We've lived here for about year now, and so with confidence I can easily say:
Kirkwall. Sucks. Balls.
And yet here I am, trying to convince a dwarf to take my brother and me along to a deep roads expedition so that I can keep living in Gamlen's grody hovel instead of a prison.
Life. Is. Amazing.
Oh, shit. Carver's talking to me.
"My brother has a point, it's on his head, but it's still valid." I replied, it was a safe thing to say, I hadn't really been paying attention to the debate going on about getting Bartrand to take us along. Probably a stupid move, I mean the templars are after me and not Carver after all.
"Oh, Thanks for that, Sister." Carver said frowning at me.
Really, he should be used to this by now, "You're welcome, dear brother."
"Look, you need us. We've fought darkspawn before!" Carver said in vain attempt to add to the pros of bringing us along.
Bartrand snorted, "You're looking for an easy way out of the slums, right? You and every other Ferelden in this dump. Find another meal ticket."
Bartrand scampered off on his short stumpy legs.
"Well, I guess we're back to waiting for someone to turn us in to the templars." Carver sighed.
"What are you worried about? Even if we get turned in to the templars it's not you who'll be dragged off to the circle. It's me." I said sighing.
"Did I really sound that bad? Maker, I'm turning into Gamlen…" Carver replied, "Gamlen! Gamlen has a head for this garbage, maybe he can talk to Bartrand or something. After last week we'll need all the help and coin we can get."
"You'd really trust our favourite uncle for this?" I asked him with an eyebrow raised, "I mean, you're bound to catch more flies with honey. Though, I suppose you're right. Gamlen's bullshit did get us into the city after all."
We started heading back to Lowtown when someone rather purposefully bumped into me.
And my purse just got snatched.
Best. Day. Ever.
We chased after him, and as we rounded the corner, we were greeted to the sight of a dwarf pulling an arrow out of the thief's shoulder after taking my purse from him.
I felt my face scrunching in annoyance for a brief second. Now what?
The dwarf made his way to me, twirling the arrow in his fingers as he tossed my coin purse back to me.
Damn. That's a lot of chest hair.
"Varric Tethras, at your service. You'll have to excuse my brother, he wouldn't see a good opportunity if it hit him square in the jaw." He said.
"Huh, maybe we should try punching him elsewhere then." I commented.
"And you would?" Carver asked Varric rolling his eyes.
"Of course, what he doesn't realize is that we need someone like you. He's probably too proud to admit it. I, however, am more practical." Varric stated.
"So you're part of this expedition then?" I asked.
"That's right, normally the deep roads wouldn't be my thing, but I can't let the head of our family go down there alone. So as you can see, I have more than a passing interest in its success." He replied.
How do dwarves stand talking to humans? Don't their necks hurt?
"What makes you so certain we're the right people for you to go to? You don't even know us." I asked narrowing my eyes suspiciously.
"Quite the contrary actually, serving with the Red Iron is no mean feat – And you not only served: you impressed," He said, "the name 'Hawke' is on many lips these days."
"Which Hawke? I hope it's my brother. I don't think I need even more people knowing I'm a mage." I said frowning and crossing my arms over my chest.
"Unfortunately, I've only heard a little talk about your brother. It's you they mostly speak of messere." Varric shook his head.
"Of course." Carver sighed rolling his eyes.
"You can certainly bring him along if you want, but I'll leave that up to you." Varric nodded at me.
"Oh, I'm going, without this we won't last out the year." Carver frowned.
"You're going awfully out of your way to just to hire another guard." I raised a brow at him.
"Not another guard. What we need is a partner," Varric grinned, "Truth is: Bartrand's been tearing his beard out to fund this expedition. Fifty sovereigns and he can't refuse. Not with me to vouch for you."
"Bartrand's been tearing out his beard? Are you sure he wasn't tearing out yours?" I commented.
I mean, he did lack a beard. In my book that was fair game.
"Bartrand doesn't seem the type to split profits" Carver cut in quickly.
"Bartrand is anything but stupid, trust me, you get the coin and he'll give you a full share," Varric replied with a chuckle, "better to split profits than be stuck down in an abandoned thaig with a thousand darkspawn standing between you and the exit."
"Fair point," I replied, "so, how exactly am I supposed to get that much coin?"
"You need to think big, there's only a brief window after a blight when the deep roads aren't crawling with darkspawn." Varric replied.
"Look, you started this," Carver said glancing at me, "and the dwarf makes some sense. No offense. And it's better than waking up in the Gallows."
"You work together you and I, and before you know it, you'll have all the capital you need, what do you say?"
"Well, it's not like I really had anything better planned." I shrugged.
"Kirkwall's usually crawling with work, set a few coin aside from every job and you'll be there in no time."
"Easier said than done," Carver frowned, "Wait, maybe Aveline's got some bounties out, she's joined the city guard right?"
"Sounds like you have a plan. We should talk privately some time, in the Hanged Man, I'll be there when I'm not with you," Varric replied, "Now, let's see what trouble we can stir up."
Ha ha ha. If there is anything I'm good at, it's stirring up trouble.