A/N: I am sick. Sick and so very twisted! I just got done watching the insanity that is Mirai Nikki and after nearly losing my lunch-why the hell did I have to watch the unedited version?!-an equally sick though occurred to me. Every bearer of a Future Diary has some manner of problem, right? Be it mental or otherwise, something tragic or f****d up has happened to each bearer of these eerie little diaries, correct? Now what was this thought, you ask? What if a certain blonde's dellusions were all in his head? What if really wasn't who he supposed he was? NOTE: I've just learned that someone has already used the Thirteenth concept, but this is simply my take on it, having not known about it at the time. And on that note, I proudly present you with...

...a very twisted creation! I present you with Thirteenth!

"Oi, oi, I'm getting a little old for this...

~?

Unlucky

"Thirteenth?"

"Correct."

"Would you kindly shut up and let me think, here?"

The blonde turned the black cellphone upside down in his hand, as though by doing so he might somehow wisk it away and forget it ever existed. Nothing happened. A muscle jumped in his jaw. And yet it continued to hang there in the palm of his hand as though determined to defy him, its screen spitefully divulging the contents of today's events. Events that had yet to occur. Despite his increasingly rare bouts of lucidity, the young man found it difficult to believe that this inocuous device, the same one that he'd used for the last three years, could suddenly tell the future. Apparently it could, according to God.

Yes, God.

The being who'd done this to Thirteenth's phone had identified himself as Deus Ex Machina. In other words, kami. Funny. Thirteen had always thought God would look more...well, human. Deus didn't look human in the slightest; a towering figure with long spindly arms, a large, skull-like face and a voice that made the heavens tremble. If Thirteen were a lesser man-he might've pissed his pants at the sight of such a deity. As his brain currently stood, he was beginning to wonder if this too, was a figment of his imagination.

"It should prove to be an intersting game," the god replied, continuing with his calculations. "Third, however, was eliminated far too quickly for my liking. If this continues, the game will be boring. I've no interest in boring games. Alhough someone of your...'calibre' may be interested. But I cannot use you to replace Third. Therefore, I have decided to add you as another player. Hence, thirteenth. Or perhaps, I should call you by your given name...

...Uzumaki Naruto?"

Uzumaki Naruto.

Yes, that was the sole constant in both worlds. His name. Identity. Whichever reality might be real and whichever fake, Naruto knew that much. He was real. One of the worlds in which he so often found himself was all but a fake; a figment of his fractured mind. Which meant...

Blue eyes the color of endless oceans narrowed in confusion, whiskered cheeks pinching in a scowl. Once more he risked a glance at his phone, daring to disbelieve what Deus had told him.

There, written down in painstaking detail, were the events of this afternoon. Ordinarily that wouldn't have been much of a surprise, despite his increasingly erratic state of mind, he often liked to make a list of the days events for himself, marking them merely out of habit. There was only one problem.

It was currently 10:00 AM.

All the passages in his phone had been recorded entries at least than four hours later. A few of particular note stood out amongst them.

12:00 PM- Had another hallucination again about being a shinobi again. Or is this world the hallucination and that the real one? I can't tell anymore. It's like I'm living a dual life; one minute I'm a junior in High School-the next, I'm a ninja with superpowers and a fox in his stomach. Its been this way for as long as I can remember; guess I should be glad I'm not in an asylum or something...

1:37 PM- Back to reality...I think. My now ex-girlfriend called and cussed me out for missing our date. Again. Why do I have such shitty luck with women?

2:15 PM-TV told me that local criminal was killed recently. Damn shame. I wanted to have a little fun with him. God, what's wrong with me? Am I insane?

Am I?

"You may very well be." Naruto blinked and Deus was before him once more, dominating his vision. "But that is your strength; your differing statess of mind may make you unstable, yet at the same time, they afford you an incredible advantage...skill. In one world you are an accomplished killer. In the other, you retain remarkable strength. Should you somehow succeed and kill the others then you will be the one to accept the mantle of godhood. Then you will be able to reshape the world as you see fit, in your image! Naruto wondered this to himself as he held his Future Diary in his hand. According to Deus, if he broke it, he would die. He wasn't that curious!

"So this is my future diary, huh?" he wondered aloud.

"That is your Dimension Diary." Deus's words offered a balm to his confusion. "Like the other diaries it predicts your future and affords you information directly according to the state of your mind. But be warned; your future may change depending on your mental state." So...in other words, he had his own insanity/sanity to blame for whatever information he received and how he acted upon that informations to begin with. Lovely. Way to handicap him.

No, I can do this! He reminded himself. I don't care who the others are...they'll never be able to predict my movements!

"I would suggest you keep your guard up at all times." Deus offered. "Talking to yourself won't help."

"Yeah, talking to myself." Naruto's deadpann was scarcely concealed. "Riiiiight." That was his shinobi side talking...

"Do you accept?"

Naruto pondered Deus's question for a moment longer; no job, no girlfriend, nearly flunking out of highschool...what the hell did he have to lose? That was in this world. In the other he wasn't all that different; having a source of income didn't change things. There was no one to care for him in that world either, no one to call his own, no future save his delusional dream of becoming Hokage...but if he became a god he could finally see the truth, finally eradicate his own insanity and determine which world was real. Moreover, he could rule that world-that universe-as he saw fit!

"This'll be fun."

Naruto didn't know if it was Kurama's voice or his own to echo the thought; and to be honest, he didn't care. The smile that tore across his face looked like it belonged on a demon instead of a man anyway.

"I accept!"

A/N: Oh dear kami above! Or is it Deus? What horror have I unleashed upon the Mirai Nikki universe?! A Naruto who isn't quite there in the head; one you can't tell if he exists in one reality or the next! Better watch out! As for the pairing, I've quite a few in mind, Perhaps NarutoxMinene or NarutoxTsubaki? I know better than to go anywhere NEAR Yuno with a ten foot pole! Yes, she is very ruthless, incredibly hot, and brilliant...but she's also a batshit yandere for Yukkii! Should be interesting once they meet, however, Crazy vs Crazy!

So...in the immortal words of Atlas...

...Review...Would You Kindly?