All Of Me; a Jangst One Shot
Oh my god. What the actual fuck did I do here -_- I know it's not that angsty, compared to some peoples work, but...I tried. I listened to My Immortal by Evanescence on repeat the entire time I wrote this shit. God. I cried as I wrote it. The intense part in the song played right at the intense part of the fi and I was FUUUUUUUUUUUCK DON'T MAKE ME CRY but it sure as hell didn't work -_- anyways. R&R please ? It's not how I wanted it to go, but, yeah. I usually do Logan as the cutter or the suicidal one, but, I decided to make it James. I'll give our little Logie-Bear a break for once :) Oh yes ! One more thing. I an not leaving So I Thought, I promise. I wrote this because I'm going to Canada tomorrow morning and I'm too excited to sleep. But yes. So I Thought will be updated asap, I promise. Enjoy :3
Logan cried quietly into his pillow. He re-read James' suicide note again, tormenting himself. It was his fault. James took all of those pills, let himself drown into the bath water because of Logan. Logan hurt him. He didn't want to be with James because of publicity, because he was so fucking scared of what people would think of him, he ignored James, he lost his best friend, the love of his life. James was there for him for everything, and he threw all of that away. Logan rocked back and forth, his knees brought to his chest in a fetal position. He breathed in through his nose; the smell of James was intoxicating. James was gone forever. He'd never be able to get him back. Never be able to tell him his real feelings, how deeply in love with him Logan actually was. Logan couldn't help it. There was so much he wanted to be able to do with James. There's time hes not getting back. James is dead. He sobbed into his hands, rolling over onto his back. He clutched the note to his chest. He was laying in James bed. He could still smell the tall boy. He sobbed harder, anger growing inside of him. "it's your fault Logan. Join him. Join him. You lied to him. You told him you didn't love him."
'He still has all of you.'
Logan stood slowly, the bed making the same creaking sound it would everytime James got up in the morning. Logan let more tears slip from his eyes. He was too scared to be with James, to let himself actually love james the way he knew he did. He made his way slowly to the bathroom. He was the only awake, the only one who knew. The only one who knew the disturbing sight in the bathtub. The only one who knew why James was in there all night. He was preparing for this. Logan walked into the bathroom, the sight hitting him harder than it did the first time. James limp body was in the bathtub, his once beautiful tan skin now a pale white; his hair, spread out all around his face. Logans lips puckered as he tried not to cry again. Logan collapsed to his hands and knees and crawled over to the tub, still sobbing. He sucked in a breath, trying to get oxygen to his lungs. He grabbed The hand that was hanging out of the tub.
"I'm so sorry, James..so fucking sorry." Logan found the notebook James had scribbled the note on, and took the pen lying next to it into his hand.
"I found him," he said out loud, though barely a raspy whisper from crying. "It's my fault he did it. He loved me, and I was to afraid, to held back by my own childish fears of what people would think of me, to admit to loving him back. I did though. God, I fucking love him. He captivated me. I can't live without him. He's barely been dead, and I can't stop thinking about how I killed him. The wounds won't heal. Time can't erase this shit. The pain is to fucking real. He still has all of me. I tried to tell myself he's gone, he's never coming back, it's all your fault. It kills me to know he died because of me. Its killing me to see I killed him," Logan rasped as he scribbled out his words. "I couldn't just love him. He was always there for me, too. And when he needed me, where the hell was I?" Logan sighed and kissed James hand. "I'll be with you soon, Jamie. I'll hold your hand, forever. I'll wipe your tears away. I'll be there when you're scared, or hurt. I'm here." Logan stood and began to search through drawers and cabinets frantically. He found a razor blade, and sat back down. He sat James up in the tub, making room for himself. He pulled his shirt off, and grabbed the notebook and pen. He sunk into the tub, settling in between James legs. He wrappe James arms around him and began to write again. "I'm sorry. I need to be with James though. I hope you'll forgive me for killing him and myself. I'm so, so, fucking sorry." he hastily threw the pen and notebook onto the floor and grabbed the razor and James note. He set the note on the ledge of the tub and force the blade into his wrist. He drug it down the length of his arm, searing at the pain. He marveled as the blood flooded out, turning the bath water red. He did it with the other wrist as well, slowly bleeding to death for James. He intertwined his fingers with James cold ones. He sobbed as the blood flowed viciously from his limbs. He grabbed the note and clutched it to his chest.
"I...I love you James.." he close his eyes, his breathing slowing down.
"You'll always have a-all of m-m..."
And Logan was with James, together. There was no pain, no hate, no tears, no fear, nothing but love. James and Logan were together. They had all of each other.
What the hell. I told you. Not that good -_- Please R&R please please please. :D I love you guys. I might be drawing some art to this fic, because it's just so...JANGSTY. (Jagan Angsty. I think I made that up. Idk if someone else says that though.) But yeah. I hope you liked it. It took me like, half and hour. I wrote it on my iPhone. XD lol. Yeah. I'll go now.