So you may all hate me for this, but I had to do this!
I personally want a bunch of drama for Klaine, and I do want them to eventually break up at some point in season four.
PLEASE DON'T KILL ME.
Disclaimer: I do not own Kurt, Blaine, Glee or the song "See No More" by the freaking sexy Joe Jonas.
See No More
"It's for the best," Kurt's voice echoed in my ear even now, months later. "But we can still be friends,"
I had wanted to slap Kurt the moment he said it. Nobody wants to be friends after you break up like that.
I placed my head in my hands as the memory washed over me.
Cooper had come home the week before Christmas and two days after New Year's he was still here. We were cleaning up after dinner, singing "Obviously" by McFly.
We had just finished filling the dish washer when my phone rang, Katy Perry's voice telling me that it was Kurt. Grinning I picked it up and turned away from Coop. "Hey there," I said.
"Blaine," Kurt started. My stomach clenched because I could hear in his voice that something bad was about to happen. "Can we talk?"
"Yeah," I said walking out of the kitchen. "Of course."
"Blaine what's wrong?" Cooper asked following me. I waved him off and started up the stairs.
"About us?" Kurt said tentatively.
That was the moment I knew.
It felt like a rock had dropped in my stomach.
It took me a moment to forge a reply.
"What's up?" I asked as I reached the top of the stairs.
Kurt took a deep breath.
I felt tears prickle my eyes as I crossed the hall, went into my room and shut the door behind me.
"I love you Blaine," He said.
'Oh God,' I thought. 'This is it.'
"I love you so much Blaine," Kurt said again. "But…" He hesitated.
That three letter word sliced through my heart.
"But… I don't think this is working."
To give him credit, Kurt did sound upset.
"What," I started but then the words stopped forming. I took a deep breath and tried again. "What do you mean?"
"I just," He sighed. "I'm not happy, Blaine."
I flashed back to that day in his bedroom the spring before. "Then talk to me, tell me you're unhappy, but don't cheat on me!"
"We knew this was going to be hard," I said lamely.
"I can't do this anymore," He said softly.
I couldn't make a sound. I couldn't even breathe.
"Maybe in the fall when you come to New York we can work this out, but for right now, I want to put our relationship on hold."
The knife that was impaled in my chest dug deeper.
"It's for the best," Kurt said. When I didn't say anything, couldn't say anything, Kurt added, "But we can still be friends."
The knife twisted, causing unbearable pain, irreversible damage.
"Hey Blaine!" Sam said sitting down next to me in the choir room.
"Hey Sam," I said looking over at him and giving him a half-hearted smile.
I've noticed a difference in the way the glee clubbers have treated me since word of the Klaine break up spread.
They we're mean to me, they would never do something like that, but they treat me like I'm some delicate flower, one that would fall apart it you touch it.
My phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out, opening the text message.
Guess who's gonna be at your graduation!
I sighed and exited out of the message.
Six months. It had been six months and I still wasn't okay. I still wasn't ready to see Kurt. I still didn't want to see him.
"What's up dude?" Sam inquired.
"Nothing," I mumbled.
"Is it Kurt?" He asked quietly.
I looked up to see Tina and Artie enter the choir room together.
"Yeah," I said.
Sam placed his hand on my shoulder and gave a squeeze. "I'm sorry," he said.
I nodded my head.
"Sam, are you a dolphin too?" Brittany asked when she came into the room and saw him touching me.
I laughed at the question, felling Sam's drop his hand from my shoulder.
"No Brittany," He said.
Joe and Sugar came into the room followed by some of our newer members that joined up after we won Nationals last year.
I glanced over at the trophy, no longer at the center of the case because we had won our second Nationals last week.
Staring at the trophies that were almost taller than me, I remembered standing on that stage in Chicago, gripping Kurt's had as if our lives depended on it while we waited to hear whether or not we won.
We had come so far since that day we met on the stairs at Dalton.
You walked away from me baby, I would've never done the same
I turned my life upside down to be with him, and this is what I got.
An empty feeling in my stomach and sympathy glances from all of my friends.
You made me feel like our love was not real, you threw it all away
The whole club had arrived and as I fought the tears that never seemed to stop when I thought about Kurt, Mr. Shue walked into the room.
He sat on a stool and waited for us to settle down before he began talking.
"It's that time again you guys," He said, looking around at the seniors. "It's time to start saying good bye." He sighed. "So just like last year I want you seniors to think of a song to say good bye to the underclassmen and the underclassmen to find a song to sing to the seniors."
…
The day of graduation every member of New Directions met in the choir room before it was time to walk.
I hadn't come up with a goodbye song because every time I tried to think about it, I could only think of songs that I wanted to sing to Kurt.
Which is why I was standing there, in front of my peers, probably about to make a fool of myself.
"I have tried for the past three days to come up with a song to sing to say goodbye to all of you, but I still haven't found one." I told them all. "Every time I sat down to think about it I could only think of songs that . . ." I hesitated. "Songs that I want to sing to Kurt." I looked down at the ground. "I have spent the past six months denying it but the truth is that Kurt and I broke up. You guys already know that, but I have never said it out load.
This is my graduation day. When you graduate you move on, and for me to move on I need to get over Kurt. I need to stop waiting for him to come running back to me.
"I hope you guys don't mind, but I'm sing a song that I wish I had the courage to sing to Kurt," Even saying that word, courage, physically hurt me.
"Go right ahead," Mr. Shuester said.
I looked back up at them all and took a deep breath.
The music started and started singing it.
"And I don't wanna see no more. Oh Oh (And I don't wanna see no more). It was Saturday when I got that call, far away from feeling tall. I know, I know, I know what the truth is, yeah." I dug into the lyrics, singing out my feelings that I had kept bottled up since New Year's. "I try to look away from what you did, heartache became my friend." I envisioned a dam breaking, the water rushing out. "You walked away from me baby, I would've never done the same. You made me feel like our love was not real you threw it all away, so," I didn't hear the black whit boots that I loved so much walking excitedly down the hall. I didn't see the love of my life stop just before he reached the door because he heard me singing. I didn't see the grin fade from his face. But I wish I had. "I don't wanna wait for you, I don't wanna wake up thinking, hoping, you will get it right this time. 'Cause you know that you're so cold. I don't wanna see no more. And I can't get away from you, It's one of the reasons why, that I just can't get you out my mind, and all I keep seeing is your picture. I don't wann see no more."
I saw the focus of the room move behind me, to the door but I didn't turn around to investigated. I wanted to get this song over, wanted to start getting over the beautiful boy who gave me hope and courage. Who made me so happy for so long. Who tore me to shreds with just a few sentences.
"It was so easy to trust you baby, guess I was so stupid baby. Oh, I didn't ever think that this would come, you're running right to another one, oh" I spun when I got to the "oh," And I saw him. Kurt. I wanted to start crying. Kurt. Kurt and him.
'I'll never say goodbye to you,' He had told me once.
"You walked away from me baby, you threw it all away, so I don't wanna wait for you, no, no I don't wanna wake up thinking, hoping you will get it right this time," I turned away, I couldn't look at them anymore. "'Cause you know that you're so cold. I don't wanna see no more. And I can't get away from you it's one of the reasons why, that I just can't get you out my mind and all I keep seeing is your picture. I don't wanna see no more"
My heart had shattered long ago, but seeing them together felt like Kurt was stepping on the still broken pieces, smushing them under his designer boots.
"I used to be afraid of letting go. The fragile part of me, I'm here right now, I need you to set me free, I can see it in your eyes, that you won't blame it on me this time, no, never. You might want me back but I won't look back, no"
I used to remind Kurt that he needed to have courage, that he would make it through. But now I was the one who needed to be told that.But there was nobody to remind me. Nobody to tell me. Nobody but me.
"I don't wanna wait for you, I don't wanna wake up thinking, hoping, you will get it right this time. 'Cause you know that you're so cold, I don't wanna see no more. And I can't get away from you, it's one of the reasons why, that I just can't get you out my mind and all I keep seeing is your picture, I don't wanna see no more. I don't wanna see no more. I don't wanna see no more. I don't wanna see no more. I don't wanna see no more."
I finished the song and stood there for moment, looking at the back wall of the room. Thinking of the moment I met Kurt. The time we sang "Baby, It's Cold Outside". The moment when he asked if he was supposed to think that our flirting was nothing. That second when he was singing "Blackbird" when I heard that voice. 'Oh, there you are.' Our first kiss. Everything was so perfect in that moment. I thought that day in McKinley's courtyard when the Warblers and I sang our goodbye to Kurt, when Kurt promised to never say goodbye himself.
I thought of sitting in that coffee shop and telling Kurt that I loved him. And the moment three months later when I was sitting in almost the exact same spot and I decided that I was going to switch schools because I couldn't bear the thought of spending an entire school year without Kurt. And the day in the hallway when I told Kurt I switched because my heart belonged to him.
I even though of that night at Scandals when we got into our first fight because I was drunk. And I thought about our first time, the night we opened West Side Story. We were both so nervous but so in love that it didn't matter.
I thought of our conversation that took place exactly a year ago. "Do you wanna know how I picture the end of my life? Just like in The Notebook. I'm sitting in a nursing home, talking endlessly about my high school sweetheart, my first love, going on and on about every little detail, as if they matter. Only, in my version, he's there with me, telling me to shut up so he can finish watching the "America Cinema Tech" salute to JLo."
I thought of all of our carefully thought out plans of moving to New York and being together forever.
I thought of all the happy moments of my relationship with Kurt, the happiest moments of my life, and then I let them all go.
I let them all go until I could think about them without tearing up. Until I could think about them and feel nothing but happiness about how incredible my journey with Kurt had been. He changed me, changed me for the better and I would never forget him, never stop loving him.
I turned around, giving Kurt a nod as I walked out of the room and down the hall, finally walking away from the pain and the longing.
I walked down that hall and to my future.
Again, PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!
I actually had tears rolling down my cheeks as I wrote this. I still do.
I would really, really love to know how you felt about this, even if it's nothing positive, even you wanna tell me to jump off a cliff so, review?