Title: Falling, part 1/15
Author: Becominglight
Rating: M for Mature Audiences
Category: Romance, Angst
Genre: Slash
Pairing: Janeway/Seven
Summary: What happened in the universe where Voygager took 23 years to reach Earth? What really motivated Admiral Janeway to return? Loosly woven through final few season of STV, this is the story of how Janeway the Captain also became Kahtryn the woman.
Spoilers: Pretty much the whole series!
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. Please don't sue…
Author's Notes: I wrote this without thinking about slicing this up into sections… so it some may be a bit arbitrary…Please comment, I really appreciate!
Part 1
At 02:17 on the 2200th night of the Starship Voyager's passage through the Delta quadrant, Captain Kathryn Janeway was in her quarter when the door buzzed. She looked up from the ancient pages of her poetry book calling for her guest to enter, mildly surprised to see Seven of Nine standing there. Surprised because Seven had not come to visit in some time.
Seven was ex-Borg, hence her peculiar name. She had been disconnected from the Borg two years ago, a collective of aliens involuntarily assimilated with cybernetic implants and mind control to serve the Borg Queen, who sought perfection or some poorly understood version of the concept. Like a cancer, the collective, even now, spread insidiously through space.
Seven was human and had been the seventh Borg drone of a sub-collective of nine, until Captain Janeway had appeared, arrogant, sure of herself, and severed her from the hive mind because she believed in freedom. She had not asked if that was what Seven had wanted. Alone for the first time in 18 years, Seven had felt a gapping hole in her mind where once millions of drones had drowned out her one inconsequential voice. The silence had been insufferable and she'd resented Janeway's presumption for a long time. Even now, in her darkest moments, she wished she'd never set eyes on the woman.
In cutting Seven off from the Borg, Janeway was conscious of assuming a huge responsibly. She took on the role of mentor to help ease Seven through the reawakening of her human physiology, guiding her through the transition from Borg to human. It had not been easy. Their strong-headed natures had clashed, Janeway trying to instil Starfleet ideals that she held in the highest regard, and Seven resisting, pointing out not only their flaws but Janeway's too. Eventually, Janeway had learned to step back, forced to acknowledge that yes, she may have given Seven her freedom, but it did not follow she could dictate what she did with it. She'd watched, with growing admiration, as Seven had, in all her newly awakened awkwardness, fearlessly stepped out into the unknown. It was something she sometimes found herself contemplating in the quiet stillness of her quarters, staring into the endless darkness of space.
Seven stood at the door.
"May I enter, Captain? Is this an acceptable time?"
Janeway's mouth quirked. Seven would be fully aware of the time and her dyadic Borg memory would remind her of a previous conversation in which Janeway had explain to her that this was not considered an acceptable time to turn up anyone's doorstep. But then Seven did have a way of ignoring certain things while being meticulous with others. It was very human and Janeway secretly liked it.
"It is late, Seven, but I was up. Please come in." She gracefully waved for the woman to take a seat. "May I get you a drink?"
"No, Captain, I do not require liquid refreshments at this time."
Janeway proceeded to program a coffee for herself in the replicator and sat down on the couch next to Seven.
"What can I do for you?" She asked, sipping at the acrid, black liquid. She settled back and looked at her guest. She noticed, as she took her in, that Seven's eyes were agitated, a sign Janeway had learnt indicated unsettled feelings.
"Is everything okay?" She said gently, not wishing to frighten her into a retreat. Seven was not used to emotions, they had been irrelevant to her experience as a Borg drone and she found managing them challenging. She had once explained to Janeway that that was why she found refuge in mathematics and science, soothing in its unchanging certainty.
"I wish to ask you something." Seven started. "But I do not know how to broach the subject."
She looked at the Captain, her eyes transparent with vulnerability. Janeway, a woman of deep feeling instinctively reached out and took Seven's hand in her own.
"It's okay." She said. "You can ask me."
Seven stared at their hands clasped in the space between them before replying, "The question regards you, Captain. It is of a personal nature."
"Okay." said Janeway, curious but wary. She was not necessarily secretive, however she felt it was important, if not essential, that she maintain the appropriate distance between herself and her crew. Personal questions were not always welcome but with Seven she would at least allow the question to be asked.
Seven appeared to be having some difficulty in proceeding. She gently extricated her hand and stood up, taking a few steps and then turning, her tall body, streamlined in her biogenic suit, hands clasped behind her back in her customary stance.
"There has been discussion among the crew about your… relationship with a certain holographic character in the program of Fair Haven." She finally said.
Janeway felt her heart sink. Of all the areas to be pried into, this was the one she liked the least. Not merely for its very personal nature but also due to her reservations about the affair.
"I suppose it was too much to hope that this would escape the grapevine" She said, in what she hopped was a light tone. She braced herself by taking a sip of her coffee. "What is it about my relationship with a certain holodeck character that you wish to inquire about?"
"I wish to inquire as to why." Seven replied. "You have a small but not insignificant selection of humanoids from which to choose from here on Voyager. However you have chosen not to. I am experiencing confusion that you would wish to embark on a romantic relationship with someone that is not real."
Janeway took a moment, slowly placing her mug on the coffee table beside her. It was not meant to be impertinent or inappropriate but feeling sensitive she had to quell the urge to snap back an answer. She clasped her hands on her lap
"Sit here." She indicated patting the spot the Borg had vacated moments before. Seven did so reluctantly. "I want you to know that this is not something I would normally answer, Seven. I want you to understand that this is not something a crew member can normally ask a superior officer. However," she continued when she sensed Seven's imperceptible body shift away, "I am willing to discuss this with you because I understand you ask this out a genuine desire to understand humanity."
"Yes, I wish to understand."
"My situation is unique, Seven." She began, organising her thoughts so that she might lay it out logically, "I am the highest ranking officer on this ship. I am also decades away from the Alpha Quadrant and therefore bear a serious responsibility to the lives under my command. When we arrived here I decided that in order to maintain morale and in order to give ourselves the best chance of getting home, this ship would continue to function within the rules and regulations of Starfleet just as if we were back home. Part of those regulations seriously discourages fraternization between crew members of different rank because it creates problems. Therefore I do not have anyone with whom I could consider a relationship with."
"But it is not expressedly forbidden."
"No, Seven, it is not."
She seemed to consider this fact a moment. "But being so far away from the Alpha quadrant, it would be logical to conclude that certain methods of functioning are no longer as relevant."
"Of course there are certain rules and regulations we have bent on our journey. But they have always been borne out a necessity for survival and have been very carefully weighed by myself and my senior commanding officers. This particular issue does not fall into that category."
"But it would equally not harm the functioning of the ship." She said her eyes serious. "I have accepted until now that perhaps you do not feel the need which many humanoid species experience for a romantic or sexual relationship. But it would seem my conclusion was in error. You have now sought out someone, only it is a hologram."
Janeway watched Seven tilting her head in that characteristic way she had when she was processing something.
"Do you not feel an attraction to anyone on the ship? Is this why?"
Janeway felt uneasy, and wondered briefly is she should terminate the conversation. "No, Seven. It is not because I have not felt an attraction to anyone on this ship."
The ex-Borg fell silent and looked away. Her eyes flickered backwards and forwards as she processed the data and Janeway was relieved that Seven seemed to have stopped asking questions. She hoped that she had found the answer she had been looking for. Then Seven looked up. She searched Janeways face in with surprising penetration and finally asked;
"Are you attracted to me?"
The voice was soft, barely above a whisper but it hit Janeway forcefully. The words hummed through her, she felt her stomach drop away, felt a flush of dismay.
"Why do you ask that, Seven?" she asked carefully, her voice low and throaty, suddenly aware of just how close they were sitting.
"I ask, Captain, because over the last while I have been conscious that I am attracted to you." She said quietly. "And when I heard that you had embarked on a relationship with this man from Fair Haven I felt…confusion and jealousy."
Janeway nodded slowly, making an effort to ignore her suddenly clammy hands and hoped the low lighting would not betray the blood that had rushed to her face. Seven was sitting entirely too close to her and she could feel her heart pounding so loud, she was sure Seven would be able to detect the quiver of her breast against her thin gey singlet. She did not trust her voice, so she said nothing even as she was aware that she was required to say something. Seven was staring at her and then, somehow, she was shifting in, her body leaning in, setting off tiny alarm bells within the very nucleus of Janeway's cells. Her full soft lips were pressing warmly against her own and Janeway gasped, pulled back, finding herself on her feet, her hand on her thundering heart.
"That was not appropriate, Seven."
The young woman had also risen, confusion clear on her face. "I am sorry, Captain. You were exhibiting signs of arousal and my research said..." Dismay was evident in her voice. "I will leave," she said quickly and before Janeway could gather herself, Seven had gone.