This started as a simple fic for my friend who has just finished watching Death Note... but it turned into a monster... it started innocent though and that's what counts, right?
This is my first LightxL lemon and my second ever written smex... um.. i'm kind of afraid that it's really bad.. especially considering i wrote this at 2am...
Warnings: uh.. man smex. and present tense.
Disclaimer: if i owned Death Note, that scene up on the roof, would've gone a little more like this...
IF LOVE IS BLIND
If love is blind, what does that mean?
It's one of those things he keeps thinking about but it's a mystery, like a Rubik's cube with seven sides, it's just one of life's secrets.
A lot of people thought it meant that love chose who it chose based on the personality of a person, rather than their looks.
But he thinks it couldn't possibly be something so simple.
Others thought it meant that you couldn't choose who you fell in love with.
He thinks this is closer to the end, to the puzzles ultimate solution.
There can be more than one answer, he realises. It's one of those questions that really can't be figured out but that doesn't mean he'll stop trying. After all, if he can't figure out the dynamics of love, then how is he to cure it?
Yes, he believes it is a disease which is slowly eating away at his ability to think straight. Maybe even those thoughts have been corrupted by the warm, comforting virus spreading through his body like a plague. And when he begins to doubt his own judgement and second-guess his own decisions, he knows he is falling into some dark, unknown abyss.
But he's not afraid.
He's not afraid to fall. In fact he thinks it will be easy, quick and painless. Though he knows that which falls will be broken, he's not afraid to be shattered.
He knows by now that it is love. The way he goes out of his way to prove himself when it really shouldn't matter what the other thinks of him. The way the room seems so empty when they're together, like they're the only two in existence. The way it always seems hard but easy at the same time, just to talk to him. The way it seems like he's the only one in the world that could possibly understand.
And the way it hurts to think maybe these feelings will never be returned. But he doesn't like to think about that.
He doesn't like to think that maybe there's somebody else.
And even worse, he doesn't like to believe that the one he's beginning to fall for has done all those bad things and killed all of those people. But you can't argue with logic – though the heart often tries to – and logic tells him his love is guilty, no matter how many times it's been proven otherwise.
He stands out in the rain, trying to think about this in a rational way though the soothing sound of water hitting the ground really does nothing for his thought process.
Yes, it's raining. Raining for what feels like the first time since he arrived in Japan.
But that can't be true. He's been here for a year already.
The rain pours down, cleaning everything, making everything seem clearer when in reality it's all just a foggy mess. He stares out at the misty city, trying to make out the shapes of the buildings but all he sees is a grey sky, sunlight trying unsuccessfully to break through and the blackened shadows of buildings along the horizon.
He runs a hand through his flattened black locks, distantly noticing that they're drenched but he doesn't really care. As he lets his arm fall, he listens for the rattle of the chain that used to connect them together, but it doesn't anymore and so he doesn't hear it, not that he would over the sound of the rain.
Because they say he didn't do those awful things. They say he's innocent and he wants to believe them, he really does but how can he possibly do so?
He doesn't hear the door to the roof open, nor does he hear the footsteps approaching him, splashing in newly formed puddles. He continues to look out at the city, chewing the tip of his thumb and trying unsuccessfully to think.
"What are you doing out here, are you trying to get sick?"
He almost jumps at that sound. The sound of the voice he knows so well and yet wishes he'd never heard at all. Beyond the sound of the rushing water, pouring from above, it sounds like a mere whisper though he knows the words have been yelled.
"Isn't Light-kun worrying about getting sick himself?" he replies simply, casting an impassive glance towards the other. Though he displays a cold front, he can't help the way his heart skips a beat and he hates himself for a moment. But it's brief and lasts only until Light allows that brilliant smile of his to take over.
He doesn't see that smile very often but whenever he does, it makes life's problems – the worst of which is usually when his next sugar fix will be – melt away. It's silly, he knows it is but he can't control his heart though it's not for lack of trying.
"I came up here to find you," Light shouts, "If you stay out here, you'll catch your death!"
Is that a threat, Light-kun? He wonders.
Still he can't be suspicious when he sees the boy beside him is shivering, already drenched by the heavy downpour.
He doesn't feel the cold. No not really. It doesn't inconvenience him at all but he thinks this is because his body is different than Light's.
He feels a cold hand close around his wrist and barely hears the words, "come-on, it's freezing out here! Let's go inside!" before he's being dragged indoors. He doesn't mind though.
Soon they're sitting in one of the rooms, wrapped up in towels that seem to absorb the water momentarily before transferring it back to the clothes they wear.
He thinks it would be easier to dry off if they were to remove their clothing and he suggests it because it's the logical thing to do; not because he's dying to know what Light looks like underneath. Although he is.
And Light knows it's the smart thing to do and soon layers are shed; shirts are unbuttoned and discarded, belts are undone and pants removed and he can't help the way his eyes stray, hoping to memorize as much of Light as possible before his body returns back to its cotton prison. But still the simple sight isn't nearly enough yet he knows he mustn't touch and all too soon, the towels return, this time doing a better job.
"Ryuzaki?"
One word seems to wake him up and he realises he's been staring and that he hasn't moved an inch since Light started to… but now his eyes are full of concern and amusement? And he makes his way slowly across the bed that separates them.
Reaching out unsurely he says, barely above a whisper, "let me help you with that," and begins to pull the wet, white material away from the others body.
He raises his arms instinctively, feeling Light's fingers on his skin as his shirt is pulled away and soon thrown somewhere out of reach. He feels those same fingers trail gently up his stomach, along his chest, moving cautiously until they're on either side of his face and Light pulls him closer until their lips meet.
He begins to press back. Slowly but surely and he allows his own fingers to travel along the other's smooth, exposed skin. He feels Light's teeth scrape against his bottom lip and opens his mouth accordingly, barely registering the other's tongue in his mouth. It's a sloppy kiss at first as he's never done this before but he's a quick learner, and mimics the others slow, careful movements.
He's never touched anybody in this way before, nor has he been touched like this but he doesn't think about what he's doing and he ignores the voice in the back of his mind telling him to stop.
Light breaks the kiss and settles for placing small butterfly kisses along his jawline and trailing them down his throat, pausing in places to suck and bite the soft flesh. They fall backwards and he ends up on his back but neither minds very much. He tilts his head back, allowing Light more access to his throat and lets out a soft sound, almost a moan when he feels teeth scrape against his collarbone and hands roaming his thin frame.
He knows this boy will be his undoing and so it's just a matter of, will he let himself become undone?
It's only when Light begins to unbutton his jeans that he gains enough sense speak.
"What is Light-kun doing?" he asks his voice dry and raspy.
In all honesty, he can barely recollect how they got here. Well he knows how but doesn't quite understand.
Light smirks and says, "It's called sex, Ryuzaki. Don't tell me you've never heard of it." He continues his previous actions, placing light kisses up and down the others throat, marking the skin in random places while working on getting his jeans undone. He murmured against the other's skin, "go ahead, tell me this is the first time," he paused for a moment, having finally gotten the button undone, "make my day."
"A-ah, Light-kun is correct," he says, barely supressing a moan as Light tugs his jeans off, purposefully brushing his hand against his growing excitement.
"Good," Light says.
He's wanted this for quite a while and now that he's no longer suspected as Kira, he decided, why not? There's really no reason not to go for it, and he was going to enjoy it.
Light reconnects their lips in another sloppy kiss, at the same time reaching his hand down the other's smooth, pale body and down into his boxers, grasping his member and noting with slight amusement, that he was already hard.
"It doesn't take much for you, does it?" he asked teasingly, running his thumb over the tip.
Again, he has to fight not to moan but can't help the involuntary arching of his back, his body shuddering slightly with the pleasure caused by Light's actions. He shakes his head slightly, face flushed and momentarily unable to form words, he eventually says, "considering my experience in this a-area… you shouldn't b-be ah! You shouldn't be surprised."
Light smirks again, satisfied with the reactions he's receiving as he continues to tease the other.
This is what he wants; the world's greatest detective L, beneath him, reduced to a sweating, shaking, barely-thinking-at-all – or maybe thinking way too much – beautiful mess.
But he knows there's more to it.
He removes his hand, enjoying the disgruntled little noise he receives, before he pulls away the final piece of clothing, and tosses them somewhere out of reach, along with the shirt and jeans, leaving L completely exposed and at his mercy.
He likes that idea.
He dislikes though, the way there's still sparks of sanity in those dulled brown eyes. He wants that to go away.
He leans down and places a gentle kiss on the tip of L's cock, earning an annoyed groan which he finds quite encouraging. He sticks his tongue out and just barely grazes the sensitive skin. He continues on with this little game, giving only small kisses and licks to the other, satisfied for now with the way L's hips move on their own, and his back arches without his consent, always trying to get more friction but none is ever found.
Until he can't take it anymore and grabs and handful of Light's hair, yanking him back up.
"Quit teasing," he growls, the usual serene look of distance is gone from his eyes which are now swimming with desire and impatience.
Light smiles innocently, as if he doesn't know what he's been doing, and ignoring the pain as L lets him go. He presents three fingers and presses them to the other's mouth, pushing them past his lips. L takes them in, though he doesn't really get it, he runs his tongue hesitantly along one and is encouraged by a soft sigh from Light, he continues to lick and suck all three fingers individually, until Light pulls them out, deeming them wet enough.
Light leans in close, kissing a spot just beneath the others ear, he whispers, "this next part hurts."
"I think I'll be fine," L murmured, not quite there at all.
Light decides to take his word for it and sits up properly, spreading L's legs apart carefully. He knows that this is the part where it stops getting careful, and starts getting fun.
Without a word of warning, he pushes the first finger into L's entrance, noticing immediately how tight it is. He goes through the motions, ignoring L's discomfort as he shifts slightly, trying to ease the smallest amounts of pain, Light pushes his finger in and out a few more times before adding the second one. He began pulling his fingers apart, causing L to bite his lip. Light pressed a small kiss to L's throat, trailing up to his mouth, attempting to distract him as he inserted the third and final finger. For a moment it seemed to work, until he began to separate his fingers again.
"Ah, Light-kun!" he exclaims, hissing slightly as Light thrusts his fingers in particularly roughly.
He keeps pushing in and out, twisting and curling his fingers, smiling slightly as the pained noises, turn into soft moans and pants and –
"Light, right there!" L forgets any sort of reasoning he might've had before and loses himself to the pleasure as Light continues thrusting his fingers relentlessly into that one spot until he felt L was nearing his climax, at which point he stopped everything and pulled out.
Huh? L opens his eyes, not realising he'd closed them until he sees Light smirking down at him.
"This'll probably hurt a bit," Light says.
L doesn't care. He's already too far gone to care.
Light pulls the towel from around his waist, revealing his hard member. He lined himself up with L's entrance and began pushing in without warning, moaning at the heat. He pauses to catch his breath and to let L catch his own.
"You alright?" he asks, though he barely even cares anymore.
L nods, "yeah. Keep going."
And so he does. Light keeps pushing, not stopping until he's completely sheathed. He hadn't thought before that it would feel like this. He can barely breathe, let alone think straight and once he gets a nod from L to continue, he begins moving at a rough, fast pace.
L never imagined it would hurt like this. It feels as though he's being split down the middle and it feels amazing. He thinks maybe he's a bit of a masochist, but such thoughts are quickly extinguished when Light hits that one magical spot.
"Ah god, Light!" he yells. It doesn't feel right to him, being so out of control of the way he feels but he likes that lack of control, perhaps even a little too much. He arches his back and wraps one leg around Light's waist, trying to pull them closer, trying to get Light in deeper.
He feels he might go blind if this continues, as every time that one spot is hit, he sees only white. But he wouldn't mind too terribly if Light was the last thing he ever saw.
He finds himself moving in time with Light, ignoring his own arousal until Light snakes his hand between their bodies and begins stroking, softly at first and slowly building up to the same rough pace.
By the time he reaches his climax, he's reduced to a moaning, incoherent mess, letting out one last cry of his lover's name before spilling himself all over himself and Light. The other soon follows, releasing deeply within L.
They lie in bed exactly twelve minutes later, having caught their breath a while ago; they're both tired and worn out.
It's silence in the room except for the sounds of their hearts pounding in their chests, until Light finally speaks.
"Ryuzaki…" even after what had happened, he seemed rather hesitant to speak, "say if I turned out to really be Kira…"
And L thinks, oh no. I've made the wrong decision. He was only using me; trying to change my mind, trying to manipulate my feelings.
How could I have been so stupid?!
And he hates himself again, until he sees the look of nervousness on Lights face.
"Say theoretically, if I turned out to be Kira… you'd make a case against me. and send me to my execution, no matter what right?"
Huh? That didn't sound right. L replays his words in his mind a few times before he response.
"Yes, I'm afraid I'd have no choice."
Light is beginning to fall asleep, resting his head on L's shoulder, he drifts off.
L sighs and places a small chaste kiss on Light's forehead, whispering quietly, "I really hope you're not Kira."
Now when L thinks about it, he knows what it means.
Love is blind.
It means you can fall in love with anybody at any given time, without a single word of warning.
It means that sometimes you fall in love with somebody so completely wrong for you, and you have no choice but to sit back and watch yourself get hurt.
It means that sometimes, you fall in love with a bad person. Somebody who has killed many, many people. Somebody you're meant to hate.
And as L drifts off, he realises that it doesn't matter at all.
It never really did.