I lay in my bed, it was pitch black but I kept my eyes open anyways as I remembered the day I had just lived.
"Over here" called out Blake as he motioned me to come towards him in the cafeteria. I cautiously walked towards him as I saw all the glares everybody in the room was giving me, they had never bothered me before, but for some reason they were bothering me now. I then sat myself down next to him, no one else was at our table, it was as if he had planned it. But to come and think about it, he hadn't planned it, It's just none of Blakes other friends wanted to be even seen next to me. I was a huge plague of useless to them, and they didn't mind sharing their opinion of me whatsoever.
"Hey" he said, "Hi" I replied.
He caught me secretly looking towards them, towards the rest of the cafeteria full of teenage onlookers gawking at Blake and I, judgement in each thing they whispered to one another, and in each thought their little brains could think. I was just about to get up when Blake said, "Don't pay attention to them, they're not worth it." He was right, I knew he was right but it didn't make it bother me any less.
We ate our lunches talking about anything he offered, he always offered the topic, it's just how it worked between us. Lunch was flying by, and I found his careless chit-chat calming, well at the least better then sitting in a bathroom stall eating my lunch alone letting my own depressing thoughts of Michael cloud my head. Then Marcie decided to join us. I could hear the click-clack-click-clack of her high-heels from miles away. She sat down on the other side of the round table in front of us moving her cat eyes from Blake to myself and then back again.
"Mind if I join you two?" she asked, obviously not caring what either one of us were going to respond to her pointless question because she wasn't going to leave anyway.
Blake nor I responded but both felt the tenseness in the air like fog before a downpour.
"So Blake why are you sitting over here today? I saved you a perfectly good seat next to me, like I always do, join me?" she asked him. I figured she was testing him, but he just looked through her and responded, "Thanks, but no thanks." Thats when she cracked, she couldn't stand the idea that Blake would choose me over her on anything. "What's your deal? You obviously belong with my friends and me over there, why are you sitting with this pathetic sob story. 'Oh Michael died, he was my best friend, he was my everything, blah blah blah' well guess what? he's gone Alessandra. Gone. You and your precious Michael were never going to happen anyway. You used to actually be somebody, get a grip" said Marcie in her high whiny voice staring straight at me. I felt the pang in my chest again. If my heart had stitches she was ripping them away, slowly, one after another. I got up, I didn't have to take that from her. I didn't have to take that from anyone.
I was halfway down the hallway tears overflowing when I turned around and walked back towards the cafeteria, back towards something unfinished, and I was about to finish it.
I slammed open the door and walked myself up to her table where I found Blake yelling at her, his intentions seemed right but the conquest of his words should be coming from my mouth, not his. I tapped his shoulder and he quickly assessed me before squeezing my hand in comfort and walking behind me leaving me to face Marcie.
"I don't get you Marcie, I really don't. You and I used to be friends, best friends even. When I met Michael everything changed. I wasn't replacing you, that was never my intention. At my fourteenth birthday party you planned me a huge surprise party and invited everyone. I loved every second of that party, I knew you were truly a good friend, then I walked outside to find you and Michael kissing, at my party! You don't have any idea how much that hurt me. You don't have any idea what it felt like. But I forgave you, I got over it. But now I just don't understand why you hate me so much?..." I could feel the tears about to overflow again. I could hear my voice giving out. "What did I ever do to you? You know what, It dosen't even matter. You won Marcie, you finally fucking won."
I walked away from the crowd that surrounded her and myself, I walked away from a small part of my past, but most importantly I walked away with no regret.
"Wait up" called out Blake from behind me.
"That was amazing, what you did back there, but I don't think she won at all" he continued.
"I just feel like being alone right now, if you don't mind" I stated.
"Yeah, sure, whatever you want" he said less energetically.
"I'll see you tomorrow then" I said before leaving. I walked towards my vintage red Corvette Chevrolet turned my key in the ignition, pulled in reverse and headed straight home. But as soon as I walked through my living room I looked up to see my mothers face. Great, I thought.
"We need to talk" was all she said. No screaming, no yelling, no pissed off face, just those casual words that still managed to terrify me.
"I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't ditch..I just.." I said before she interuppted.
"Alessandra I have no idea how hard this will be for you, but I know it's very hard for me to tell you" she said.
She most deffinitley had my full attention.
"We're moving" she finally says.
"What? No. I won't allow it! We can't move, this is my home. I'm not going anywhere" I practically scream at her deffensively
My mind wonders off for a few seconds thinking back on everything I'd leave behind. And it all sums up in my mind to one concluding person: Michael. And I would never leave him behind. Not the memories that we created, not the places we've been together, not the feelings I experienced with him, even at his suttle touch. My parents couldn't ask this of me, yet they did. But my answer would be no, even if they weren't asking a question.
"It's not your choice Honey, it your father and I's choice, and we say go"
"Why?" I retort.
"Because this will all be easier for you to deal with without constant reminders of him..., without memories that don't seem to fade" she answered me.
"No Mom, please" I practically begged, "You can't do this to me, haven't I been through enough?"
"This will help you, you don't have any friends anymore, you need this" she said confident in her decision.
"This is about socialisation? You've got to be kidding me!" I then back peddled from screaming at her and deffending myself to trying to reason with her, "Mom I have a friend. His name Is Blake, I was with him when I sprained my ankle, I was with him out late last night too. I can't just leave everything behind anyway. I just can't. Give me a month, maybe two, I promise you Mom. Promise, I will change" I said happy I had evidence, and willing to say anything in order to convince her to stay.
She looked at me with doubt filling up her stubborn face, "Fine, but you've got two months, then If I decide to leave, we're leaving, no objections." I let out a sigh of releif, of everything that that moment had built up inside of me.
"Thank you" I said before heading upstairs and laying down thinking: How the Hell am I going to pull this off?
I closed my eyes then after remembering the day, I took a deep breath and looked at my night table I could dimly see a picture of Michael giving me a piggy back ride at a park. My arms wrapped around his neck, my legs around his torso completely sustained by him. Both our eyes glowing with elation, with pure happiness. I tried to remember what it felt like, because I had to feel like that again if I wanted to stay. I had to be happy.