Hawaii Five-O and Hogan's Heroes belong to CBS. This story is written for fun and no copyright infringement is intended.
LUAU 101
Hans Schultz, formerly Sergeant of the Guard at Stalag 13, looked a bit confused as he addressed the small Frenchman. "A lou-ow?' He tried more or less successfully to pronounce the unfamiliar term. "Was is los, this 'lou-ow?'"
"Better let me answer dis one, Bruddah," Kono Kalakaua volunteered, thereby saving Louis LeBeau the trouble of explaining. "It's a real Hawaiian feast. All kinds of good stuff to eat, more dan you can imagine. Ono kau-kau. Da best!"
Schultz's expression brightened at the mention of food. He rubbed his ample stomach in anticipation. "What kind of food? How do you cook it? Are you the chef for this feast, Cockroach? Mmm - Mmm, I remember those meals you'd prepare for the Kommandant and his guests: sauerbraten, wiener schnitzel, chicken, strudel . . . I always loved your strudel."
LeBeau shook his head. He'd let Kono handle this one.
The big detective was only too glad to comply. He loved talking about good food almost as much as eating it. He didn't even hear Danny choking back a laugh in the background.
"Well," Kono began. "You gotta have a pig, da bigger, da better. Den, you dig a big pit and line it with hot stones and banana leaves . . ."
"Banana leaves? Must take a lot of bananas to get enough of those?"
Danny couldn't stop the laugh from escaping. "Not banana peels, Schultz. Leaves!" The curly-haired detective pointed to a nearby banana tree. "Those leaves."
"Malihinis! Got to explain everything!" Kono kept the thought to himself as he continued, "You put in the pig and sweet potatoes, more hot stones, cover it all up and fill in da pit. Den you let it roast all day, nice and slow. You take it out when it's done. Da best!"
"Is that all?" Schultz's appetite had been whetted. He was getting hungry already - and he'd just finished lunch!
"You have a lot of other stuff, too," Danny took up the description. "Chicken, fish, poi, haupia pudding, coconut cake. All you can eat!"
Danny's enthusiasm was, as always, contagious. He added happily, "There's music, hulas, wahinis, lots of wahinis, The feast can go on all night!"
Schultz's eyes got big as he pondered the description. He turned to LeBeau. "Are you going to have one of these soon? I've only got a week's vacation left. It sounds delicious, delicious. Just hearing you both describe it makes me hungry. I could eat a whole pig!"
"Me, too, Bruddah," Kono agreed. "I always love dem luaus. You wanna come to a Labor Day one at my ohana dis Saturday? Da whole Five-O gang gonna be dere, even Steve. We gonna have a whole pig!"
Danny winked at LeBeau. "With those two, we're gonna need two pigs!"