when they are together, it makes me sick to my stomach.

I'm deeply aggravated... and still I couldn't take my eyes off them.

"What did you see."

My words were not that of a question, they're a statement boldly challenging her if she has the guts to tell me what she witnessed.

I know what she meant, I know what she saw, I know what she wanted.

Say it.. if you could, if you would.

Not a word, even a mere sound left her mouth.

We stood there, staring back into each other's orbs, gazes peeking through our very soul.

We're both aware of what's happening and how chaotic some things turned out.

If we could patch it up, that's something neither of us can do.

It came to a point where we both know that we were doing nasty schemes, idiotic schemes... yet neither of us cared.

Not even my brother.

"You know what it was, stop playing dumb."

You're no different, was what I thought.

It doesn't matter who's dumber, we both are, or she was, and I am.

She first broke eye contact and turned to get her coat.

She isn't staying for the night even though there was heavy pouring rain.

My eyes were fixed at the sight of her back as she busily puts on her boots.

I wasn't mad, not even irritated in the slightest but... there's a weird feeling welling up inside me and it's a bit... painful, I guess.

I caught a glimpse of her face while she was grabbing an umbrella and I don't know, at some point my breathing got heavy.

"I am sorry."

i wasn't waiting for a response, I wasn't expecting any.

"Don't say things you don't actually mean. We've been way too pretentious for a long time. Don't you think it's about time we stop spitting lies in the others faces."

Are what she was supposed to tell me but they're all in my head.

Maybe she didn't really hear what I said, or she just completely ignored me.

She left, not saying a word.

The door clicked and I was alone in the hallway unable to move a part of my body.

The loud silence together with the sound of rain enveloped me.

"Hey... Do you think... Do time machines really exist? Mm, mm.. No, not that. Is there.. such a thing that could change things according to what I really wanted? Or, are there genies in this world? They could grant wishes, right?"

His room feels different since the last time I set foot in here.

I looked around, it was the same room after all, his things were in the exact same places, the smell wasn't anything new either, but... it still, it felt like a whole different place.

Also the sleeping form before me remained the same, and what I feel inside didn't change, too.

I fell down on the side of his bed and lay my head not far from his.

My mind went blank momentarily, I just watched him resting, wearing a soft look on his face, and no, he doesn't look like a baby.

Those long lashes, the lines on his jaw and lips, his steady breathing... watching him like this calms me.

I caressed a few strands of his hair, traced a short line on the side of his face.

"We are always this close... and I wanted to do a lot of things... I could, but I must not, and that.. it sucks. You're within reach... but if I selfishly do this and that, it might hurt me, it hurts me. Not just me, not just you. And its all because I started playing this game. A crazy game called reality."

Those were what I've always wanted to tell him, even though its only to his sleeping form.

I wonder if the rain decided to creeped inside his room, because the moment I closed my eyes and my body succumbed to weariness, a few drops hit my cheek.
It trailed down, to my lips, it tasted salty, really salty.

"Rei."

My whole body feels warm.

I could still hear the sound of the rain and I know that I should be feeling frozen cold right now but I really feel warm and... happy, and guarded.

"Shinji..."

I don't need to open my eyes to know who called out my name, I recognized it right away.

I'm also in his room so, there's no doubt its him.

"Why did you end up in my room? Did you have a strange dream again?"

I shook my head, inhaling his scent and enjoying the rare moment that we share when his phone rang.

"Hello. Yes. What? How did that happen? Okay. I'll be right there."

It was her. Its always her. Why.

"Rei, I'm going out for a bit. It's Asuka, she's in the hospital right now."

I quickly sat up, out of his bed and walked right behind him.

I clutched the hem of the back of his shirt, tightly.

"Don- Take care."

I lightly pushed him passed the half opened door, closed and locked it, and sunk to my knees.

I say things even if I don't mean it.

I do things even if they are against my will.

That's simply because I know its the right thing to say, its the right thing to do.

But there are still that are inevitable, that even if I want to say, do and feel otherwise, they're still unavoided. Just like this pain I'm feeling inside me.

Whatever I do, I can't just ignore it... As it continues to grow, eating me.. and crushing me...

Little.. by little.

t.b.c.

A/N: Rrr! This time, I decided to do something that is completely out of my comfort zone... To write a fic with Rei as my heroine. I honestly don't like Rei but I don't hate her either. [That line was... haha, familiar, right.] But I would like to try something different and if it'll work out. If you're totally against incest, which is obviously what this fic is about then I'm sorry, just stay away from this fic. This is going to be different from my usual writing style. I don't know what's gotten into me. haha. Oh well. Feel free to judge, tell me your thoughts regarding the fic. Thank you and let's all have a great day. ^_^ Laters.