"You need to wake up because I can't do this without you."
Miranda couldn't rest, couldn't relax. Everyone was telling her to get some sleep but what none of them seemed to understand was that, asleep or awake, her minds eye was tormenting her with the events of the day. When it had all happened she hadn't been there, she had been sat in an insipid board meeting, but that didn't stop her imagination providing images of the way it could have been, the worst it could have been. Twisting slightly in the uncomfortable hospital chair she watched her daughters sleeping, curled around each other like they always did when upset. Cassidy had a deep bruise across her temple and cheek, her left arm in plaster and bruising all down her body where she had taken some of the impact of the speeding car, Caroline on the other hand had gotten off extremely lightly, a few minor cuts and scrapes and badly shaken from what she had witnessed but thankfully no lasting damage, physical at least. She was pleased they were sleeping, it had been a long day and the days to come would no doubt be taxing too, they needed their rest.
Movement on the other side of the room drew her attention and slowly she made her way to her feet, stiff from sitting in the same position for so long. Making her way to the twin cots set up on the other side of the bed she was pleased to see only one of the babies awake. Scooping him up, she refused to decide on names until Andrea was awake and had met them both, she perched on the edge of her wife's bed, careful not to catch any of the wires or machines, rather than moving back to her chair.
"Hello there little man," she whispered, trying to ignore that her voice was so thick, so obviously still full of the tears she hadn't let herself cry, she needed to be strong, for Andrea, for the girls, for the babies. A sob caught in her throat as she cast her eyes over her wife, her face was badly bruised, her hair matted with dried blood from her head injury, both of her forearms were heavily bruised, Miranda thought from where she had thrown them protectively around her bump when the air bag deployed and she looked pale under all of the bruising, paler than Miranda had ever seen her. The older woman couldn't bare to thing about what the rest of her looked like. They had done an emergency cesarean and then moved on to fix the internal damage, they had had to wire her hip back together and once the swelling went down her ankle would need to go into plaster, she hadn't woken up since her surgery and although, really, she knew it was ok, that Andrea's body was giving itself a little extra time to heal, she wouldn't be happy until she saw those chocolate brown eyes open.
A cry from the cot drew her attention away from her wife to where their baby girl was no awake and on the verge of screaming, she'd worked her arms free of her blankets and her little fists were flailing in the air.
"Oh I know, I know my darling." She murmured putting her hands on the girls chest, heart breaking at the fact that she couldn't pick her up without putting down her crying brother. She knew from having the girls that in a month or so she would be able to pick them both up together but when they were this small she couldn't do it without having someone hand her the second baby. She could feel helpless tears pricking at her eyes as the volume increased from both infants. As the little girl got louder she put down her brother and scooped her up, whispering soothing words to her and kissing her forehead lightly while she tried as best she could to rock their little boys crib with her foot, pleased when it seemed to work and both of her babies began to quiet down, she was amazed that neither Caroline or Cassidy stirred though it was for the best, they needed to sleep and she didn't want them to see her looking so helpless.
She changed both babies efficiently, laying them in the same crib, hoping that having their twin close would soothe then back to sleep. Sitting back down on the edge of Andrea's bed she dropped her head into her hands and allowed herself to cry properly for the first time all day, hot, heavy tears that no doubt took what remained of her make up with them, she must look like hell but she couldn't bring herself to care.
This wasn't how all of this was supposed to happen. They'd had plans for when Andrea went into labour, Miranda was supposed to be with her, helping her through it, there to see their little miracles born. It never should have been so violent, so sudden, Andrea never should have been driving that car, not three weeks before her due date and especially not when Miranda had been the one to promise the girls the afternoon treat, if only they had waited, if only Irv wasn't such a serial time waster.
One of the bundles in the cot began to fuss and she allowed another sob to escape, she couldn't do this on her own, she never wanted to do this on her own and she couldn't deal with the very real fear that Andrea might not wake up or that if she did they would discover that their was more to her head injury than they first thought. Leaning over the sleeping woman, careful not to jostle anything, she pressed a kiss to the brunette a forehead and allowed the tears to fall into her wife's face.
"You need to wake up sweetheart." She whispered, kissing the skin beneath her lips again, "you have two perfect babies who can't wait to meet you darling, everyone is ok we just need you to wake up. I can't do this on my own."
Miranda woke with a start when a wail started up across the room. Getting to her feet as quickly as she could half asleep, half exhausted and stiff all over she made her way to the cot and scooped the little girl up into her arms, she was going to be a terror like her mother and her sisters, Miranda could tell already.
"I know I know angel," she soothed, bouncing the little bundle lightly while setting about warming one of the bottles of formula the hospital had provided to keep them going through the night, "I want her to wake up too. She's going to love you and your brother so much you know, she really is." She had run out of tears hours ago but could still feel her eyes trying to gather some moisture to expel. The girls' father had picked them up a few hours ago when she insisted that they needed to get some proper rest in a proper bed and promised they could visit again in the morning, but despite Richard's insistence that she needed to get some rest too she had refused to leave her wife and their babies al be for a single minute. Richard had brought coffee and food, knowing her well enough to know that she wouldn't leave no matter how much he suggested otherwise, the coffee she had drank but the food remained untouched, she just couldn't bring herself to eat despite knowing she really needed to.
"Miranda." If she hadn't been holding such precious cargo Miranda knew she would have dropped the bundle in her arms in shock as she turned where she stood to find Andrea, propped up slightly in the bed, smiling at her.
"Darling." Miranda exhaled heavily, moving over to the side of her wife's bed on auto pilot, carefully lowering herself down onto the edge, "do I need to get the doctor?"
"No they've been in," Andrea shifted slightly and winced, "I didn't want to wake you, the nurse said you haven't been home."
"I couldn't leave you, any of you," Miranda said gently, looking between her wife, the bundle in her arms and the cot in the corner, "I didn't know if..." She trailed off and fixed her wife with wet eyes, "I'm so glad you're awake."
"Looks like someone has realised you aren't paying them enough attention." Andrea said when the baby in Miranda's arms began to fuss again, "are they both ok? Are the girls ok?"
"Everyone is fine darling. How are you feeling?"
"Like I was hit by a truck," Andrea chuckled, sobering when she saw her wife's face fall, "sorry. Not funny." Miranda simply shifted the baby into one arm so she could grab Andrea's hand, squeezing it tightly,
"Never, ever do that to me again Andrea Priestly, do you hear me!"
"I promise." Andrea said sombrely, "I promise. I'm not going anywhere." Andrea didn't think she had seen that look on her wife's face before, it was terror pure and simple and she hated herself for being the reason it was there. She felt awful and she had a feeling that she would feel worse as the pain medication wore off, she could feel sleep pulling at her again but she fought it, wanting to spend the time reassuring Miranda that everything was ok, "are you going to introduce me to our babies?"
"Of course," Miranda's face changed immediately, a smile gracing her features as she moved to her feet so she could roll the cot closer to the bed on Andrea's right side, "is there room up there for me?"
"Always," And she wasn't lying, the bed was intact huge and could have easily have fit them both, plus the twins if she wasn't so battered and bruised, "the doctor says I'm not allowed to hold them yet," she admitted quietly and Miranda's heart clenched painfully, "it's going to take a few days."
"That's ok we can still make sure you get some contact," Miranda slid gently onto the bed and manoeuvred the little girl so that Andrea could see her face, "this is our daughter."
"Hello little one," Miranda smiled as Andrea reached over to gently stroke the girls cheek, "aren't you just the most perfect little thing." "She takes after her sisters in the screaming department," Miranda chuckled, tilting her body so Andrea could get a closer look, "And she's healthy?"
"Perfectly, they both are. Now let me put her down and warm up another bottle and you can meet our son, he's much more placid than his sister but I can tell he's going to get impatient to be fed soon."
Miranda pushed her way into the townhouse and dropped her bags at the bottom of the stairs while she hung up her coat and removed her shoes. It had been a long day, her first back at the office for a full day since Andrea and the girls accident and the twins birthday. It had been a long few months, it had been weeks before Andrea had been well enough to leave the hospital and Miranda had been torn between being at home with her children and staying by her wife's side. Once they had gotten home it hadn't gotten much easier but Andrea had slowly but surely begun to heal and get around by herself. She had insisted that Miranda go back to work properly rather than working from the town house, knowing that her wife was missing being in the thick of it. Miranda had been wishing since she had set foot in the office that she had ignored her wife completely. She had forgotten how difficult it had been to return to work after the girls were born and adding to that the fact she still worried about Andrea there was absolutely nothing at Runway that could keep her focus for longer than five minutes.
Picking up her bags again she made straight for upstairs. She had left early and knew the girls wouldn't be home yet and it was too quiet downstairs for Andrea to be down there. She wasn't surprised to find her wife in the nursery with the babies, she had the play mat spread out on the floor and Thomas was lying beside her while she cradled Kathryn against her chest. Miranda paused in the door way to watch for a moment unable to control her smile, Andrea was such a perfect mother and if Miranda had thought she had glowed during pregnancy she didn't know how to describe her wife now.
"Do we think you mom should join us?" Andrea said, never taking her eyes away from Kathryn's face, "because we've missed her haven't we?"
"Give me one second to change my darlings, then I'm all yours," slipping along to the bedroom she quickly stripped out of her suit and into a pair of leggings and a soft jumper before returning to the nursery. Scooping Thomas up off the mat she kissed his forehead and lowered herself down beside her wife, kissing Kathryn's head before kissing Andrea softly,
"hello sweetheart," "Hey," Andrea shuffled slightly so she was lying closer to the other woman "we missed you,"
"And I missed you all too," maybe it was finally time to hand the magazine fully over to Nigel, if the last few months had taught her anything it was that you never knew what was going to happen and she wanted to spend more time with her family. In that moment she decided it was time.