„Ivan… What's wrong? You haven't even touched your coffee yet."
Toris tilted his head, looking worried at his lover. His fingers curled around his own cup, warming up in the cool autumn breeze.
"It's… nothing."
"Nothing? Vanya… Don't lie to me. Ok? You can't tell me you left work early just because it's 'nothing'."
Ivan glanced on his hands, resting on the table. He seemed unsure and something about his expression made Toris nervous.
"What's wrong, Vanya…?"
A deep sigh left the Russian's lips as he finally looked up again. Violet eyes met green ones and Toris felt his heart stop beating at the next words.
"I can't be with you any longer."
It felt as if the ground vanished under Toris feet. Every noise of the café they sat in got muffled and the leaves on the trees down the street, glowing with red and orange and yellow, became grey.
"… what…?"
"I… I have to leave, Toris… I can't stay anymore…"
"But why? Why, Ivan?"
Another sigh, another heartbeat skipped.
"… it's hard to explain…"
"Hard to explain…?" It was barely a whisper before it broke out of him. "Hard to explain?!"
Toris didn't care he got strange looks from the waitress and the few other people on the neighbour tables. "You're leaving me and it's hard to explain?! Give me at least a reason! One damn reason, Ivan!"
"Toris, I…" Ivan shrugged helpless. "I don't know how to tell you… Something happened and I… I have to leave, lyubov…"
Toris shook his head unbelieving. "Don't call me that… Not after you tell me that you'll leave. What's with the celebration? What's with our families?" His voice got a desperate sound. "Is… is it because of my family, Ivan…? They'll accept you in the end… I can't change who they are and what they think, but… does that even matter? As long as we have each other…? Please, don't leave…"
"Toris, I-"
Quietly the waitress stepped beside the Lithuanian and leaned down. She looked nervous, as her glanced rushed to the sides and back to him.
"I'm sorry, Sir, but… could you be a bit quieter maybe…? The other guests feel disturbed… I'm sorry…"
"A-ah… no, I am sorry… this…" Ashamed Toris pulled his head between his shoulders, feeling the embarrassment and the anger burning on his cheeks. "Can I please get the bill? This… is no place to discuss this anyway…"
The young woman nodded quietly and got the little device, she used to take the orders with. Toris expected Ivan to pay. Normally he did that often and today it was his fault, they got thrown out, but Ivan didn't move an inch. Instead he stared at his hands, still resting on the table.
After Toris had paid and added a good tip, he stood up and picked his jacket from the chair beside him. He felt terrible and confused. He couldn't get what was wrong suddenly. Just this morning they had parted with a kiss and a quiet 'I love you'. And now this…? He remembered how Ivan had avoided a kiss when they had met.
Toris reached out for his lover's hand, but before he could even touch him Ivan pulled it away. It gave his heart a painful sting.
"… let's… let's go home and talk there, Ivan… please… this can't be the end…"
"It can be…"
Another sting and another rip at his heart.
Together they left the café in silence. Toris let the bags with the things he had bought earlier wander from one hand to the other. It wasn't far to their little flat. They lived together for one year now and it was doomed to be over…? Just like that? He bit his lower lip, feeling the pain not even matching the tightness in his chest.
"Torya! Hey, Torya!"
Arms wrapped suddenly around Toris' neck and the next moment he was pulled into a tight embrace.
"F-Feliks…!" He hadn't even seen him coming. "What… Hey, h-how are you?"
"I'm fine, I'm fine! And you?" His friend smiled broadly, poking his cheek. "You look as if someone died, Torya."
"…" Toris forced himself to smile. He loved his friend, but right now he hadn't any nerves for him left. Carefully he pushed him away, before he remembered something.
"Feliks…? Haven't you forgotten something…?" Toris spoke quietly, his smile getting desperate.
"Forgotten? No? Have I?"
Toris nodded to the side, frowning sadly.
"Don't you… don't you want to say hello maybe…?"
"Hello? Why? There's no need to. Torya, you're so funny sometimes! Really now!"
His friend's smile hurt even more then Toris could have ever imagined. He turned to apologize to Ivan, but the Russian was gone.
"… Ivan…?" His eyes widened as he looked around. There was no trace of him left. "Ivan!"
"Huh…? Torya, what-"
"God damn, Feliks! One time! Just one time!"
The blond blinked confused at his friend's angry expression, noticing tears in the corners of his eyes.
"I know you don't like him! I know all of my family doesn't like Ivan! But I do! I love him and there's nothing you all can change about it!"
"Torya… calm down. What's this about all of a sudden…?"
Toris glared at his friend, his heart pounding so heavy in his chest. He was hurt and he was angry. Ivan wanted to leave him. The love of his life wanted to leave him and his best friend didn't help!
"Ivan!" Rushing around Toris ran down the street, leaving Feliks confused behind. He needed to find him and talk to him. He couldn't let him leave like this… But no matter where he looked, the Russian was nowhere to be found.
Toris felt his heart sink as he stopped in front of their café again, rubbing tears from his eyes. Maybe Ivan went home already? Maybe Feliks' ignorance had hurt him too much this time?
Sniffing quietly Toris picked his mobile from a pocket. He was about to dial Ivan's number, when a call reached him.
The number on the display was foreign to him. Blinking some tears away he picked up the call.
"Taip?"
"Mr. Laurinaitis?" It was the voice of an elderly woman. She seemed calm, but there was noise in the background.
"Yes…? Who are you?"
"My name's Maryann Cooper. I'm from the local hospital."
"Hospital?!"
Immediately his thoughts rushed to Ivan. He hadn't been away long enough! If something had happened to him it had to be close by! Toris felt his heart racing.
"Yes… Mr. Laurinaitis, are you seated? Because I have grave news for you... It's about your fiancé… Mr. Ivan Braginsky."
Toris felt his mouth getting dry.
"… t-taip…?"
"There had been a grave accident in Mr. Braginsky's workplace this midday. It seems some chemicals exploded in the laboratory. Your fiancé was brought here, but he died one hour ago from his injuries… I'm sorry."
"…"
"Mr. Laurinaitis? Are you still there?"
"That… that can't be…" A crooked, unbelieving smile lingered on Toris' lips. "He… Ivan has been here just minutes ago! I-I talked to him! We drank coffee together!"
"That's not possible, Mr. Laurinaitis… I'm sorry, but we are sure it's Mr. Braginsky. He asked us to call you when he was brought in, but we couldn't find out your number earlier… I'm really sorry…"
Toris wasn't sure what to say or what to think. It couldn't be. He couldn't believe it! Ivan had been at his side just minutes ago! He had seen him! He had touched-
"I told you, lyubov…" A voice whispered into Toris' ear.
Slowly he turned his head to look into violet eyes. Ivan was smiling, but his smile was so sad it took Toris' breath away.
"Ivan…"
"… I just wanted to say goodbye… I couldn't leave just like that."
"This… this can't be! You're… you're here, Ivan. How can you…?"
If it was possible the Russian's smile became even sadder. Toris reached out to touch his cheek, but when his fingers went through his skin he flinched.
"I'm sorry, lyubov… I wasn't sure how to tell you…"
"No…" The smaller man shook his head, backing away, while tears ran over his cheeks. "No, this can't be… no, no, no…"
"Toris… don't…"
"No! You're not dead! You can't be dead!"
"Toris!" A hand reached out for him, but just like Toris' fingers it went right through his arm. Toris couldn't believe it and he didn't accept it! Ivan couldn't be dead! Ivan couldn't have died!
He had clung to his bags all the time, but now he let them fall to the ground, turned around and ran.
"Toris! Watch out!"
Apples rolled over the sidewalk when there was a loud squeak followed by a bang and sudden silence. Even the birds stopped to sing for the blink of an eye, before a woman screamed somewhere.
However Toris didn't hear it, just like he hadn't noticed the car coming fast closer. His body felt strangely dull and a strange coldness crawled through his bones. When he blinked he could see the sky. It was blurred, but there was something… someone…
"… V-Vanya…"
"Yes, Toris…" This time Ivan's fingers didn't go through Toris' skin. This time he brushed the smaller man's cheek, wiping some blood away.
"I… I love you, V-Vanya…"
"I love you too, lyubov…"
"I… I want t-to… come with you…"
A sigh lingered on the Russian's lips together with a terrible sad smile.
"… now you can, my love… now you can…"