Empty inside
Disclaimer: Don't own Escaflowne and never will...
Ha... And I once again finally made it to finish something I had already started ages ago!!! *Waves "GO ME!" flag in the air* This story starts of at the Episode where Hitomi slapped Van in the barn and from that point on it was is totally AU, just to warn you. AND it is only one-shot which also explains the length of this thing *lol*.
ENNNJJJOOOOOYYYYYYYYY!!!
Story Start
Empty.
That was all she felt inside of her...empty.
She just stood there in the rain somewhere in Palas not even noticing the rain going through her clothes, letting them stick to her petit form. She just stood there staring into oblivion. There was nothing inside of her, no emotion showed on her face as she once again slowly started to walk in the first direction that came to her mind. She did not know where she was, but that didn't matter; nothing seemed to matter right now. As if it knew what she was thinking or rather not thinking the rain kept on pouring on and on. It fell hard onto her now, but still she did not bother to find any shelter and neither did the rain go away, it only got more and more.
As she walked, she let her mind wander back once again to the event that had only happened a few hours before...
~~~~~~~~~~*Flashback*~~~~~~~~~
"I want your powers!"
~~~~~~~~~*End flashback*~~~~~~~~
How could she have made such a fool of herself? What had she thought she would hear from an arrogant stuck up prince - no, king - anyway?
Surely not that he would have any feelings for me. As if Van would ever see anything else in me as a tool. Why should he? In this world, I'm just a low commoner, maybe not even that, while he is a newly crowned King, even if he has lost his country in the attack from Zaibach. So why should he try to be friends or something more with me, if he has much more important things to worry about, then always looking after me?
She stopped in her tracks. Her feet had brought her even without noticing to a small wooden bridge and she stopped there to think once again. She leaned over the railing to watch the droplets fall into the water and flow out into the ocean.
Why had she wanted that Van cared about her so much in the first place? Did she not love Allen? Or was it rather Amano? He was the one she had swooned all over back at the Mystic Moon and only had a crush on Allen because they looked so much like the other, wasn't it?
But did she really like Amano? He had been her first crush, that was for sure and maybe she had clung a little to hard to that wish of finally having a boyfriend. As she was thinking it over at the moment, Hitomi had to admit that she had tried as hard as it could be to push away the knowledge that her most trusted friend on Earth (or the Mystic Moon) seemed also to be in love with the Senior. She had seen those looks Yukari had given Amano when she thought that he and Hitomi didn't see it. But Hitomi had seen it and at that time she hadn't wanted to believe that her best friend was in love with the same guy as she was although it should have been obvious to her. And although Yukari also had feelings towards Amano, she had never said anything about it, had never told Hitomi that she was also interested in the same boy as she was. She had even encouraged Hitomi with each step she took, had only wanted to see her friend happy.
Maybe she should let Yukari have Amano, since she didn't quite know anymore, if she really wanted him as her boyfriend. Yukari fitted so much better to Amano just like Allen fitted to Millerna.
Maybe she really only had had a crush on Allen because he looked so much like the boy she had liked back home, she was extremely sure of that now.
Home...
Was the Mystic Moon still her home? Did she, the girl who had nothing really back there, still belong on that planet so far away from where she was right now? The others still thought that she had a family there who was waiting for her to finally return to with a life so much easier then on Gaia. Hitomi sighed and let a lonely tear trickle down her face as she stared into the water.
Oh, how wrong that all was. She had even lied to Van about having the intact family she had always dreamed about. She had never had a little brother or any other siblings although in her eyes, it would have been great. And who her father was she did not know and never wanted to know.
Her parents had divorced right after she had been born. They had only been married for one and a half years but her father had left her mother, because he had hoped for a boy he could form to his wishes, so that he could one day be a famous Football player or something like that. He had said that he couldn't do anything with a girl like her and that it had been her mother's fault he hadn't gotten a boy. So he had just packed his things and left her mother standing there in the middle of nowhere with a child which was only a few weeks old and that was that. Half a year later a letter had come with some papers and her fathers request that they should divorce and that he would pay a little money for his daughter and that was all they had ever heard of him.
Hitomi had never known her father, had never had any other sibling. It had always been her mother and herself and sometimes her grandmother but no one else.
She and her mother had tried as best as they could to get over the rounds, Hitomi's grandmother helping as much as she could. But alas, her grandmother had gotten very weak and had died when Hitomi had only been nine. Since then, her mother and her had really been on there own, her mother working hard, so that her daughter could get all she needed and wanted and Hitomi had tried hard to help her as best as she could. When she came home from school, she would make herself a little snack to eat, then clean the house and wash the clothes, walk to the grocery store a few blocks away and after that Hitomi would make her homework until her mom came home from work. She then would cook for both of them something to eat and they would exchange different things that had happened that day, may it be that someone at Hitomi's school had once again blown up a chemistry-room (which seemed to happen a lot there, because of one of the teachers) or that her mom had somehow gotten an extra free day for the next weekend and so they would make plans of what they would do then.
It had been a quiet and simple life, with Hitomi only having Yukari and Amano as friend but she hadn't minded. Life had been well enough.
That is until only a few months before she had been transported into this strange world. Her mother had been to the hospital because of a very strange headache and the doctors had found, not one, but two tumours in her head, one on each side. They had said, that there was nothing they could do anymore and the longest her mother would probably survive where one, maybe two years and even then it would still have been long. There was no cure and they had only given her something against the pain with the advice not to get to stressed at work and be careful with sports-activities.
Since then her mother had taken even more time for her daughter, did as much with Hitomi as she could, bought her things she did not always need but hoped it would make her happier at least for a little while. She had even tried to contact Hitomi's father, so he could hopefully take care of her when her mother died, but to no avail. He had stopped giving Hitomi money a few years before and so finding him was impossible and they soon gave up.
And now she was here, in a place she had never thought existed. A place with giant robot like suites men fought against each other with, with giant swords and other such things. There did not exist any modern technology and everyone still travelled in carriages or maybe with Levi-Ship, powered by flying stones. Even dragons lived on this strange and yet fascinating planet called Gaia. And every country was still ruled by a monarch like a few hundred years ago on the Mystic Moon.
She did not know what to do, did not know what to think. All she wanted to find out was where she belonged to; to know, where she could live her life in peace with no war around her and without the lonely feeling she had felt inside each time when she thought about her mother not going to be there for her anymore. It all seemed to be so hopeless. It wouldn't even make any difference if she died then and there. There would be no one who would really be sad about it, no one who would miss her greatly. They would all soon forget her and go on with their lives.
Hitomi was just about to push herself of the railing of the small wooden bridge and continue with her aimless wandering when she looked up and saw... Allen! (Hah! You thought I would bring Van in this scene already, didn't ya? But don't worry, it will not happen like it has happened in the series, I could not stand another kiss between Allen and Hitomi. But now on with the story ^^°...).
He was just like her soaked by the rain, his hair clinging to his face and back. He did not wear his usual uniform, only black pants and a white shirt, which was clinging to his chest. He stared just astonished at her as she did at him.
Why was he out in the rain and why was he looking so strangely at her? Something seemed not right here and Hitomi thought she felt her pendant warm up a little beneath her blouse, seeming to want to warn her about something, but what she could not guess. As she kept staring at Allen his facial features softened, but that strange, empty look did not leave his eyes. He murmured her name and started to advance towards her. She involuntary took a step back, irritated by his sudden change of behaviour. She did not know if either to just stay there and maybe talk to him about her troubles or run far, far away. She had just decided on turning away when Allen was directly in front of her. Before Hitomi could say anything to excuse herself he had rapped his arms around her, pulling her to him, her head pressed against his chest. She stiffened, her mind not finding a way out of the situation. What should she do? What was happening to her?
"Allen? Is everything okay?" She carefully asked as his grip on her tightened even more. She felt like suffocating and was beginning to get scared. He lowered his head a little to her ear and whispered quietly.
"Why is it that I always feel whole around you? Why do you make me feel like I never want to let you go ever again?"
He pulled back a little and looked his gaze with hers. Hitomi felt like paralysed by his eyes, but it was not a comfortable feeling, rather a feeling of strangeness and very unnerving. His eyes still were empty and did not show any signs of emotion and it scared her to no end.
"What are you doing, Allen? Please let me go."
He did not seem to listen to the words she said to him as he slowly began to lower his face towards hers.
"You are so beautiful Hitomi. I wish you would be mine, and mine alone."
"No Allen, please stop it. I don't want this to happen. I..."
She couldn't go on anymore. It was as if an unknown force was pulling her down into darkness, making it unable for her to speak. Against her will her eyelids began to close agonisingly slow and at that moment she realised it couldn't make any sense to fight against this force.
Maybe it really is fait that wants this to happen. But what for? Will it help me? Will finally everything end after this? Oh, please let me drown in darkness. Let it all end. Let this entire senseless pain end!
Then something unexpected happened, something Hitomi would forever be grateful later in life. Out of nowhere she suddenly felt warmth on her chest. Sudden flashes past by in front of her inner eye, flashes of the last person she had expected would appear at this moment. She saw pictures of Van.
Van, like he mostly was, in his red shirt and beige pants without any expression revealing on his face.
Van, with his wings stretched out wide, reaching out his hand towards her, just like that one time when she had fallen of that edge.
Van standing there motionless, looking at her with sadness and hurt in his eyes.
Van, fighting with Dillandau on the flying fortress and the look he had when he thought of his brother.
Van, training alone outside.
Van, flying Escaflowne into battle.
And then she once again she saw him standing in front of her; but this time he smiled a warm smile, one she had only seen once or twice on his face, arms outstretched beckoning her towards him.
The last she saw was Van laughing and with a child in his arms. Van looked somewhat older and the child he was lifting high into the air was a small boy of about three or four with black tousled hair just like Van himself. But when the boy opened his eyes they were not reddish-brown like those of Van, but an emerald green, just like hers.
And Hitomi knew, who this boy was. It was Van's son. Her and Van's!
Suddenly the paralysing spell broke from her like dirt being washed away by the rain. She lifted her arms and pushed herself away from Allen with all her might, just before he was about to kiss her. He stumbled and nearly fell but caught himself just in time while she stood there breathless, as if she had run a 100m race. Allen directed his very confused gaze towards her.
"Hitomi, wha...?"
"I'm sorry Allen, but this isn't right. We don't belong together, we will never will. Please understand! I... I don't love you! I'm sorry. I... I think I rather want to be alone now."
And with this finally said, Hitomi turned around and ran. She did not hear Allen shouting after her, nor did she look where she was going. Thus she did not even notice the person standing in the shadows just a few steps away from her when she past him...
************* ~~~~~~~~~~~~ *************
Van still stood there frozen to the spot and only came out of his trance when Hitomi ran past him without even noticing him.
He had gone in search of Hitomi when it had started to rain in fear of something happening to her although the memory of her slapping him in the barn was still fresh in his mind.
He hadn't wanted to hurt her, heck he didn't even now why he had so suddenly backed out of it all. Something inside of him had just refused to let her know how he really felt, probably in fear of rejection, of her not loving him. The hurt in her eyes when he had told her that he wanted her power had been like a dagger plunged deep into his heart. And the hateful words she had spoken had nearly torn it apart. When she had run out he had stayed, contemplating of what he was to do about the situation. Merle had appeared shortly after that in the barn, but he had asked her quietly to please leave him alone. She had stalked of with her usual temper getting the better of her, muttering something about going back to the castle and that she wouldn't come back for the rest of the day not even if her begged her to do so. He hadn't really listened to her whole ranting, but was relived to have some time to himself to think things over.
He couldn't really say, when he had fallen in love with the strange girl from the Mystic Moon, but he had known for sure, when she had said that his wings were beautiful. Since then he had known that he wanted to protect her at any cost so she would stay with him. He wanted her so badly at his side, to feel her near him, to have her in his arms that it was driving him insane. He didn't know how long he would be able to control himself in front of her before he did something much more stupid then what had happened just a short while ago. But what was probably the worst about this whole situation was, that the love only seemed to be one sided. The first few days, Hitomi had cried over some guy named Amano, probably the guy who had been there when Van had appeared on the Mystic Moon to fight the dragon. And now it all indicated towards Hitomi falling in love with Allen. Allen was a gentleman, always charming and already experience in the way of making a girl fall head over heals in love with him. He was everything a girl wanted a man to be and Van was nothing of that at all.
Van knew himself that he was very stubborn when it came to certain things and that he was to rash was another thing.
It was foolish to him to even hope that Hitomi would ever feel something more than friendship for him, maybe not even that. She would forget him probably soon once she had returned home to the Mystic Moon and joined her family.
And that was something else that ripped Van's heart apart every time he thought about it. He had known from the beginning that she would one day return to her home planet and yet he had let his feeling drift into the wrong direction and now there was no turning back. He had promised her he would somehow bring her back to the Mystic Moon and he would do it, even if his heart died from the loss as long as she was happy.
And that was the reason he had went in search of her when the rain had become stronger and stronger. He wanted to make sure she was okay and all was well with her. If he could even bring up the courage to apologise for his rude behaviour, he was not so sure of, but Van wanted to give it a try at least. After running aimlessly through the streets of Palas, only guided by the steady rhythm of his beating heart, he had come to a large crossing with a small wooden bridge in the centre going over a small canal that flowed out into the ocean. The rain had stopped momentarily, showing Van what he had never wanted to see.
His heart shattered at what he saw only a few steps away from him. On the bridge stood Hitomi, the girl that had stolen his heart and whom he had been looking for only moments ago. But she did not stand there alone. With her stood the knight Allen Schezar holding her in a tight embrace close to his body.
Van could not move, could not turn away from the scene enfolding directly before him as he saw how Allen pulled slightly back and started lowering his head towards Hitomi's. And as he did so, Van knew that he had lost the girl he loved to another. He had pushed her away and she had run into the arms of the knight. It was his to blame, his to blame all alone for the loss of the beloved he had wanted to protect.
But just before he finally found the strength to turn around something that he had believed would never happen, did happen. Just as Allen tried to Kiss Hitomi there was a short flash of pink. The next thing he saw was Allen being pushed away by Hitomi, making him almost stumble. Van heard Hitomi say something to Allen, who was looking very confused now, but he could not make out what as he was to far away.
He was so astonished by the turn of events, that he only noticed Hitomi when she passed by him, making him come out of his trance. Without further thinking he ran after her calling out her name, begging her mentally to stop so he could finally talk to her.
************* ~~~~~~~~~~~~ *************
Hitomi heard someone call out her name behind her and at first assumed that it was Allen. But when she heard the voice call out again she instantly knew it was Van. This only made her want to run faster. She didn't know if she could face him right now. Her thoughts were to jumbled up by what had happened and by what she had seen. She felt she would certainly loose herself then and there if she stayed just a moment to long and she didn't know if she could face the consequence that would some way or the other come out of it.
She wanted Van to hold her close to him, to wrap his arms and wings around her and protect her from the outside world and at the same time she couldn't bear to be near him and wanted to run as far away as she could.
Not looking where she was going she stumbled over a hole and fell, miraculously not harming herself. She felt him getting closer as she tried to quickly get up and run again, but to no avail. She heard his worried voice directly behind her.
"Are you okay Hitomi? Is something wrong?"
Yes something is wrong! You not loving me, that's what's wrong!
She wanted to shout it into his face, wanted to slap him again and again until he finally understood, but she could not. She was to afraid to turn around, to afraid of what might happen if she stared to long into those endless deeps of his flaming eyes, what might happen if he touched her, what he might see of her past. She did not want his pity, did not want him to feel sorry for her. All she wanted to know what he really felt for her, but she could not bring herself to ask.
"Leave me alone Van, please. Just leave me alone." Even to Hitomi, her voice sounded weak.
"But you're soaked! And you don't sound to good either. I'm worried about you, so please tell me what is wrong!!"
Hitomi felt Van grab one of her hands and felt a shock like lightning go through her, heard the sharp intake of breath from behind and felt him stiffen. She turned around to take a look at him. The moment she saw his wide eyes and his shocked impression, she knew what he had seen.
He had seen the truth about her past...
With one swift movement Hitomi wrenched her hand free of his grip, turned around and dashed of once again. She ran, tears streaming down her face and didn't know what to do, where to go to. It would be only a matter of minutes until Van would start to pursuit her again and she wanted to get as far away as possible.
She ran until her legs wouldn't take it anymore and collapsed against an old tree. She had somehow made it out of the city to a small grassy area surrounded by trees and she let her self slide down one of them, her back pressed against the rough bark. She drew her knees close to her body and buried her head in between her arms. She was weary of the entire running; weary of all the pain she had gone through today and of all the tears she had cried already. Tired and worn out she closed her eyes to rest for a while.
When she opened them once again she wasn't sitting under a tree anymore. She was standing in a room in which stood a single white bed and different machines peeped and blinked all around it. The machines showed her that she wasn't on Gaia anymore, but in a hospital on Earth. Her gaze went to the bed, fearing what she would see there.
She gasped:
"Mother?!?"
She rushed over to the bed where here mother lay with her eyes closed, her breath ragged. Slowly she opened her eyes and smiled at her daughter:
"I knew you would come one last time, my sweet little girl."
"Mom, what is happening? Is this a Vision? But why can you see me and hear me then? I..."
"Shhhhhh... listen. My time is running short on this world and my final wish was to see you once more. I know where you are, you're grandmother often told me about Gaia when I was a little girl myself."
Hitomi's mother took in a few shallow breaths. It seemed that even talking pained her and took her a great amount of energy. Tears came once again to Hitomi's eyes as she saw how much her mother was in pain and knowing she couldn't do anything to ease the pain made it only worse.
"Please, mom, don't give up. I know you can make it through. I'll come back right away and then we can be together like in old times and we..."
"No, my dear. We both know that this is a sickness that cannot be cured and I can feel myself already slipping away. Please don't cry fro me, little one. You still have your whole life ahead of you; you already saw it, didn't you? I can see it in your eyes and I beg you, don't ruin your happiness by just running away and leaving behind the one who dearly loves you. I... I... I'm ... just... sad, that... that I ... can't be... at... your... wedding...any... anymore. I... I... I love... you."
And with that Hitomi's mother closed her eyes and breathed her last breath as the hand that had reached out to touch Hitomi's face also went slack. The machines started to blink and peep even more, almost going haywire, as nurses and doctors came storming through the door all shouting at once. They didn't notice Hitomi, didn't even see her as one of them passed right through her.
Hitomi could only stare at her dead mother as the ground started to collapse beneath her. She welcomed the darkness as she fell deeper and deeper. As she was about to give everything up she saw through the blur of her tears a light coming from up above as an angle with pearly white wings descended towards her. He stretched his hand out to her, silently begging her to take it, to not give up.
I beg you, don't ruin your happiness by just running away and leaving behind the one who dearly loves you.
She heard those words being repeated as her mother's voice whispered them in her mind and she finally reached out towards her angle. He grabbed her hand tightly and drew her body to his as his wings wrapped around them both tightly. She felt secure in his embrace and her eyes closed again.
************* ~~~~~~~~~~~~ *************
Van didn't quite know, how long he stood there, staring into nothing, but it must have been for some time, for when he came to his senses again, the rain had started anew, soaking him even more, if possible.
Numbly he stared at his hand that had griped Hitomi's only a few minutes before. The shock that had gone through it at that mere touch had made him gasp. Feelings of loneliness, sadness, emptiness and betrayal had surged through his veins, but it had not been his feelings...
It had been Hitomi's...
And with those feelings their had been memories of her past, her thoughts and her hopelessness. He had not seen everything of her past, bits and pieces, but it had shown him the truth, shown him Hitomi's real situation, shown him how much she wanted, needed someone by her side, but had also shown him the panic of getting to close to someone, to get hurt psychically, not physically.
The most vivid thing that had burned into his mind had been a very old memory.
Hitomi had only been three almost four years old. She had been running about in the park, laughing happily as her mother talked to some neighbours. Her mother had not noticed how Hitomi had run after a stray dog, following it until she had no more strength to continue running, when she had caught her breath and looked around, she had seen no one and it was already starting to get dark. Thick grey clouds had covered the sky and the first flash of lightning followed by thunder startled Hitomi. She had run around shouting for her mother, but she couldn't find her. Rain had started to pour down, much similar to the current weather in Palas, soaking little Hitomi who now sat huddled under and old tree. He had heard her sobs and the picture had been one of complete and utter loneliness.
It had torn at his heart, seeing her so helpless and fragile, with no one to comfort her, to be there for her as she cried her little heart out. His life had been all right at that time, even if it hadn't been to long for him as well, but he had known his father, a loving father and an always-cheerful mother, even an adopted sister.
But for Hitomi there had only been her mother and at the beginning her grandmother. She did not have a father that would hug her and comfort her when something bad had happened, did not have a brother to tease and play with or any other sibling at all. Compared to her life, Van's had been better, maybe not the best and certainly not easy, but Hitomi had always tried hard, had always given her best so her mother would not notice her cry in the night when she felt lonely.
Lonely...
It was that one word, that little word that had accompanied Van most of his life, which made him come out of his trance like stance.
He finally realised that he had to find Hitomi, get her out of the rain and try to somehow to comfort her, if she let him.
Van ran once again, following his heart. He only had to search for a few minutes before he found her outside of the city on a small hill. The way she sat there under the tree, with her arms around her legs, head bend low it reminded him very much of that old memory. So similar was the situation, so similar the pain inside of her that his heart felt like breaking.
He stood there for a moment, wondering what to do, before he slowly walked to her slight shaking form. He crouched down and gently laid a hand on her shoulder.
The touch startled Hitomi and her head snapped upwards, eyes locking with his. They were opened wide and Van could still see how red they had become from crying. She stared at him for a moment in disbelieve, before tears once again gathered in her eyes and she flung herself at him nearly knocking him of balance. He caught her, wrapping his arms around her petit frame as comfort, while she buried her head in his shoulder, hand fisting into the back of his shirt.
Van barely heard the words she whispered while letting a flood of tears loose, but what she said made him gasp for a second time that day.
"She...She's dead!... She's dead and I wasn't even... able to... comfort her. Why?... Why did she have to die?"
He did not know what to answer. He just held on to her, rubbing her back to ease the pain at least a little. He knew how it felt to loose a dearly loved one and he knew that there was nothing he could say at the moment to take away the pain. The only thing he could do was be there for her, give her strength, nothing more, nothing less.
They stayed that way, even when Hitomi's sobbing had ceased, feeling the soothing warmth of each other. Van was still absently stroking her hair and back gently and she snuggled closer to him, not wanting to let go. Only when the sky had cleared and the night slowly started to creep upon them did Van speak.
"We better should go back to the barn. Can you walk?"
Hitomi nodded, but did not look up at him as he helped her up. She let herself be led by him, her head still resting on his should and one of his arms wound tightly around her waist. Anyone who would have only taken a glance at them would have thought they were just a couple in love wandering around for some time for themselves.
They didn't need to walk far until they came to the barn and yet it was almost completely dark outside. Van made a fire inside near Escaflowne and gave Hitomi a blanket to wrap around herself, but couldn't give her something dry to wear, so he turned his back towards her, seeming to be checking something on Escaflowne, while she took of her jacket and blouse, leaving only her bra, skirt and other undergarments on.
When Van turned around again, Hitomi was already sitting near the fire, the blanket wrapped tightly around her and sitting on another, and bigger one. Her look was still full of sadness and loneliness as she stared into the fire, but not seeing it. He also took of his shirt and wrapped the third and last blanked around himself and sat down beside her.
Again they stayed that way for some time, not saying a word or looking at each other, afraid of what they would see in the eyes of one another. And yet similar thoughts went through both their heads...
Hitomi:
*Sigh* What do I do now? I have nowhere to go, no one to turn to; no one I could ask, what to do now. I only have Va... Oh, forget it Hitomi! I'm just a tool for him, nothing more. He only wants my powers for his advantage in battle, doesn't he? But why did he come after me, comfort me, held me in his arms?
She slightly blushed at that thought, but luckily Van didn't notice, so she kept on thinking undisturbed.
It somehow doesn't make any sense to me anymore. One minute he's gentle and caring and the next he is cold and pushes me away. And what of the vision earlier, the one I had on the bridge? Was it really a vision? I just wish it where... Argh! That's it!! I'm gonna ask him right now to tell me the truth and no matter what he says, I will accept it. And I should thank him for earlier.
Van:
What to do now? Hitomi's probably still made at me, because of those stupid things I said. And even if I involuntary saw those many different things of her past, it should have never concerned me, if she didn't want to talk about it. But she always looks so lost and helpless although she has a very strong will. I don't even know if she has any feelings for me! I should apologise right now and tell her how I really feel and ask what she feels for me, no matter what the answer is!
"Van, I..."
"Hitomi, I..."
They both started at the same time and turned around to face each other. All control of speech was lost when their gazes locked. Time seemed to stand still. No words needed to be said for both their eyes showed what should have been said already long ago and what now didn't needed to be said anymore, for the hearts knew.
Later on, both of them couldn't really say how it all had happened. The next thing they felt were the soft touch of their lips, brushing against each other.
Timidly and gently was their first kiss, yet so full of emotion and longing it stole their breaths away. They broke the kiss only a short moment before locking lips again, this time with much more passion then before. Hitomi felt Van wrap his arms around her together with his blanket enveloping them both in a cocoon of warmth. She felt the hold on her blanket slip as it fell from her grasp. Her arms went around his neck, pulling him more closely to her body. Van went with the movement, never breaking the kiss until Hitomi lay under him. The kiss ended and Van and Hitomi's eyes met once again, saying more then words, more then a touch could ever say.
Nothing was said as the night moved on and the flames of the fire burned high, dancing with delight at the two lovers beneath them, for nothing can give more warmth then being in the arms of your one true love.
**** Ahem... the next morning ***
Hitomi reluctantly opened her eyes as one of the first stray lights of the slowly rising sun found a crack in the barns wooden wall, hitting her eyes. She squinted against the light of the new day and wondered for a moment why she was here, when she felt her pillow move. Wait... a moving pillow?!?
At once she remembered what had transpired last night between her and her winged angel as she let herself relax back into his strong embrace, feelings his arms and wings still wrapped around her. She absentmindedly reached out with one hand to stroke his wing, feeling the softness of his gleaming white feathers. It earned her a soft chuckle from Van, the echo rumbling in his chest a pleasant feeling she already loved.
"Watch it, or I just might tickle back."
"Mmmmm, that really scares me now."
A tiny yelp escaped her lips as his fingertips wandered over her side, making her shiver. She sighed and snuggled closer to his warm body almost lying on top of him, head in the crock of his neck. He tightened his hold around her waist and absent-mindedly scooted his fingers up and down her spine.
"How do you feel, Hitomi? Everything okay?"
The second the question left his mouth Van wanted to slap himself. Yeah right, as if she would feel okay right now after she had lost her mother only the day before. He was surprised when he felt her lips curve into a tiny smile.
"I feel a lot better than yesterday. It's nice to just lie here for once and I love to feel your arms wrapped around me."
Van blushed slightly at that comment as Hitomi lifted her head to look into his eyes. The sadness was still present but not in the least as strong as the love that shone in them for him and only for him.
"And I think I finally found out where I belong."
Before Van could ask she bent down and kissed him gently and he returned it with all the love he had for her. They reluctantly broke the kiss after some time and a grin appeared on his face making him look like the boy he should have been the whole time, but had never had the chance to, because of all the responsibilities that had been put on his shoulders at only the age of five.
"Well, I guess will have to get up sooner or later and get dressed, unless you want to attend Millerna's wedding ceremony like this although I wouldn't mind."
That remark earned him a light punch in the shoulder and he vaguely heard Hitomi mutter "smart-ass" and the slight blush now adorning her cheek made him grin only more. He was already starting to like the teasing and he sure as hell wouldn't stop with it, loving the way she reacted to it. And who knows, a quarrel or two could maybe be entertaining (typical Van somehow *lol*).
They both got up and got dressed before stepping out into the opening. Hitomi slid her hand into his strong one while her other absently brushed over her stomach. For a moment she saw that Vision again of Van and the little boy before she returned back to the real world by the gentle squeeze of Van's hand.
"Hitomi?"
She looked up and saw the worry in his eyes as he looked at her. As she looked at him she couldn't stop the big grin spreading on her.
"Don't worry, everything is totally fine. You'd be surprised..."
And with that she tucked at his hand and led him of towards the palace, trying to hold back the laugh at seeing his confused face. He would just have to wait a bit more before she led him of the hook and she was sure how his reaction would be when he finally found out about her "little" secret...
The End
Disclaimer: Don't own Escaflowne and never will...
Ha... And I once again finally made it to finish something I had already started ages ago!!! *Waves "GO ME!" flag in the air* This story starts of at the Episode where Hitomi slapped Van in the barn and from that point on it was is totally AU, just to warn you. AND it is only one-shot which also explains the length of this thing *lol*.
ENNNJJJOOOOOYYYYYYYYY!!!
Story Start
Empty.
That was all she felt inside of her...empty.
She just stood there in the rain somewhere in Palas not even noticing the rain going through her clothes, letting them stick to her petit form. She just stood there staring into oblivion. There was nothing inside of her, no emotion showed on her face as she once again slowly started to walk in the first direction that came to her mind. She did not know where she was, but that didn't matter; nothing seemed to matter right now. As if it knew what she was thinking or rather not thinking the rain kept on pouring on and on. It fell hard onto her now, but still she did not bother to find any shelter and neither did the rain go away, it only got more and more.
As she walked, she let her mind wander back once again to the event that had only happened a few hours before...
~~~~~~~~~~*Flashback*~~~~~~~~~
"I want your powers!"
~~~~~~~~~*End flashback*~~~~~~~~
How could she have made such a fool of herself? What had she thought she would hear from an arrogant stuck up prince - no, king - anyway?
Surely not that he would have any feelings for me. As if Van would ever see anything else in me as a tool. Why should he? In this world, I'm just a low commoner, maybe not even that, while he is a newly crowned King, even if he has lost his country in the attack from Zaibach. So why should he try to be friends or something more with me, if he has much more important things to worry about, then always looking after me?
She stopped in her tracks. Her feet had brought her even without noticing to a small wooden bridge and she stopped there to think once again. She leaned over the railing to watch the droplets fall into the water and flow out into the ocean.
Why had she wanted that Van cared about her so much in the first place? Did she not love Allen? Or was it rather Amano? He was the one she had swooned all over back at the Mystic Moon and only had a crush on Allen because they looked so much like the other, wasn't it?
But did she really like Amano? He had been her first crush, that was for sure and maybe she had clung a little to hard to that wish of finally having a boyfriend. As she was thinking it over at the moment, Hitomi had to admit that she had tried as hard as it could be to push away the knowledge that her most trusted friend on Earth (or the Mystic Moon) seemed also to be in love with the Senior. She had seen those looks Yukari had given Amano when she thought that he and Hitomi didn't see it. But Hitomi had seen it and at that time she hadn't wanted to believe that her best friend was in love with the same guy as she was although it should have been obvious to her. And although Yukari also had feelings towards Amano, she had never said anything about it, had never told Hitomi that she was also interested in the same boy as she was. She had even encouraged Hitomi with each step she took, had only wanted to see her friend happy.
Maybe she should let Yukari have Amano, since she didn't quite know anymore, if she really wanted him as her boyfriend. Yukari fitted so much better to Amano just like Allen fitted to Millerna.
Maybe she really only had had a crush on Allen because he looked so much like the boy she had liked back home, she was extremely sure of that now.
Home...
Was the Mystic Moon still her home? Did she, the girl who had nothing really back there, still belong on that planet so far away from where she was right now? The others still thought that she had a family there who was waiting for her to finally return to with a life so much easier then on Gaia. Hitomi sighed and let a lonely tear trickle down her face as she stared into the water.
Oh, how wrong that all was. She had even lied to Van about having the intact family she had always dreamed about. She had never had a little brother or any other siblings although in her eyes, it would have been great. And who her father was she did not know and never wanted to know.
Her parents had divorced right after she had been born. They had only been married for one and a half years but her father had left her mother, because he had hoped for a boy he could form to his wishes, so that he could one day be a famous Football player or something like that. He had said that he couldn't do anything with a girl like her and that it had been her mother's fault he hadn't gotten a boy. So he had just packed his things and left her mother standing there in the middle of nowhere with a child which was only a few weeks old and that was that. Half a year later a letter had come with some papers and her fathers request that they should divorce and that he would pay a little money for his daughter and that was all they had ever heard of him.
Hitomi had never known her father, had never had any other sibling. It had always been her mother and herself and sometimes her grandmother but no one else.
She and her mother had tried as best as they could to get over the rounds, Hitomi's grandmother helping as much as she could. But alas, her grandmother had gotten very weak and had died when Hitomi had only been nine. Since then, her mother and her had really been on there own, her mother working hard, so that her daughter could get all she needed and wanted and Hitomi had tried hard to help her as best as she could. When she came home from school, she would make herself a little snack to eat, then clean the house and wash the clothes, walk to the grocery store a few blocks away and after that Hitomi would make her homework until her mom came home from work. She then would cook for both of them something to eat and they would exchange different things that had happened that day, may it be that someone at Hitomi's school had once again blown up a chemistry-room (which seemed to happen a lot there, because of one of the teachers) or that her mom had somehow gotten an extra free day for the next weekend and so they would make plans of what they would do then.
It had been a quiet and simple life, with Hitomi only having Yukari and Amano as friend but she hadn't minded. Life had been well enough.
That is until only a few months before she had been transported into this strange world. Her mother had been to the hospital because of a very strange headache and the doctors had found, not one, but two tumours in her head, one on each side. They had said, that there was nothing they could do anymore and the longest her mother would probably survive where one, maybe two years and even then it would still have been long. There was no cure and they had only given her something against the pain with the advice not to get to stressed at work and be careful with sports-activities.
Since then her mother had taken even more time for her daughter, did as much with Hitomi as she could, bought her things she did not always need but hoped it would make her happier at least for a little while. She had even tried to contact Hitomi's father, so he could hopefully take care of her when her mother died, but to no avail. He had stopped giving Hitomi money a few years before and so finding him was impossible and they soon gave up.
And now she was here, in a place she had never thought existed. A place with giant robot like suites men fought against each other with, with giant swords and other such things. There did not exist any modern technology and everyone still travelled in carriages or maybe with Levi-Ship, powered by flying stones. Even dragons lived on this strange and yet fascinating planet called Gaia. And every country was still ruled by a monarch like a few hundred years ago on the Mystic Moon.
She did not know what to do, did not know what to think. All she wanted to find out was where she belonged to; to know, where she could live her life in peace with no war around her and without the lonely feeling she had felt inside each time when she thought about her mother not going to be there for her anymore. It all seemed to be so hopeless. It wouldn't even make any difference if she died then and there. There would be no one who would really be sad about it, no one who would miss her greatly. They would all soon forget her and go on with their lives.
Hitomi was just about to push herself of the railing of the small wooden bridge and continue with her aimless wandering when she looked up and saw... Allen! (Hah! You thought I would bring Van in this scene already, didn't ya? But don't worry, it will not happen like it has happened in the series, I could not stand another kiss between Allen and Hitomi. But now on with the story ^^°...).
He was just like her soaked by the rain, his hair clinging to his face and back. He did not wear his usual uniform, only black pants and a white shirt, which was clinging to his chest. He stared just astonished at her as she did at him.
Why was he out in the rain and why was he looking so strangely at her? Something seemed not right here and Hitomi thought she felt her pendant warm up a little beneath her blouse, seeming to want to warn her about something, but what she could not guess. As she kept staring at Allen his facial features softened, but that strange, empty look did not leave his eyes. He murmured her name and started to advance towards her. She involuntary took a step back, irritated by his sudden change of behaviour. She did not know if either to just stay there and maybe talk to him about her troubles or run far, far away. She had just decided on turning away when Allen was directly in front of her. Before Hitomi could say anything to excuse herself he had rapped his arms around her, pulling her to him, her head pressed against his chest. She stiffened, her mind not finding a way out of the situation. What should she do? What was happening to her?
"Allen? Is everything okay?" She carefully asked as his grip on her tightened even more. She felt like suffocating and was beginning to get scared. He lowered his head a little to her ear and whispered quietly.
"Why is it that I always feel whole around you? Why do you make me feel like I never want to let you go ever again?"
He pulled back a little and looked his gaze with hers. Hitomi felt like paralysed by his eyes, but it was not a comfortable feeling, rather a feeling of strangeness and very unnerving. His eyes still were empty and did not show any signs of emotion and it scared her to no end.
"What are you doing, Allen? Please let me go."
He did not seem to listen to the words she said to him as he slowly began to lower his face towards hers.
"You are so beautiful Hitomi. I wish you would be mine, and mine alone."
"No Allen, please stop it. I don't want this to happen. I..."
She couldn't go on anymore. It was as if an unknown force was pulling her down into darkness, making it unable for her to speak. Against her will her eyelids began to close agonisingly slow and at that moment she realised it couldn't make any sense to fight against this force.
Maybe it really is fait that wants this to happen. But what for? Will it help me? Will finally everything end after this? Oh, please let me drown in darkness. Let it all end. Let this entire senseless pain end!
Then something unexpected happened, something Hitomi would forever be grateful later in life. Out of nowhere she suddenly felt warmth on her chest. Sudden flashes past by in front of her inner eye, flashes of the last person she had expected would appear at this moment. She saw pictures of Van.
Van, like he mostly was, in his red shirt and beige pants without any expression revealing on his face.
Van, with his wings stretched out wide, reaching out his hand towards her, just like that one time when she had fallen of that edge.
Van standing there motionless, looking at her with sadness and hurt in his eyes.
Van, fighting with Dillandau on the flying fortress and the look he had when he thought of his brother.
Van, training alone outside.
Van, flying Escaflowne into battle.
And then she once again she saw him standing in front of her; but this time he smiled a warm smile, one she had only seen once or twice on his face, arms outstretched beckoning her towards him.
The last she saw was Van laughing and with a child in his arms. Van looked somewhat older and the child he was lifting high into the air was a small boy of about three or four with black tousled hair just like Van himself. But when the boy opened his eyes they were not reddish-brown like those of Van, but an emerald green, just like hers.
And Hitomi knew, who this boy was. It was Van's son. Her and Van's!
Suddenly the paralysing spell broke from her like dirt being washed away by the rain. She lifted her arms and pushed herself away from Allen with all her might, just before he was about to kiss her. He stumbled and nearly fell but caught himself just in time while she stood there breathless, as if she had run a 100m race. Allen directed his very confused gaze towards her.
"Hitomi, wha...?"
"I'm sorry Allen, but this isn't right. We don't belong together, we will never will. Please understand! I... I don't love you! I'm sorry. I... I think I rather want to be alone now."
And with this finally said, Hitomi turned around and ran. She did not hear Allen shouting after her, nor did she look where she was going. Thus she did not even notice the person standing in the shadows just a few steps away from her when she past him...
************* ~~~~~~~~~~~~ *************
Van still stood there frozen to the spot and only came out of his trance when Hitomi ran past him without even noticing him.
He had gone in search of Hitomi when it had started to rain in fear of something happening to her although the memory of her slapping him in the barn was still fresh in his mind.
He hadn't wanted to hurt her, heck he didn't even now why he had so suddenly backed out of it all. Something inside of him had just refused to let her know how he really felt, probably in fear of rejection, of her not loving him. The hurt in her eyes when he had told her that he wanted her power had been like a dagger plunged deep into his heart. And the hateful words she had spoken had nearly torn it apart. When she had run out he had stayed, contemplating of what he was to do about the situation. Merle had appeared shortly after that in the barn, but he had asked her quietly to please leave him alone. She had stalked of with her usual temper getting the better of her, muttering something about going back to the castle and that she wouldn't come back for the rest of the day not even if her begged her to do so. He hadn't really listened to her whole ranting, but was relived to have some time to himself to think things over.
He couldn't really say, when he had fallen in love with the strange girl from the Mystic Moon, but he had known for sure, when she had said that his wings were beautiful. Since then he had known that he wanted to protect her at any cost so she would stay with him. He wanted her so badly at his side, to feel her near him, to have her in his arms that it was driving him insane. He didn't know how long he would be able to control himself in front of her before he did something much more stupid then what had happened just a short while ago. But what was probably the worst about this whole situation was, that the love only seemed to be one sided. The first few days, Hitomi had cried over some guy named Amano, probably the guy who had been there when Van had appeared on the Mystic Moon to fight the dragon. And now it all indicated towards Hitomi falling in love with Allen. Allen was a gentleman, always charming and already experience in the way of making a girl fall head over heals in love with him. He was everything a girl wanted a man to be and Van was nothing of that at all.
Van knew himself that he was very stubborn when it came to certain things and that he was to rash was another thing.
It was foolish to him to even hope that Hitomi would ever feel something more than friendship for him, maybe not even that. She would forget him probably soon once she had returned home to the Mystic Moon and joined her family.
And that was something else that ripped Van's heart apart every time he thought about it. He had known from the beginning that she would one day return to her home planet and yet he had let his feeling drift into the wrong direction and now there was no turning back. He had promised her he would somehow bring her back to the Mystic Moon and he would do it, even if his heart died from the loss as long as she was happy.
And that was the reason he had went in search of her when the rain had become stronger and stronger. He wanted to make sure she was okay and all was well with her. If he could even bring up the courage to apologise for his rude behaviour, he was not so sure of, but Van wanted to give it a try at least. After running aimlessly through the streets of Palas, only guided by the steady rhythm of his beating heart, he had come to a large crossing with a small wooden bridge in the centre going over a small canal that flowed out into the ocean. The rain had stopped momentarily, showing Van what he had never wanted to see.
His heart shattered at what he saw only a few steps away from him. On the bridge stood Hitomi, the girl that had stolen his heart and whom he had been looking for only moments ago. But she did not stand there alone. With her stood the knight Allen Schezar holding her in a tight embrace close to his body.
Van could not move, could not turn away from the scene enfolding directly before him as he saw how Allen pulled slightly back and started lowering his head towards Hitomi's. And as he did so, Van knew that he had lost the girl he loved to another. He had pushed her away and she had run into the arms of the knight. It was his to blame, his to blame all alone for the loss of the beloved he had wanted to protect.
But just before he finally found the strength to turn around something that he had believed would never happen, did happen. Just as Allen tried to Kiss Hitomi there was a short flash of pink. The next thing he saw was Allen being pushed away by Hitomi, making him almost stumble. Van heard Hitomi say something to Allen, who was looking very confused now, but he could not make out what as he was to far away.
He was so astonished by the turn of events, that he only noticed Hitomi when she passed by him, making him come out of his trance. Without further thinking he ran after her calling out her name, begging her mentally to stop so he could finally talk to her.
************* ~~~~~~~~~~~~ *************
Hitomi heard someone call out her name behind her and at first assumed that it was Allen. But when she heard the voice call out again she instantly knew it was Van. This only made her want to run faster. She didn't know if she could face him right now. Her thoughts were to jumbled up by what had happened and by what she had seen. She felt she would certainly loose herself then and there if she stayed just a moment to long and she didn't know if she could face the consequence that would some way or the other come out of it.
She wanted Van to hold her close to him, to wrap his arms and wings around her and protect her from the outside world and at the same time she couldn't bear to be near him and wanted to run as far away as she could.
Not looking where she was going she stumbled over a hole and fell, miraculously not harming herself. She felt him getting closer as she tried to quickly get up and run again, but to no avail. She heard his worried voice directly behind her.
"Are you okay Hitomi? Is something wrong?"
Yes something is wrong! You not loving me, that's what's wrong!
She wanted to shout it into his face, wanted to slap him again and again until he finally understood, but she could not. She was to afraid to turn around, to afraid of what might happen if she stared to long into those endless deeps of his flaming eyes, what might happen if he touched her, what he might see of her past. She did not want his pity, did not want him to feel sorry for her. All she wanted to know what he really felt for her, but she could not bring herself to ask.
"Leave me alone Van, please. Just leave me alone." Even to Hitomi, her voice sounded weak.
"But you're soaked! And you don't sound to good either. I'm worried about you, so please tell me what is wrong!!"
Hitomi felt Van grab one of her hands and felt a shock like lightning go through her, heard the sharp intake of breath from behind and felt him stiffen. She turned around to take a look at him. The moment she saw his wide eyes and his shocked impression, she knew what he had seen.
He had seen the truth about her past...
With one swift movement Hitomi wrenched her hand free of his grip, turned around and dashed of once again. She ran, tears streaming down her face and didn't know what to do, where to go to. It would be only a matter of minutes until Van would start to pursuit her again and she wanted to get as far away as possible.
She ran until her legs wouldn't take it anymore and collapsed against an old tree. She had somehow made it out of the city to a small grassy area surrounded by trees and she let her self slide down one of them, her back pressed against the rough bark. She drew her knees close to her body and buried her head in between her arms. She was weary of the entire running; weary of all the pain she had gone through today and of all the tears she had cried already. Tired and worn out she closed her eyes to rest for a while.
When she opened them once again she wasn't sitting under a tree anymore. She was standing in a room in which stood a single white bed and different machines peeped and blinked all around it. The machines showed her that she wasn't on Gaia anymore, but in a hospital on Earth. Her gaze went to the bed, fearing what she would see there.
She gasped:
"Mother?!?"
She rushed over to the bed where here mother lay with her eyes closed, her breath ragged. Slowly she opened her eyes and smiled at her daughter:
"I knew you would come one last time, my sweet little girl."
"Mom, what is happening? Is this a Vision? But why can you see me and hear me then? I..."
"Shhhhhh... listen. My time is running short on this world and my final wish was to see you once more. I know where you are, you're grandmother often told me about Gaia when I was a little girl myself."
Hitomi's mother took in a few shallow breaths. It seemed that even talking pained her and took her a great amount of energy. Tears came once again to Hitomi's eyes as she saw how much her mother was in pain and knowing she couldn't do anything to ease the pain made it only worse.
"Please, mom, don't give up. I know you can make it through. I'll come back right away and then we can be together like in old times and we..."
"No, my dear. We both know that this is a sickness that cannot be cured and I can feel myself already slipping away. Please don't cry fro me, little one. You still have your whole life ahead of you; you already saw it, didn't you? I can see it in your eyes and I beg you, don't ruin your happiness by just running away and leaving behind the one who dearly loves you. I... I... I'm ... just... sad, that... that I ... can't be... at... your... wedding...any... anymore. I... I... I love... you."
And with that Hitomi's mother closed her eyes and breathed her last breath as the hand that had reached out to touch Hitomi's face also went slack. The machines started to blink and peep even more, almost going haywire, as nurses and doctors came storming through the door all shouting at once. They didn't notice Hitomi, didn't even see her as one of them passed right through her.
Hitomi could only stare at her dead mother as the ground started to collapse beneath her. She welcomed the darkness as she fell deeper and deeper. As she was about to give everything up she saw through the blur of her tears a light coming from up above as an angle with pearly white wings descended towards her. He stretched his hand out to her, silently begging her to take it, to not give up.
I beg you, don't ruin your happiness by just running away and leaving behind the one who dearly loves you.
She heard those words being repeated as her mother's voice whispered them in her mind and she finally reached out towards her angle. He grabbed her hand tightly and drew her body to his as his wings wrapped around them both tightly. She felt secure in his embrace and her eyes closed again.
************* ~~~~~~~~~~~~ *************
Van didn't quite know, how long he stood there, staring into nothing, but it must have been for some time, for when he came to his senses again, the rain had started anew, soaking him even more, if possible.
Numbly he stared at his hand that had griped Hitomi's only a few minutes before. The shock that had gone through it at that mere touch had made him gasp. Feelings of loneliness, sadness, emptiness and betrayal had surged through his veins, but it had not been his feelings...
It had been Hitomi's...
And with those feelings their had been memories of her past, her thoughts and her hopelessness. He had not seen everything of her past, bits and pieces, but it had shown him the truth, shown him Hitomi's real situation, shown him how much she wanted, needed someone by her side, but had also shown him the panic of getting to close to someone, to get hurt psychically, not physically.
The most vivid thing that had burned into his mind had been a very old memory.
Hitomi had only been three almost four years old. She had been running about in the park, laughing happily as her mother talked to some neighbours. Her mother had not noticed how Hitomi had run after a stray dog, following it until she had no more strength to continue running, when she had caught her breath and looked around, she had seen no one and it was already starting to get dark. Thick grey clouds had covered the sky and the first flash of lightning followed by thunder startled Hitomi. She had run around shouting for her mother, but she couldn't find her. Rain had started to pour down, much similar to the current weather in Palas, soaking little Hitomi who now sat huddled under and old tree. He had heard her sobs and the picture had been one of complete and utter loneliness.
It had torn at his heart, seeing her so helpless and fragile, with no one to comfort her, to be there for her as she cried her little heart out. His life had been all right at that time, even if it hadn't been to long for him as well, but he had known his father, a loving father and an always-cheerful mother, even an adopted sister.
But for Hitomi there had only been her mother and at the beginning her grandmother. She did not have a father that would hug her and comfort her when something bad had happened, did not have a brother to tease and play with or any other sibling at all. Compared to her life, Van's had been better, maybe not the best and certainly not easy, but Hitomi had always tried hard, had always given her best so her mother would not notice her cry in the night when she felt lonely.
Lonely...
It was that one word, that little word that had accompanied Van most of his life, which made him come out of his trance like stance.
He finally realised that he had to find Hitomi, get her out of the rain and try to somehow to comfort her, if she let him.
Van ran once again, following his heart. He only had to search for a few minutes before he found her outside of the city on a small hill. The way she sat there under the tree, with her arms around her legs, head bend low it reminded him very much of that old memory. So similar was the situation, so similar the pain inside of her that his heart felt like breaking.
He stood there for a moment, wondering what to do, before he slowly walked to her slight shaking form. He crouched down and gently laid a hand on her shoulder.
The touch startled Hitomi and her head snapped upwards, eyes locking with his. They were opened wide and Van could still see how red they had become from crying. She stared at him for a moment in disbelieve, before tears once again gathered in her eyes and she flung herself at him nearly knocking him of balance. He caught her, wrapping his arms around her petit frame as comfort, while she buried her head in his shoulder, hand fisting into the back of his shirt.
Van barely heard the words she whispered while letting a flood of tears loose, but what she said made him gasp for a second time that day.
"She...She's dead!... She's dead and I wasn't even... able to... comfort her. Why?... Why did she have to die?"
He did not know what to answer. He just held on to her, rubbing her back to ease the pain at least a little. He knew how it felt to loose a dearly loved one and he knew that there was nothing he could say at the moment to take away the pain. The only thing he could do was be there for her, give her strength, nothing more, nothing less.
They stayed that way, even when Hitomi's sobbing had ceased, feeling the soothing warmth of each other. Van was still absently stroking her hair and back gently and she snuggled closer to him, not wanting to let go. Only when the sky had cleared and the night slowly started to creep upon them did Van speak.
"We better should go back to the barn. Can you walk?"
Hitomi nodded, but did not look up at him as he helped her up. She let herself be led by him, her head still resting on his should and one of his arms wound tightly around her waist. Anyone who would have only taken a glance at them would have thought they were just a couple in love wandering around for some time for themselves.
They didn't need to walk far until they came to the barn and yet it was almost completely dark outside. Van made a fire inside near Escaflowne and gave Hitomi a blanket to wrap around herself, but couldn't give her something dry to wear, so he turned his back towards her, seeming to be checking something on Escaflowne, while she took of her jacket and blouse, leaving only her bra, skirt and other undergarments on.
When Van turned around again, Hitomi was already sitting near the fire, the blanket wrapped tightly around her and sitting on another, and bigger one. Her look was still full of sadness and loneliness as she stared into the fire, but not seeing it. He also took of his shirt and wrapped the third and last blanked around himself and sat down beside her.
Again they stayed that way for some time, not saying a word or looking at each other, afraid of what they would see in the eyes of one another. And yet similar thoughts went through both their heads...
Hitomi:
*Sigh* What do I do now? I have nowhere to go, no one to turn to; no one I could ask, what to do now. I only have Va... Oh, forget it Hitomi! I'm just a tool for him, nothing more. He only wants my powers for his advantage in battle, doesn't he? But why did he come after me, comfort me, held me in his arms?
She slightly blushed at that thought, but luckily Van didn't notice, so she kept on thinking undisturbed.
It somehow doesn't make any sense to me anymore. One minute he's gentle and caring and the next he is cold and pushes me away. And what of the vision earlier, the one I had on the bridge? Was it really a vision? I just wish it where... Argh! That's it!! I'm gonna ask him right now to tell me the truth and no matter what he says, I will accept it. And I should thank him for earlier.
Van:
What to do now? Hitomi's probably still made at me, because of those stupid things I said. And even if I involuntary saw those many different things of her past, it should have never concerned me, if she didn't want to talk about it. But she always looks so lost and helpless although she has a very strong will. I don't even know if she has any feelings for me! I should apologise right now and tell her how I really feel and ask what she feels for me, no matter what the answer is!
"Van, I..."
"Hitomi, I..."
They both started at the same time and turned around to face each other. All control of speech was lost when their gazes locked. Time seemed to stand still. No words needed to be said for both their eyes showed what should have been said already long ago and what now didn't needed to be said anymore, for the hearts knew.
Later on, both of them couldn't really say how it all had happened. The next thing they felt were the soft touch of their lips, brushing against each other.
Timidly and gently was their first kiss, yet so full of emotion and longing it stole their breaths away. They broke the kiss only a short moment before locking lips again, this time with much more passion then before. Hitomi felt Van wrap his arms around her together with his blanket enveloping them both in a cocoon of warmth. She felt the hold on her blanket slip as it fell from her grasp. Her arms went around his neck, pulling him more closely to her body. Van went with the movement, never breaking the kiss until Hitomi lay under him. The kiss ended and Van and Hitomi's eyes met once again, saying more then words, more then a touch could ever say.
Nothing was said as the night moved on and the flames of the fire burned high, dancing with delight at the two lovers beneath them, for nothing can give more warmth then being in the arms of your one true love.
**** Ahem... the next morning ***
Hitomi reluctantly opened her eyes as one of the first stray lights of the slowly rising sun found a crack in the barns wooden wall, hitting her eyes. She squinted against the light of the new day and wondered for a moment why she was here, when she felt her pillow move. Wait... a moving pillow?!?
At once she remembered what had transpired last night between her and her winged angel as she let herself relax back into his strong embrace, feelings his arms and wings still wrapped around her. She absentmindedly reached out with one hand to stroke his wing, feeling the softness of his gleaming white feathers. It earned her a soft chuckle from Van, the echo rumbling in his chest a pleasant feeling she already loved.
"Watch it, or I just might tickle back."
"Mmmmm, that really scares me now."
A tiny yelp escaped her lips as his fingertips wandered over her side, making her shiver. She sighed and snuggled closer to his warm body almost lying on top of him, head in the crock of his neck. He tightened his hold around her waist and absent-mindedly scooted his fingers up and down her spine.
"How do you feel, Hitomi? Everything okay?"
The second the question left his mouth Van wanted to slap himself. Yeah right, as if she would feel okay right now after she had lost her mother only the day before. He was surprised when he felt her lips curve into a tiny smile.
"I feel a lot better than yesterday. It's nice to just lie here for once and I love to feel your arms wrapped around me."
Van blushed slightly at that comment as Hitomi lifted her head to look into his eyes. The sadness was still present but not in the least as strong as the love that shone in them for him and only for him.
"And I think I finally found out where I belong."
Before Van could ask she bent down and kissed him gently and he returned it with all the love he had for her. They reluctantly broke the kiss after some time and a grin appeared on his face making him look like the boy he should have been the whole time, but had never had the chance to, because of all the responsibilities that had been put on his shoulders at only the age of five.
"Well, I guess will have to get up sooner or later and get dressed, unless you want to attend Millerna's wedding ceremony like this although I wouldn't mind."
That remark earned him a light punch in the shoulder and he vaguely heard Hitomi mutter "smart-ass" and the slight blush now adorning her cheek made him grin only more. He was already starting to like the teasing and he sure as hell wouldn't stop with it, loving the way she reacted to it. And who knows, a quarrel or two could maybe be entertaining (typical Van somehow *lol*).
They both got up and got dressed before stepping out into the opening. Hitomi slid her hand into his strong one while her other absently brushed over her stomach. For a moment she saw that Vision again of Van and the little boy before she returned back to the real world by the gentle squeeze of Van's hand.
"Hitomi?"
She looked up and saw the worry in his eyes as he looked at her. As she looked at him she couldn't stop the big grin spreading on her.
"Don't worry, everything is totally fine. You'd be surprised..."
And with that she tucked at his hand and led him of towards the palace, trying to hold back the laugh at seeing his confused face. He would just have to wait a bit more before she led him of the hook and she was sure how his reaction would be when he finally found out about her "little" secret...
The End