A/N- Hey guys! I wanted to do a different take on when Callie destroyed her project. I wanted to kind of show how the moms would deal with it as well as maybe explore some other unmentioned emotions Callie may feel. I hope you enjoy and I would love any reviews or suggestions for future stories.( I don't own The Fosters.)
"Have you talked to Callie today? She seems off," Stef questioned as she put the folded clothes into the laundry basket.
Lena sighed, "Yea, I yelled at her in front of Aaron, though."
Lena put her fingers up to her temples and pressed at them.
"She wanted to switch her senior project, and I said no but it came out really harsh. I let the stress of everything else going on get to me, and took it out on her" Lena continued without looking up.
Lena's head pounded as she rubbed circles on her temples. Stef moved from the end of the bed to where Lena was propped up in bed and placed her hand on her knee.
"Hey, it's okay, stress can get the best of us. Try and talk to her soon. She's used to being yelled at, but I still think it's hard for her to understand that we can still love her even when we do it," Stef comforted, gently squeezing Lena's knee and giving her a kiss on the forehead.
Lena took a breath and nodded. She pushed the comforter off her legs and stood up. She walked down the hallway to the girls shared room, gently knocking as she pushed it open. Mariana was in bed on her laptop working on the coding for her robot, something she seemed to be doing non-stop. Callie, however was missing.
"Hey, hun, how's the robot going?" Lena asked as she made her way into the room.
"It's fine," Mariana replied without looking up from her computer.
"Have you seen Callie?" Lena asked.
"I don't know. Check the garage," Mariana mumbled.
"Thanks. Don't be working on that too long. You need sleep," Lena reminded as she left the room and shut the door behind her.
Lena walked down the stairs, grabbing a sweater from the closet and wrapping it around herself before going outside. A light glowed from the garage window. She hugged the sweater around her body as she opened the back door. As she got closer to the garage door, she could hear faint sobbing noises. Lena pushed the door open to find Callie violently thrashing around, slicing her project over and over with a pocket knife.
Lena's eyes went wide as she rushed over to the young girl's side.
"Hey, hey, hey, baby, hey," Lena called, attempting to calm her daughter.
Callie looked up and looked at her mother with tears in her eyes. She dropped the knife on the ground as Lena came closer, wrapping her tightly in her arms.
Lena wanted to cry herself, seeing her daughter so upset, most likely because of her. She couldn't cry though, not now, because Callie needed her, and she needed to be there for her.
Lena rubbed one hand up and down Callie's back as she placed the other one on her head, running her fingers through the girl's brown hair. Callie's grip got tighter, holding on to her mother's sweater for what seemed like dear life.
The two stood like this for a few moments as Callie's cries died down.
Lena pulled away. "Come here, let's go to the couch," She said, guiding her to the old couch in the back of the garage.
Callie nodded and walked alongside Lena, sitting down to her right.
Lena continued brushing her hair fingers through the long brunette curls as she wiped her daughter's tear stained cheeks.
"I'm sorry," Callie mustered out so quietly that Lena almost missed it.
"Sorry? For what?" Lena questioned, taken a bit aback by the statement.
Callie sighed. "You just told me that I needed to be working on finishing the project and now I just ruined it."
"It's okay, but what's happening? What's going on, honey?" Lena asked gently.
Callie swallowed hard and looked down at her fidgeting hands. She struggled with understanding her own emotions and actions, and thinking of how to explain what was going through her mind to her mother was seemingly impossible.
"I was overwhelmed, from constantly staring at the pictures I guess," Callie tried.
There was a pause and Lena could tell Callie still had more to say, so she waited to reply.
"I know I can't change what happened, but I still wish it didn't happen at all. It's still hard looking at his face. And to see all the other houses and constantly think of all the bad that happened and I just couldn't take it. I didn't think It would be this hard. I thought it would help me. I'm sorry," Callie finished in one breath.
Lena's heart broke as she knew she was talking about Liam. The guilt began eating her up from the inside. How could she not see the toll the project was having on her daughter? Wasn't she supposed to know these things about her children?
"Don't apologize for the way you're feeling, baby. You can't control that and I don't want you to think that you aren't allowed to feel this pain anymore, because you can. It doesn't just go away, and none of us expect that from you. You're allowed to hurt, and I'm so sorry, honey, for yelling at you about wanting to switch projects. I let everything else going on and my stress get to me and I took it out on you without really thinking about why you wanted to change it in the first place. I should have known to check in on you from time to time, to talk to you about it," Lena relayed.
"It's okay," Callie replied quietly.
"No, it's not Callie," Lena said, lifting the girls chin so that she was at eye level. "I didn't handle the situation the right way, and there was no reason to yell and embarrass you like that in front of your friend. I didn't mean to make you feel as though you couldn't talk to me about this. I never want you to feel like you have to handle all these emotions by yourself. We are always here to help you and love you through anything. I hope you can forgive me for this."
"I forgive you," Callie replied, looking into her mother's brown eyes.
Lena smiled, grabbing the girl's face in her hands and kissing her forehead before wrapping her arms around her. Callie closed her eyes and did the same. Lena pulled away and looked at the shredded project in front of her, thinking of ways to help the girl fix it. Finally, a thought popped into her head.
"Come here," She motioned for Callie as she stood up to walk towards the board.
Callie stood and followed her, watching as she reached for the pins in their box of random supplies. Callie turned her head to the side as she watched Lena begin to pin through the tears of the paper.
"These safety pins are like your healing," Lena smiled, as she grabbed Callie's hand in hers.
Callie reached or the pins on the table and began sticking them through the other rips. She opened her mouth to say something, but quickly shut it, but not quick enough for Lena to miss.
"What's up?" Lena asked, looking over at the girl.
"How many kids did you foster, between the twins and us?"
Lena squinted as she thought about it. "Three, I believe, why?"
"What made us different? Why didn't you adopt those kids too?" Callie questioned.
Lena stopped what she was doing and turned towards Callie.
"When the twins came, we got this intense feeling in our hearts that they were ours, and that if they were to ever be taken away from us, we wouldn't be able to handle it. It's not that we didn't care about those other kids we fostered, we just knew we weren't meant to be their parents. When you guys came though and after we began getting to know you we felt that same feeling we felt with the twins. When we thought about you guys not being in our home it broke our hearts. It's hard to describe the feeling, but it was there, and we just knew."
Callie nodded her head and went back to focusing her energy on safety pinning the rips. Lena could tell Callie had some underlying feelings building up by the minute.
"Hey," Lena reached for Callie's arm to stop her from pinning. "You do not need to feel guilty about this, you hear me? I know it's hard, and it's tricky and confusing, but me and your mother don't want you to ever feel like you are undeserving of our love and this family, okay? You're our daughter and we love you more than anything in the world. You deserve that."
Callie nodded. The guilt of adoption was always on her mind, often causing her to question her place in the family. What made her more deserving of a family than those other children? Lena could still see the girl fighting her own internal struggle.
"How about we finish this tomorrow and call it a night. I know you must be exhausted and It's getting late. I want you to get a good night's sleep," Lena more than suggested.
The two put their supplies back and locked up the garage. Lena wrapped her arm around Callie's shoulder and guided her through the back yard to the door, squeezing her gently to her side. She wanted Callie as close to her as possible. She just wanted to make her feel secure.
The two made their way up the stairs quietly, both skipping the infamous creaky step.
"Go wash up and get comfy then come in our room really quick, okay?" Lena said, gently patting the girl towards her and Mariana's bedroom. Callie stayed silent but nodded, as she did much of the night. Lena made her way back to the master bedroom, placing the sweater she was wearing on the chair. Stef was in bed skimming through a magazine, but looked up above her glasses when she heard Lena walk in.
"Hey love, how is she?" Stef asked
Lena sighed as she relayed the events that happened earlier.
"I just-I don't know what to do. I want her to know how loved she is always. I want her to always feel that from us," Lena continued.
Stef gave a sympathetic smile and grabbed Lena's hand in hers. "She knows we love her. I just think it's hard for to accept that love sometimes, and we will do everything we can to make sure she does."
The two women stopped when they heard an almost silent knock on the door.
"I told her to stop in here before she went to bed. I just wanted to give her an extra squeeze tonight," Lena explained.
"Come in," Stef called.
The teen pushed the door open slowly and made her way in, shutting the door behind her so they wouldn't disturb the others in the house.
"Come here, my baby," Stef motioned, patting the space between her and Lena.
Callie brought her finger up to her nose and quickly made her way to the bed.
Callie constantly struggled with this. The want and need for affection while simultaneously feeling as though she was undeserving. She climbed into the bed though, curling her body towards Stef much like she did after the festival with Liam. Stef wrapped her arms tightly around the girl, giving her a tender kiss on the forehead. Lena reached around and held Callie in her arms too, giving her little kisses on the back of her head.
"We love you, sweets. You know that, right?" Stef asked, looking Callie in the eyes.
Callie nodded her head, but that wasn't enough for Stef.
"I want to hear you say that you know, love. Because it's so important that you do."
"I know. I love you too," Callie said, but it came out almost as a croak.
Both women knew it was going to be difficult to make their daughter feel their unconditional love and security, but they would never stop, even if it meant holding her in their arms like this every night.