I did all of my homework. I check off a box in my head to reassure myself.

I place my separate folders for each class into my book bag in order: Algebra first, English second, slipping them in as not to stub the crisp edges.

Always checking myself, always keeping to a schedule, it was a safety net for me. Come home from school, review that day's material, eat dinner with my family, and study until I get tired. That was how I knew I did my homework. I always did.

Recently though, I added a new step in my schedule,

"Swimming…"

The word on my mind slipped out in a mumble as my thoughts sunk into a state of early morning contemplation.

Why did you join the swim team?

My mind finds extravagant answers such as, "So I can swim in the Olympics" or "I've always been good at swimming", but the truth is I had never swum before this year.

I recall that I'm getting ready for school and pull on my standard white and black school polo. I let my skin adjust to the starchy cotton. The stiff folds soften as I survey myself in the mirror.

As I do, my mind falls into another trap of questioning.

Starting at the droplet of black under my eye, I critique all the way from my overly feminine face down to my small build. I meet my own eyes and am struck with another imperfection, the craggy grey hair that falls on my forehead.

I tug at the unsymmetrical bangs in small pinches with a sour expression pulling at my lips.

"You look adorable!" I was taken back to the bubbly hairstylist assuring me that his was the latest and most fashionable style. In the end, I looked nothing like the glossy magazine page model she had showed me.

"Aii-chan! Breakfast!"

The warm smells of tea and fish, combined with the popping of the skillet, shift my focus from my introspection to my stomach which begs for attention.

"Yes mom!"

I grab my book bag and my sports bag and I realize I never answered my own question.

Why did you join the swim team?

I give myself one last glance as I walk past the mirror.

Feminine and weak, I begin to frown…I want to be manly… I pull back my shoulders attempt to scowl. The furrowed eye brows and a grimace seem out of place on my face, and I'm bubbling with laughter before I can attempt to contain myself.

Today is going to be a good day. I wear a smile although I'm straining to carry my heavy swimming bag.