Lessons from the Savvy Online Ninja
By Slightly Confused Kitty
Sakura watched the eerily-glowing screen warily. Luckily, Inner Sakura was there to provide support. Come on, Sakura! Don't let a…a com- compoo- a commu- a GODDAMNIT! Com-pew-ter get you down! Defeat it! Defeat it, I say! CHA!
Nervously, she pecked at the keyboard with a single finger, typing in the address bar.
F-a-c-e-b-o-o-o-k. Enter.
The window turned white for a moment, then 'loaded' the 'search results'. At the top-
Did you mean 'Facebook'?
Crazy compooter say whaaa? Sakura! This thing can read our mind- it must be genjutsu! RAAAARRR!
Despite her repeated attempts to dispel the jutsu and Inner Sakura's through checks of her mental security, no hint of such a deception could be found.
Watching carefully for any more strange tricks, Sakura managed to click on the mind-reading words (after several unsuccessful tries with the so-called 'mouse'. Really, what a stupid name).
Slightly more confident, she 'logged in' (Log in? LOG in? HAHAHAH! Oh god, you are so perverted…But still, what do logs have do with whatever fake name you go by on this thing? WHAT THE HELL.) as 'Konoha', on the group account that Tsunade had a reluctant Shikamaru set up. Suddenly, a chat message popped up. (GOOD LORD, now a little box is 'popping' up? I REPEAT, WHAT THE DAMN BLASTED HELL. And also… ooh la la…Shut up. Please.)
ClawofHawk: im going to destry u, konoh! Hahahahaha
Konoha: Um… Hello?
ClawofHawk: KILL YOU ALL!
Konoha: Excuse me, but- who are you?
ClawofHawk: i
ClawofHawk: am
ClawofHawk: uchiha
ClawofHawk: sasuke
Konoha: SASUKE?!
ClawofHawk: do u know me?
Sent at 3:34 pm
Konoha: Maybe.
ClawofHawk: u do, don't u! otherwise u woldn't have said 'SASUKE?!"
Konoha: Fine, I do know OF you. So?
Sent at 3:35 pm
ClawofHawk: how do u knw of me? u better not b a fanfirl.
ClawofHawk: FANGIRL*
Konoha: No, no, of course not.
Sakura suddenly realized, with this one, automatic lie, that she didn't have to be Haruno Sakura. She could be anyone else. ANYONE. And she was talking to Sasuke! HEY, WAIT A DAMN MINUTE! If YOU can say you aren't a fangirl, someone ELSE can say that they are Sasuke. Careful…
Konoha: Are you REALLY Sasuke? Wait…
Konoha: Who were the proctors for your Chuunin Exam?
ClawofHawk: wth. course im sasuke. who else would i b?
Konoha: Just answer.
Konoha: Please.
ClawofHawk: fine
ClawofHawk: morino ibiki
ClawofHawk: mitarashi anko
ClawofHawk: hayate gekko. or something like that had a hell of a couf
Konoha: That's right.
ClawofHawk: who the hell r u to ask me NEWAY?
Konoha: No one special.
Sent at 3:39 pm
ClawofHawk: u've got issues.
ClawofHawk: but if i sed who i was, u should 2. courtesy 2 give own name first neway.
Konoha: But you don't know me, so it really doesn't matter.
ClawofHawk: pff
ClawofHawk: i didn't ask if u knew Uchiha Sasuke b4 i told u my name.
Konoha: I'm
Sent at 3:41 pm
ClawofHawk: what's ur problem? u got mental issues?
Konoha: No, the compewter fell. Some wires got disconnected.
ClawofHawk: so wat's ur name already?
Konoha: Satsuyama Haruka.
ClawofHawk: tat's a lame name.
Sent at 3:42 pm
ClawofHawk: oi
ClawofHawk: r u still there?
Konoha: Sorry, the compewter fell again. My desk is not very sturdy.
ClawofHawk: che. what a goody 2 shoes. all capitalization nd gunk.
(Sakura twitched and let her hands speed over the black keys, meticulously reviewing the message for grammar and spelling errors before she hit enter.)
Konoha: I see no reason to misspell everything and use stupid abbreviations, as you seem so fond of doing.
ClawofHawk: I can spel if i want 2!
Konoha: 'spel'?
ClawofHawk: shut up.
(Sakura grinned fully now, realizing the potential in this conversation. The compewter abruptly seemed friendly, protective. With Inner Sakura roaring approval, Sakura pressed on, her more childish, pranking side appearing.)
Konoha: I bet your mind's degenerated ever since you left. Probably that Orochimaru guy you seem so fond of is eating your brain.
ClawofHawk: Orochimaru-sama is nt a zombie
Konoha: That's what all zombies say.
ClawofHawk: u wanna fight it out?!!!
Konoha: Just saying. :)
ClawofHawk: netime, neplace. u cant get away insulting ME!ill kill u!
And that is how the renowned Uchiha Sasuke, dangerous S-rank missing nin, was lured into a trap of his former village. Confined to Konoha, he now spends most of his time lurking online, spitefully tricking other missing-nin into his web of lies, feeling a savage sense of revenge every time one challenges him to a duel.
So kids, that's why you should never give out any information online to people you don't know. Silly Sasuke was tricked this way, and now look how badly off he is. He has to carry Sakura and Ino's shopping bags and eat Ichiraku Ramen with Naruto every meal. So remember-
NEVER GIVE OUT INFORMATION TO ANONYMOUS PEOPLE ONLINE REGARDING YOUR NAME, NUMBER, LOCATION, ETC.
A/N: Sooo... How did you like it?