Prologue

Cadet James Jackson sat in the cockpit of the runabout Tygres awaiting the arrival of his passengers who would be accompanying him back to his home town of Inola Oklahoma. As he ran the runabout through a pre-flight checklist he heard.

"Permission to come aboard Captain." He spun his chair around and saw his two best friends and academy students Darrell Roberts and Cody Beasley. Behind them was someone he had not been expecting, He shot up out of his chair and stood at attention.

"Commander Cunningham, to what do we owe this pleasure?"

The Commander stood before him and smiled.

"At ease Cadet," The Commander said with a smile. "I'm not here in an official capacity. I am just here as a passenger."

Cadet Jackson eased his stance and he realized that the Commander was dressed in civilian clothes just as he was. He himself preferred twentieth century clothes to their twenty fourth century counterparts. When he wore present day cloths he always felt as if he were wearing pajamas.

He sat back down in the pilots chair.

"All right since everyone has arrived, once I finish pre-flight we can get underway." He heard the sound of opening doors as his passengers went to stow their bags. So it startled him when someone sat down in the co-pilots chair. He looked over and saw the Commander next to him. The Commander was six feet tall and had short black hair that was tinted with gray at the edges. The commanders hands flew over the console James was jealous of the mans understanding of flight control. James was the best pilot currently enrolled at the Academy but even he was nowhere near as good as Commander Cunningham.

As they finished the pre-flight check James couldn't help but wonder what the Commander was doing here so he decided to ask.

"Commander, if you don't mind my asking, what are you doing here?"

Cunningham stopped what he was dong and turned to face the cadet.

"Well if you must know when I heard that a few cadets were going to Oklahoma I thought I'd hitch a ride. I am going to visit some friends in Oklahoma City, you don't mind do you James?"

He hesitated, Commander Cunningham made him uneasy, as did most other people. James was always nervous around people he would sweat a lot and was always being told to speak up.

"It's fine sir as long as you don't mind spending time with us cadets."

"That's not a problem, in fact I like getting to know my students." The Commander looked up from the console and into James' eyes. "Now I have a question for you. Why take a Runabout, it would be much easier to use the transporters."

"Maybe Commander but I prefer flying, I just feel more at home in the cockpit."

"I feel the same way Mr. Jackson."

"Why don't you go stow your bag while I get ready for takeoff."

"I'll do just that." The Commander picked up his carry on bag and James heard the whoosh of the automatic door as Cunningham disappeared into the back of the small craft. James tapped in a few more commands then he activated the runabouts communication system.

"This is Cadet James Jackson aboard the Runabout Tygres requesting departure clearance."

"Mr. Jackson, you had better bring that ship back in one piece."

He smiled. "Alright Kim, I promise there won't be a scratch on it. Now, do I have clearance to leave?"

"You do, your flight path is clear and you have perfect weather all the way. Have fun, tell everyone back home I said hello and I wish I could have come with you."

"I'll do that Kim, see ya when we get back." He closed the outboard comm and opened the intraship comm. "Commander Cunningham please report to the cockpit. Cody Darrell strap yourselves in we're takin off." He closed the channel as Commander Cunningham sat down in the co-pilots chair. "You ready Commander?"

"I am, let's get underway."

"Alright, activating Anti-Gravity," He felt the craft rise up. "Firing thrusters." He had to really watch his speed, the Runabout class shuttles were designed for space flight and limited atmospheric flight. They were not really designed for long flights inside atmosphere. He checked the sensors to check his course, their path was clear, so he activated the auto-pilot and leaned back in his chair to enjoy the view.

"So cadet,, who are you visiting?"

"My parents, and some friends who are still living there. How about you, who do you know in Oklahoma City, I thought you were from Chicago?"

"I am, most of them are colleagues I've met over my years in Starfleet." The Commander stood from his chair and went over to the replicator. "One Saurian Brandy, anything for you cadet?"

"Just a glass of Altair water, chilled."

"And one Altair water chilled." The Commander returned to his seat and handed James his drink as he sat back down. "I guess it's true what I've heard about you?"

He took a sip from his water glass. "And what would that be Commander?"

"That you don't drink."

"That's correct sir, I've never touched the stuff. I don't have to drink to have a good time."

"That reminds me of something else I heard."

James couldn't understand the point Commander Cunningham was trying to make. "What else have you heard about me sir?"

"That you don't have much of a social life. Most of the staff say that you spend the majority of your off hours either in the library or in your quarters."

"That's true I suppose, but I don't need twenty or thirty friends, I have two good one here with me, and most of my other friends have graduated already. My brother is a Junior Grade Lieutenant aboard the USS Creed."

"Really, what's your brothers name?"

"His name is Allen."

"Allen Jackson, I remember him, he's a security officer yes?"

"That's right." He downed the rest of his water and set the empty glass on the control console.

"Well cadet all I can say is…" An alert blared as the cockpit was bathed in red emergency lighting. The two men switched to officer mode in a flash, hands flying over their consoles. James heard the sound of the doors opening as he initiated a full diagnostic of the ships systems.

"What's going on?" Darrell asked.

"I don't know." The diagnostic panel lit up. "It looks like the port stabilizer is failing. I'm compensating with the aft stabilizer."

"No effect," The Commander reported. "The bypass circuit isn't responding."

"Try rerouting all power to the port stabilizer, it might buy us the time we need to land."

James tried, the transfer restored the stabilizer to twenty percent power, but the energy was leaking like water through a cracked glass. He turned his attention to the sensors, they were high enough above the ground it was hard to see. The sensors showed they were approaching the Rocky mountains, there wasn't anywhere to safely land, so it was time to make the decision, try take a chance of trying to miss the mountains or aim the ship toward the ground and hope for the best. He made his decision and just prayed it was the right one.

"Everyone brace for impact, we're going down." Cody and Darrell scrambled into the seats in front of some of the other consoles. As the ship approached the ground, he tried to slow the ships decent but gravity was taking over. The Runabout slammed into the ground, James was tossed about till his head struck something hard, he tried his best to remain conscious but the last thing he saw were the approaching mountains.

"Cadet… Cadet Jackson." James' eyes shot open and were hit by searing light. He tried to rub his eyes but he could not move his arms. He closed his eyes and the pain came down to a dull throbbing ache.

"Cadet I know it's painful but you need to open your eyes." He opened them again but slowly this time. The pain was bearable but his vision was blurred. He tried to focus on the half formed face. He wanted to rub his eyes but his arms would not move.

"I can't move… Why can't I move!" Finally as he became more composed he realized he was being restrained. That sent ho into a panic and he began thrashing around. He heard a different voice.

"Doctor what's wrong with him?!"

"I can't breath!," He screamed, his throat felt as If it had been attacked by a cheese grater. "I can't breath, let me out of here!"

"Release the restraints and step back." Suddenly he pitched himself to the ground face first. He wiped debris from his face as he tried to stand. Suddenly there were hands on his shoulders that guided him till he was seated on something hard. He closed his eyes and breathed in deep. It was a technique he'd learned from a Vulcan Instructor during his Freshman year at the Academy. He could feel his heartbeat slowing, and the pain in his head subsiding. He opened his eyes and things were clearer. Things were still a bit cloudy so he rubbed his eyes and shook his head. When he opened his eyes this time things were clear, he finally noticed the people before him. One was a Female Starfleet Medical Officer with shoulder length black hair. The other was a Starfleet Flag Officer with dark brown hair that was flecked with silver. He recognized the man but could not remember his name.

"Are you alright now Cadet?"

"As well as can be expected Admiral…" Suddenly the memories of his last few minutes of consciousness hit him like lightning bolt. "The shuttle crashed." He jumped up and desperately looked around. "Where are my friends?" The Admiral put his hands on his shoulders.

"Everyone else in the shuttle was seriously injured, they're being transferred to Starfleet Medical as we speak. You were not injured as badly so we kept you here, so you could tell us what happened."

"I'll tell you what I know, but only once we're headed back to Starfleet Medical." The Admiral agreed and within five minutes they were in a shuttle headed for San Francisco.

James burst through the front doors of the Starfleet Medical building with Admiral Banes not far behind yelling for him to stop. But he wasn't about to listen. He marched up to the front desk. "I'm looking for the people brought here from the Tygres crash."

"They are in surgery sir, if you'll take a seat…"

"Like hell." He walked past the reception desk but before he got far he was spun around by Admiral Banes.

"Cadet you need to calm down. If you continue like this, I will have you sedated." He could feel blood oozing from the wound on top of his head. It had been tended to before he woke up. He must of moved around to much and reopened it.

"Admiral, you don't understand I have to see them."

"There is nothing you can do son, now please sit down and let me get someone to look at your head wound." He tried to turn away but the Admiral held firm. So he lashed out and knocked the Admiral to the floor.

"You don't understand Dammit, my friends are dying and it's all my fault. They're dying because of me!"

The Admiral stood before him but did not attempt to restrain him. "Why James, why is it your fault?"

"I was at the helm, I should have been paying attention to my instruments, that's the first rule of flying and I ignored it. I should have seen the problem before it became catastrophic. Most importantly, I shouldn't have crashed the Runabout."

The Admiral looked shocked. "You crashed the Runabout?"

"We were losing power, I tried to find a good spot but we were to close to the mountains. So instead of hitting the mountains and killing us all, I locked the runabout into a trajectory that would put us in the valley at the base of the mountains." He could now see the last seconds before impact clearly. He sat in his seat, Cody and Darrell begging him to unlock the helm controls. Commander Cunningham was trying to bypass the lockout, but he knew there was not enough time before impact. He just closed his eyes and braced himself. "I've killed them, it's my fault. I've killed them with my own hands. I've…"

He was interrupted by the sound of doors opening. He spun around just in time to see a doctor stop in front of himself and the Admiral. "Are you Admiral Banes?"

"I am." The Admiral stepped forward. "What is the condition of the Tygres survivors?"

"I am sorry to report that Cadet Darrell Roberts and Cadet Cody Beasley did not survive."

"Nooooo!" He bellowed in agony and sprinted down the hall, wiping blood out of his own eyes as he burst into the first operating room he saw. The sight before him was hellish. Darrell, his best friend lay on the operating table covered in blood, his skin was white and his body was already beginning to cool. He knelt next to the table and took Darrell's' hand in his. "Darrell, you can't be dead," He was sobbing openly now, barely able to speak. "You… just can't… be…" He felt hands on his shoulders, he spun around and shoved whoever it was out of his way. He ran back into the hallway looking for where he might find Cody. Something slammed into him from behind knocking him to the floor. He was able to turn his just enough to see that it was Admiral Banes who was holding him down. He struggled against the older mans grip. Suddenly he felt something touch his neck and heard the familiar hiss of a hypo-spray, then felt himself drifting off into nothingness.

"It had been three months to the day since the shuttle crash, and because of his breakdown at Starfleet Medical he had been under psychiatric evaluation, he had had so many counselors and therapist inside his head that he didn't know which way was up sometimes. The last counselor he'd seen had suggested he take a vacation, get away for awhile. He'd always wanted to see Bajor so that is where he was headed. Now he was in a bar called Quarks on Space station Deep Space Nine. He was seated at a table at the back of the bar staring into a glass of Jack Daniels. He was waiting for his transport to Bajor to arrive. Someone walked up to the table.

"Mind if I join you?"

He looked up into the smiling face of a young Trill woman in a Starfleet uniform with the green collar of the Science division, with Lieutenants rank insignia on the collar. She had short dark brown hair and big friendly brown eyes. He motioned to the seat across from him.

"So, what's your name?"

"Keith David."

"Well Mr. David, do you know this man." He took the proffered PADD from the trill. He looked down at the display and was surprised to see his own picture. It was his Academy entrance photo. In the picture his hair was tied back in a ponytail and he looked pristine in his Academy uniform. It was far removed from the way he looked now. He was scared from the crash, a major scar on the top of his head, with minor scars still healing all over his body. But the physical scars were nothing compared to the psychological ones. He laid the PADD on the table.

"How did you know I was here?"

"Counselor Grey contacted me and asked if I would keep an eye on you during your visit to Bajor." She held out her hand. "Ezri Dax Counselor for DS9."

He shook it. "James Jackson." For as petite as the woman looked she had a firm hand shake. However he was not in the mood to be around another counselor. "Look Lieutenant…"

She cut him off. "Please call me Ezri."

"Okay, Ezri, I'm sure you're a lovely person but right now I would like to be left alone with my drink."

"If that's what you like," She stood. "But just know that if you need anything during your stay on the station or on Bajor, all you have to do is contact me and I will do whatever I can to help." Ezri walked out of the bar.

He turned his attention to the PADD that was still lying on the table. He could not believe that he had changed so much from that happy kid, but the deaths of Darrell and Cody, and Commander Cunningham who had died about two weeks after the crash. They had changed him. His friends were dead and it was his fault. He put his hand on the device and flung it off the table hitting one of the Dabo girls.

"Hey!" A small Ferengi man was rushing out from behind the bar. "You have just been sitting at that table staring into your drink for two hours, and now you have hit one of my girls. I think you should leave." James stood from the table drink in hand, he turned up the glass and downed the drink. He looked the Ferengi in his beady little eyes.

"Fine I'll leave." He leaned down and picked up his travel bag, which he swung and struck the bar owner upside the head, sending him tumbling backwards and over a table. Before he knew it he was in the middle of a bar fight. One of the Ferengi waiters jumped on his back. He ran backwards till he slammed his assailant into the wall. With that monkey off his back he tried to exit the bar, but he was detained by two Bajoran security officers.

"What's going on here Quark!" Said DS9s Changeling security chief Odo. A Starfleet security officer helped Quark to his feet. "Can you tell me who started this brawl?"

"It was him." Quark pointed directly at him.

"Who are you, I've never seen you before?" Odo asked as he approached.

"I'm no one, just on my way to Bajor." He was scowling at the Changeling.

"You must have a name?"

"Not anymore, now let me go and I'll go jump out an airlock." He struggled against the grip of his captors.

"I don't think so, take him to the holding cells."

He sat in a holding cell for what seemed like hours, but finally an African- American man wearing a Starfleet Command uniform with Captains pip on his collar.

"I didn't like the way he was talking to me. So I taught him to watch his mouth around strangers, and who are you anyway?"

"I am Captain Benjamin Sisko, Commander of this station, getting back to Quark he had a right to be angry with you, you hit one of his Dabo girls."

"I didn't mean to do that, I was just frustrated and angry." He slumped down on his bench.

"Cadet you will stand at attention when I address you."

"I'm not a Cadet right now, and as a civilian I don't have to stand and salute."

"What has happened to you, I know your story. You are one the best pilots the Academy has ever seen you are the only freshman to ever earn a spot on Nova Squadron and the only sophomore to ever lead the squad. You were going to graduate at the top of your class."

"That's enough!" He shot to his face and began pacing. "I am not that man anymore, I killed my two best friends and my flight instructor, I don't deserve any of that. I'm a murderer I should be on a prison colony. But no, everyone wants to forgive me, and say it was an accident. Well it wasn't I deliberately crashed that ship into the ground. The only person who sees me for what I am is Darrell's brother."

"And how do you know that?"

"I could see it in his eyes at his brothers funeral. And he was right."

"Is that really how you see yourself Mr. Jackson?"

"It doesn't matter how I see myself, just how everyone else sees me."

"You know something James, I know how you feel, I lost the love of my life to the Borg, at the Battle of Wolf359. I let the hate consume me and I focused it all at one man, Locutus of Borg, better known as Captain Jean-Luc Picard. I hated him for years, but when I finally met the man I realized how wrong I was. He wasn't a monster, he was a fine man and an excellent officer. After that I was able to move on with my life and now I have a new wife, a son who loves me, and a home, with some of the best people I have ever served with."

"Do you have a point?"

"My point is that you need to face your demons, deal with your feelings. Do that and you will finally be able to live again."

He was not interested. "Are you done, can I love or are you charging me with something?"

"You can leave as long as you pay Quark for the damage to his bar."

"Good." He pushed past Captain Sisko. He picked up his bag from the security office, and walked out onto the Promenade. He checked the first chronometer he passed, he still had an hour before his transport would arrive. So he decided to talk a walk around the habitat ring. He boarded the first lift he came to and told it his destination.

Once on the habitat ring he just walked head down trying to avoid eye contact with anyone he passed. He had walked about three laps around the habitat ring before he realized he was being followed. He walked a little faster until he hit a turn. He stopped just around the corner, and gripped his bag by both handles. When someone turned the corner and swung his bag with all his strength and sent his shadow crashing into the opposite wall. He could not see the mans face which was covered by a hood. His assailant lunged pushing off the wall for extra force and took him to the ground. He slammed his head on the deck. His opponent reared back and punched hi in the gut, he felt the air explode from his lungs. He gasped for breath as the aggressor turned him onto his stomach. His breath was returning but he hard the hiss of a hypo spray. He knew the feeling from the day he broke down, it was a sedative, he tried to fight but he was slipping. The Mugger released him, he rolled onto his back and was shocked by what he say.

The face he saw was his own, with a bad scar across his right cheek, which mirror one of the scars he'd received in the crash. He tried to speak but he was to weak. But his copy spoke.

"I can't believe I could ever be as pathetic as you." His doppelganger pulled his leg back and kicked him in his head. He felt blood running down his head as he faded into nothing.