Disclaimer: I don't own Hidan or any of Masashi Kishimoto's works/characters. This fic is a crack. Laugh if you like, if you don't well then I suck.
Sincerely Mokona295.
P.S: Don't take this fic too seriously.
Seriously.
Akatsuki Fanclub Guide to:
Hidanese
Welcome to the Akatsuki Fanclub (AF) special fan service selection. This is a simple guide for all Hidan-lovers and worshippers.
Here are a few simple steps to take when learning to/ speaking Hidanese:
Step 1:
First of all, one must have a colorful and lively vocabulary just like Hidan. E.g Shit, asshole, retard etc.
Step 2:
The student must know how to insert their preferred choice of vulgarities/ vocabulary into daily sentences.
Here are a few simple exercises that beginners can take , please read the instructions carefully.
Fill in the blanks/brackets provided for each sentences with a vulgarity which is within your vocabulary range. Note, filling in the blanks with nice words is unacceptable and you will immediately receive a zero mark.
Q1. Get the (blank) up! Or you'll be late for your (blank) school!
Q2. Shut up you (blank) !
Q3. (blank) you! You (blank) !
Q4. Shut the hell up you damn (blank)!
Q5. (blank) you! You son of a (blank)!
Step 3. You must never piss off your instructor or he'll teach you without guidance.
Step 4. Students must have a friend or several traumatic or mentally ill and annoying companions.
Step 5. One must always have at least one or two copies of 'bibles' (Comes together with package, extra copies are at 7000 Yen each.) with him/her at all times. An extra lest you lose your first.
There also several requirements that one must have to attend this class.
1. You MUST be an extreme worshipper of Jashiin. If you originate from another religion, do expect a grand conversion of religion.
2. You must READ your 'bible' during your leisure time E.g. Toilet breaks
3. You must be patient. There are high possibilities that your instructor might hold a three hour long mass while lying down with a scythe in his chest. (You'll get used to it soon.)
4. You must be immortal or at least a fast healer.
Take note this is only a small sample of what you'll expecting when taking these courses. There are a total of 24 lessons for the beginners course. Each lesson will cost you 1,000,000 yen. The full course plus bonus fan services such as figurines will cost a total of 3,645, 000,000 yen.
Please send in your payment via Kakuzu through:
Snail mail: Hidden Mist Village, behind a large boulder with a shrine entrance. (Our address changes from time to time, we'll keep you up to date via e-mail.) Beware: You might get eaten if you enter the compound without id confirmation.
Or you could just leave your money where Kakuzu can see it and it will be gone within a blink of an eye!
Or you could just slip in your bank account to us and you can make a full payment for all courses!
P.S: This advert/ sample will cost you a total of 60 000 yen. Leave your money in a black bag outside your house within the next 24 hours or Kakuzu will sew you to your chair. All customers will be given a hand-made chibi-hidan plushie which will cost 3000 yen. Thank you for your cooperation.
This letter was sponsored by:
Akatsuki Fanclub
The Akatsuki Haters Guild
and not sponsored by Konoha or Orochimaru.
Advertisements.
Want to learn how to speak the language of your favourite Akatsuki member?
Then sign up now, for free! We even have a special Uchihanese segment where you can learn how to speak like the Uchiha brothers!
So join us now while slots are still available!
You can contact us mail you application to
Akastuki Hideout at kirigakure, at the large boulder near the cliffs. Be careful though Zetsu might just get hungry!
P.S: Special services will be given to worshippers like never before seen Akatsuki videos!
We even sell the members' belongings at the MOST REASONABLE prices!
While stocks last.
Thank you.