So I wrote this little POV this evening as a way of getting back into writing again as it has been ages since I have written anything. It's just a short simple few thoughts paragraphs about a character who I am really quite fond of and now actually get to watch on a regular basis. I have an idea of an angsty Reddie piece brewing as well, so please let me know if you'd like to read it. This is for Gem, who without I'd never of watched WR in the first place.
Constant Reminder
Haunted by dreams of the fire Rachel prepares to go back to school once more. Rachel's POV.
The acrid smell filled her nose, every second she breathed in more smoke, her throat was blocked and raspy and her head pounded, she'd gone back inside to make sure that her students were safe, but instead she had found him, Stuart. The man who'd tried to ruin her career and if she was honest her life, he had tried to ruin it all, but still she couldn't leave him there, she couldn't leave him to burn. She glanced upwards towards the end of the familiar corridor and she could see the flames beginning to lick at the paintwork of doors that were not strong enough to protect either of them. It was then as she began to drag him along the floor that everything went black, she fell to the ground, unable to move, unable to know what was going to happen to her, and to know just how much her commitment to this school would cost her.
Sweat dripped down the back of her neck, as she awoke with a start. Another bad dream, another trapped with nowhere to run dream. Rachel Mason was plagued by dreams of that fire, the fire that felt as if it had happened years ago, not simply weeks ago. She released one of her hands which had been clenched into a fist and placed it on her chest as a way of trying to keep her heart from feeling as if it was going to beat right out of her chest, as she did she grazed the raised and damaged skin that was her constant reminder of what she had been through. Immediately she removed her hand and replaced it next to her on the bed, the feel of her different chest repulsed her, she did her best never to look at it, to ignore it and pretend it wasn't there, but it was, she knew it was, it was always there, always a reminder, a constant reminder.
When she had first awoken in hospital all she could feel was burning, burning as if she was still stuck and in danger once more. All she had been able to smell for a week was smoke, no matter how many bunches of flowers were sent and how many chemicals she had had washing her skin, the smell of those flames that had harmed her haunted her, constantly for that first week and then every so often since. Even the simple smell of candles on a birthday cake or a lit candle made her feel unwell, those flames had changed her, and right now she didn't know how she would be able to change back, back to the person she had been proud to become.
She was proud of herself for getting out of the mess she had made of her stupid and pretty reckless teenage years. She was proud that she was no longer Amanda, no longer the girl who had allowed herself to be caught up in something that had taken two years and much education to get out of. But since the fire, when she looked at herself she no longer saw who she had seen for the years prior, she saw the same pained, damaged, scared look that had been her trademark as a teenager. The same pain in her eyes that she had seen back then, the same weakness, the same fear. Rachel couldn't let anyone else see that pain, she couldn't be seen to show weakness, her students would eat her alive in the morning, hell the teachers would too. No matter how pained she was on the inside, no matter how scared she felt inside, outside she would have to be the same, the same head teacher that they had known before the fire, she just had to, she had no choice. She closed her eyes, and breathed deeply, and as she did her alarm rang, bringing her back to reality once more. She had convinced her doctors that she was able to go back to school once more, now she just had to convince herself. She pulled the duvet from her shoulders and sat upwards, her fingers shaking as she did so, she shook them rapidly, that characteristic belonged to Amanda, not Rachel and it was the latter she was now and until she felt like Rachel again she'd just have to pretend.