Author's Note: So that took a bit longer than anticipated. Last week did not go well for me. Work was crazy and so on, so forth, et cetera, ad infinitum, ad nauseaum, ad astra, fortis fortuna adiuvat- that one kinda got away from me there.

But I'm back! More or less alive! With excited punctuation!

This will be a "long arc" storyline, which is why it is in it's own new story thingamajig on FF. A couple of notes about it:

If you haven't read "Hunter's Rules", this is a sequel and you should probably read it to get the backstory.

This will be a more Hopps and Wilde-focused fic, though I'm including Hunter as well because of plot reasons and because the character is fun to write.

This is a Wilde/Hopps shipping fic in the sense that I'm including it, but it's not the primary focus- more of a dramatic/romantic subplot, as in "Hunter's Rules".

This is primarily humor-focused but will have a plot that will likely get a bit dark, because cop stuff frequently is. Expect violence and some adult themes.

I can't say for certain how often I'll publish, but I will have as a goal something like five chapters in a week, though I may have to scale that back a bit. I do promise that any story I start I will finish, however.

Remember, if you like the fic, let other folks know! I welcome any and all reviews and try to respond to them.

"Turn north here," said Judy, glancing at the map again. She looked at her partner who was driving. The fox seemed distracted, especially as he made the turn- a left, going south. "No, Nick, your other north."

He grimaced. "Sorry. Got turned around."

"Are you okay?"

"Looks like the place," said Nick as they pulled up to a small house, clearly designed for a smaller mammal. The caller had said he was a badger, so that fit.

Judy got out of the car with him, looking him over. "Nick, you've been distracted all day, what's the matter?"

"It's fine, Judy. The caller said someone broke in through his backyard, so I'll go around that way. See if you can make contact with the homeowner."

"Nick-" but he was already jogging around the front of the house. Judy turned to the house and rapidly evaluated it. No broken windows, no doors hanging open. She approached and knocked at the door, somewhat softly. "Police!" she announced. Her radio crackled.

"Twenty seven charlie to partner," said Nick over the air. "Don't see anything back here. All the windows look locked and secured."

The door swung open. "Finally! I could have been murdered in my sleep!" said the elderly badger.

Judy blinked. "Were you asleep?"

"I might have been, since it took you so long to get here. Anyway, the burglar is gone. I must have scared him off." The badger started to close the door.

"Wait," said Judy. Nick appeared from around the corner. "What happened, exactly?"

"I heard a noise from the backyard, then the window broke." Judy frowned at Nick, who shrugged.

"I didn't see any broken windows," he said.

"Oh, I fixed it." The badger led them inside. "See?"

The caller gestured at a perfectly good window that, from the amount of dust on it, looked to have been installed when the world was young. "So what did the, er, burglar look like?"

"Oh, it was a fox with a black mask over his face, carrying a big bag with a dollar sign on it and wearing a black and white striped shirt."

Nick looked at Judy. "Well, that is what a burglar looks like." He smiled. "In cartoons."

"Yes, I thought so, too," agreed the badger. "But then I thought, well, they wouldn't show them looking like that if it wasn't based on truth, now would they?"

"I suppose, if you're willing to accept that the idea that someone could paint a picture of a train tunnel and then run into it is also based on truth," said Nick. Judy glared at him before turning back to the badger.

"Sir, by any chance are you suffering from any illnesses, like, I don't know, dementia?"

The badger frowned at her. "That's a stupid question."

Judy sighed. "I'm just asking-"

"If I were suffering from dementia, I probably wouldn't remember that I was diagnosed with dementia," said the badger in a lecturing tone. "And as it happens I was not diagnosed with dementia."

"Yes, but like you said, maybe you were and you've just forgotten-"

"Or maybe I wasn't? Maybe you suffer from dementia and for some reason think you're a cop!"

"No, because you called the police because you thought you saw a burglar-"

"Or maybe you're the burglar and you're here to steal my belongings by pretending to be police!" shouted the badger.

Nick had been watching the debate intently. "You know, Carrots, if we keep this argument up too long I think we'll all be crazy."

"You're not helping, Nick," said Judy warningly. She turned back to the badger, and frowned.

"Who are you calling?"

The badger looked up from the phone as two more officers burst into the house. They stopped in surprise when they saw Nick and Judy. One of them, Fangmeyer, glanced around. "Um, we got a call that two burglars dressed as cops were here?"

Nick and Judy sighed.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Nick stared at Judy across the desk. They were back at the station, in the officer's work area. Right now, they were the only ones there. "Why are we doing a report for the crazy old badger?"

"His name is Mr. Harris," said Judy distractedly, still typing at the computer. "And regs say we do a report any time someone reports a crime, even if it is-"

"-blatantly delusional."

"It's easier and quicker to just do the report than stand there arguing with him," said Judy. "Did you get the suspect description?"

Nick held up his notebook. "Yes, because he wouldn't talk to you. Said I was more trustworthy." He frowned. "Though he did say 'even if you are a fox', which kinda takes some of the compliment out of it."

Judy gave him a commiserating look. "Sorry. But it's part of the job. So what's the suspect description?"

"Oh, there are two." Nick held up the notebook. "First was a gray bunny wearing a blue uniform shirt and blue pants, with a shiny piece of metal on her chest-"

Judy stared. "What?"

"And the second was a red fox, same clothing description, same piece of metal pinned to his chest, and 'ruggedly handsome' with a 'charming, debonair manner'." He looked up at Judy, who narrowed her eyes at him. "Okay, I may have made up part of that."

"He described the burglars as us?"

Nick peered at her. "Hmm, that description does sound familiar. Maybe I should arrest you, take you for interrogation. Your place or mine?"

Judy felt her face heat. "Nick!" she hissed. "Not at work!"

He grinned at her. "Just making a little joke, partner."

The door slammed open behind her, and she jumped a bit. She twisted around to see the figure of their friend Hunter, the first (and only) human cop at ZPD, walk through the door. Behind him scampered the small figure of his current partner, Anila Tavi. Tavi was a mongoose, which until recently had been considered too small to be part of the police force.

Her partnership with the human was the result of Bogo deciding to make use of Hunter's background. When he had worked for the First Landing Police Department on the human world of Alpha Centauri Prime, he had been one of their most experienced trainers. Bogo had liked the concept of a field training program and had decided to institute one, with Hunter being one of the experienced officers chosen to train new officers.

Hunter stomped into the room, scowling, and sat heavily at a seat near Judy and Nick. He covered his eyes with one hand. "Why me? What have I done to deserve this?"

It should be noted that Hunter was not a field trainer by choice.

Tavi scrambled into a chair next to her trainer. "I'm sorry!"

Hunter looked at her. "Rule Eighteen!"

The mongoose looked downcast. "Never volunteer," she recited.

The human glared at her, then sighed. "Well, better get started on the paperwork. I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm going to talk to Clawhauser before he leaves for the day." He pointed at Tavi. "You could learn a lot from him. He's a near-perfect officer."

"What?" said Judy incredulously. "He just sits at the front desk and eats donuts all day!"

"Exactly," replied Hunter. "He's living the dream. Get started on the report, rookie, I'll be back in a few with the SR-26 forms."

Nick and Judy winced as he left. "SR-26 forms?" said Nick. "As in, multiple?"

Tavi grimaced. "It sounded like an interesting call."

"If there are multiple SR-26 forms involved, I'm sure it was," said Nick, rolling his eyes.

The rookie started up one of the computers, then looked at the other two cops. "You guys are friends of Hunter's, aren't you?"

Both Nick and Judy nodded.

"Is he- is he always like this, or is it just with me?" asked the rookie nervously.

The fox and the rabbit exchanged looks. "Hey, Tavi, it's just his way," said Judy. "Once you get past that gruff exterior-"

"You'll get to his jerk interior," said Nick. Judy shot him a frown. "What? Because then, once you get past the jerk, you reach his-"

"Inner core of kindness?" asked Tavi hopefully.

Nick shook his head. "Nah, there's a few more layers to go through until you reach that." He thought for a second. "And actually, I would describe it less as 'kindness' and more of 'vague feelings of non-hate'."

"He's exaggerating, Tavi," said Judy hurriedly. "He's a good mammal, he just tends to give new cops a hard time at first."

"Okay," said the mongoose uncertainly. "So he's really not as lazy as he pretends to be, huh?"

"Well..."

"He's lazy, but creatively lazy," said Nick.

"Is that better than regular lazy?"

"Depends on who you ask. For example, Bogo would definitely say no."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Bogo glanced inside the jail as he passed on his way out, then stopped.

He walked inside and looked at the jailer, Officer Hackler. Hackler stood up quickly from his desk. "Yes, sir?"

Bogo looked again at the jail cells, then back to his jailer. "Why are all the prisoners filling out SR-26 forms?"