FINDING ABSOLUTION

By reidfan1971

Finding Absolution ~ Sometimes, when we least expect it, the doors of our subconscious mind slowly open… making us deal with things we would rather forget.

** WARNING** mention of drug abuse, depression

K, English, Adventure & Friendship, Suspense, Angst, Comfort/Non slash: S. Reid, D. Morgan, A. Hotchner, J.J., D. Rossi, P. Garcia, Tobias, OC., E. Prentiss

DISCLAIMER – I own nothing of Criminal Minds. Just this story & my OC. This is my 1st EVER Fan write… Please Read & Review & be kind, but honest. I can only get better if I know where to improve. Thanks.

PROLOGUE

The case was finally over. It was around 10pm, on a Friday night, as the team slowly shuffled in to the jet, taking their seats. Exhaustion was an understatement. They couldn't wait to just get back to Quantico, fill out the basic report about this case, & then head to their beds for a long, much needed, restful weekend.

This case dealt with kidnapped & eventually murdered kids; it was a case that shook each profiler to their core. The details were gruesome, the outcome unexpected; but the way it bothered one of them the MOST... was almost unnerving.

Kid cases almost always bothered the Hotch, JJ & Rossi more than the others, since they were the only three who are parents. But tonight, sadly, it was the way it was effecting his youngest agent that really became concerning to his team.

Chapter One: It all starts somewhere

As the team arrives, earlier than their normal 8am work time – now, they were called to meet at five a.m. on this Tuesday morning in the conference room. They were immediately drawn to the images on the screen of the 4 little boys, who had been beaten & killed, only for their bodies to be dumped in a cornfield. As they started looking at the information being given to them; it wasn't long until the unit chief looked at them & decided they would finish this discussion on the jet, as they headed to a small rural community in the corn belt of Illinois.

After an hour on the jet - sharing ideas, going over the victims files, & getting duties handed out for when they land; everyone finally sat back for the rest of the flight - trying to get some sleep before they arrived. Rossi, JJ, & even Aaron all dimmed their overhead lights, closed their eyes, & quickly fell sleep. Morgan stretched out across 2 seats, with his back leaning against the window & put his headphones on as he closed his eyes to rest. Reid however, laid on the couch in the corner, where he usually rests, but was tossing & turning so much that it caught Morgan's eyes. Morgan debated with himself if he should go over & chat with Reid, to see what was bothering him; but before he decided, Reid seemed to settle down a bit, so he chose to just wait & talk with him about it later.

After landing, being greeted by & introduced to the local agents, given their vehicles to use, and breaking up to go to their designated duties; Morgan & Hotch headed to the cornfield, where the latest victim ~ Boyd Allen, age 6, was discovered. While driving, Aaron noticed how quiet & distracted Morgan was, barely speaking a word. When he asked Morgan if everything was OK, he noticed that Morgan was definitely troubled by something, but didn't it push when Morgan shrugged & blew it off. Hotch quietly decided to just observe Morgan during this case & would only discuss it again if it continued to be a problem.

Meanwhile, Rossi had drove to the M.E.'s office to get the autopsy results & evidence gathered from the victims, at the local Coroner's Office. JJ was busy doing interviews with the victims' families at the police station, trying to get any information she could on the boys' activities before they were taken. And Reid was doing the geographical mapping in the conference room they were set up in, pinning up the locations & cornfield sites.

Everyone was starting to meet up in the room, to go over any new information they had gained throughout their day. As Hotch entered the room, he smiled to see Morgan approaching Reid with a fresh cup of coffee, knowing it was Reid's life source drink. But it didn't take long for him to become concerned as he watched Reid jump at the unexpected contact. This wasn't unusual behavior from Reid, when he was engrossed deep in thought; but he wasn't busy at the time. Reid was looking out the window, but yet seemed to be a million miles away in his thoughts. And even more worrisome was when the hot cup was offered to him, Reid smiled, gratefully accepted the cup, but set it down next to three other half drank cups & showed no interest in it at all. This didn't go unnoticed by Morgan either. The distracted & almost depressed behavior of Reid, didn't go unnoticed by his team or by the unit chief during the rest of the case.

After being up for a straight 38 hrs, without having any new leads to work with, Hotch decided everyone should leave to have a nice sit down dinner together, instead of another cheap take-out fast-food meal. Then when dinner was over they would all head back to their rooms at the hotel Garcia arranged for them to stay at; giving them a quiet evening & early to-bed night, so they could all start the next day alert & refreshed.

While at dinner, everyone discussed the case still, bouncing theories & ideas off of each other, just in a more relaxed atmosphere. There were moments of laughter & past memories shared, some on a personal nature, some involving prior cases that gave them more insights about this case. At one point during dinner, Reid had excused himself to use the restroom, and Morgan texted Hotch privately & asked if he could room with Reid, since everyone was doubling up on rooms. This was always a discussion – almost a joke amongst the team, because Reid had a fear of the dark & like to sleep with a light on. But tonight, Derek wanted to be there, so he could try to get Reid to open up about anything that might be bothering him.

Before everyone departed for the night, Hotch gave room assignments out. Then after saying their goodnights while heading their separate ways; Morgan & Reid entered the double bed room they would share. Morgan let Spencer use the bathroom first to shower & get changed for bed. While the shower was going, Derek was surprised to have a knock on the door. Aaron & Rossi explained they were there, wanting to talk with Reid & see if they could find out what was wrong; their concern growing daily about him. After Morgan explained that he would handle it, if they would let him, so Spencer wouldn't get to defensive and not open up to any of them. After hearing Derek's plan & agreeing with him about how he was going to handle it, they left before Reid got out of the shower.

After Derek had his turn in showering & getting changed into his bed clothes, he came into the bedroom to see Spencer already asleep but tossing, turning, & moaning NO in his sleep. This really started to worry Morgan, making him wonder if Reid was having memories of Maeve being killed again. He knew Reid struggled with them for a long while after she died, but he thought Spencer had moved on enough – to where he didn't scream out or have nightmares anymore.

Derek sat there for over an hour watching the restless sleeping Dr. Reid; wondering what he could do to help his best friend, who's like a little brother he never had. Just as Derek was about to climb into his bed, Spencer shot straight up in bed, gasping for air & shaking uncontrollably; clearly distressed & disoriented. Morgan ran over to him, trying to help him become more aware of where he was & to get his breathing under control. After a couple of minutes of Morgan's reassuring words, he finally calmed himself down; he looked at Morgan, halfway embarrassed- halfway sick to his stomach. He apologized to Morgan for disturbing him, then got up & went into the bathroom. Hearing the shower kick on, he decided to stay up & wait for him to get done, so they could talk… he didn't care if it took all night – he was going to get to the bottom of whatever was happening.

When Reid finally came out, he look extremely exhausted. He had red eyes like he had been crying, the dark bags under his eyes looked darker than he could ever remember, & he was scratching at his arm aimlessly. Derek hadn't seen the scratching since Spencer was recovering from his Dilauted use years ago. This EXTREMELY worried him. Has Reid been using again & nobody noticed? How could they have let that happen? They all promised to be more observant & NEVER let it be an issue Reid would ever have to deal with alone. It also would explain his mood swings lately, not to mention the troublesome sleeping & lack of caffeine consumption these days. Morgan's hand came down across his face, as he took in a slow, deep breath; trying to figure out just how to start this much needed conversation.

Reid tried to go straight to bed & try not to have the discussion he knew would be coming, considering the room light was still on & Derek was sitting up in his bed – patiently waiting for him. He watched Morgan's body language briefly, as he walked past Morgan's bed to go climb into his own. Before Morgan had even a chance to approach the subject with Reid, Spencer climbed into bed, turned off the light & looked at Morgan briefly to tell him "don't worry, I'm fine & not talking about this tonight. I'm very tired & just want to get some sleep before we have to meet everyone in the morning… & I would think you want to do the same".

Totally flabbergasted by Reid's attitude & yet knowing they were both extremely tired, Morgan didn't push the issue AT THAT MOMENT... but told Reid "that's fine pretty boy. But don't think THIS is over yet. I'm worried about you & we WILL be chatting about it. PLEASE come & talk to me IF you find you WANT to talk before we get to it. I'm here for you. We DO have a serious case to deal with; we NEED to be on top of our game in the morning & since WE need our sleep… IT'S over for now. But know this… I AM KEEPING AN EYE ON YOU" ~~ "goodnight Genius.

Reid huffed with a giant sigh & yawn, turned his back towards Morgan, then closed his eyes waiting to fall asleep. Derek noticed about an hour later, that Reid's breathing became shallow & peaceful & concluded that he must have fallen asleep… FINALLY! Morgan took this opportunity to close his own eyes & to get some MUCH NEEDED sleep before the day began again; thinking to himself that he hopes Reid gets a full night of undisturbed sleep he desperately needs.

Well there you have it… first chapter DONE J SO EXCITED !
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I hope you all enjoy it. I will be updating soon. ESPECIALLY if I get a lot of reviews.