Disclaimer: Don't own Final Fantasy or the song. Don't sue.

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Special Delivery From The Love Obsessed (Performed by Yuffie Kisaragi)

By Charles Xavier

(Parody of 'I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)' by the Proclaimers)

…

Vincent let out a woeful sigh when he heard a knocking on his door. It couldn't be anyone else but Yuffie…and how was he sure? Well, today was Valentine's day, and the girl was always up to SOMETHING to target him. After all the humiliation he's had to endure with the child who simply wouldn't grow up, Vincent felt he was growing too old to put up with any more of her shenanigans. Would this be her last? Who knew?

"Yes?" Vincent moaned, poking his miserable head out the door.

Yuffie was nowhere to be found. Instead, on his doorstep sat a gargantuan present addressed to Valentine himself. "To Vincent: please open the present now." he didn't know who wrote the letter, but he wasn't a fool to guess who it was from.

With a feeling of regret, he untied the present's knot and from there, it opened itself to unleash a series of poppers bursting everywhere. Yuffie appeared in a furry (and somewhat kinky) Moogle leotard, accompanied (not surprisingly) by her Moogles.

"VII-IINCENT! HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY" Yuffie waved at him cheerfully. "You know it was coming, didn't you?"

"Yes, and I'm not amused." Vincent crossed his arms, displeased. "You never know when to quit, Yuffie, do you? Every year has been the same like this, and I'm not the only one to know that. AVALANCHE has grown tired of your acts."

"So what?" Yuffie shrugged without a care. "Just know, Vincent, that wherever you go, no matter where you hide, no matter how many miles you travel, across the land, across the seas, across the entire galaxy, I'll ALWAYS be there to wish you a Happy Valentine's for every single year!"

And so began another meaningless song…and all Vincent could do was watch.

…

When I wake up, yeah I know I'm gonna be,
I'm gonna be the gal who wakes up next to you.
When you kick me out, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the gal who's clinging onto you!

If I get drunk, yes I know I'm gonna be,
I'm gonna be the gal who gets drunk next to you.
And if I throw up, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the gal who throws up over you!

But I'd stalk you five hundred miles
And I'd stalk you five hundred more
Just to be the gal who hopped a thousand miles
To pass out at your door!

When I'm thieving, yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the gal who's thieving hard for you.
And with the money, every penny that I steal
I'll steal every single penny left for you!

When I'm bathing, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the gal who's sun bathing with you.
And if you diss me, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the gal who's pulverizing you!

But I'd stalk you five hundred miles
And I'd stalk you five hundred more
Just to be the gal who sailed a thousand miles
To wash up at your door!

NYUK-NYUK-NYUK-NYUK! NYUK-NYUK-NYUK-NYUK!
NYUK-NYUK-NYUK-NYUK! NYUK-NYUK-NYUK-NYUK!
NYYYUK! NYYYUK! NYYYUK! NYYYUK! NYYYUK! NYYYUK!
NYUK-NYUK-NYUK-NYUK! NYUK-NYUK-NYUK-NYUK!
NYUK-NYUK-NYUK-NYUK! NYUK-NYUK-NYUK-NYUK!
NYYYUK! NYYYUK! NYYYUK! NYYYUK! NYYYUK! NYYYUK!

When I'm crying, yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the gal whose crying out for you.
When I find you, yes I know I'm gonna find
I'm gonna find a way to get up close with you!

I'm gonna find a way to get up close with you!

So I'd stalk you five hundred miles
And I'd stalk you five hundred more
Just to be the gal who flew a thousand miles
To crash land at your door!

Yes, I'd stalk you five hundred miles
And I'd stalk you five hundred more
Just to be the gal who ran a thousand miles
To tie you at your door!

…

"Finally!" Yuffie stretched her arms. "Now that song's out of the way, why not say we start this wonderful Valentine's morning by taking a thousand mile stroll on the beach?"

Vincent slammed the door on her face and quietly returned to his basement.

"Aw, phooey!"

…

Owari

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