This is just a simple song-fic one-shot. I love the song "Reflection", by Christina Aguilera! And I think it describes Toph really well. This is just a jumble of memories Toph has had. Some are short, some are long...They are just bits and pieces of her past. If anything is incorrect, I'm sorry. But I'm fairly certain their accurate! You can probably figure out what the memories are about...And if not, just ask! The song is also from Mulan, one of my fave movies ever. I see so many similarities between Toph and Mulan. They both have parents who want them to be "ladies", and they just can't do that. They both are great warriors as well. And they both run away to fight, at some point in their life. They are both great characters!
This was difficult to write for two reasons:One, Toph is blind! So when she says she "saw" something, it means she felt the vibrations. Second, I struggled to match it with the song. The song talks about her "reflection". And what I mean by that is something emotional, not appearance. And...Well, I'll let my writing speak for itself! Enjoy.
DISCLAIMER:I don't own Avatar, Toph, the song, or anything mentioned in the fic.
Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day
It's as if I play a part
"What are you doing, Toph?" came the stunned voice of my earthbending teacher, Master Yu.
"I'm earthbending!" I grinned happily, my smile bright. I had just chucked a this huge boulder across the room. Being only five, I couldn't understand why he wasn't pleased. Wasn't I doing well?
Now I know. I know the truth; the real reason he never taught me anything. He was upset that I was doing something too "dangerous" or "advanced" for my father's liking.
"How about we go inside? You're probably tired, from all of that hard training." He grabbed my small arm that was covered by a silk sleeve. I pulled away from his grip with a huff.
"I am not tired!" I stomped my foot. "I'm not some sissy!" My mind was racing. Who did he think he was, bossing me around like that?! What did he know? I could kick his butt easily.
"But Toph, you're being silly. You're so small...All that exercise must be tiring! No need to play 'super hero'. Let's go in!" he said, almost pleading me.
I just folded my arms. "But Master Yu! I'm good!" I said, my lips forming into a small smirk. I could see him shift weight on his foot, almost nervously. "Why can't I practice?"
"Toph, you're being silly! You're blind; further training than this would be too hard for a...handicapped girl, such as yourself," he tried to reason.
Handicapped. Is that what he thought of me?! He said it like it was...like it was a skin-eating virus, or something! I was too furious for words.
He took my frail hand, and lead me to the house. I didn't protest. Why should I waste my time? Nobody listened me anyway. It was only a short walk. He thought I couldn't see where I was going, and he had to protect me.
I had tried to protest it before. Say I could walk just fine on my own. But all I got was, "You're blind! What if you get lost, or hurt yourself?" from my father. I didn't say I could see more than he could. I saw small bugs people never knew existed. I could see the roots of a tree branch growing underground. I could see seeds growing far below the surface my father could see. I saw the Earth living. I could see it thriving. I could see more than anyone ever could.
But, as I grew up, I learned to accept they would never see the real me. I could hide behind a mask; I could give them a fake appearance, just to make them happy. That's what I wanted.
But I also wanted them to pleased with the real me! But, as far as I could tell, that was impossible.
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
I was the tender age of seven. I had tried - yet again - to beg my parents to let me train more. Of course, they were very firm in their decision to keep me shielded from the world.
I was sitting on my fluffy, overstuffed bed that was draped with a soft, comforting fabric. My feet barely touched the floor, giving my a hazy sight of my large room. I could see my dresser on the left, and my nightstand by my elbow. I could see my doll house that was gathering dust in the corner. Than there was the pointless window on the other wall. What purpose did it serve? I couldn't look out of it. I often questioned why it was placed there.
But, my mind wasn't on my room layout. It was on my parent's reasoning.
They kept me a secret from the world. To the public, the Bei Fongs were a rich, snobby couple with no kids to weigh them down. I didn't exist to them. I wasn't known; I wasn't real.
And why?
Were my parents embarrassed to have a "handicapped", frail daughter? Were they ashamed? Had my father wanted a boy he could rough around with, and practice earthbedning with? To bond with? To relate to? Did my mom want a girl who could give her fashion advice? A daughter who could do make up, and shop? A daughter who was pretty?
Well, newflash, Dad! I could! I could earthbend with him; heck, I was probably better than him already. And bonding? Maybe if he trusted me, or even tried to understand me!
And my mom could keep dreaming! Even if I wasn't..."handicapped"...I knew I wouldn't care about fashion...or makeup...or shopping. And for all I knew, I was the most ugly girl to ever inhabit Earth. And to me , it wouldn't matter. I don't care about apperances; how would I? I don't know what it's like in a mirror, and see my reflection. I saw my inner reflection. Isn't that what really mattered?
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
It was a few years later. I had just turned nine. I was sitting at the dining table, across from my mother. We were eating silently, like every night. I guess they were uncomfortable around me. I wasn't sure why.
"So, Toph," my mother began in her gentle voice, "I want you to meet someone."
"Who, mother?" I asked in my polite, sweet, fake voice.
"A boy." I didn't react, so she continued. "I think you would like him. He's smart, good-looking..." I smirked, but continued to put small bites of food in my mouth. "All great qualities for a husband."
At this, I choked. I started coughing, much to my father's dismay.
"Are you alright, Toph?" he asked me.
"...H-hu-husband?" I managed to sputter. "Mom. Mom, I'm only nine! I don't want a...a husband!"
"We're just saying-" she began, but I cut her off.
"May I be excused? I'm not hungry."
My father sighed. "Sure. Let me walk you."
As he did, I silently vowed to myself.
I will never, never mask myself as far as that. I will never change for a guy, no matter how my parents push me.
"We're here, Toph," he said in a soft, delicate voice.
"Thanks, Dad."
I am now
In a world where I
Have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
It was another year later. My mom had dressed me up for tea, and she was admiring her work.
"You look beautiful, sweetie!" my mom cooed.
I was wearing a thick, ruffly, lacey dress with longs, flowing sleeves. It itched like crazy, and was uncomfortable as heck! I hated waering such annoying clothes.
"Why does that matter, mom?" She was stunned. She was speechless, I guess. "I can't see you...or anyone, really. Beauty doesn't matter."
She took a deep breath, but still remained silent. "Can I change?"
She sighed. "Uh...sure. Go ahead."
As she left, I smirked slightly.
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
I saw The Boulder's foot strike down, and shoot a line of brown earth toward my left foot. I slid my heel slightly on the ground, making it shoot up in a pillar. He stopped short. I slid my foot toward myself, making the pillar slide in my direction. Then, with a fast punching movement, I shot the top of the pillar toward the arrogant man. He dodged it with ease.
"Is that the best you got, tiny child? The Boulder is sorry he even agreed to fight a young girl!" he chuckled. I smirked slightly.
With a circular movement of my left heel, the pillar morphed into a wave of rocky earth. It twirled around The Boulder's foot, and sent the buff man to the ground. I made a small kick, and with a howl, he hit the wall. I had just won the Earth Rummble Five.
A few moments later, and loud cheer errupted from the crowd. I smiled slightly, and stood a little taller.
"Ladies and gentleman...THE BLIND BANDIT!"
This was the real me.
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know?
"Toph, are you alright?" came the soft voice of my mom.
"I'm fine mom." I looked down at my feet, though I couldn't physically see them.
"Okay, sweetie. Get some sleep." She kissed my forehead, and left me snuggled in the bed.
But no, I wasn't fine. I had just won the biggest tournament ever, and I couldn't celebrate with my parents. It was...sad, actually. I sat up, and reached under the bed. I felt the smooth leather belt under my fingertips. A champion's belt. Though my parents didn't know, I was an earthbending champion.
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
"Okay, Toph, punch, like this," Master Yu instructed. He moved my arms for me, like I couldn't already do it. He moved it again, just for more instruction. "Now, clench your fist." I didn't have to be told twice. "Good, good. Now, you try."
He was standing right in front of me, thinking I couldn't move a small piece of earth.
And, I couldn't resist.
I did the punching movement fluidly, making the earth below him shoot up. He flew backward, and hit the wall with a thud. I resisted the urge to break down laughing.
I took a deep breath to calm myself down. Then, I made a small shrieking noise. "Oh, Master Yu, are you okay? I'm so sorry. It was an accident!"
He was stunned, sitting on the ground. "It's...quite alright, Toph. Let's quit for today, huh?"
I smiled slightly when I said, "Whatever you say, master Yu."
There's a heart that must be
Free to fly
That burns with a need to know
The reason why
Blind rage hit me, like a huge pile of earth. I knew what I was gonna do. I knew what my destiny was! And nobody was about to stop me from making my dream a reality.
I don't even remember packing my bags, or scaling down the outside wall, or running as fast as I could to the courtyard.
I was about to join Aang, Katara, and Sokka. And I wouldn't let anything stand in my way!
Why must we all conceal
What we think, how we feel?
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
"That was...actually alright, Katara," I told her quietly. "We actually have something in common!" It was after our "girl's day" in Ba Sing Se. She looked over at me.
"Thanks, Toph. Being around Aang and Sokka for so long...It's nice to have a girl to hang out with." Her voice was calm and serene. I was a little happy I made her so joyful.
"It was pretty funny freaking those ladies out." She laughed quietly. "I told you they couldn't touch my feet."
"You know, Toph, I really like this side of you. You...opened up," she whispered.
I had a new part of my inner reflection. And it was...well, it was nice.
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
As I lay in bed, I reflect on the stories I just remembered. All of them have something in common:Growth. I grew in every single one, physically and emotionally. I became a better person, earthbender, and friend. I just have one thing that could use some work:Being a good daughter.
I don't know when I can face my parents again. Will they be thrilled I saved the world? Taught Aang? Became the best earthbender ever?
Probably not.
But, I won't expect them to. I don't think they'll ever fully see the true Toph. And I've learned to accept that.
I can't please everyone; I'm not gonna try. I'm happy with myself, and that's all that matters.
Right?
Okay, I'll admit it. I wish my parents would see. See that I'm a strong young woman. Someone to be proud of! I just want them to see. Just to take a good look at my inner reflection, like I have.
I sigh, and roll over slowly.
But, before I drift to sleep, I whisper to the darkness, "Please. Just see!"
Who I am inside?