Close Enough
By Author's Tune
Part 1/1
Slowly trailing her fingertip across her thigh, Amber exhaled heavily, skipping her finger over the large bruise that had progressively appeared before darkening over the last three days. It had been red at first, barely an outline but by the next morning had become a sprawled blue before deepening with pockets of green. And it hurt. Each time she walked quickly or changed direction, the muscle strained and ached.
Not to mention the injury to her ribs, the fingerprints that seemed to have permanently scared her side. She thought that they would fade quickly, but the distinct blue dots didn't seem to be disappearing at all. And then there was the bite to her left breast. She wondered if the teeth marks would ever leave her, or they would be left for her as an eternal reminder. So that each time she stared in the mirror or lay down with a man, she would have images flood back and draw her interest and excitement away.
He had been so determined and when he didn't get what he wanted, he left her with something. Something to slowly eat away at her, steal at her confidence and push her limits.
As if she wasn't close enough already.
...
Sarah had called three times before she knocked heavily on Amber's door and waited only momentarily before turning the handle and pushing the door open. It grated against the frame; years of being opened, closed and slammed had eventually taken its toll. Each room in the house had witnessed many a meltdown, emotional tantrums and tearful exchanges. That's what happens when you raise a family in a single house; sometimes the walls know so much more than was or is, ever said.
The image that greeted Sarah was a huddled form, curled deeply underneath a thick duvet. She slid gently on the edge of the bed, shifting her weight slightly as she scooted an open palm over the covered outline, trying to identify the orientation of what she assumed to be her daughter. "Are you sick, Amber?" she asked, her voice a mix of inquisition and frustration. Tugging at the sheets, she pulled to expose Amber's face and upper body. "Hey, I heard you up before; you're not going to school?"
"No," Amber answered, short and simple though her watery eyes and averted gaze betrayed her.
Sarah narrowed her eyes, sweeping her fingers across Amber's face and drawing the hair away from her eyes. "What is it? You seem upset honey," she asked gently.
"It's okay Mum, I just need a day off school. I'm not sick or anything. I don't want to explain right now." Each word was almost whispered, such a contrast to Amber's usual deep, confident, husky tone.
"Amber come on, you're worrying me. I can come home after I drop Drew off, take the day off. We haven't spent much time together lately, mother – daughter and all that. What do you think?"
Amber hesitated, her gaze fixated on the corner of her pillow, trying to regain control. "You don't need to do that Mum."
It was the pause that concerned Sarah, her daughter was nothing if not quick to express her opinion particularly in relation to her mother's presence. She had been telling Sarah to leave her alone since she could string a few words into a sentence, and she certainly hadn't been any more communicative of late. "But I want to okay, I'll be back soon and you can fill me in on what's going on."
"Mum, I said it's okay. Just take Drew to school and go to work. It's nothing dramatic, I'm not all messed up. I just need a day off."
Sarah rose suddenly, walking the few steps to the door and yelling down the stairs, "Drew! Take your bike to school today okay? Amber's having the day off." A grunt of acknowledgement was thrown back towards her and she glanced down to see Drew throwing his backpack on and already making his way out the front door. Tracing her steps back to Amber, she pushed the door closed and settled back on the bed, staring at her suddenly tear stained face. "Has Dad been in contact? Did something else happen with Haddie? A boy? What is it Amber?"
"I'm just overreacting really. Don't panic Mum, you're panicking," Amber responded, with an embarrassed laugh.
"Well, what do you expect? My daughter is usually downstairs bantering with whoever at this time of the morning, not curled up in bed all foetal."
They met each other's eyes in a prolonged stare before Amber rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I just had this thing happen at a stupid party and I'm just I don't know, finding it harder than I thought." Sarah's breathing halted, forcing herself to nod calmly and simply reach out to softly hold Amber's arm. "Oh it's not that," Amber responded, "well not really. It didn't come to that."
"What?" Sarah asked immediately, her eyes widening in shock. "It didn't come to what?"
"There was just this guy and he wanted to but I didn't. He's a jerk, I mean, I thought he was alright but I wasn't interested like that. He had been drinking, a lot actually. Some weird punch that was at the party. But I just didn't want to; after what happened with Haddie, it just seem trivial now."
"Amber, you need to tell me what happened," Sarah stated strongly, trying to tame her own tears. They seemed to come so easily these days after years of forced control. She seemed to cry now at anything, all those times she had to hold them in when Seth had disappeared or came back and screamed at her – she had to keep it together for the kids. Somehow now, it seems better to be vulnerable, to be human; even if they both tease her for it.
Amber shakily exhaled, sucking her lower lip in and closed her eyes briefly. "He just pinned me down that's all, he thought he could convince me or make me have sex with him I suppose. We were outside and he kind of pulled me down the side of this house, I just hit and kicked him until I could get out from under him. I left, I didn't hang around or anything, I just left. Walked a few streets and called a cab. It's just he's at school and I saw him yesterday; he smiled Mum. He actually smiled at me and I didn't do anything. I couldn't yell at him or walk away, I just stared at him."
Silence hung in the air, tears tracking down Sarah's cheeks yet Amber's face suddenly calmer. "Sweetie," Sarah whispered, reaching out and seemingly wanting to touch all of her daughter and make sure she was still there and in once piece. She held an open hand over the top of Amber's head while her other hand ran over her shoulder, patting and holding intermittently. "I'm so sorry."
"I'm okay, really. And I'll go to school tomorrow, I just wanted to you know, have a mental health day."
"Are you hurt? Did he..." Sarah trailed off, not sure of how to ask if this kid had punched or kicked her little girl.
Amber shrugged. "Just a few bruises, nothing really."
"A few bruises? Where? I haven't noticed anything."
Slowly, Amber peeled her shirt up to reveal her abdomen, rolling slightly to her side to expose unmistakable fingerprint bruises. She registered but ignored her mother's gasp, pushing her shirt back down. "It's just those and a bruise on my leg," she stated softly, her voice catching again and her hand went to her chest. "And he bit me," she added, becoming more distressed. "The asshole bit me." She pulled her shirt slightly and exposed a red mark just above the material of her bra.
Sarah watched helplessly, a kaleidoscope of thoughts racing through her mind. All she could see were images of her daughter being victimised, entwined with her own experiences of Seth and his rough expectations whenever he came home from a gig, high. Lying down in front of Amber, Sarah dipped her head and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "You did so well to get away from him but that doesn't mean this is okay, okay? This wasn't okay," she stated, sniffling as she tightly held Amber to her. "Whatever you need..." she trailed off. A stifled sob was the only response and the small hand that reached to grip her shoulder, tightly holding on. Amber was suddenly five years old again, crying and holding tight, so frightened of the nightmares and desperate to never be let go. Desperate to be kept safe.