Disclaimer: No, I am not the brilliant genius who wrote The Lord of the Rings, so all credit goes to John Ronald Reul Tolkien and his wonderful books. If you haven't read them GO READ THEM NOW! And Pippin and Merry, unfortunately, belong to him too. *Sighs*
A/N: This is the revised version because I made some spelling errors (I've always been hopeless with names) and also people gave me such a hard time about the birthday present thing so IT'S FIXED NOW! Anyway please, please, please R&R. I love getting reviews, even if they are mean.
Title: And All They Wanted Was Second Breakfast
Shire, September 22, 3018, Morning.
Sunny morning. I decided to go down to Buckland and visit Merry and as neither of us had any good ideas of what to do all day until Bilbo's party, we opted to torture the townspeople. We leaned out the window of Brandy Hall with a bucket of water and drenched several unsuspecting ladies until one of the elders kicked us out and forced us to work in the kitchens for the remainder of the morning. When we finally escaped we went down to the store and spent the last of my wages for this week on some pipe tobacco. I had to hide it in a hole to stop Merry from smoking the whole lot then and there. Unmannered, shortsighted little pest. It's a wonder I put up with him at all. Have to go get ready for the party now. Merry and I want to steal some fireworks and learn to work them ourselves. If we find out how to make them maybe we could start a business…
Peregrin Took
Shire, September 23, 3018, Afternoon.
I had a hangover all morning after Bilbo's party. Remind me never to touch liquor again. Pippin told me he had a wonderful headache medicine and fed me a spoonful of raw pepper. Great blundering git. It's a wonder I put up with him at all. I spent all evening at Bilbo's scrubbing dishes because Gandalf caught Pip and I setting off a firework. He claimed it was the biggest one, we set it off wrong, and it was a wonder no one was killed. Have you ever heard anything so exaggerated and pessimistic? Stupid beardy old man full of gloom and doom. There is no escaping these stupid dishes. I had to wash dishes yesterday morning as well. I think I'm being haunted by the kitchen sink. I think I'll go visit Pippin and tell him Farmer Maggot has a new crop of potatoes. Wink, wink.
Meriadoc Brandybuck
Shire, September 26, 3018, Evening
I had a rather uneventful week except for being forced to wash dishes at Bilbo's party because Merry and I set off some stupid firework and Gandalf got his panties in a twist. My poor hands will be scrubbing imaginary dishes in my sleep soon. This evening Merry had a date with one of Sam Gamgee's cousins whose name is Violet. They went to see the Hobbiton Players production of There and Back Again only the ending had to be improvised because it is a story by Bilbo Baggins and he hasn't finished writing it yet. I sat right behind them and they didn't even notice until they started kissing and I accidentally spilled my glass of pumpkin juice all over them. Vi had to go home and take a bath. (I can't see why- baths are a waste of time and I never take them when I can avoid it.) Merry left the theater with her in a very angry mood. I stayed and finished watching the (very good) play in high spirits. When I left to go home Merry kicked me in the stomach. Talk about overreacting! Lousy, ill-tempered spoilsport! It's a wonder I put up with him at all. I'm going over to Merry's house in the morning to make amends about the Violet incident and to tell him that I found the key to my uncle's wine cellar. Wink, wink. Hope he doesn't drink too much and have another hangover. I'd have to give him some more of my very effective headache medicine.
Peregrin Took
Shire, September 27, 3018, Afternoon.
Pippin ruined my date with Violet last night. Disrespectful, nosy, jealous, ugly toad. It's a wonder I put up with him at all. He came around this morning trying to make amends and I ended up forgiving him when he helped me with the dishes. I have dish duty again this week. I think the Elders of Brandy Hall seriously need to rethink their priorities. Just because I buried the crop sales record in the garden for a little game of treasure hunt with the kids they think they have a reason to give me dish duty for a month. Sacrificing the poor delicate hands of their future leader all over a stupid row… Pippin told me he found the key to his uncle's wine cellar but I refused to break in with him for fear of being fed raw pepper. Pippin still maintains that it is an effective hangover medicine. I asked him what did he think he was talking about I nearly choked and I felt like my throat and mouth were on fire.
"Yes but your mind was quite clear while you were feeling these things wasn't it?" was his clever response. Honestly! In any case, Mr. Took's wine is safe for the time being because Pippin and I decided to organize swimming relay races for the kids in the Brandywine river instead of raiding his cellars. The races went well. Brandybucks versus Tooks. The fun ended when Sam Gamgee's old Gaffer discovered what we were doing and told the Elders of both families that we were endangering the lives of innocent children. Load of rubbish. Stupid, ill-tempered arthritic old fart. Wish I could shove a pound of pepper down his throat. But I'm stuck doing dishes once again as is Pippin. Is there no escape?
Meriadoc Brandybuck
Shire, September 28, 3018, Evening.
It rained all day today so Merry and I braved the elements (covered by a large waterproof sheet) and rode his pony down to visit Frodo Baggins. He's quite a nice chap but he can be a bit serious and even a little boring. He's been rather depressed lately since the departure of old Bilbo, so we entertained him with stories of the crazy things we used to do in our innocent youths. He laughed like a maniac and told us he highly doubted we've ever been innocent. He got quite uncomfortable when we asked him how Bilbo pulled that wonderful disappearing trick at his party. Merry and I are convinced Gandalf gave him some sort of magic Fairy Dust or something and we want to get him to sell us some so we can start our own magic act. Merry thinks Vi will have him back if she sees him get famous on the stage. She's been avoiding him so he's blaming me! Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous? Just because I ended their date with an innocent accident doesn't mean he should pick a fight with me. Ill-humored, undeserving, fat, filthy, control freak. It's a wonder I put up with him. He hasn't washed behind his ears in over three weeks. AND he has a wart on his left foot. He showed me last week. He thinks that it has psychic powers and can predict the weather and crops and we should make a fortune telling booth and get rich so Vi will have him back. His wart has predicted that Farmer Maggot will have a fresh crop of carrots and cabbages in three days. He's an old loon if you ask me but I'm not one to stand up an opportunity for nicking food from Maggot. It's become quite a sport for us. I wonder if Vi will find a Professional Thief attractive? I really wish she wasn't angry with Merry. I'm getting sick of hearing his crazy ideas to get her back.
Peregrin Took