Disclaimer: I don't own Hellsing, or any of its characters or themes…

AN: Slight AU, because Alucard's already 'part of the family' and Integra's only six. Heheheh.

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Bedtime Stories, Alucard-Style!

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"Story time!" Alucard exclaims as he sits on the edge of Integra's bed. He bounces up and down and holds out a consortium of books for his Master to choose from.

"I highly doubt Miss. Integra would enjoy the original Grimm Fairy-tales…" Walter says and places a cup of hot cinnamon milk on Integra's nightstand, "Especially because in the original story doves pick out Cinderella's stepsisters' eyes".

"EWW!" Integra shrieks, drawing the duvet up to her chin. She glares at Walter and starts disappearing into the covers, "That's awful…."

"See? Now she's merging with the blanket! How do you suggest I read her a story now?" Alucard sighs and tries to peer around the edges of the duvet. No luck, she's a very effective in her camouflage. "Besides, the original stories have valuable life lessons…"

"So, Hansel and Gretel, where they grill the witch like a cheese sandwich, is a valuable life lesson?" Walter snickers when Integra fully disappears this time, "How do you reckon that?"

"What would you suggest then?" Alucard grimaces and sighs. Once his Master disappeared into the covers, it would take a bribe of scones with cream and strawberry jam to get her out.

"The collected a range of books that are age-appropriate for a young girl … " Walter opens the bottom drawer of the nightstand and holds them out to the vampire, "Use these and keep -" he scoops up the assortment of books Alucard had brought in, "THOSE to yourself… or even better, I'll keep them… until she's seventeen, you grow up or she learns what eviscerate means."

"It means 'disembowelment'…" Integra pipes up, her blue eyes appearing again, "Does that make me old enough?"

"No!" Walter says and sighs, he should keep in mind who he's taking care of. This is Sir Integra Hellsing, not any normal girl. "I brought you your warm milk, please drink it before it gets cold…"

Alucard, whom had been perusing through the books Walter had given him, sighs deeply. "A strange sadistic man with a sweet-obsession… one where rabbits die… a drug-induced fantasy of a girl following a different rabbit… and one where four children disappear into a closet for over fifty years…" he says and waves the particular book in question in the air, "This teaches nothing of value… not even how to defend yourself against a werewolf attack… useless!" and with that, tosses the book over his shoulder. It hits the closet, causing the drawers to rattle.

After taking a huge gulp of her milk Integra finally shuffles in her seat, "I just want a story!". Yep, there's the milk-moustache. A Hellsing approved-moustache. It makes both Walter and Alucard snigger.

Walter finally relents and gives his old friend a long daring look before finally collecting the "age-inappropriate books" and the other discarded book, "No creepy eyes this time..." he warns and gives Alucard a knowing look as he leaves the room, "I'll be back in a minute… and I'll be watching you!"

It's true, the shadows Alucard created were amazing and magical, but those eyes. RED eyes, mind you. Creepy. Better to keep a lid on what freaks out a six-year old, unless you want to deal with nightmares for the next week.

"So, what story would you prefer?" Alucard says and shuffles closer until he's sitting next to his Master, "You shall have any story you request!"

The six-year old thought for a moment and suddenly perked up, "I would love the story about the lady who was sleeping and then, the prince comes and saves her!"

"Right!" and then, lifts his hands against the lamp light and starts moving his hands, with this Alucard seems to constructs an elaborate design on the wall that moulds together to form a castle and the surrounding landscape.

"That's beautiful!" Integra gasps, completely missing the actual logic of how this was physically possible to achieve simply by one's shadow-puppet. She wriggles happily, "Can you make a waterfall too?"

"Of course, Master!" and voila, he flourishes his hand and working waterfall was included into the illusion.

Walter finally walks back in and inspects the shadow-illusion Alucard had created, "This is beautiful…". What a show-off!

"Yes, yes, now get out of the way… the princess can't appear out of your navel, it would look unsightly…" Alucard says and grins when Walter looks down.

Surely enough, Walter's silhouette was mysteriously blocking the shadow formation. Walter knows well enough that Alucard's shadow-illusion has absolutely nothing to do with shadows created by Alucard's hands against the light from Integra's lamp on the nightstand. Sneaky blood-sucker. "Finnnneee…"

"Thank you, kind sir," Alucard mock bows and focuses his attention back to the far wall, "Long, long ago, in a castle far, far away… there lives a princess… who was protected night and day by an arsenal of heavily armed guards and very handsome, very strong vampire –"

"With a red cloak?" Integra interjects.

And that just made Alucard's grin even wider, "Of course, with a red cloak.. and the guards and the very robust vampire with a red cloak constantly patrolled the large steel-reinforced palisades…"

Walter sighs and rolls his eyes, "It's so unnecessary to do this with every story you tell…" he says amused and takes a seat at the desk, he rests his chin on his hand and elbow on the desk. This is going to be a long night.

"A child learns through repetition, to reassure a child of safety is essential in their development!" Alucard counters and smirks, "The handsome patrolling vampire with a red cloak that carries a thirteen-millimetre Casull is necessary for the story!"

"I like it!" Integra giggles and takes another slurp of her milk, "Please continue!"

"As you wish…" Walter says with an amused smile and shakes his head.

Alucard nods to himself and finally continues, "Well… the princess was called Integra-"

"ME?!"

"No, this is a fictional story, Master!" Alucard says with a self-assured smile, "I can't change the names of the characters in a story written by someone else…"

"Oooohhh…." Integra says, eyes wide and fully believing.

Walter just hung his head. Somehow, every time Alucard twist stories just enough to make them completely devoid of their original content. Why? Probably because he's bored and has nothing better to do.

"Now, she was named Integra because she's integral to the story… which means, she has to be in the story, otherwise the story won't have any meaning!" Alucard explains and nods, "She's very important to everyone in the kingdom, and everyone loved her. From her parents, to the servants of the noble house, to the guards, to the butlers," he looks at Walter and grins, "and even the handsome vampire that looks after her! They all adored her!"

"The day when she was born a beautiful party was planned by the butler of the castle. It was full of ribbons, balloons and wonderful roses bloomed everywhere. They made sure it was white roses, because white roses were the princess' favourite flowers…"

"The king and queen invited all the other kingdoms to come celebrate this wonderful day, and were surprised when three good fairies also arrived as guests. Everyone stood inside the ballroom, waiting for the new-born princess to arrive… " Alucard flourishes his hand and suddenly changes the scenery on the bedroom wall to look like the insides of a ballroom. Chandelier, waltzing couples, decorations, a buffet… it was so elaborate, both Walter and Integra took a minute to stop and gape in awe at the scene.

He continues. "-And when the castle's most trusted butler carries in the baby princess in his arms," a shadow figure, looking remarkably similar to Walter, entered the ballroom carrying a baby in its arms, "The entire ballroom suddenly silenced…"

"Everyone came closer to see the most beautiful princess they'd ever seen. Brilliantly blue eyes… the softest blonde wisp of hair and rosy cheeks… everyone was so happy!" and then the shadow-butler carried the baby to the shadow-cot and set her down. "And there was much celebration in the kingdom…"

Integra bounces on the spot, but quickly composes herself when she almost spills her milk. She quickly takes another sip and licks her lips. It was such an exciting story for her. This princess liked the things she liked. And, even better, Integra looks like the princess! How amazing was that?! She quickly sets her cup back on its saucer on the nightstand, just in case.

"So… the good fairies, who had come to the party, finally came forwards to bless the beautiful baby with a gift…"Alucard says and three flitting orbs of light appears on the wall, darting in zig-zags towards the cot, "The three fairies were called-"

"I know-I know!" Integra quickly says and looks anxiously at Alucard, hoping to give the correct answer to the unasked question.

"Do you? … tell me?" Alucard says with a quizzical look on his face. He always plays along.

"Fauna…. Flora… Mayweather!" Integra says with a confident smile.

For a second, Walter feels the need to correct her, only to watch as Alucard ruffles her hair and tell her that her answer was perfect. So, he decides to wait. This was too good a moment to ruin.

"So… Fauna, Flora and Mayweather surprise the king and tells him that they will each grant the princess one gift…" Alucard says and a rain of sparkles erupts near the shadow-cot, "The first gift… from Fauna… was the gift of beauty!"

"Woooowww!" Integra exclaims and sits forwards to watch the fireworks.

"The second gift came from Flora… the gift of wisdom…" and another explosion of fireworks follows the statement.

At this point, Walter was seriously considering bringing a fire extinguisher into the bedroom because of all the fire-hazard-sparkles Alucard was creating, but, nonetheless it was pretty mesmerising sight to look at.

"And then…." The beautiful ballroom suddenly disappeared, completely sucked into darkness, and only a faint light and an outlines of a gangly creepy woman remained. "Suddenly… the evil fairy, Maleficent appeared…."

With the flash of darkness, Integra squeaked and almost dove right into her covers, but her eyes were still glued to the scene in front of her.

"She was so angry… she hadn't received her invitation… so she had decided to put an eviiilllll ccuuurrseee upon the new-born Integra…." Alucard growls in a deep voice and the evil fairy seems to slowly edge towards the cot… closer and closer… "And then…. "

Walter almost slaps his head. He just knows this will give Integra nightmares again. Why did he let Alucard talk him into this?!

"Suddenly, the evil fairy stops… and… what? She can't move?!" Alucard exclaims, a look of surprise enters his face and he looks at Integra, "What's going on?!"

They booth look back at the scenery in united confusion.

"The butler, who looks suspiciously like Walter, had wrapped some kind of wire around the evil fairy and is now holding her at bay from the princess. And Maleficent is struggling, but she still cannot move!"

"-And then, just before she can open her mouth to curse the lovely, small, and helpless little princess…" Alucard smirks as the shadow-figure of the evil fairy suddenly explodes… leaving splotches of shadow seemingly everywhere. Globs of shadowy grossness everywhere… On the ballroom floor, on the wall, on the real Walter's head…

"And in the doorway, stood the trusty handsome vampire that protects the family from all evil," Alucard says and waves his hand, "And so, the evil curse never came to be… because the princess was protected by her two faithful servants until the very end…"

Integra smiles widely, clapping her hands, "That was beautiful! I loved the story!" she exclaims.

The century-old vampire looks over to Walter and gives him a look that says, 'See? I knew she'd love it'.

Walter would get him back, of course, but that was for another day.

"But… wait…" Integra suddenly pouts and shuffles until she's lying down in bed, "Wasn't the Prince Charming supposed to kiss her…?"

"You're right!" Alucard says and kisses her forehead, "Goodnight, Sir Integra!"

"Goodnight, Alucard!" she chirps and holds her hands out to Walter.

He walks closer and gives her a hug, "Goodnight, Miss…" he says and can't help but smile.

"I love you, Walter!" she turns over to her side and smiles when he switches off her bedside light.

"And I you, Miss…" he ruffles her fringe and walks out the door, followed by Alucard.

"Love you, Alucard!" Integra calls after her guard and closes her eyes to sleep.

"See? Out like a light," Alucard nudges Walter in the ribs as they exit the room. He closes the door behind them, "Who tells the best bedtime stories?!"

Walter doesn't indulge though. Not when he's the one who usually has to read the stories to Miss Helssing, "I do…. You just add theatre to the telling…"

"But theatrics are what makes its so effective!" Alucard counters quickly.

"Yes, and that's why Maleficent's intestines are still on my head…" Walter deadpans and points to his hair, "Don't think I didn't notice!"

"Oh, but it sells the story, Waltzerinna!"

"I told you not to call me that, and you're making your own tea this time!"

"Now, Wallltttzzerrriiinnnaaa…."

And we all know exactly how annoying Alucard can be if he wants to win an argument. Especially with a friend.

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The end?