Restart

Erwin had been sleeping poorly lately, he kept on dreaming about some sort of unexpected outcome he wasn't really able to grasp or see. At all. Yet these vivid dreams, showing him the most tragic scenarios night after night, were the only reminder of what might have happened at any minute as well as at any place within or outside the walls. Sometimes, he would hear his mattress squeak as if someone had joined him in his dreams. He would feel an unknown lean body right next to his own, and he would turn around and hug that body, whispering one word after another, until the smaller one would get upset and Erwin would smile. Funny, how dreams happen, but in the end, he would always wake up alone. He dedicated his heart to other things, and love wasn't one of them, so being alone wasn't necessarily a sad thing for him since he had chosen this life in the first place. Still, these dreams were creeping their way into his mind and into his very soul, twitching on the surface of his skin, making it red from the violation of his nails as he tried to shake it off during his sleep. And just sometimes, he would wake up screaming, face painfully drawn as a plain canvas covered in blood. And he would always, always feel the pain in his right arm. There were things he couldn't explain.

*/*/*

"Commander, I've heard about some very talented pests that are using 3D maneuver gear in the Underground city. They seem to be involved with Lobov, I've already made few preparations, so I'm assuming I can get them out by tomorrow, is that okay with you?" Erwin asked one morning on a scheduled appointment with Shadis, who had seemed to be at lost lately, so the blond took the reins for him, even though neither of them ever talked about it. Erwin sensed the growing weakness in the other man, and from this point, it would not be long before he obtained Shadis's place as a Commander.

*/*/*

Erwin knew he found gold when his eyes spotted this short guy for the first time. Although his movements were sometimes a little bit hasty, he still seemed to move with a grace he had never seen before. It was a pure talent, something, that Erwin needed in the survey corps. And so he claimed him, forcefully at first, willingly at last.

"My name is Erwin Smith. And yours?"

"Levi."

In spite of knowing about Levi's intentions of killing him from the very beginning, Erwin let him in, trusting his power and will to really change something. Sad lightning of recent accidents had pierced Levi's mind, but Erwin was sure that this guy was able to endure almost anything in this fucked up world, so he told him not to regret his decisions. Fate written on the battlefield, dying breath of a friend, pieces of memories vanishing to the steam coming out of a large titan body. And little by little, the sweat Levi started to shed was not for killing Erwin, but for helping him. Lines once so harsh and vivid now seemed to blur so that no one could see borders anymore, no one knew anymore. And no one cared. Levi had gained their trust, and shortly after that became humanity's strongest.

That's when the story had begun…

/*/*/

On one particular night, Erwin felt like his arm was about to explode, a strange tingle had been troubling him throughout his otherwise peaceful dreams, and he just couldn't shake it away. It got to the point where it felt like it was missing. A bolt of pain tore him from his sleep so harshly, that he, with a displeased yank, sat up and took a few seconds to breathe it out. He looked around his bedroom, it seemed to be almost morning, there was a dim light coloring the sky with just a tiny bit of orange visible through the windows. Erwin then decided to get off his bed and take a shower, all the while trying to forget about the pain that was still tangled around his right arm.

To his fortune, it faded away during the usual morning routine, and when the blond sat down to eat breakfast, he almost forgot about it completely. The rest of the day went smoothly, he didn't feel any pain whatsoever, and when the sun said its goodbye again, he listened to the sound of nature, lips turned upward just a little bit, eyes closed and a sweet, sweet smell of the rain in his nostrils. Someone, though, had disrupted his evening relax, stepping towards the feeling of knowing already who was it, Erwin halted by the door and opened them just to look Levi in the face.

"What is it, Levi? Shouldn't you be celebrating your promotion to humanity's strongest soldier?" Erwin asked politely, but moved out of the door nevertheless, making just enough room for Levi to enter.

"What is there to celebrate, Erwin? That I'm able to take a shit while slaughtering titan's neck? That's ridiculous, everyone in there is fucking wasted." The smaller guy noted with stoicism interwoven into his voice. Erwin stared at his companion's face for a moment, as if to say something, but he just couldn't capture his thoughts and turn them into words. Only a mixture of confusion wobbled in his mind and screamed at him incomprehensible and great nothings. In moments like this, Erwin would often found himself recalling unknown dreams that had come to his sleep every once in a while. In those dreams, Erwin wouldn't be alone in bed, nor would he be waking up alone. And the one who occupied his dreams was still under cover of darkness, unknown, yet quite familiar.

"Erwin, you look like a fly drooling over a fresh shit on the ground. It's hilarious. Whatever you're thinking about, get together." Levi yapped at him, drawing him strictly out of his own thoughts. Erwin smiled gently at the smaller guy and finally closed the door, leaving him by the entrance without saying a single word to him. He walked slowly to the table and pulled out two glasses, tilted the carafe over one of them and poured a golden liquor in it. Then he looked up at Levi, his hand hanging above the other glass, smiling.

"Do you want to have a drink with me?" He asked.

"Tea." Levi corrected him dryly.

"Oh, come on, Levi. Just one drink, it's on you."

"Tea." Yet the smaller one seemed to be very persistent when it came to his drinking habits. Eventually, and with a loud sigh, Erwin consented.

"I only have the leftover tea in the kettle, do you want me to heat it up for you?"

"No, it's fine just as it is, give me a cup and I'll do the rest myself, I'm not sure your hands aren't filthy." At that coming out of Levi's mouth, Erwin smirked a little.

"I've already showered myself, you know." He said with a smile, that could have been considered pretty, however, his eyes stayed cold. With a blank expression, Levi walked over to the kettle and took the cup from Erwin, pouring in just the right amount of his beloved black tea as he spoke once again.

"I don't think I need to hear details of your showers, Erwin." And with that being said, Levi looked over his shoulder to the blond's face, narrowing his gaze a little. "You seem to be spacing out a lot lately."

"Have I?" Erwin tilted his head gently to the side, few strands of hair falling over his eyes for a moment, hiding those ice crystals glittering in his irises.

"Don't act like a stupid fucklord and answer me properly." The shorter guy snorted discontentedly, closing the distance between them a little as if trying to intimidate the taller one with stepping into his personal zone. Erwin's smile started to fade, and with every passing second, it got fainter and fainter, to the point where Levi couldn't see it anymore.

"Is that a concern I hear in your voice, Levi?" And even though those words were spoken in a lighter tone, Erwin's eyes seemed to be suddenly a lot darker, looking like those of a beast. Again, visions of events he had never experienced would come into his mind. That flawless body would hold him through the nightmares. And his right arm would be missing.

"...win…. Oi…. listening..." He heard a familiar voice from afar, and then he felt an actual pain on his foot as Levi sorely stomped on it, snapping him out of his fantasies, making him see the reality. Erwin frowned and stared into the grey world of Ackerman's eyes, losing himself in them again, and again.

"Oi, Erwin, are you listening?" He heard him clearly now, so he slowly nodded and whispered.

"Yes, Levi, I can hear you. I've been just sleeping poorly in the past few weeks, so I'm assuming this is the price for working too much. Don't worry about me." And right after Erwin ended his speech, Levi butted in immediately with "Who's worried? I don't give a fuck, just make sure you're not gonna take a shit during missions, I don't know how those shitheads would survive without you. I believe your judgment. Erwin, but don't you dare make me regret my decision to dedicate my heart and life to you, you filthy piglet." Levi said in a low voice with no signs of a single emotion. But unlike Erwin, his eyes sparkled with honesty and undisguised certainty over the uttered words. He finished his tea, put the mug on the table in front of the blond, turned and headed calmly to the exit. Only a few seconds later, Erwin took two steps closer to Levi. To touch his shoulder. To stop him.

"Don't touch me with your filthy hand, I might get dirty." As Ackerman spoke his mind out, Erwin squeezed his shoulder to prove him he wasn't gonna obey his hollow words.

"Why did you come here?"

"No particular reason, Erwin. Just…" But Levi was interrupted by the other male.

"I have been dreaming about you. I can see these scenarios that always end up bad. And in the end, I always sit on the biggest pile of dead people, alone." Erwin started slowly, his voice was low, almost sorrowful, and Levi thought just how much guilt had the taller man felt. Without even looking at him, he spoke.

"Do you know just how many people we've had to kill until now? You're already standing on the most fucked up pile of dead people, Erwin. You were the one to tell me not to have regrets. We don't know the outcome, because a lot of the times, we're going into a situation we know nothing about. So what we need is to be quick to act… and make tough decisions in worst-case scenarios. And in the end the only thing we're allowed to do… is to believe that we won't regret the choices we made. Aren't those your own words, Erwin?" Looking straight to the door, he stood there, his shoulder attacked by Erwin's palm hardly squeezing him, almost to the point where it was painful, but he didn't mind. He didn't care. He felt the hand move, slightly at first, then with more force, making him turn around to face the blond. With a frown, Levi dug his steel-like eyes into Erwin's crystal blue ones, piercing his face with the most of rough glares.

"Levi…"

"What?"

And there it was again… The feeling of being dragged to another reality. Erwin felt his body burning as well as felt his right arm twitch again. He moved it away from Levi's shoulder closer to his face as if trying to ensure himself that he hadn't lost it yet. There was something about the shorter guy that triggered these visions in his mind, that made a mess out of him. Far beyond the blue gates of his eyes, he saw the unknown person living in his dreams again. And though he had no idea who it was, he felt as if the person was holding him together, as if he was two steps ahead of breaking into million pieces. Trust, warmth and the power that radiated from that lean body were something he desperately wanted, without even being able to capture the intruder's identity in his head. He was torn, uncertain about his own reality and fantasies as if he couldn't tell where he was at that moment. He blinked heavily, his deep breath accelerating his speed, the heat running all over his body. And when his fingers touched the soft skin on Levi's face, God knows why he whispered into the sudden silence. "Captain."

"Tch." Levi snorted loud enough to pull Erwin out of his dreams. He snapped his hand away from his face and frowned at him.

"Go to sleep, you're talking shit, Erwin." And with those words falling from his lips, he turned and headed for the exit, this time the blond didn't stop him. Levi halted between the doors and turned to him for the last time that night. "If you want me to be a captain, escort your ass to the commander's post first." And with that, he left.

Erwin stood there, frozen to the bones, looking directly at the place that once was occupied by Levi. His left hand holding his right arm right above the elbow. It hurt, and he didn't know why.

Still, these vivid fantasies were creeping their way into his mind and into his very soul, twitching on the surface of his skin, making it red from the violation of his nails as he tried to shake it off. And just sometimes, he would stand there in the middle of the room, internally screaming, face painfully drawn as a plain canvas covered in blood, even though it remained cold and heartless on the outside. And he would always, always feel the pain in his right arm.

There were things he couldn't explain.

°TBC°

AN: Sooo… I know I'm a sucker when it comes to my unfinished stories, but I really wanted to write about these two. For the longest of times, they are my fuel, I love them. I hope there are fans of Eruri as well, and I hope that those who aren't… that well… it's only temporary. :D Because Eruri is fucking good. Thank you for your love, reviews, kudos, and everything. I love you guys. 3 (And yes, I'll try to finish my other stories asap, don't worry! :D )