Author's Notes: Author Surrogate/OC X Suika. Not much of inappropriate-for-kids dialogue.

My twenty-first birthday is coming in September, but over the past few months I've been struggling to find for the meaning of life, and the possible existence of another world. Except for near-death experiences and after-life communications, I've not been able to scour for more information because they simply were regarded as superstition. I for one, do believe that there is actually a scientific rationale for the existence of a soul as a separate entity, a unit that is not truly "measurable".

Let me introduce myself first, in summary. I am Pasonia Seltia Keros, who had since young been living under all sorts of guardianship, but never a permanent home. I do, however, excel in martial arts through a combination of talent and training, and thus I am considered an underground prodigy; this due to the fact that I refuse to have my pictures taken (or to be more precise, the moment I see someone with a camera or a camera phone, I smash their devices to bits.)

People who know me and who invites me to tournaments, usually carry a rule of "bring your phones at your own risk". So, out of that violent bit about me, and more about the me that I know I am now; I do earn a decent living, and I depend on another prodigy friend of mine – albeit at the other end of the prodigy scale, the brainy type – who invested my money in the stock market and tenfolded it. That's what you get when you have fantastic friends, but at the same time the underground constantly looks for me in part because they know I've got this friend, and money laundering is so open it's definitely criminal. In fact, it's gotten so bad this time that I've decided to make a trip to Japan, a place I've been looking forward to visit but just didn't really have a reason or any mood to.

""""""

"Mr. Keros, welcome to Japan," greeted the counter staff with a bow and a very strained accent of English that I could only weakly smile by. Even though I have a less-than-stellar personal background, I refuse to allow that to put my being into a stereotype; whatever the reason, courtesy has to be shown even though I do find it pretty trivial at times, especially at 1:30AM in the morning.

I checked the "guide to Tokyo"; mostly broken English, so I didn't really bother reading it after flipping through five pages of gibberish. I hailed a taxi and asked them to bring me to Hokkaido, though I didn't understand why they just laughed me off whenever I tried, both in English and in my severely-limited Japanese.

"Man, what's with all these people? I just wanna make a trip to Hokkaido, so what are they laughing their asses about?"

Then my mobile rang – it was my investor prodigy friend.

"Hey, Pas, where the hell are you? I thought I told you to meet up at Haneda Airport."
I looked around the building. "Uhh, you said Tokyo International Airport the last time around, didn't you?"
"That's NARITA International Airport, you fool! It's already 2AM here!"
Very nicely, the moment of revelation came not a moment too soon when I saw a huge sign on one of the TV boards that said "Tokyo Narita International Airport." I looked around frantically for any signs of ticket counter staff, but was half-hearted; I was half-expecting nobody at the counters because the moon's pretty far up in the sky.

"So what do I do now?"
"Late-night taxi services. Just tell them to bring you to a budget hotel nearby or something. Be prepared for a tight accommodation; sometimes you end up sleeping in capsules if you end up not finding a proper hotel, but that's better than nothing."
Capsules? Oh what a great idea to be in one, I thought to myself. "Uh, sure. So how do I get to you?"
"We'll talk tomorrow. I'd arrange for something."

It was then that I suddenly found a girl standing behind me.

"You're going towards the North, sir? I have a vehicle for that."
"Timely. Your English is pretty heavily accented, though."
"Tee-hee."

I didn't even give this girl a second thought; on first eye-assessment, I couldn't tell what she was up to, but I was confident that if anything arose, I'll have enough street smarts to get myself out of trouble. Though, the way she wore her horn ornament thing was pretty distinctly Japanese-y, and cute, if I do say so myself. Probably she'd just left work from some kind of slave or maid or whatever café.

""""""

"A… trishaw, girl? You're going to bring me to this place Hokkaido in a trishaw?"
The girl just stared at me lazily. "Take it or leave it. You needed to be up north, no?"
"Uh… pretty much, yes. But if you're going to use twenty-two years to get me there, I'd rather not."
The girl guffawed loudly. "Just sit in, and hang tight."
"Luggage, inclusive?"
"…Luggage, inclusive."

So, trying to play out the cacophonic action a little bit more, I stuffed a travel bag and another into the back of the trishaw, before getting seated at the back end.
"Safety belts," she gestured, pointing at the strap beside me.
"I won't need it," I shrugged. Like she would travel at the speed of sound.
Again the girl guffawed, something which I don't feel particularly at ease with because girls are usually mindful, usually don't take the initiative especially when they are much smaller in stature, and usually don't wear horns on their heads.

Of course, I hadn't banked on the fact that I could be wrong, as I slowly laid my back to rest in the inclined seat of the trishaw. In a split moment when I wasn't quite perceptual, I suddenly had this awful premonition that the wheels of the trishaw were no longer spinning, or moving. When I took a good look outside to see what was going on, I nearly freaked out.

"WHOA!"

The girl acted as if nothing was happening, but I was clearly looking at a rather large, Eiffel Tower-eisque building to my left, where the observatory was. To add on to the shock, I was in-flight while looking at it from the trishaw's passenger seat area. I could even see the late-night staff on the tower, dropping whatever they were doing and witnessing the spectacle.

"What in tarnation is this?"
"Don't worry! We'll be in the North in no time at all!"
"We'd be going South if you don't land NOW!" I yelled, totally out of character. "How could a flying trishaw be possible!"

As if obliging by my wish, the girl suddenly maneuvered the trishaw towards a rather large bridge – I would assume this to be the Rainbow Bridge that some of my acquaintances have spoken of. Once the trishaw landed on the road surface, my guts, hung since my realization of being in-flight, swiftly began to settle.

"Thank goodness we're back on earth," I sighed.
The girl guffawed – yet again. I took that to be a bad sign, and decided on putting the seat belts for fear that something might happen.

From behind us, I could hear the roar of a couple of powerful, souped-up engines – must be a night-time street race of sorts. The vehicles dodged us from both sides as they nearly took off the trishaw's hooded upper canopy which covers my head.

"Hang on tight."

As she spoke those words, the trishaw itself began to go faster and faster, until everything before my eyes was a slate of blur.

"Why the hell me, of everybody!" I started screaming at the top of my lungs, half terrified to bits and half excited to bits about coursing down a road – in a trishaw – at what I thought was a speed pretty close to the speed of sound. I could only so much as take a glance at the two cars which overtook us just now; what was quite distinct to me, though, was their state of shock in seeing a trishaw rocketing past their expensive machines.

"Because… because you're a human with no real friends! That's why I need you to come along with me!"
"What do you mean, I have no real friends! Mind your words, young lady!"
The girl simply guffawed, and I dare not speak anymore. Every time she guffaws, something bad happens.

*SNAP!*

"What the hell was that?"
"Uhh… hee hee, I broke the trishaw's handlebars," said the little girl, totally smiling at me while I looked straight ahead of us, horrified.

A moment of rationalism came through in the crisis; if we have enough momentum, we would crash through a barricade or two, then fall towards the body of water which I suspect is the Bay of Tokyo or something. That would certainly be a horrible end to my young life.

I couldn't tell for sure, yet my first gut instinct was to leap out of the trishaw, and grab my luggage if I could. Under the increasing swaying motion of the trishaw at speeds close to sound, I tugged at my luggage, then pulled it out while leaping off the trishaw all at the same time when I was sure I was close to the left road shoulder.

The trishaw cracked up, then smashed into many different parts when it hit a nearby divider. And had I not acted quickly, my luggage and my guts would be strewn all over the road as well. A few scratches on my clothing, but nothing I'd ripped on my way out of the trishaw.

"Where'd the girl go, though?"

"Aha ha ha… Look at you scramble."

I got really annoyed this time, at this mysterious girl who'd somehow managed to land me from one hell to the other, drinking deep from a flask. "What the heck you laughin' at? I almost got my ass smacked back there by a road divider! Just who the hell are you?"

"I am just a drunken little oni," she sang away, apparently inebriated. I noticed she held a rather large flask kind of thing, though it looked pretty ancient, what with the gourd.

"Want a drink? It's on the house."

Given how she'd been belching the bloody thing just moments ago (tilted 180 degrees no less!), I'd say no to drinking her saliva. But she insisted, and given that she is clearly not from this world, I had no choice but to oblige to this crazy little girl, and drank from the gourd by tilting it slightly. That was when I yelped in surprise at the hot sensation in my tongue.

"Whoa!" Being a drinker (the savor type, not the binge-drinking type), I could immediately tell just by sticking my tongue into the gourd that the sake in it was pretty strong. Strangely, even though the liquid within had this flowy motion and didn't feel very heavy, the sake didn't seem to reach any end. I took a long belch from it, and passed it back to her.

"Just who the heck… are you?" I hiccupped as she giggled at my increasingly hotter face. "I mean, you're definitely not from this world, now are you?"

Suika grinned. "Of course not, you silly old man, I'm just a drunken little oni."

"Hey, now that ain't a lotta details from you. Can't you tell more about yourself? And can't you get me to a hotel?"

"A hotel? What's that? I only know of inns and onsen, and not very much about this hoe-tell thing."

"You must be kidding. Just get me to the downtown area."

"No go. Anywhere with too many tall structures tend to make me sick. As though the Hakugyokurou doesn't already make me sick, there's tons of them in this world."

"We're really getting nowhere with this. I suggest we find somewhere to sleep."

"Sleep? Hmm…"

""""""

We walked into a nearby wooded area; I got a little worried because there was some kind of military warning sign thing that was in Japanese, but Suika brushed that aside and instead led me down the forested area. Clearly she'd either very confident of herself, or she knew the geography of the area very well.

"So… we're in a dark place where I can hardly see myself," I remarked casually.
"Stop complaining, old man, just watch."

The little girl delivered a punch on the forest ground, and immediately I found myself falling on all fours, crashing into the forest growth. When I stood up, I could feel – though not really see – that we're somewhere below ground, and somewhat secure from outside intruders.

"There. I punched a hole into the forest floor. Now we can sleep."

I didn't bother protesting with this weird little "drunken oni", so I stacked my luggage on my head and slept right away. The nostalgia factor was pretty strong, though, as soon I found myself unable to sleep (in part due to the really powerful sake hitting my head hard).

""""""

Where is this… where am I?

I tried to find a logic to the empty world I ended up in, but came up with an answer that felt like my surroundings.

Emptiness.

I suddenly heard words being spoken in a language that I felt strangely familiar with, yet I could not discern.

"…take… baby… along…"
"…can't… male… Konpaku…"
"…outside… outside…"

Konpaku? Baby? Male? All these words confused me greatly. Why did I suddenly have such weird dreams?

""""""

"Rise and shine!"

I was awakened to the sound of a familiar voice; the same voice from recent memory… and then.

"WHOA!"

In no time at all, I felt the floor beneath rising so quickly, that I was caught unprepared as I slammed face-first into a rather thick tree branch right above me.

"Oops, I went a bit too far with that!" Giggled the mysterious oni.
"What the hell did you think you're doing?"
"Sorry!~"

I couldn't be bothered arguing with this little oni while being literally stuck above ground, on a tree branch.

"Girl, can I ask you something?"
"Hmm?"
"Just what in tarnation is your name?"
"What's a 'tarnation'?"
"Never mind that. Please state your name, age, occupation, gender, location."

The girl pretended to think at length, so I played along and pretended to snap.

"Just answer me!"
"Oh alright alright! It's only because it's you, that's why I'd answer you."
"Just spit it already."
"My name is Ibuki Suika, also known as the Drunken Little Oni. I don't know what the hell's a "gender", but if that means to ask if I'm a boy or a girl, I'm a girl. My occupation is none."

"Vagrant," I uttered.

"Location, hmm, I believe my home is a placed called Gensokyo."
"Gensokyo… is it something like Edo? Or… uhh.. Nagoya?"
"Nope, those townships have nothing to do with Gensokyo."

Uh, to be honest, I almost wanted to correct her; neither of those two cities, according to what I read on the Internet, are "townships". But whatever, really, I couldn't give a damn about that anymore.

"So are you getting me near town, or something?"
"Actually, I can't get you near any more civilization," smirked the oni.
"And why the hell is that?"
"You will know when you follow me. Come on."

""""""

Suika scoured around for the trishaw's remains, which were, to my surprise, all on the side of the highway we crashed out of.

"We're going to take a rather high route, so don't say I didn't warn you this time."

Warn, indeed. I quickly got onto the trishaw, making sure that every piece of my luggage is lashed and secured as properly as I could.

" Hang tight, Konpaku! We're going to fly!"

This time, I lost my fear completely, allowing the suspense of disbelief to lure me into some sort of modern-day fantasy land. "Woooooooo! We're flying, man, wow!"

"…you obviously haven't yet seen the best…"

"Hmm? What do you mean, I haven't seen the best," I asked Suika, curiosity piqued.

"In Gensokyo, there's a 'Shrine Maiden of Paradise' who could easily take off into the skies of her own free will."

"Wh-what? You not shittin' me, she could just 'fly'?"

"I'm not kidding with you. Oh, she'll be one of the first people I bring you to, simply because she's at the border between this world and Gensokyo."

"I'd assume that to mean she's a customs officer," I remarked. "Even so, it's nice to know there's at least some kind of order where you come from. You behave absolutely as though the world's yours!"

"Well, I broke a fake moon once upon a time," laughed Suika. "So theoretically speaking, if I can maintain my presence in this realm for longer than a week, I can and I will take over this world. Unfortunately, I can only stay for exactly twelve shichen, following which I have to go back or risk losing powers for two weeks. If I end up like that then I can't even fight off a wolf youkai."

"Whoa, whoa, one at a time, please, I need time to digest all these information," I stopped her before she proceeded with more alien terms. "Youkai? Shichen? Gensokyo? Give me some time to absorb all these, man, I can't know everything at once. Oh, gimme a bit of me-time, too, I got personal matters to attend to."
"Hurry it up, whatever you're doing. We're going to enter the border via an air route. You have only a short while before we reach the overhead border."

I reached over my bag, and dug my mobile out. It was just basic courtesy to call to my investor prodigy friend.

"Hey."
"Where the hell'd you been, Pas? I've even got the concierge ready at Narita!"
"Sorry, man, some, uhh… business to attend to," I lied. "I… uhh… gotta head back stateside to settle some stuff for Gramps."
"Argh, what a shame it had to come to this. Fine then, I'll see you again in a few."
"Later."

Not a moment too soon, it would seem. The powers of the wind suddenly pressured me so badly, I felt like I was being squashed by some unknown force to the left and right, top and bottom of me.

"This… feels… terrible…"
"Heads up! Don't look downwards!"
"Is it always… this tough getting through the border?"
"Usually it isn't! I'm going to screw Yukari over when we cross. A little more!"

A little more WHAT? If not for my experience as a part-time diver, I would've given up and thrown myself off the flying trishaw. The pressure is so great it was incredibly painful, and all my organs, I swore, were being pushed downwards and out of my body.

"We're almost there, Konpaku!"
"Who the hell is this 'Konpaku'!" I yelled, not having any idea just why this word 'Konpaku' had been sticking its ass on my face.
"You!" She yelled.
"I have a name, and it's Pasonia Seltia Kero------"

Right before I was about to spit the "s" syllable, I felt a sudden, but gratifyingly immense sense of relief over my entire being. Whatever border we've been trying to pass, we got through.

"We're finally through… the border," she gasped. "I'm going to kill Yukari for this… My horns, dammit!"

Whoever this 'Yukari' was, I blurted, must've been an ultra great sloth or something to toot my guide's horns bad (quite the literal), but conclusions about people I don't already know may prove too hasty, yet. Slowly, I could feel the trishaw going into a descent and not far from us was one of those Shinto Shrine places I've only ever seen on television and the Internet.

"We're approaching the Hakurei Shrine. Reimu! Reimu! We're here now! The Konpaku is with us now!"