It took much pleading and begging to get Draco to look at houses in the muggle village

The Fire Hydrant

Rating: T

Summary: Draco and Harry go house buying. Essential muggle devices are insulted. One-shot slash D/H

Authors note: just a cute little drabble. Hardly 700 words. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: All rights belong to JKR or Warner Bros. No monetary gain is being made.

It took much pleading and begging to get Draco to look at houses in the muggle village. It was pleading and begging of the sexual variety, so Harry didn't really mind, but all the same, it was a lot of work, and Harry was going to enjoy his triumph over his blond boyfriend. It wasn't everyday that he actually won an argument. Although Draco said that he was only looking at the houses. This didn't mean anything.

They'd been looking for a place to live for the past six months. The most Noble House of Black was musty, and brought all sorts of bad memories with it for Harry. And Malfoy Manor was plagued by the high-spirited Mrs. Narcissa Malfoy, who never really missed a chance to try and do Harry in. Cursing the kitchen knives to fly after Harry was the last straw.

Six months, and there was little progress. Harry wanted a small, comfortable house close to his family and friends. Draco wanted a big house that would impress his friends. Hermione was still trying to figure out how they managed to get along. Harry tried to explain it to her: "It's the sex." But she refused to believe that their relationship could flourish on this explanation.

They had spent the entire weekend looking through the nearby muggle village that accompanied Ottery St. Catchpole. It was close enough to the Weasly's to satisfy Harry and the houses were impressive, even by muggle standards, according to Draco. This was their 16th house this week. Tensions were running high.

"This one's got a phallic metal object by the driveway." Draco said loudly.

"That's a fire hydrant." Harry replied dryly. Everything was phallic to Draco.

"It's hideous. Why would anybody, even a muggle, want to use this as a decoration?"

"It's not a decoration, it's a fire hydrant."

"Yes, Harry, I did hear you the first time."

"Well, you usually don't."

"Every once in a while you do say things that are important… it happens. Rarely."

"Thank you Draco."

"So why does the fire hydrant –" Draco stressed the unfamiliar word "- have to stand on the bloody property? It's ugly."

"Because if there's ever a fire, the firemen will use it." Harry replied.

"Firemen? You people have firemen?"

"Yes, Draco, they go around putting out fires."

"That's got to be the most repulsive job ever. Think of all the soot!"

"They have uniforms."

Draco deliberated for a moment. "So you're saying that there are men who run around in uniforms putting out fires in the muggle world?"

"Yes."

"And they're all sweaty and dirty from all the fires?"

"Yes."

"Well, that can't be that bad." Draco said slowly. Thinking all sorts of naughty things that he could ask Harry to dress up in now. Harry just rolled his eyes. He knew exactly what the blond was thinking.

"I still don't like the fire hydrant."

"Well, you don't have much choice. It comes with the property."

"But the house is so lovely, why must the muggles ruin it with this unsightly blemish?"

"Because it's needed to save lives."

"Yes, at the risk of looking offensive."

"What do you suggest then?"

Draco pulled out his wand and looked pointedly at Harry, "We get rid of it." He said simply. Harry didn't even have time to think (and stop him) before Draco waved his wand at the fire hydrant and an almighty bang and a metal scraping came from the insulted hydrant. Within seconds, water soaked both the men, and everything else in the vicinity.

"Harry?" Draco asked, with a look of incredulous surprise on his face, spitting out water.

"Yes Draco?" Harry replied sardonically.

"The gods are pissing on us, Harry."

"That they are, Draco, that they are."

Needless to say, the house-hunting continued.