A/N: Hey all, this is a response to London's Illegal Alien Challenge on 'The Glow'. It's also a response to Llewlyn and Doormouse's 100 Kisses Challenge, since I'll be using at least one of the items from 'the list' to be in Beetlejuice's pocket. I hope its okay; I tried to be historically accurate, but sometimes you need to bend things to make 'em fit… I hope this is at least worth a couple of reviews because I've really enjoyed coming up with these plot pieces to fit in the challenge. Enjoy!

(BTW, sorry this is sort of a long chapter… Just bear with me. ;) )

Loopholes: A Beetle Juice Fanfiction

Chapter 1

The End and a Beginning

Sister Julia looked up at the high rafters of the cathedral, listening to the bells and the echoes of other Sisters singing in the Chapel. How could they sing at a time like this? It felt like the entire world was ending, what with all the sick in their infirmary how could they possibly dedicate time to all of the people and still have the time to go on with daily prayers and song?

She turned and walked hurriedly down the darkened hallway, her black skirts swishing about her ankles. She was one of the oldest Sisters in the convent but Sister Julia still felt like a young woman at heart. She never did tire of caring for those around her, and with this Black Death killing so many each day; people needed her more than ever.

The coughing and moans could be heard before she could even see the door. The screams and cries for help and mercy used to sicken Julia but they did no longer. These screams haunted her dreams and followed her thoughts throughout the day.

She pushed open the large oak door with a creak and she was hit with the smell of death, blood, and vomit. Her nose wrinkled as a reflex but even the smell had been bothering her less and less in the past months.

She walked in, and almost immediately she felt feeble hands grabbing her skirts. "Sister." The voice croaked, "Water." Julia couldn't even tell if the poor wretch was a man or a woman any more, the person's skin was so marred with the boils and scars from the disease, and pus and blood was caked all over their skin.

Julia touched the person's forehead and lifted a ladle filled with water to their lips. "God bless you." Julia murmured as the person tried to sip the water through their cracked, dry lips. "Thank you." The person coughed, blood spurting out of their mouth, and then he or she breathed no more.

Julia whispered a quiet prayer for the poor fellow's soul and waved another Sister, who had been standing in a corner by a large double door, over to the body. The younger Sister looked sadly down at the dead body, shut its eyes and began to load it on to the cart she had dragged over.

Sister Julia looked grimly over the large room filled with rows and rows of dingy beds, which the Sisters tried to keep clean despite that there was almost always an occupant in each one.

Suddenly movement in the corner furthest from her caught her eye. She looked over and moved closer, and saw, in dismay, a seedy looking man rifling through the pockets of the patient's in the beds closest to him.

He had a giddy grin on his face as he pocketed loose change and jewelry. He was sickly looking, with greasy hair and pale, pale skin. "Stop!" Cried Sister Julia to the man, and he looked up with wide eyes, but a smirk on his lips.

He quickly turned to run to the nearest exit and ran out the doors. Julia, with a burst of youthful vigor ran after him, out the doors and into the streets of Paris. She trailed him to a dead end street with buildings on each side. He backed into a corner and Julia stalked closer.

"Thou aught to be ashamed of thyself; stealing in the House of God." Julia was seething, her eyes narrowed at the sinner.

"Hear me, sister." The man sneered, "Thou may give up all earthly pleasures of life in thy Convent, but I cannot live merely on the dirt and bugs of the streets." He snorted after his last word and stomped a particularly large beetle that happened to be walking by his feet.

Julia's heart softened ever so slightly towards the man. Those who were not infected with the Plague most often reverted to stealing and looting to buy their bread. "You poor wretch." Julia took a step closer, "May God have mercy on thy soul."

He rolled his eyes and snorted again brushing his filthy blonde hair from his dark eyes. "Leave thy mercies for the dying and sick, sister. I have no need for thy help or thy pity." He shoved his hands in his pockets. Julia noted his long disgusting fingernails and the rips and tatters in his tunic and leggings. His shoes could barely pass for shoes any longer, his toes stuck out of holes on the ends and in Julia's heart she felt sympathy.

"Our good Father forgives thee for thy sins if thou wouldst repent." Julia gave him a warm gentle smile.

"I would never repent Sister. I feel no sorrow for anything I have done." He replied with a smirk.

Julia shook her head, "What be'est thy name poor fellow? I must know so I may pray for thee."

"My name be'est Brishen Jaeston, but save thy prayers for I do not believe in thy God who killed my family." His upper lip curled, showing his crooked, yellowed teeth.

Julia opened her mouth to speak but she suddenly heard screams behind her and smelled smoke in the air. She ran to the end of the street and cried out in horror to see her Convent engulfed in flames. She whipped around to Brishen.

"What hast thou done?" She punctuated her words with a deathly glare and Brishen could only shrug and throw up his hands with a sneer on his lips.

"Why dost thou thinkest I be the soul to blame?" He winked and turned to look at the flames, with an almost admiring stare.

Julia could only fall to her knees and wail out prayers to God to save the wretches inside. She could not get in; when she pushed the nearest door she realized had been blocked by a huge rafter which had fallen inside.

She ran backwards and stood, Brishen a few feet behind her. She turned to him, wails and screams of the burning people coming from the cathedral. "Cursed are you." She whispered jabbing a bony, wrinkled finger toward him. "May thee forever be bound to me, in eternal servitude in death and beyond. May thou never forgest what thou hast done today."

Brishen Jaeston snorted and slapped his knees, "You jest! Thou believest I believe in an Afterlife? Why dost thou think I steal things in the House of God?" He chose to say just one thing he had done, as he didn't need to be pegged for the burning of the Convent.

"Forever may thou suffer." The helpless Sister cried out to him. Then looked back to the burning cathedral and fell to her knees pulling out a small dagger from her sleeves. Brishen's eyes widened, he didn't realize nuns carried anything like that.

"Because I have failed to help my Sisters and the Wretches inside the Convent I beg God for mercy." She cried, raised the knife to her throat and slit it. Brishen ran to the side of the sister, who had slumped over, dropping the dagger.

He pushed her backwards, laying her so she was facing upwards at the heavens. Her eyes still had the slightest amount of life in them, but when she opened her mouth to speak one last time, blood ran from her lips and the gash in her throat was gurgling with the red liquid.

Brishen watched as the life drained from her eyes and then he checked her body for anything that may have been useful. Finding only a string of rosary beads he palmed them and looked around. Everyone was busy with the fire and he pocketed the beads and disappeared into the shadows.

***

Sister Julia walked through a hallway with an eerie green light. Terrible thoughts were running though her mind, suicide was a sin wasn't it? But it was an honorable death she had died. Could the Saints really deny her passage into Heaven? Especially after the long, holy, and chaste life she had lived?

Finally after what felt like years, she stepped into a room, tall shadowy figures were standing about and what appeared to be their heads turned when she walked in. "Sister Julia. We have been waiting for you."

Their voices echoed in a ghostly manner and it sent shivers up and down Julia's spine. "For me?" She managed to whisper, her wrinkled features wrinkling more with worry. Was this Hell?

One shadowy figure stepped forward and handed her a leather bound book. "Read this. It will explain everything. You are not in Hell nor are thy in Heaven. Read, then we shall speak."

Julia looked at the cover of the book in her hands; in gold script it said "Ye Olde Handbook For Thou Who Hast Just Departed the World of the Living". Long Title. She frowned, and began to read.

***

Brishen Jaeston stepped quietly into a dark alley, maneuvering about the dead and some alive, boil covered bodies which littered the streets. His shoes barely made sound on the cobblestone street. Finally he reached his destination, he looked around making sure no one was watching and then knocked on the wooden door three times and it opened with a loud 'creeeaaaaakkkk'. He shivered at the noise.

He stepped gingerly into the darkened room and spoke. "I did as you asked." He wrung his hands, waiting for the reply. Suddenly candles ignited all throughout the darkened room, giving it an ethereal, flickering glow.

Brishen could now see the person who he had come to see. A dark sinister man with a long white beard was sitting in the center of the room on a chair facing the opposite direction. "I saw the flames from here Brishen. Good work." The man answered in a raspy voice.

"I think you are finally ready for the gift I have promised thee." He rasped, and Brishen could only grin in delight. Power? Immortality? These were the things that the magician had promised. Brishen could live without the immortality but he wanted the powers bestowed upon him. Making him a powerful sorcerer: he would never go hungry again, and people would finally respect him.

"There is one last thing I require." The man got up from his chair and stepped toward Brishen, one of his legs didn't work and with the sound of one step there would be the sound of a drag. Step drag, step drag, step drag. The noise made the hair on the back of Brishen's neck prickle.

He gulped, "What is it you require my lord?" He couldn't imagine what else was needed in exchange for the power.

"I require thy heart, Brishen Jaeston." He reached out a twisted, gnarled hand toward Brishen's chest. "Do you want this? Do you want to throw away thy life for power?"

Well of course! Brishen responded silently. There was nothing left for him here anyway, not after his family had succumbed to the Death. It would probably kill him, but wouldn't that make him immortal? And powerful? If he got unlimited power and control from one measly heart what was the problem?

"Get on with it." Brishen said, a bit of daring in his voice.

"Very well." The man cackled and reached for Brishen's chest, his hand burned a hole right where Brishen's heart was and pulled it out, bleeding and beating. Brishen looked at it in terror and gasped a few times and looked down at the hole in his chest in awe as it closed up. Then he fell to the floor in a crumpled heap.

***

Julia looked up from the Handbook. "So I could have run away and joined a roving band of gypsies if I had wanted to?" Her voice was shrill with annoyance. "I didn't need to be a nun all my life?" She curled her lip sarcastically. "Great." She sat back with a 'humph' blowing the dust out of the seat cushions. She had liked being a nun though, she reflected, she liked helping people.

"Sister Julia." One of the tall shadows spoke. "Yeah, what do you want?" She muttered folding her arms. Two of the shadows towards the back looked at each other with a certain glee that Julia couldn't quite figure out.

"You have just proven you are perfect for the job we need you to do Julia." The head shadow spoke.

Julia stared at them with bored eyes, trying to count them. There were at least three, maybe four and they all seemed strangely pleased with her.

"You see Julia." Another one of the shadows began, "We're the Netherworld Council… We've been watching you a long time, and we've been waiting for someone just like you to take the position that we're about to give you." He gestured towards her with his spectral arm.

"We need you to be the head of public relations. We think you have the stuff for the position." He continued in his whispery voice.

"But why me?" Julia asked disinterestedly.

"We have a way of knowing these things." The first shadow explained, "And because you committed suicide you become a civil servant of sorts."

Julia rolled her eyes, Great. Was all she could think. Her cheery, nunny, disposition was suddenly disappearing about as fast as a cart full of bread on the streets of Paris. She was becoming a lot more cynical and a bit more sarcastic. Why hadn't someone told her all of this very vital information, before she died?

"You're going to have to give up your name, and your title." A third shadow towards the back said, with a deeper voice than the other two who had spoken.

"That's right." The fourth shadow Council member piped in, this one had a more feminine voice. "No longer will you be called Julia, from now on your name is Juno."

Juno shook her head; somehow she knew that had been coming. Not that it mattered; did she really have a choice? She was dead already.

"You will be head of public relations for…" The first spirit paused, "Well the rest of eternity. We already know you're going to do a great job." He gave what appeared to be a thumbs up.

Juno sighed, "Well, where do I start?"

"We already have an-" The spirit was interrupted by a small, gangly creature who walked into the middle of the room. "Hanzi is at it again…" He squeaked in a high pitched voice.

The head shadow sighed and clasped his hand to his forehead. "Pulled the heart right out of him right?"

"Yup." The creature squeaked, "Gave him some seriously powerful powers too."

"Great." The female shadow groaned. "Hanzi is a powerful sorcerer; we can't wait for him to die. He claims to be able to give people powers…. And he can, but kills them in the process." She explained, paused, and then continued. "But then we end up with very powerful dead who don't really know what to make of their new found magic." She sighed.

"Juno, this is going to be your first task. We'll walk you through it this time but then you'll be on your own… There's a whole handbook especially for you." The deeper voiced spirit told her.

"Oh great. I'm positively shaking with excitement." Juno mumbled.

"Here he comes now." The small messenger squawked, and lo and behold an unconscious man came floating in and landed on the floor in the middle of the four Council members and Juno.

"Hey I know him. That's Brishen Jaeston." Juno said the most excitement in her voice since she had gotten here.

"Usually we feed them to the sandworms," The head spirit droned, "but since this is your first job, let's see what you want to do." He handed her another leather bound book and Juno flipped through it.

"Well, I sorta… Said something to this guy." She muttered, flipping though the pages. Then she stopped and quickly read over the page towards the end of the book. "Got it." She smiled.

"Repress all of his powers and memories, so he can't figure out he has them." She paused looking Brishen over, "Then he'll be my assistant." Juno nodded her head matter-of-factly. She snapped her fingers without even having to think, her job was coming naturally to her.

"Assistant? Juno I-" The head spirit began tentatively, "Uh, uh, uh!" Juno held up her hand, stopping him from speaking. "Who is head of Public Relations? I'm dealing with this guy my way." She smiled wickedly.

"He's coming around!" The small mousy looking creature squeaked. Juno suddenly realized it was a little person with a shrunken head.

"My… head." He groaned, looking around. His blonde hair stuck up wildly everywhere and he suddenly sat up rigidly on the ground. "What the hell?"

"No not hell." Juno smiled, "Just the Netherworld.

"What…?" Brishen garbled, "Who am I? Why do I hurt all over?" He looked up at Juno with his dark eyes, sucking his teeth in confusion, his legs were sprawled out on the floor and he was leaning back on his arms.

"Your name…" Juno began, looking down trying to think. Then she remembered him squishing bugs in the alley. "Your name is Beetlejuice. And you're my assistant." She cackled. Beetlejuice, what a laugh! That was a joke that would keep her laughing for at least a couple millennia. Suddenly things were looking up. Beetlejuice. Ha. She grinned.

A/N: Thanks for reading, expect more chapters soon! FYI, Brishen is an actual name from medieval times which means 'one who was born in the rain'. I just thought that was interesting. :-P Gah! Don't laugh at me! I know this whole idea is corny, but can't you just SEE Beej in the Dark Ages? Plus I love this challenge, and I've always wanted to know why Beej is Juno's assistant and how he can get away with what he does... Now I'm finding out! ;)