A/N: I was going through some old reviews I wrote... And this hit me for no reason at all.
Tis very weird, so I warn you.
Disclaimer: Well I don't own SRMTHFG, and I don't think I own the initial notion either. This is branching off one of NetBug009's fics, so hail to NetBug; and the result of a strange review.
Mr Jeepers' Story: My Big Fat Whacko Wedding
"This is rather unexpected, wouldn't you say?" Gibson remarked casually.
"Indeed, very odd." Antauri answered.
Otto rubbed his head. "What are we doing here?"
"Where exactly are we?" Sprx demanded
"Why am I wearing a dress?!" Nova yelped.
Chiro also noticed what he was wearing, with great surprise. "Is there something I don't know here? I don't remember owning a tuxedo..."
"And... What's the penguin doing here?"
"ALRIGHT! What in Shuggazoom's name is going on here?!" Nova screamed. "And someone please tell me why I'm wearing a dress and carrying flowers! And standing next to a toy penguin at one end of a long white carpet! And I've got absolutely no idea why the penguin's wearing a tailored suit. And what is the Alchemist doing standing here?"
"You know, I honestly have no idea myself, Nova." The Alchemist glanced down at his clothes and sighed. "How come everyone else gets a tux and I'm stuck in this stupid robe again? Every time I get seen, I'm wearing this old thing. I truly am getting sick of it! Where are the animators, I'm going to kill them. Come to think of it, I had this rant just yesterday... Now where in the bloody universe am I?!"
Chiro was clawing at his throat. "Darn this tuxedo! I'm suffocating here! Argh!" Chiro continued coughing and wheezing until Antauri took out his claws and ripped off the lapels and the collar as gently as he could.
"What a waste of a good suit." the 'random person holding camera and standing around' said as the red bow tie fluttered to the ground.
"And who are you?"
The 'random person holding camera and standing around' shrugged and made a short, nasal sound which sounded vaguely like, "I don't know.
"You could have just loosened the tie, you know." the person continued.
"Yeah," Chiro said. "but WHAT are we supposed to be doing here?"
The random person gestured to the end of the carpet, the end at which stood Nova, the Alchemist and the toy penguin named Mr Jeepers. His owner was standing next to the penguin, looking very bewildered and clutching the toy for support in this strange world.
"Tis a weddin' you'll be seeing today." the random person said. "I'll be filming it for future purposes." The person smiled suddenly. "And, if something weird happens, I'm sending it to Shuggazoom's Funniest Home Videos."
Nova looked down at her dress. Slowly, she opened her mouth and gagged, also very slowly and horribly. "Don't tell me that I'm..."
"Yup! I'm the one filming it, I just told you that. Just supervising my life away..."
"I asked to not to tell me that!" Nova yelled. "And I am not getting married! I don't care who you are, who you work for, but this ain't happening today, pal!"
The person gripped the camera tighter. "Oh, mark my words. It shall. Now be quiet and look cute! Fanfic warp!"
The sky shifted. Nova's dress was that little bit whiter, and the watching guests were seated and orderly.
Antauri turned to the rest of the Monkey Team. "Now this is a very important day for Nova. So try to support her on her wedding day." Inside, Antauri's moral fibre was struggling to combat the fanfiction structure. A very strange and disturbing wedding indeed, his brain noted before the effects of the fanfic warp were complete.
Mr Jeepers' owner was sobbing not so quietly next to the suited penguin. "I'm sooo proud of you Mr Jeepers!" he exclaimed, then burst into more tears.
The father of the bride leaned down and whispered. "Are you absolutely sure of this Nova?"
The monkey's face twitched slightly in defiance of what she was actually saying. "I- love...him." Wait, that didn't sound right...
The Alchemist straightened. Note to self: Make the son-in-law's life a living hell.
The 'random person holding a camera and standing around' squinted. Something wasn't right. Ah yes, the actual ceremony of marriage.
YO.
"Oh Almighty and Weird Fanfiction Author! Use your almighty powers and weird mind to bring forth an official...person...wedding-making...someone... I really am lost for words here, dude."
I'M THE ONE WITH THE KEYBOARD, TWIT.
The random camera-holding and around-standing person indicated for the author to go on.
WHATEVER. I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO.
Nova's voice suddenly raised. "What is a mouse doing wearing clothes?!"
"I am not a rodent!" Sakko yelled indignantly.
The random person's jaw dropped. Holy cow. This complicates things a little...
"I'm supposed to be doing your wedding, bub." Sakko went on. "So shut it or lose it!"
Nova huffed. "Fine." A mouse, she thought. I have a mouse presiding over my wedding.
Sakko rubbed his little hands together. "Alrighty, let's get a move on. Do you want the long version or the quick one?"
Nova opened her mouth, but didn't get to say anything. Sakko laughed. "Ha! Well I'm giving you the long one anyway, because I feel like annoying you. Haha!" The little pink monkey jumped up and down, unable to control his spasms of laughter.
Everyone present groaned.
The random person switched on the camera and settled down for a long morning. Nova looked like she was trying to sleep upright, but also trying not to. And everyone else was trying to look interested. Not many pulled it off. And that penguin... Those little eyes made the random person shiver. It was just...staring!
Nevertheless, the whole gig seemed to be going quite well until the 'random person holding a camera and standing around' heard footsteps approaching. The person of randomness whirled around to see another slightly less random person setting up a tripod and a camera.
"Dammit, I can't believe I showed up late." the person was muttering.
"Who are you and what are you doing here?" the random person holding a camera and standing around snapped.
"Huh?" the other person looked up. "Oh, I'm supposed to be taking the wedding photos. What are you doing here?" the person said suspiciously.
The random person's blood pressure flared. "I'm filming the ceremony. This is my turf!"
"What?!" the other person spluttered. "I'm here under fanfiction orders."
"No way buddy. I was sent here, I got here first, so you keep your paws off my turf!"
"Why don't you make me!" the person with punctuality problems yelled.
"I HAVE A TRIPOD AND I AIN'T AFRAID TO USE IT ON YOU!"
"Huh? You don't have a tripod with you, I have the tripod..."
The random person yanked the tripod from the other one's hands. "I do now. So beat it!" The tripod was raised to dangerous levels and waved around threateningly.
By this time the wedding guests have turned their attention to the quarrelling two at the back of the crowd.
"Now who's here?" Chiro said irritably.
The 'random person holding a camera and someone else's tripod and standing around' glowered. "He's the 'random person standing around and holding a camera'." The name was said with distaste.
"Hang on, I thought that was you."
This time the RPSAHC spoke. "No, she's an RPHCSA. Sick bunch, those people."
"Hey! You watch what comes out of that mouth!" The tripod waved around again.
It was at this point that the fanfiction author got incredibly tired of making two random people argue with each other and decided to make the random person standing around and holding a camera explode with lots of comic drama.
Nova called down to the people at the back. "What's going down over there?" The yellow monkey shook her head and noticed Mr Jeepers next to her. "What am I doing here?"
Sprx kneaded his forehead and blinked a few times until he could say, "I think Nova's taken an extra hit to the head to be wanting to marry a toy penguin." Whoa. I've been thinking that for the last twenty minutes, and now I actually said it? With a mouth like mine I can't not say anything I think. This is screwed up bad...
Nova made faces at her dress. "Okay, this is the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me." she said sarcastically. She turned her head to look at the Alchemist, who had taken a seat and fallen asleep. Nova shook her head in disbelief. "I'm getting out of here."
Everyone else muttered their agreement. Nova tore off the dress and walked off with the Monkey Team. The Alchemist went off, talking to the air and Mr Jeepers' owner thought that this was a good time to be unconscious on the floor and get in everybody's way.
Only Mr Jeepers himself was left at the site, and by some stroke of amazing luck he was probably the only one still sane at that point.
That was so weird, but at least I did it! R&R! Please?