I suck at intros so I'll just say: 'Enjoy, and I hope you will' :)

It's not beta'ed or proof-read, so please excuse the mistakes (I'll look into it later, atm I just want to share :D )

So, here goes...

November 15th, 1997

Journal Entry:

It's confirmed. The curse of Harry Potter exists... either that or the Fate really hates me... Why anything good that happens to me is always followed by some catastrophe? I've heard many times that life's simply not fair, but surely it doesn't have to be this unfair?

The school year started normally (as normally as a NEWT student with a murdering maniac breathing at his neck can find it). My two best friends got together, which basically means they shut me out, but I don't mind that much... For one, I wish them all the happiness they could get in this time of a war. For two, since our fourth year, when I had had that spectacular falling out with Ron, I could feel our relationship suffer, we grew apart... well, those two grew so close it's disgusting sometimes...

Anyway, I'm back to school – the Heaven – nobody tried to kill me yet, McGonagall sends her pitying looks, Snape sneers left and right, old man twinkles all around... Cheesy, magical, Hufflepuff-ish, normal... Perfect.

As Ron and Hermione grew close, so did I and Ginny. I always liked her, and as it turned out, she's had a crush on me since the first time she saw me... Merlin, she was only ten back then... I'm pretty sure that it's not normal. Since we shared the interest, we simply decided to go out – nothing special, no spectacular proclamations of love, no cheesy stuff... we just decided and made it so.

And yes, we were happy. But something seemed wrong and I found myself thinking of anything that could fit... and found it. I found why I hated when Cho cried, and found what I didn't like in Ginny. And I was forced to break up with her – she cried a little, then smiled and offered friendship. Strange? I think so too... But I couldn't let our relationship go on, for I really like her, and I couldn't see her suffer were she to fall in love (yes, I knew she wasn't in love with me, nor am I).

Only few minutes after we broke up I was faced by furious Ronald Weasley – no, I suppose we're not friends anymore. Curious how he remembered my existence, whenever he was angry... He spat insults about low-lifes and bastards right into my face and demanded (no, he didn't ask normally) to know why... how was it? Oh... "My sister is perfect, she's smart and Gorgeous (I honestly could hear it capitalized). So what did the great almighty Harry Potter find that unacceptable? Was she not fawning around you enough?"

I told him. And he was furious... not to mention disgusted (judging by his complexion, it going seriously green). I didn't expect him to understand. It took me a month of serious contemplation to realize that, and another month to acknowledge it. Though I surely didn't expect him to babble it out to all my roommates, nor did I expect them to beat me up the second I returned to the dorms (in privacy of our room, mind you... I guess he was too scared to leak that out to the whole school... I still wonder why I haven't found an article in Daily Prophet about it...)

And what was that little secret? The thing that ruined my relationship with Ginny, the thing that made me untouched by tears of a girl I was supposed to be in love with (Cho)?

The thing that made my every dream about family disappear?

I'm gay. Simple as that.

I told Ginny while I apologized. And she said she knew. How? Go ask her, she didn't tell me, only smiled mysteriously... Then she said that she only wanted to try the feel of being in relationship. Curious as it may seem, we really stayed friends... we still are... there are simply too little of people whom I'd consider a friend nowadays...

Ginny and Luna, one chasing after the Snitch, other chasing after Nargles... neither minding my orientation... I feel the need to mention, that both realized my preferences even before me... Then there's Neville, who doesn't care about such things, but still... he'll never take my side, as he'd be outnumbered quickly, which I imagine wouldn't end well for him... And I cannot begrudge him... and still consider him a friend... And then there's... No... There are no others...

With Siri's death, Remus went all Moony – literally, as his inner wolf took charge – and I found myself at the receiving end of the werewolf's hatred, for killing a member of a pack... He doesn't call me 'cub' anymore... he doesn't call me anything... He tries to ignore my existence, I know, but when we are in the same room, I can feel his thirst for blood... my blood... and it hurts.

Then there's Hermione, who doesn't care about anything that concerns me and simply sides with her boyfriend – Ron.

And my roommates... Dean and Seamus... well, they seem to completely agree with Ron...

So yes, I HAD HAD my sweet little piece of happiness at the beginning...

...only to have it turned into a nightmare... honestly, I have enough nightmares as it is... The newest addition being Tom torturing Lucius for failing to bring him Dumbledore's head (from my other 'visions' I recall he got this mission during the summer, as both he and the old codger were pureblood Lords and thus both attended the Lord Summit)... Now... The Lord Summit I could remember too, curiously enough this time I got this dream from the codger's perspective. I once was told, that I could 'see into Voldemort's head' because there's a link between us... which is all nice and well... but it doesn't explain why I have those 'visions' even from others... So far I've encountered perspectives of Tom, Dumbledore, Draco Malfoy and even Xenophilius Lovegood, which was an experience of its own... All of them are people I've already met, and that are connected to me in one way or another...

I wonder if I have some Seer's blood in me...

On a brighter note, witnessing the Lovegood World was something else really... and yes, I've seen Nargles... they DO exist...

Cute little beasts...

I feel I'm rambling too much; I'm tired, so I guess it's time to finish that entry...