I am Canadian
Mathew felt really upset, even more upset then usually. He was sick of being overlooked, invisible nation, who's name can't be remembered even by his own pet (it was evidence of his total hopelessness). Why people always are mistaking him with America? They aren't that similar, ever if they are twins. Their hair have different tones of blond. Besides, they acted completely differently. Alfred was loud, self-centered guy and Mathew was shy, quiet boy. Their cultures weren't the same, their climate also (OK, Alaska is exception) and – damn it! – there was no way, their characters were the same!
But this last incident crushed Canada completely and made him contemplate suicide. It was thought that couldn't leave his mind and was obsessive. Every time, when Mathew came into kitchen and saw some knives, he had temptation to cut his veins or commit seppuku. Other time, when he was watching blizzard outside, he thought how wonderful would be fall asleep on the snow and never wake up. There was so many good ways to end with himself, that Canada just couldn't decide which he was preferring.
And all this because this event…
It was another pointless conference, but at least Canada managed to turn everybody's attention on himself. It wasn't easy nor vary politely, cause he had to stand up from his chair and shout at them, to finally get attention.
"I have something to say!"
Everybody was staring at him. He hemmed and continued to talk:
"I-I have… a problem. I'm living near North Pole, so if global warming will ever come true, I will be one of first, who will suffer it. That's why my scientists made a great solution, how to deal with water from melted ice burgs. We will build a great dam that stop the wave. And to avoid the overrunning of Europe, European Countries, that laying at the Atlantic, will make their own dam."
Canada was proud of his plan and waited for reaction of other countries, but there was only silence. They just blinked, which made Mathew worried. After minute he sat on his chair and just waited gloomily to the end of conference.
When it finally ended, he started to walk downstairs, thought that something is missing. Then he thumped his own head. Kumajiro. Canada forgot take him. What a shame. He rushed to conference room, hoping that bear didn't do anything bad or stupid (for example ate one of important papers of Germany) and didn't feel lonely.
When he stood before the doors of Conference Room, he suddenly heard laugh of more, then two people. It was big, derisive laugh. Mathew touched the latch and he wanted to opened the door, when he heard the voice of Romano:
"A dam! What a lame idea!"
"I bet he will hire the beavers to do it!" Greece added.
"Oh, and he will pay them in maple syrup!" America laughed.
"I never heard anything more ridiculous! This kid is so naïve!" France said.
"It's better if he never spoke. He wouldn't make jest from himself." This was Germany's sentence.
Canada's hands was shaking. He fought with himself to not cry, but tears desperately wanted to come out. So this is how they consider him – ridiculous, lame, naïve… Francis and Alfred too? Man, it was so depressing, so… shocking. They were laughing not only at his idea, but also – and especially – at him, personal.
They were still laughing and deriding, didn't even realizing he was listen every word they were saying and it was making his heart ache. Maybe if there was Cuba, he could defend his friend, but he decided that this time he won't come on meeting, where America will be once again talking about how he is awesome.
Canada knew he couldn't stay here forever. Kumajiro was waiting for him. They both needed to come back home. So he started to calm himself down. If he had to come in, he didn't want to let them know, he heard their conversation. After few deep breaths, he opened the door and came in. Everyone silenced and stared at him. Mathew grinned (oh, this smile was so hard to hold it on, but Canada was determinate to do deceive them all) and rushed to Kumajiro, who was under the table. All gaze was pointed at Canada, who kneeled to take bear on his arms. Even before Kumajiro he acted happy, but animal could easily see the sadness under the smile of his owner. Canada stood up and pet hugged him tightly. Mathew felt nice warmth of fur. He wanted to cry on Kumajiro's shoulder, but he knew he couldn't do it now, in front of others. So he just left the Conference Room with bear in his arms and quickly went to the car.
He settled Kumajiro on passenger's side and sat at the car. Before he drew out his car keys, he leaned his arms on the steering-wheel and started to cry.
This memory stack in his head and didn't want to get out. That's what happened, when he for once spoken. He "made a jest from himself". His depression, which was now in serious stadium, made him sure, that he was pathetic, useless guy, who nobody was taking seriously. He was getting more and more sure about this suicide idea. He just needed to decide on one from many ways to die; write a letter, find Kumajiro new owner, lock the house tightly and end with himself.
Canada wasn't leaving his home for two weeks. He missed a lot of meetings, but he couldn't force himself to go there. Home was peaceful. Home was friendly. It was his asylum. He didn't want to see anybody, beside Kumajiro. Mathew wasn't answering on the phone, when America was calling to ask, why he didn't came on world meeting. Well, when Cuba asked what's wrong, he just said: "Nothing. Everything was fine.", but Cuba didn't seemed to be convinced. During whole this time, Mathew began to look like Robinson Crusoe with stubble on his cheeks and chin.
Kumajiro tried to cheer up his owner on many ways. He was putting his head on Canada's lap, so he could stroke him. He was licking his wet from tears cheeks. He was hugging him, play with him, showing him that Mathew isn't alone. In fact, he was so angry with other countries, that if someone of them came here, bear would drive them off or jump on them with claws and paws. He made Canada smile a few times, but the man's face always was coming back to sad expression.
And Canada finally decided, how he wanted to die. Well, poison was nice, painless death. He just needed to drink it, lie on the bad and fall asleep. Without cuts and shots, needless blood and mess.
He also decided that he will leave Kumajiro with Cuba. He just seemed to be the most trusted person. America stopped be that kind of person, when he laughed at Canada's idea. Russia… well, Russia could hurt Kumajiro, even not intentionally. England and France just wouldn't take him. Others wasn't known by Mathew very well. They were strangers for him. And he couldn't give strangers his beloved pet.
That day came.
Mathew kneeled before Kumajiro and gave him collar with message to Cuba. He smiled once again and thought: Oh, it will be the last smile. Let him know, Canada, you loved him and that you are grateful.
"Kumajiro," he started with sad whisper. "even if you won't remember my name after I'll gone, I won't forget about you. You were one of my best friends and during those two weeks you proved it once again…" Canada stopped and some tears had fallen down his cheeks. "Please, don't blame yourself. You tried really hard and I appreciate it, but… But I'm just pathetic, worthless man. You can't help me. Nobody can."
Canada hugged him tightly like never before. Another tears fell, when he thought about all good moments shared with Kumajiro. His heart ached, when he thought, he never see bear again.
It was time for separating. Canada stood up, brought cigar from Cuba and let Kumajiro smell it. Bear probably thought that he need to find Cuba (well, Canada hoped so) and when his owner opened the door, pet ran out. Canada stood in the entrance and watched, how animal disappear in the woods.
"Farewell, Kumajiro." Mathew whispered and came back to his home.
Cuba sat on veranda. There was really nice weather. Sun was shining really high, but nice breeze made this day not very hot. Cuba put cigar in his mouth, set the match under end of it and looked in the distance. And it was the moment, when he saw running Kumajiro. It was weird, there was no Canada with a bear. Animal stood in front of Cuba, who rose his eyebrows. Then he found the letter under Kumajiro's collar. He carefully drew it out and opened.
Dear Cuba,
Probably, when you reading this letter, I'm fallen in a deep sleep. Please, take care of Kumajiro. It's my last request.
Canada
Cuba widened his eyes. Was this meant…? No, it can't be… He ran right through the way to Canada's home. He knew he must hurry up. Matt, Matt. Please, don't do it. I'm in a way to help you, but you can't do it.
He knew from the beginning that Canada was depressed. Only moron couldn't see this. But Cuba hoped that Mathew will soon deal with it and come back to normality. Now Cuba rushed to the Canada's home, scolding himself that he underestimate this pure symptoms of serious despair, that could lead to suicide. Cuba wanted desperately to avoid it, but he was afraid, he didn't have much time.
Mathew was sitting at the table and staring at the small bottle of poison. He hesitated. From the moment, when he put it out from closet, he hesitated. One part of him wanted to die, but other was too afraid to kill himself. So Canada was watching the poison and wondering what to do. The I-want-to-die part of him needed to hurry, because someone could interrupt him. The not-sure-about-it part was waiting for something.
Suddenly he heard knocking at the door. Canada widened his eyes with desperation and stood up. He should end with himself, right after he sent Kumajiro away. Now everything was gone. Damn it. What to do? He hid the bottle of poison back in the closet.
"It's me, Cuba." Friendly voice answered. "Please, don't do it. Please, Matt."
Mathew didn't responded.
"Oh, God… No… It can't be true." Canada could clearly hear his whispers. "Please… be alive…" and then desperate calling: "Matt, open this damn door!"
Canada was hesitated a bit. If he'll open the door, he probably won't be able to commit suicide. But on the other hand – Cuba was great friend, who could listen. Finally Canada stood up and opened. When Cuba saw him, he looked at him with shock. Mathew only gave him sad gaze and let in.
"Matt, you look horrible. What the hell happened?"
"Sit, please." Canada whispered, pointing at couch. "It's a long story."
They both sat on the sofa and Canada told Cuba everything. He couldn't stop tears, when he opened himself to his best friend. It was like catharsis. He threw from himself all pain he suffered and it made his heart somehow lighter.
"I'm pathetic, Cuba." He said, in the end, not without tears. "That's how they consider me. No matter what I do, I will always be a pathetic, invisible guy."
"Don't say such thing. You shouldn't commit suicide, because of some failed meeting."
"Don't you understand, Cuba?" Mathew asked and put his crying gaze on friend. "For a first time I said something on World Conference and…" He cut and rolled his eyes on floor. "And everybody was laughed at me, behind my back."
Cuba stared at him with worry. Then he grinned with warm smile and hugged Mathew.
"You aren't pathetic. I don't think about you like that and you shouldn't either."
"You're telling me that, cause you feel pity for me."
"No, Matt. You are my best friend. I would be upset, if you died."
"But nobody can't remember my name." Canada answered with shaking voice. "When people see me, they think I'm America."
"It's normal, you are twins. But your brother is loud asshole and you are awesome, great man. From both of you, I'm preferring spend time with Canada."
Cuba stopped hugging Mathew and smiled to him once again. Kumajiro jumped on Canada and started to licking his face, which made depressed nation smile. Canada wrapped his arms around bear and… laughed. For the first time from fatal meeting he laughed. But then he once again grimed. Cuba knew Mathew still wasn't convinced about his own value. It won't be easy get him out of this horrible state he was, but Cuba wanted to do anything to help Canada.
"You know," he started once again. "it's not that someone can have only good or only bad ideas. This dam may be stupid plan, but it doesn't mean you can't figure out something better."
"It doesn't matter, Cuba. They won't let me spoke, because they don't see me."
Cuba sighed. Well, it really was a problem. Canada was too quiet, too insecure to be seen. He needed to be more self-confident. But being self-confident was hard, when you were Mathew Williams, a Canada. Cuba knew it very well. This oversights wasn't just Matt's imagination. Everybody was mistaking him with America for real. They didn't let him spoke for real. Damn those assholes, making his friend think about himself like that.
Suddenly Cuba remembered something.
"Hey, Matt, do you have an internet?" he asked.
"Yeah." A bit confused Canada said.
"Prepare the computer." Cuba ordered with smile and blabbed his shoulder.
After few minutes Canada, Cuba and Kumajiro was sitting before computer screen. Cuba opened YouTube side and wrote in the "search" box words: "I am Canadian". Enter. Then Cuba clicked in first video and they were waiting few seconds before the film was started.
There was great hall, looking like a theater's scene. Small figure walked on it and stood before the microphone, when behind him was big screen. Suddenly on this screen was picture of Canadian flag. Man at the microphone said:
"Hey. I'm… I'm not a Lambert Jack or… or Firth Trailer. And I don't living in igloo or eat blubber or run on a dog sledding. And I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Susie from Canada, although they certainly really, really nice."
Canada stopped the video and rolled his eyes on Cuba.
"What is that?"
"It's commercial made by one of your citizens. Let's watch it all. You will be amazed." Cuba said and played the video. The man in the film rose his hand a bit.
"I have a prime minister, not a president. I speak English and French, not American. And I pronounce 'about', not 'aboot'. I can proudly saw my country's flag on my backpack. I believe in peace-keeping, not policing; diversity not assimilation! And the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal!…"
From this moment he was talking loudly, with power and enthusiasm. It was a manifest of one man, who decided to demote all myths about Canada and show his pride of homeland. Mathew felt nice, warm sensation in his heart and simply couldn't stop smiling. But the best came after…
"Canada is the second largest landmass, the first place in the hockey AND THE BEST PART OF NORTH AMERICA! My name is Joe and I AM CANADIAN!"
The video ended and Cuba looked on his friend. Canada was still smiling. It was shy, but happy smile of optimism. Exactly what Cuba wanted to achieve. And this was only beginning of Cuba's Operation "Cheering up Canada".
He showed him a lot of videos made with famous Canadian comic bands' songs such as "Canada's really big" and "We are the beaver" by Arrogant Worms, "War of 1812" by Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie, or "Once I was a king of Spain" by Moxy Fruvous. This breath of healthy auto-irony and pride coming from their own people made Canada feel better. Cuba noticed it. He smiled upon Mathew, but then he made serious expression, wrapped his arm around Canada's shoulder and said:
"That's how your own people are. They deal with similar things as you and they are good with it. You are not pathetic, but you need some self-confidence to stand up and say loud what you have to say. Let those assholes from United Nations know, who you are."
Canada didn't answered. He just grinned and then he nodded.
Mathew stood before door of Conference Room, Kumajiro was beside him. He sighed, put his hand on the latch and shyly opened the door. Everyone was sitting on their sits and talking. When he came in, America approached him and said with smile of relief:
"Finally you're came. You don't even know, how I missed you. What happened? Why you didn't respond on my calls?" he finally asked with worried expression.
"Well, I… I… I needed… I had to… Eh…" He sighed. "I had to organize my thoughts. Never mind. Just start this World Conference."
"All right, but first…" Alfred cut and said loudly to rest of guests: "Hey, everyone! Canada came back!"
They rolled their eyes on them. When Mathew saw their full of gladness eyes and smiles, he felt once again the pride of being himself and remembered words of guy in the commercial: Canada is the second largest landmass, the first place in the hockey AND THE BEST PART OF NORTH AMERICA! My name is Joe and I AM CANADIAN!
Author's Note:
I was wondering how Canada would feel about Arrogant Worms or "I am Canadian" commercial and I thought it could be good way to cheer him up (Well, my sick imagination also generated Canada, England and France performing "War of 1812" to piss off America). And sorry if I wrote something wrong in commercial text, cause I wrote it from hearing.