Author's Note: I've never understood why Lily chose James. So here is how I think it should have gone. Obviously I own nothing in the Harry Potter universe, just my plot.

Chapter One: Church Bells

Lily looked at her reflection in the mirror and barely recognised the person who looked back at her. She never wore much make up, she had never seen the point, but that day it had all but changed her features. It felt heavy on her face but it was certainly not the only thing weighing her down. Her heart weighed her down far more than anything else ever could have. She felt lost.

That was not exactly the feeling she had been expecting on her wedding day. Dressed in white, a bouquet sitting on the table by the window waiting for her. A sixpence, something borrowed, something blue. And a thousand doubts that she had never expected to be feeling, drowning her in thoughts that she might be making the wrong choice.

She remembered the conversation she and Molly had undertaken in whispered tones the previous day.

"Did you have any.. doubts.. when you married Arthur?" Lily has asked her cautiously, almost afraid to even hint at the things that had been running through her mind.

"Honestly? No." Molly had sighed softly, as if she didn't know if she was about to make this better or worse for her friend. They had met through the Order and had struck up a firm friendship right away. "I all but ran to him, my dad had to hold me back to walk with some level of dignity," she had remembered with a little laugh.

Lily had looked away from her, feeling ashamed. That wasn't what she felt and the way Molly talked about it, it sounded like the most right thing in the world to feel the way the older redhead had on her wedding day.

"What's wrong, love?" Molly had asked, reaching out for her hand in a comforting way. "Are you having doubts about James?"

"About my whole life, Mol," Lily had confessed before she could stop herself. She had made a lot of choices and she was not sure how she felt about any of them any more. "What do I do?"

Molly had thought for a moment, trying to figure out how to help her friend. "You have to make a decision, Lil. One that you can live with."

Lily had known she was right, it was not about what was expected of her it was about building herself a life that she wanted to live. But that did not make it any easier to figure out what it was that was right for her or what her heart truly wanted.

As she looked at her reflection she frowned, feeling like a traitor. Not to anyone else but to herself. Was becoming Lily Potter what was meant for her? Was that what would make her happy? She didn't know.. or if she did she did not admit it to herself.

"Lily? It's time to go."

She turned at the sound of the voice that should have belonged to her father. But he had died the previous year before he could walk his youngest daughter down the aisle. She gave a rather forced smile and got to her feet, picking up the bouquet of flowers before walking over to Remus. She would walk alone down the aisle towards her future, but he had sworn he was not going to let her go to the ceremony alone. He was a wonderful friend, one she cherished.

"You look beautiful," he told her with a genuine smile and she could not help smiling back, for real this time.

"You scrub up quite nicely yourself," she replied with a little laugh, making him roll his eyes at her.

He offered her his arm and she looped hers through his, feeling the pull of apparition a moment later. She closed her eyes and embraced the feeling, the only way it would not make her feel queasy. She opened them again to see the place they had chosen for the ceremony. The gardens of Potter Manor, his parents' home. They were out of sight of where everyone was seated and waiting, she was glad about that.

Lily caught the way Remus was looking at her and found she could not meet his gaze. As with all things she was sure he knew her well enough to see what was written all over her face.

"You don't have to do this."

Those were the last words that she had been expecting from him and she looked up, startled. He was looking back at her with an expression of concern.

"I don't-"

"Lily, you don't have to lie. Not to me." And she knew he was right. If there was anyone in the world she did not need to lie to, someone who would always listen and try to understand, it would be him. Her eyes began to fill with tears and she found that she didn't have the words to explain her thoughts.

"If you don't want to do this then don't. I love James, he's one of my best friends, but I love you too and I'd hate to see you do something you'll regret." Remus reached out and held her hand, giving her a little smile of reassurance. "I think we both know who you want to be standing in his place."

For a moment she could hardly breathe, feeling exposed that he saw her so well as to know what she had not even let herself vocalise. She loved James but she loved someone else more.

"How do I tell him? How do I let all those people down?" she whispered, her hands shaking.

"Right now? You don't. Go, Lily. You know where you want to be, you don't need anyone's permission."

But she did and he had given it to her, whether that had been his intention or not. She threw her arm around him in a hug, dropping the flowers onto the path in the process. "Thank you" she whispered in his ear, meaning it with all her heart. And with that she let go of him, gave him a smile through her tears and she apparated away.

When she reappeared it was outside a rundown little house. She knocked before she could change her mind, knowing the wards would already have told him she was there. The door opened and he stood there, looking at her in complete surprise and uncertainty.

"Hello, Severus."