I'm back everyone~!
Okay, so for those of you that liked and faved my first crack story for Claude/Sebastian, I have decided to do a sequel. An AWESOME sequel!
I don't own the characters except for the ones that weren't in the original story plot. Believe me, you'll love this story as much as the first one~!Enjoy!
"Claude, please explain why we're in this… hideous excuse for a store?" Sebastian whined as he had done for the past two hours.
Yes raving fans, you're about to read the inevitable story of Claude and Sebastian's adventure in Wal-Mart.
You see, they had been given a shopping list of necessities needed to be bought for their manors by the two Young Masters.
The only problem was, they had to go together…with a pink "handbag" that had the money in it. Luckily for Claude, who was allergic to the revolting color and would break out in a horrible case of hemorrhoids, Sebastian decided he'd wear it.
'It suits him nicely.' Claude thought, kind of turned on by the way his enemy wore it with swag.
He decided he'd TRY to be NICE to the raven, and gave him a compliment.
Note that what had meant to come out of his mouth was; "It suits you nicely. I think you great with it on."
But what actually came out was;
"Sebastian, you look so gay."
Let's just say our dear Phantomhive butler was so thrilled to hear that-that he punched Claude in the balls.
"ANYWAYS, come on and help me look for the supplies, my ass is starting to chaff in these thongs Young Master made me wear." Sebastian rolled his eyes, flipping his hair fabulously because-well, because he's Sebastian fucking Michaelis!
The items on the grocery list were very simple;
A new lawn mower (I bet you're wondering what the hell a lawn mower and Wal-Mart are doing in the late nineteenth century!) because Finny nearly ran over Sebastian's favorite stuffed cat, Mr. Snuggles and ended up crashing into Mey-rin's bedroom.
Sebastian needs a new pair of 7-inch high-heel stilettos by Victoria's Secret because the Young Master stole his last week to use on Alois in the bedroom.
Both manors are in desperate need of more silverware, mainly butter knives, due to the fact that the two demons kept losing them while they battle, and it's not like they're going to search for them and reuse them.
Alois needs new booty shorts because his old ones keep ripping and disappearing, especially his magic ones (Claude can't help it, he's just so hungry!).
The Young Master needs another pimp cane because he broke the last one on Sebastian during a sex tryst.
That was about it, besides some black nail polish that the two demons shared, they got to keep their nails all nice and pretty.
"Hey, we really need to hurry because a new season premier of 'Sex in the City' comes on tonight!" Sebastian called out from the makeup aisle, trying to find a good nail polish that was on sale but didn't look all slutty…although he tends to get that way when someone turns him on.
"No you dumbass, that's 'Hot in Cleveland' you're thinking of. Besides, why do even watch that kind of stuff?" Claude corrected him.
Sebastian pouted and crossed his arms," I just like show like that, okay! Besides, why do you watch 'How I Met Your Mother'?"
The only reaction the younger demon got from him was a stare before the older male walked off towards the Garden section of the store.
Sebastian huffed and decided to play stubborn, but when he turned around, a creepy old man was grinning at him and gave the poor demon the Pervert Wave.
"C-CLAUDE! WAIT FOR MEEE!" The raven practically buried himself into the spider's back.
-Time Skip-
When they made their way to the lawn mowers, Claude noticed a couple of cute, innocent little blue jays looking for food near one of the expensive lawn mowers, which what Finny needed.
He smiled and of course, just HAD to pet them and hold them.
"I shall name you Little Jimmy, and that will be Jimmy John. The birdie over there with the ugly tail feathers will be Nutty, that's your mom by the way, and the one next to Nutty shall be named, Carl, because Harold does not sound good on a college certificate!"
"HEY NUMB NUTS, I SAID; DO YOU NEED SOME POTTING SOIL?" Sebastian yelled, attracting the attention of the nosy customers.
"No, and will you quit yelling? You sound like whore." Claude remarked, earning small growl from the red-eyed demon.
Sebastian merely turned around to go look at the flowers two aisles down.
Claude turned back to the birdies and sighed.
"Why does Sebastian have to be so sexy but SO bitchy?" And with that, the spider turned once again to watch the raven.
So while Sebastian was looking at what type of roses he wanted to get for the garden, Claude decided to take a sneak peek at that hump-worthy ass his enemy got, completely and somewhat blissfully unaware of what was about to take place behind him.
TWEET! TWEET TWEET~!
'What the fuck?'
TWEET~! TWEET BABY OH YEAH! WOOOO! RIGHT THERE! LITTLE BIT FASTER! TWEET!
'What the double fuck?' Claude turned around slowly to see if any dramatic background music would play as he did so, but it didn't so about half way he just spun around.
What he saw made all his innocent thoughts of cute, innocent little birds flying around disintegrate.
"LITTLE JIMMY STOP THAT! THAT'S INCEST! DON'T DO THAT TO JIMMY JOHN! WHAT THE- NUTTY WHY ARE YOU LETTING CARL GET ON TOP OF YOU LIKE THAT!?" Claude screeched, trying to get the birds' attention.
"Dude, what the hell is that guy saying? I'm not even related to you, just had sex with your sister last month!" Nutty said, obviously irritated at the fact that this dipshit thought he was a girl.
"My name isn't even Little Jimmy!" another said.
"WHOA…are you serious, bro?" they other three stopped in mid-hump in shock.
"No, it's Harold, thank you. Why are you so surprised?"
"Harold is such a boring name…"
"Fuck you, John."
"Funny, you just did."
"Hey, what's up with you-"
Claude just gaped at the four birds that had just finished having anal.
"Oh what the hell, you're shocked that they had sex? Claude, I'm a freaking demon raven, and I sex plenty of times. Why aren't you surprised about that?" Sebastian scoffed, a bit jealous that Claude was never paying him any attention even though he was technically a raven…just a shit ton taller.
"No, I'm not surprised when it comes to you and sex, Sebastian. Honestly, I'm so used to it that I don't even bother looking at ravens anymore." Claude replied stonily, staring at the lawn mower emptily.
Sebastian felt a pang in his heart at those words. So basically he's saying he thinks I'm ugly?
"Well, tell me, are you going to purchase this one or not?"
"Oh yes, of-"
"NO, IT'S TAINTED WITH BIRDIE SEMEN!" Claude walked over to the exact same model next to it and jabbed his thumb at it," We'll simply take this one. No arguments, Sebastian, I'm not in a good mood right now."
"Sure thing, sir!" The clerk scanned the price tag and printed the receipt.
-Time Skip-
Now that the two demon butlers had gotten the lawn mower, it was time to move on to the shoe department.
Sebastian nearly died from the glorious wonder that was the four large aisles they called a Shoe Department.
"Why couldn't you just get this one and save time?" Claude asked, picking up a pair of wedges, making the other butler gag in disgust.
"ARE YOU SERIOUS!? Such a shoe is not worthy of being on these fabulous feet!" Sebastian sneered, doing another fabulous hair flip that nearly made Claude cream.
"What's the big difference? It's a pair of shoes with heels!"
"Claude, honey, I'm looking for shoes with heels so big that it would put your dick to shame. Plus, the brand is Victoria's Secret, which is the best of the best!" the younger demon chirped, and continued throwing boxes of shoes off the shelves to find that one pair of stilettos.
Eventually, the whole department was torn apart as if a tornado had passed through it. Yet, the raven still couldn't find those shoes!
So, he decided to ask the clerk.
"Pardon me, but do you know where I could find a pair of Victoria's Secret Sinful Bliss stilettos? I can't seem to find any and I know they have some here. It was in the sale paper!" Sebastian flirted with the pubescent cashier.
"Umm, we're out of those."
What.
"I'm sorry, come again?" The demon's smile turned tight.
"I said; we're sold out." The cashier shot back at the demon, not realizing what the raven could do when it comes to his precious heels.
Sebastian slammed his hands on the desk, his eyes closed. He pushed himself away from the desk and walked past Claude. Then, he walked back to the desk before walking back towards the spider demon once again.
THEN, he ran at full speed back to the desk and yanked the teenage cashier by the collar with his forehead pressed against his. He gave the boy a menacing scowl complete with a glare.
"TO WHO DAMNIT!? WHO TOOK MY FUCKING HEELS!?" the enraged butler shook the boy vigorously in frustration.
"I-It was some blonde l-lady, sir-"
"HOW LONG AGO WAS THIS?" Sebastian growled, tightening his grip on the boy's shoulders, making the poor cashier wince in pain from the finely manicured nails that dug into his shoulder.
"I-I d-don't know!"
The raven gave the boy another fierce shaking before talking.
"NOT GOOD ENOUGH. YOU BETTER REMEMBER OR ELSE I'LL FUCKING BURN YOUR BITCH ASS HOUSE DOWN, MOTHERFUCKER!" he snarled in his ghetto-british voice, shaking the frightened man twice.
Claude learned that when Sebastian goes all ghetto, he's either on his man period or he's just pissed.
Well, it's obvious he's one of those things right now, and he's starting to believe it's the first choice.
"O-okay, just please don't hurt me! I've just saved up enough money to go to college and I've got a girlfriend now so-"
He was shook again, nearly pissing his pants out of fear and all that soda he had earlier.
"FINE, I'll tell you! It was about ten minutes ago. She bought them while you were tearing the shoe racks in half.
"WHERE IS SHE NOW!"
"I-in the lingerie department, but please, she's nine months pregnant so don't-" he was thrown to the ground by the butler, whose eye was twitching.
"I WOULDN'T GIVE TWO SHITS IF SHE WAS NINE MONTHS PREGNANT WITH TRIPLETS, BITCH DOESN'T NEED STILETTOS OR LINGERIES WHEN SHE'S IN THAT CONDITION IN THE FIRST PLACE!" and with that, Sebastian sped off towards the Lingerie section of the store.
-Time Skip-
Claude had to literally jog to keep up with Sebastian, who was currently plotting this woman's death at the moment.
"Are you seriously going to this all for a pair of stilettos, Sebastian? Why not just let the woman have them-"
"Claude, shut the bloody hell up, because you're not making any sense right now." The other butler snapped.