Bellezza Fragile
A/N: So, I came up with this after watching 'Greater Good'. I came up with the title through translating the meaning of the baby's name into Italian. The name I picked for the baby in this story means delicate beauty. I did use one of the names that Danny and Lindsay mentioned. Which one though? And is it the first name or the middle name? I guess you'll just have to read along to find out!
A/N 2: Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers out there!
Disclaimer: I intend no copyright infringement in the writing of this story. I don't CSI:NY or it's characters. I just had an idea, so I wrote it...for fun. I'm not making any profit off this, so don't sue me for having an active imagination. Thanks!
Finally, everything had settled down. It was twelve hours earlier that the team had arrived to see Danny and Lindsay's new baby girl; and said baby girl had arrived four hours before that, giving her parents some much needed time to let the reality of their new job titles as Mommy and Daddy set in before they called in the welcoming committee. Those four hours also gave Lindsay some much needed time to get over that 'hit by a truck' feeling that came along with enduring fourteen hours of unmedicated labor and then another two hours of pushing before the little girl, weighing a decent seven pounds eight ounces, arrived and gave way to a whole new wave of intense feelings. Their still unnamed baby girl.
As it was right now, Danny had gone home to shower and change real quick before he promised to return with a Chai Latte and breakfast sandwich for his amazing wife. This gave Lindsay something she hadn't really had much of over the past sixteen hours; alone time with her daughter. After their arrival, the team hadn't stayed long, Hawkes citing that it was important for Lindsay to get as much rest as she could before she and the baby were released from the hospital the next night, and Danny jokingly agreeing that he was done sharing his girls for the day. After everyone had taken one last turn holding the baby (something Flack had been surprisingly comfortable with, whereas Adam looked as if he'd just been handed a live bomb) they gave another round of congratulations to the new parents and quietly made their way back out into the halls of the maternity floor, where every corridor had women in various stages of the process of becoming mothers.
In one section, where Lindsay had been not so long ago, there were women still laboring while others were in the process of delivering their babies. On the other side of the large wooden door, was the area Lindsay, Danny and their new daughter had been moved into: the recovery area, where parents and baby continued the bonding process that had (for most) begun much, much earlier. The area where it wasn't uncommon for mother, father and baby to spend the night in the same room during their hospital stay.
Once the team left, Lindsay buzzed the nurse for help, as she was still just learning how to breastfeed. When the newborn had had her fill, Danny took his daughter and, with the nurses supervision and Lindsay's photography, successfully changed his first diaper and wrapped the infant back up in her blanket like a burrito and returned to her mother's arms. Retreating to the bathroom for a few minutes, Danny came back wearing the sweatpants and t-shirt Lindsay had thought ahead to pack in her overnight bag for him. He took his previous spot on the bed next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, as he pressed a kiss into her temple.
"I love you," he whispered to his wife as he ran his index finger down the baby's soft cheek, "and I love you too, Lucy."
Lindsay snickered at his last sentence before replying, "Lydia and I love you too." Danny smiled at her comeback, remembering how she had told him she could never look at her daughter and say, 'I love you, Lucy' with a straight face. "We'll talk more about that after we get some sleep," Danny declared as he took the sleeping baby from her mother's arms and placed the child in the hospital bassinet that held the place card which read: "I'm a breastfed girl!" And the last name 'Messer', to announce to the nursery staff which mother the child belonged to, in the event that she was sent to the nursery unattended, or for more than just the routine newborn check that took place an hour after her birth, or the final check that would take place just before Danny and Lindsay were allowed to take her home.
"We still have time to agree on something," he told his wife as he settled back down next to her, under the covers this time.
"I'm not calling her 'baby' for six weeks just to end up naming her Sheldon," the tired new mother quipped as she yawned.
"Of course not darling," he placated as she laid her head against his shoulder.
"Thank you," he whispered quietly, afraid she'd already fallen asleep, as he placed a kiss to the crown of her head.
"For what," she mumbled, already half gone.
"For giving me a gift more wonderful than I ever dared hope for."
"Well, take good care of her; you're not getting another one," she told him seriously. While she would go through it all again for the baby she had now; hours of painful contractions only to be followed by two hours of exhaustive pushing, wasn't an experience she was all too eager to relive.
"Yes, dear. Whatever you say," Danny chuckled as he rested his cheek atop her head and the new parents drifted into a well deserved sleep.
"Well baby girl, it's just you and me right now," Lindsay stated as she lifted the baby out of the bassinet and brought her into her lap. She had her knees bent, and the baby lying against her thighs so that they were facing each other, as the curious new mom unwrapped her daughter's blanket, so that she could look the child over from head to toe and count her fingers and toes again. Lindsay knew that they added up to twenty digits every time, but she still couldn't get over the fact that it was the love she and Danny had for each other that created those twenty digits in the first place.
"Your Aunt Stella's right. You look just like your father. Think you could do me a favor and adopt his sense of righteousness too? He's a good man, you know. Sure, he's made mistakes in the past, and sometimes he likes to act first and think later, but he tries. You remember that when he tells you that you're not allowed to date until you're thirty. He's just saying that because he loves you and wants to protect you. Still, come and check the age limit with me. I'm an only daughter too, so I know how overprotective fathers can be," Lindsay smiled at the new person in her life, suddenly realizing that she already had something in common with her little daughter. The baby just kept starting at Lindsay, mesmerized by the sound of her mother's voice. "Oh, and contrary to what he believes, the batmobile does not have a field forensics kit in its trunk."
Bringing the sweet smelling little girl to rest against her chest, Lindsay removed her pink cap to softly stroke the downy ash blond hair that lightly covered the small head. Lightly kissing her daughter's temple, she put the cap back on before swaddling the baby in the matching pink blanket again.
"Now that I've told you about your Dad, I guess it's time to tell you a bit about me, huh," she asked as she cradled the child and decided to try nursing without help. Feeling proud of herself when she got the baby latched on properly, she continued, "well, I'm your Mom, but I think you've already figured that one out," she observed as she looked down into the big blue eyes that were intently studying her face. "You know, your daddy used to give me that same look. We would be sitting in our office and I would be working on trimming down my stack of paperwork, and he was supposed to be doing the same. When I would look up though, I would find him starting at me just like that," she explained as she stroked the back of the baby's neck. "He always told me that I was easier on the eyes than the paperwork," she chuckled as the baby pulled off her chest.
"You all done, baby? Daddy and I need to find something other than baby to call you, preferably a real name," Lindsay explained as she laid the baby down on a receiving blanket and began to change her diaper. "I'll be honest," she sighed, "I'm kind of scared here. I have no idea how to be a Mom and I don't even know if I'm gonna be any good at it. I guess this is why people have more than one baby, huh? The first child is the beta version, and then with each subsequent baby you figure out what you're doing and don't make as many mistakes," the newborn grunted in displeasure as her mother cleaned her with a wet wipe. "I guess that means that, in the off chance, you aren't an only child, you'll still be the one that's in therapy twenty years from now talking about the horrible mistakes I made with you,but did better with your siblings and that's why you hate us and ran away to join the circus as a teenager," she blurted out in a semi-hysterical manner. Lindsay swore that the baby would have laughed at her when she said that, had she been old enough to.
"Honey, I think you're gonna be just fine," Lindsay looked up to see the figure of Danny's mom standing in the doorway smiling sympathetically, yet proudly at her daughter-in-law.
"Miriam, hi! Come in," Lindsay greeted the older woman gratefully.
The woman, who was about Lindsay's height and build but had Danny's hair and eye color, bent down to gently hug the new mother and gently touch the baby.
"Well, hello there beauty," she cooed and Lindsay offered the baby over to her. "Do you two have a name for her?"
"Not yet. We're kind of stuck between two names and I just can't get on board with Danny's pick," she admitted.
"What are the names?"
"Well, I like Lydia, but Danny's pretty stuck on naming her Lucy."
"Like Lucille Ball? 'I Love Lucy'"?
Lindsay nodded and smiled as she watched Miriam holding her first grandchild.
"Well, you don't have to name her right away. I'm sure that whatever the two of you decide, it will fit her perfectly. When Daniel was born, I was so sure that I was going to name him Samuel Alexander."
" But you didn't," Lindsay stated unnecessarily.
"Nope. When he was born, I tried it out on him. I called him Samuel for the first day, but it just didn't seem to fit him, so for the second day, I switched to Alexander. I was so certain that he would be one of those names, but I knew he wasn't a Samuel. Turns out he wasn't an Alexander either. On the third day, Elliot suggested that we try the name Daniel out on him. You see, I had read a book a while earlier and Daniel was the name of one of the characters. I knew, the minute I called him that, that it was his name. With Louie I knew the minute I saw him that he was a Louis; I just knew it. Sometimes it works like that. When you say her name, you'll know. It may take you and Danny some time to get used to it because you've been thinking of Lydia and Lucy, but if it's the right name, you'll know," the older woman smiled at Lindsay as she handed the newborn back and got up. "Now, I have a doctor's appointment I need to get to, but since my doctor is here in the hospital, I wanted to stop by and see the new addition to your family first. Don't you worry sweetheart, you're going to do just fine. Sure you'll make mistakes from time to time, all parents do, but you'll get the hang of parenthood the more you do it."
With that, the new grandmother gave Lindsay a hug and hurried out the door just in time to see her son enter.
"Mom!"
"Daniel! Congratulations! I have to be somewhere, so I can't stay any longer than I already have, but I wanted to stop in and see the baby," off her son's bemused look, Miriam quickly added, "I also wanted to see you and Lindsay of course, but since you weren't here, Lindsay and I had a chance to have a little talk, you know, mother to mother," giving her son a tight hug, she turned back to Lindsay and said, "remember, when it's right, you'll know. Just enjoy your baby and if you need anything give me a call," and with that, she was out the door.
"What was that about," Danny asked his wife as he sat a bag of food and two drinks down on the hospital table next to her bed.
"We were just talking about learning how to be a parent. And your Mom told me what she went through when you were named," Lindsay smiled, seeing that he'd never heard that story before.
"What do you mean what she went through? I was born and she knew I was supposed to be named Daniel; just like I know she's supposed to be named Lucy," he stated as a matter of fact as he gestured to the baby and set up the food on the table, in front of his obviously hungry wife.
"No, from what she said it was a bit more complicated than that. And if you just know she's supposed to be named Lucy, how come I just know she's supposed to be named Lydia," she retorted, hoping to get a kick out of his answer. Danny did not disappoint her.
"Because you're in denial, that's why," he shot back as he bent down to kiss her temple and take the small girl from her mother so that Lindsay could eat with both hands. "Did she tell you some story about how hard it was to name me and in the process suggest a name for the baby? She's a person, Linds. Can you believe that? We actually made a perfect little person!"
"I know," clearly it was going to take some time for the new parents to get used to the fact that, in the midst of all their problems, some higher power had seen them fit to be the parents to this perfect little baby. This child, their little daughter, whose existence had first been acknowledged by the sheer terror of the unknown, that the two pink lines on a stick had caused her mother. In all the tears, sadness, uncertainty, nervousness, excitement, fear, anticipation and indescribable happiness of the past nine months; their daughter, Baby Girl Messer, was the greater good of it all. "It's hard to believe that thirty-three weeks ago, she was the two most terrifying pink lines I'd ever seen in my entire life," Lindsay reminisced on how two simple, one-dimensional shapes, could make her want to run straight to her mother like a five-year old that had just skinned her knee.
Danny couldn't help but smile at Lindsay's honesty about her feelings. One thing he'd always loved about her was that she was always one of the first people to tell you exactly what she thought. Talking about her feelings, however, was a different story. She was getting better though. They both were.
"Hey, hey, what's with the tears," he asked as he gently stood, baby securely against his chest, and kissed away one tear that was making its way down her cheek.
"Don't worry, it's nothing bad. I'm just happy is all. I have a wonderful husband and beautiful daughter, albeit a nameless daughter, but still I never thought I would have a family of my own one day," with that explanation a whimper made its way up her throat as fresh tears cascaded down her cheeks. "Damn hormones," she laughed as she dried her eyes and simultaneously scooted over in the bed so that Danny could snuggle up next to her with their daughter.
"Well, do you have any suggestions for how we could fix the baby-with-no-name situation?"
"You could just agree to Lydia since I'm the one that just pushed an entire human being out of me, probably doing irreparable damage to my nether regions in the process," she only half joked. Though she was feeling much better than she did half a day ago, she couldn't imagine even entertaining the idea of having sex again, anytime soon.
"Baby, I'm sure she didn't do any permanent physical damage," Danny chuckled earning himself a playful glare from his wife. "Besides, I really like the name Lucy. It means light. Did you know that? Lucy Messer, the light of her Daddy's life. I think it's fitting, don't you?"
"I'm gonna be the one playing bad cop all the time and telling her no, aren't I," she chuckled already seeing that the little girl, who didn't even know the difference between night and day, had her father firmly wrapped around her perfect little finger.
"Why would I ever want to tell her no?"
"What about when Lucy turns four and asks for a pony?"
"So we're naming her Lucy," Danny totally got sidetracked when Lindsay used his pick for their daughter's name.
"I didn't say that. I just called her Lucy. I figure maybe we should try calling her by each name a bit and see which one suits her," she explained to her excited husband.
"Okay," he agreed before turning his attention to the baby. "What do you think Lucy? Do you like that name," the baby yawned in response.
"Are you happy," Lindsay asked out of nowhere.
"Of course I'm happy! I'm ecstatic! I've been telling anyone who will listen that I have a baby daughter." This statement caused Lindsay to laugh as she could imagine Danny doing just that. She could picture him in an interrogation telling a suspect that there was no way to rile him up, because he was a new father.
"Do you love her?"
"Of course I love Lucy! I never thought it would be possible to love a complete stranger, but Lucy here, I love her just as much as I love you. In a different way of course," Danny explained and suddenly burst out laughing.
"What's so funny Mr. Messer," the missus feigned ignorance as best she could.
"I think I see your point with the whole 'I Love Lucy' thing. Maybe Lucy would be more fitting as a middle name. You know, less chance of people asking us if we named her after Lucille Ball that way."
"So we're going to try calling her Lydia now, or are we trying to come up with a first name that would sound good with Lucy as a middle name?"
"You wouldn't by any chance, be willing to entertain the idea of Lydia Lucy Messer, would you," Danny asked already knowing the answer.
"Danny," she confirmed with a warning tone. Just a couple weeks earlier, they had begun discussing what to name their daughter more seriously, and Danny found out that giving their baby a name where the first letter of the first and middle or first and last names were the same, was a naming pet peeve of Lindsay's. This had come from her cousin, Martin Monroe, and hearing his name being such a tongue twister for people. Lindsay swore that she wouldn't do anything like that to her child.
"Okay, okay, so Lydia Lucy isn't even an option."
Lindsay took the baby out of his arms and held her so that mother and daughter were face to face. "Hi there baby girl! Would you like to be named Lydia Lucy Messer," the baby scrunched up her face and sneezed in response, scaring her just enough that she began to fret. "Shh. Shh. It's okay. You're alright. I got you. Don't cry precious," Lindsay cooed gently to the newborn, as she brought the baby to rest against her bosom. With the baby's head resting against her mother's chest, the soothing combination of; Lindsay's heartbeat, her gentle voice that was a couple octaves higher than usual, the warmth of her body heat and her fingers slowly rubbing clockwise circles on her daughter's back all came together to quickly calm the infant.
Danny watched the scene in awe as Lindsay lovingly tended to their baby as if she were already a seasoned mother. After they got married, he had told Mac that he couldn't love Lindsay anymore than he did in that moment; standing outside city hall holding his pregnant wife in his arms as Stella took a picture on her phone and sent it out to the rest of the team with the words: "Come meet Mr and Mrs. Messer at Sullivan's in two hours!" The older man had simply smiled and nodded, obviously knowing better. Now, sitting here watching his new wife morph into a capable, loving mother, he had to admit that Mac had been right. Danny loved Lindsay more right now, than he had those weeks ago. When the baby curled herself up into a tighter ball and attempted to cuddle into Lindsay more closely, if that was even possible, as her big blue eyes drifted shut, he felt his heart melt.
"How did you know to do that," he whispered as his wife continued to gently stroke their daughter's back as she felt the newborns breathing fall into a slow, deep rhythm.
"How did I know what?"
"To do that? How did you know that would make her stop crying?"
"Oh," she blushed lightly as she glanced down at her sleeping daughter to make sure the baby was in a comfortable position, and saw a tiny fist clenched in her hospital gown. "Babies, especially young ones, have a sensitive startle reflex. When Lydia sneezed, she scared herself and needed a little bit of soothing to calm back down. I read in one of my books that the baby is calmed by the sounds they heard in utero. So, when I was pregnant she heard my heartbeat all the time and when I rested her against my chest just now, I guess she was able to hear my heartbeat and it calmed her down," she explained her reaction to the baby's cry and the baby's response to her actions as best she could.
"Lydia Messer," Danny said thoughtfully as he studied his child intently. "I like it. Do you know what it means?"
"Yeah, it means beauty," Lindsay supplied as she cupped one hand under the baby's bottom and the other hand supporting the child's head and neck as she slept peacefully.
"Well, she certainly is that, isn't she?"
"Yeah, she is. What are you saying? Are you saying you actually like the name Lydia now," Lindsay asked, making sure she understood her husband right.
"I'm saying that I think it fits her well, and all we need now is a middle name to go with it," he confirmed.
"Any suggestions?"
"Let's think on it for a bit. Right now I just want to watch her sleep," Danny said, kissing his daughter's head lightly before straightening up to kiss his wife on the lips.
"It's really quiet in here. Do you think you could turn on the television or some music?"
Danny nodded and turned on Lindsay's i Pod, which she'd brought to listen to during her labor. He turned the play list onto shuffle and the guitar music and vocals began to play:
"Hey there Delilah what's it like in New York City..."
"That's it," Lindsay exclaimed suddenly, causing the baby grunt and squirm before settling back down.
"What's it," Danny must have missed her train of thought at the on ramp this time, because he couldn't even begin to imagine what she was talking about, and he could usually figure out a general train of thought when it came to her.
"Delilah," she stated as that should be enough to catch Danny up.
"What is Delilah," Danny was still lost and hoped that Lindsay would see fit to start making sense soon.
"The other half of her name."
"Lydia Delilah Messer," Danny said thoughtfully.
"No, no, no. Delilah Lydia Messer," Lindsay corrected how the name was in her head.
Danny sat up from his place on the bed and looked intently from mother to child and back again several times before Lindsay saw the moment he made a decision, "I like it!"
"Delilah," he sang, as he stroked his daughter's head. When he said her name, she opened one eye and looked at him before yawning and resuming her nap. "She gets that from you," he teased referring to the fact that Lindsay reacted much the same way whenever Danny disturbed her sleep.
She just smirked at him and asked, "how are we going to tell everyone we have a name?"
"I have an idea," Danny grabbed his phone and took a picture of the newborn peaceful newborn and her glowing mother, before typing in some text. When he was done, he showed it to Lindsay only to reveal that it was a picture message to the team containing three words: Delilah Lydia Messer. She nodded her approval and he sent it to everyone.
As they waited for some sort of response, Lindsay laid the baby down, so that she was resting on her mother's legs. Moments later, Danny's phone beeped. It was a text message from Hawkes.
"What does it say," Lindsay was anxious to know what everyone thought of their daughter's name.
"He says it's a beautiful name and he wants to know if you picked it," Danny read as he replied a thank you and that, yes, Lindsay did pick the name.
Lindsay giggled, having a feeling that the fact that the baby's name was not Lucy and the fact that she had been the one to officially name their new daughter, meant someone won an office baby name pool.
A moment later, her suspicions were confirmed when Danny showed her a text message from Mac and one from Hawkes. Hawkes had won based on the fact that the baby's name was not Lucy, and Mac won based on the fact that Lindsay had named the baby. Of course, both men insisted that their winnings would be put into a high yield savings account for Lilah since you could never start saving for Montana State University too early. The latter comment made Lindsay laugh, whereas Danny declared that his daughter was never leaving the state unsupervised. That just made Lindsay laugh even harder. Already he was being absurdly over protective.
Lindsay's phone was the next one to beep with a text message from Stella, "she says that Delilah is a Greek name that means delicate." Lindsay thought about it for a moment before adding, "So between Delilah meaning delicate and Lydia meaning beauty, our daughter's name means delicate beauty."
"That she is Montana. That she is," Danny affirmed feeling like the luckiest man alive to have these two amazing people in his life. What he had done to deserve such good fortune, he wasn't sure, but whatever it was he thanked the gods above for bringing him Lindsay and Delilah. They were the most precious gifts a man could ever receive and he would cherish them always.