OLIVE AND RHIANNON MAKE A HOME MOVIE
From the memoirs of Olive Penderghast:
For weeks, Rhi had been eyeing up on this guy, Grant. Not a football jock, but more of a smart guy. Not nerdy with glasses and spoke in Star Trek like technobabble, but just an ordinary guy. Good looking, easy to get along with, the perfect man. Rhi spoke to him for a while. They will go out soon if Rhi would have the courage to ask him. But being the eccentric Rhi, she had to do something stupid instead. Yes, I got involved.
We were in the cafeteria and Rhi had been quiet all morning. When Rhi was quiet, you can tell she was planning something. That would always scare me. I despise talkative people as much as anybody, but in the case of Rhi, I wish she were talkative forever.
We sat down with our lunches and I was waiting for that Rhi plan to come out of her mouth. I didn't have to wait long.
"I wanna do something to impress Grant," she said.
I sighed and said "What is it?"
"I wanna make a home movie for him and I want you to help me make it," said Rhi.
"What is it? A re-enactment of his favourite movie?" I asked, hopefully.
Seriously, I was starting to get nervous. I always do when Rhi comes up with a plan.
"No," said Rhi with a crafty grin that said "I'm going to do something naughty and you're going to get involved whether you like it or not."
She leaned over to me and said "It's called 'How To Cover Up Someone's Naughty Parts'."
That's it! There was that Rhi-ism right there! She wants to make a home movie called "How To Cover Someone's Naughty Parts"!
I asked her what we were going to do in this movie.
She answered "I'm going to get naked and you're going to cover up my parts using objects."
And this is the part where I'm shocked and say "Seriously." I did and Rhi gave the typical answer "I'm dead serious."
"You're willing to get naked on camera?" I asked.
"Why else do you think I kept going to that tanning salon?" said Rhi.
I have to admit, Rhi does have the body of either a supermodel or an athlete. She works out a lot and watches her diet. For all I know, she either wants take up modelling or sports as a career. Or maybe a body double for movie stars.
When we're in the locker room, I would always stare at either the lockers, the floor or the ceiling. Because once Rhi took her clothes off, she would never put them back on again. She would stand in front of you with her privates parts right there for you to see. I have to look at Rhi in the eye when talking to her.
It was like her way of saying "I have a better body than you and I will pester you with it."
Even the other girls would look at her with a hint of jealousy in them. Even the coach couldn't stop staring at her.
And she's got a point. There is nothing more gross in this world than icky tan lines. It's like that scene in The Graduate when Mrs Robinson's naked and she is all covered in tan lines. Ew. No wonder Benjamin wanted to get the hell out of there.
"What are you going to do with this movie?" I asked. "Post it on Youtube and have teenage boys jerk off to you?"
We had to keep out voices down, by the way.
"No," answered Rhi. "We're going to film it and I'll put it on a DVD and give it to Grant for his own viewing pleasure."
I gave Rhi a dirty look that said "I am not going to help make this movie in any way shape or form."
But Rhi always had a back up plan to seduce me to the dark side of the Force.
"Remember those PlayStation 1 games you were eyeing up in that store?" said Rhi.
Oh no, my Achilles' heel. I am a huge old school gamer. Big time.
"You couldn't afford them. I can get them for you," she said looking at her finger nails like a drug dealer.
A part of me went Let's see if Rhi would be able to actually do this. You'll get those games and you'll have a story to tell.
I looked at her and said "Okay, Rhi. I'll help you make this movie."
Rhi smiled and told me to come over to her house at 7 O'Clock tonight.
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That evening I arrived over at Rhi's house and I met her odd, but friendly parents. Well, they had their clothes on this time. I went outside to their garden and Rhi was in a bath robe. Her mom was setting up the camcorder on the tripod. She got the camera from her cousin who shoots weddings. Also in the garden was a couch, big lights and table full of objects like a magazine, a tea cup, a fan, beach balls and other things.
Rhi's mom had done her daughter's make up and her hair. I couldn't believe a couple would actually help their own daughter make a video where she gets naked. After Rhi had her make up done, it was my turn. I was so nervous and I couldn't stop shaking. And I'm the one with her clothes on.
After I got finished, I sat down on the sofa and got into shot. Rhi stood behind me and dropped the robe revealing her natural beauty.
Her parents exclaimed "Oh honey, you're so beautiful."
Me, I was thinking Let's get on with this!
Rhi's dad turned on the camera.
He kept saying "Is it on? Is it recording? Did I press record?" like any parent would.
So we had to start again. We filmed the first scene where Rhi is down behind the sofa and she stood up. I'm sitting pretending to read a magazine whilst my head was covering her vag. Rhi's hair was covering her breasts. Rhi was moving left and right behind the couch and I had to move my head left and right to follow her. We did it about 5 times and it went very well.
Rhi's mom directed us and she actually knew about timing. She came from an acting background and her father was a stage actor. He taught her all about acting and comic timing.
For the next scene, the camera was at the left side of the couch. Rhi wanted to do a scene where she was in the background and I was in the foreground leaning to get a cup of tea. My arm and the teacup were covering her butt and her... y'know. In the background Rhi was dancing in a sensual way and being flirtatious.
The next scene, the camera was in front of the couch again and I had to sit at the end of the right side with a fan at the ready. Rhi had to come out from the side of the couch and I had to use my fan to... well, you know.
Then we filmed another scene where I had two beach balls. You can guess what they were covering.
We filmed even more crazy outrageous stuff. I was actually having fun and I actually admired Rhi for being so brave. I don't know who had more fun, her or me.
So, we wrapped about 10.30. Rhi gave me a big hug and said that she would get me those games next week. I said thanks and went home. You know that feeling that you get when you accomplished something incredible? I was like that. It was a great feeling and it was all thanks to my crazy, crazy friend.
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The next morning at school, Rhi and I met up with Grant, and Rhi seductively gave him the DVD of our movie on it.
"I think you'll like this a lot," she said giving him a flirtatious look on her face.
Grant grinned and replied "I think I will."
That morning, the school had to go to the gymnasium. The staff had to show us a really boring documentary about the history of our school. It was on TV but no-one cared to watch it. So, one of the teachers recorded it and put it on a DVD. The DVD player had a cable connected to a projector and it was going to shine on a big white screen. Rhi and I were sitting next to each other.
"Wake me up when this is over," said Rhi as she snuggled beside me and closed her eyes.
The lights went down and the projector started. 10 seconds later, I yelped "Rhi! Rhi!"
"Oh, is the documentary over already? That was fast," said Rhi.
But then she saw why I woke her up so quickly.
On the screen, there was a title card that said "How To Cover Someone's Naughty Parts".
I looked at the screen in horror as I heard people around me saying "What is this? How to cover up someone's...?"
Grant was charge of the putting the DVD into the player. He had meant to put the DVD with the documentary on it, but he accidentally put our DVD on instead!
Then we appeared on-screen and the whole school saw the naked Rhi.
People were saying "Is that Rhi? Is she naked? Who told them to do this?"
Then people started to either wolf whistle or laugh in shock. Then more people joined in. I just wanted the floor to give way, so that I would fall into a big, deep hole. Or an alien invasion to happen. Or our school to explode. Or the Apocalypse to begin. Or Godzilla attacking our school. Or a terrorist attack. Anything. Anything would nice. Except this.
All the students were looking at me and Rhi. They just laughed in our faces. I just went white and sank in my chair. I felt like I was going to vomit.
"TURN THAT OFF!" yelled the Principal.
The lights came on and the DVD player and projector got turned off by Grant. Everyone was all staring at Rhi and I.
The students all said "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."
"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!" shouted the Principal.
As those eyes glared at us, my heart was pounding and my palms and armpits were pouring with sweat. My back was hot and my heart was pounding. Marianne and her obnoxious religious group gave us those shit eating grins.
Grant gave us an "I'm really sorry" look and Todd and Brandon looked at me. Their looks said "No matter what happens, I'm still your friend."
The Principal looked at Rhi and I and bellowed "YOU TWO, MY OFFICE! NOW!"
As Rhi and I got up, left our seats and walked out of the gymnasium, we could hear the students tittering and muttering to each other. It was as if Rhi and I were on our way to get executed.
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Rhi and I got sent to the Principal's office and he was all fire and brimstone. Never had I ever been shouted at by someone this angry.
He accused us of making porn and 'clouding the students' minds with unholy thoughts'. Did I mention this guy was single?
Then he said the words of doom:
"As if this day, you are both expelled."
A lightening bolt went down my spine and I could hear only silence.
My eyes filled up with water and my lip quivered.
But I tried with all my might not to cry.
"Sir, could I tell you why I did this?" asked Rhi.
"Go on," said The Principal.
Rhi told the Principal the story. All truthfully. Very rarely had I ever seen Rhi be so serious about anything.
At the end of her story, she said "Sir, it was my idea. I only asked Olive to help me make the video. You can expel me, but please, sir. Don't expel Olive."
The Principal looked at us and said "All right. I'll just give you 3 months detention then."
We both sighed with relief.
We all know Rhi is a bitch, but she is honest. She knows when to do the right thing. She would know when to take the blame and never blame her problem that she caused on another person.
"Thank you," I whispered to her.
"Anytime, ho," she replied.
The principal called both our parents and let them know what happened. Of course Rhi's parents knew about this, but my parents didn't. We all know my parents are the most laid back people in the world. Well, they were very disappointed in me. My punishment was that I wasn't allowed on the internet for a month.
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The next day, Grant met up with Rhi and I and said that he enjoyed the video. He apologized once again for putting it on that projector by accident. He even asked Rhi out eventually. Rhi accepted. Well, she got what she wanted. And also, Grant gave Rhi a photo of himself. A naked photo. Let's just say Rhi cherished this.
And I got my PS1 games. At least I got to revisit my childhood. Even though the thing I did to get them got me into trouble.
For the next three months, Rhi and I spent our detentions cleaning rooms, putting books in the right order, picking up garbage, washing windows, etc.
During one of our detentions, Mrs Leigh, the art teacher found us in the science room and talked about the video we made. She said to Rhi that she was looking for a life model and was wondering would Rhi be interested. Rhi being the horny bitch she is, accepted without hesitation.
Mrs Leigh looked at me and said "And Olive, you looked so beautiful in that video."
"Oh, thanks," I said.
That made me really happy.
That afternoon when I was walking home, Todd came up to me and talked endlessly about the video. I told him my crazy story.
Todd said to me "You looked so beautiful in that video. I couldn't stop staring at you."
"Funny, that's what Mrs Leigh said," I chuckled.
"Well, that's what a lot of the students were saying about you," said Todd. "The football team is crazy about you. Even the girls can't stop admiring you."
"Huh!" I said. "I definitely have preference bending powers."
Todd and I continued to talk as he walked me home.
I don't think anything I will ever do will be as crazy as everything in this memoir you have just finished reading. Nothing.
THE END